3
What Questions Do I Ask My Team Members?
If I were to ask you to picture great leadership moments, what kinds of things would come to mind? Do you envision leaders communicating inspirational messages to an audience, such as these?
“Never, never, never give up.”—Winston Churchill
“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”—John F. Kennedy
“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.”—Ronald Reagan
Or do you picture a leader on a battlefield, under fire and giving orders to his troops, maybe a general such as Robert E. Lee, George S. Patton, or Bernard Montgomery? Perhaps you think of an athlete taking control of a game and leading his team to victory, such as Michael Jordan, Joe Montana, or Lionel Messi.
All of those are valid leadership images. Leaders do often inspire others or take charge. But I want to give you another picture of leadership, one that’s not as commonly envisioned. It’s of a leader asking questions of team members and then really listening to what they have to say.
Unfortunately, many leaders don’t automatically think of asking questions and listening as a leadership function. If they did, perhaps Coach John Wooden would not have asked, “Why is it so difficult to realize that others are more likely to listen to us if first we listen to them?” Those weren’t mere words to Coach Wooden. They were backed up by his behavior. Whenever I spent time with him, I always felt that he wanted to listen to me more than he wanted to talk. He really wanted to know what I thought and how I felt. The man who was selected by Sports Illustrated as the greatest coach of the twentieth century led others by first listening to them.
Successful leaders don’t only take action. Good leaders listen, learn, and then lead. Because I believe in that so strongly, I have worked to discipline myself to become a better listener. Though I often find it difficult, I try to follow the advice given by Robert Newton Peck: “Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.”
“Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.”
—Robert Newton Peck
How Good a Listener Are You?
If you want to become a better leader, you must become a better listener. And the way you listen matters. In their book Co-Active Coaching, authors Henry Kimsey-House, Karen Kimsey-House, Phillip Sandahl, and Laura Whitworth assert that there are three levels of listening.13 Though their focus in the book is on listening for coaches, their observations are helpful for leaders. Here are the three levels of listening:
Level I: Internal Listening
The lowest level of listening is entirely focused on ourselves. We may be hearing information from others, but we pay attention only in terms of how we are affected by what the other person says. The authors write, “At Level I, the spotlight is on ‘me’: my thoughts, my judgments, my feelings, my conclusions about myself and others.… At Level I, there is only one question: What does this mean to me?”
This level of listening is obviously very limited. It can be appropriate while you’re getting directions if you’re lost, listening to a server recite the specials in a restaurant, or being given orders during an emergency. But it’s not especially useful for leading others. For that, we cannot be focused only on ourselves and our own needs.
Level II: Focused Listening
If we engage with others at Level II, our focus changes from ourselves to the other people speaking. We tune in to not only their words, but also their emotions, inflection, facial expressions, posture, and so on. The authors call this the level of empathy, clarification, and collaboration. I might call it listening with emotional intelligence. In addition, the authors also point out that the listener is acutely aware of the impact that his or her response and interaction is having on the person speaking.
People capable of engaging at Level II are great conversationalists and good friends. People are attracted to them and respect them. This type of listening is a great skill to possess, yet there is another, higher level of listening.
Level III: Global Listening
This highest level of listening goes beyond just the speaker and listener. It takes into account the action, inaction, and interaction of the people involved, but it also takes in the environment and all that it entails. In addition, it relies heavily on the listener’s intuition.
The authors point out, “Performers develop a strong sense of Level III listening. Stand-up comedians, musicians, actors, training presenters—all have the ability to instantly read a room and monitor how it changes in response to what they do. This is a great example of noticing one’s impact. Anyone who is successful at influencing people is skilled at listening at Level III. These people have the ability to read their impact and adjust their behavior accordingly.”
I would call Level III the listening level of effective leaders. They are able to read people, read the room, read the situation, and intuitively see what’s coming. And if they’re wise, they let all that information prompt them to ask increasingly penetrating questions.
Author and negotiation expert Herb Cohen explains, “Effective listening requires more than hearing the words transmitted. It demands that you find meaning and understanding in what is being said. After all, meanings are not in words but in people.”
The Power of Listening
In the first chapter, I discussed the importance of questions. But what value is there to asking questions if you don’t listen to the answers you receive? None. If you want to benefit from being a good questioner, you must become an even better listener. It has so many positive benefits, including these:
Listening Demonstrates That You Value Others
Author and professor David W. Augsburger says, “Being heard is so close to being loved, that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” Because that is true, when you listen to others you communicate that you care about them and value them.
“Being heard is so close to being loved, that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”
—David W. Augsburger
Audrey Moralez, one of the John Maxwell Team coaches I mentor, recently shared how being asked questions affects her. She wrote,
One of the things that strikes me most about John’s questions is the fact that I have never felt so heard by a leader. Even though I am a newer member of the team, my thoughts matter and my opinions count. John’s questions require me to think deeply about the ways that I can add value to the team, but what I value most is who I am becoming through the questions that are asked.
My mother unconditionally loved me like no other person in my life. As I reflect back on how she demonstrated that love to me, I can see that a constant that ran throughout my life was her desire to listen to me. Whether I was venting to her, crying about something that hurt me, sharing my dreams, or telling her a funny story, she always listened, and that translated into love for me.
Listening Has High Influence Value
One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears. That may seem counterintuitive, because we expect persuasion to involve speaking. But when a leader listens to members of the team, that act gives the leader greater credibility and therefore influence. On the other hand, when team members no longer believe that their leader listens to them, they start looking around for someone who will.
Listening Leads to Learning
It’s obvious that when you listen you can learn. But what’s less obvious is that when you listen, you can help others learn. Mary Kay founder Mary Kay Ash asserted, “Listen long enough and the person will generally come up with an adequate solution.” That’s true because sometimes people need to talk something through to define the problem and find solutions.
Nothing is more satisfying to me as a leader than to watch my team find answers not through my words but through my ears. One of the greatest gifts I can give a person is the gift of attention.
One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears.
My Listening List
I have to confess that I have not always been a good listener. My wife Margaret would tell you that when we first got married, I talked too much and listened too little. I had a quick solution for every problem and was all too eager to share it. I took that same attitude into my professional life. But that attitude hurt me. I damaged some relationships because I didn’t listen. And I often failed to benefit from the advice and ideas of those around me.
To combat this shortcoming, I had to take steps to become a better listener. I’ve improved in this area, but I still have to guard against talking too much and not listening enough. If you also need to do that, you may benefit from this list of questions that I developed to help myself to keep listening.
1. Do I Have an Open-Ear Policy?
High Point University president Nido Qubein believes, “Most of us tend to suffer from ‘agenda anxiety,’ the feeling that what we want to say to others is more important than what we think they might want to say to us.” Do you find that to be true? I do. I must admit that I have acute “agenda anxiety.” Members of my team can testify to the fact that I know where I’m going, I know how to get there, and I have a plan for how they can help me. It has taken me years to soften my natural inclination to direct others. How do I do that? As a leader I work to listen first, then lead.
2. Do I Interrupt?
Interrupting is impolite and is a symptom of an attitude problem. Have you ever gotten the feeling that the only reason another person is letting you talk is that they know they will get to speak next?
An engineering manager was asked his definition of teamwork. He said, “Teamwork is where everyone in the department is doing what I tell them without complaining.” People with strong opinions or clear vision can have a tendency to cut to the chase, interrupt, and discount what others have to say. The problem is that interrupting translates to “What I want to say is more important than what you are saying.”
Interrupting translates to “What I want to say is more important than what you are saying.”
3. Do I Want to Hear What I Need to Hear?
Hearing anything positive is easy. We all like good news. Everyone loves a compliment. But what about hearing something negative? How do you usually respond to bad news or criticism? Journalist Sydney J. Harris observed, “It is impossible to learn anything important about anyone until we get him or her to disagree with us; it is only in contradiction that character is disclosed. That is why autocratic employers usually remain so ignorant about the true nature of their subordinates.”
Effective leaders encourage others to tell them what they need to hear, even when it’s not what they want to hear. Max De Pree said, “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality.” That can happen only when the leader is willing to hear and face the truth.
Over the last thirty years I have been blessed to have two incredible assistants: Barbara Brumagin and Linda Eggers. I placed first Barbara and later Linda strategically at the center of communication in my organizations and empowered them to speak to me about anything they observed. They were often the people most aware of the total picture of the organizations I led. They knew what was important to me. Many times they’ve heard me say, “Tell me what I need to hear on the front end of a situation, not what you want to tell me or what you think I want to hear.” It hasn’t always been pleasant to receive negative news or feedback, but it has always helped me, the team, and the organizations.
My Questions for the Team
Listening is important for leaders, but if they don’t ask the right questions, they’re missing a lot. Good leaders ask great questions that inspire others to dream more, think more, learn more, do more, and become more.
Good leaders ask great questions that inspire others to dream more, think more, learn more, do more, and become more.
I ask questions of my team continually. It has become a constant in my leadership that I do almost automatically both one-on-one and within groups. And my team has been shaped by those questions. Because I know they are so important to my personal leadership as well as the effectiveness of my organization, Margaret and I met with members of my team and inner circle one night recently to have dinner in a Buckhead (north Atlanta) restaurant. The goal was to talk about my process of asking questions and to identify the questions I ask my team all the time. At the table were Linda Eggers, my executive assistant; Charlie Wetzel, my writer; Stephanie Wetzel, my social media manager; Mark Cole, the CEO of my organizations; David Hoyt, my speaking agent and a company president; and Audrey Moralez, who does research and special projects for me.
We enjoyed a great dinner and had a fabulous discussion. Many of the questions we talked about carried special memories for us—times of laughter and tears, compromise and conviction, challenge and change. I’ve captured the highlights and will share them with you now. The questions are not listed in order of importance, but each question is important, because they have defined our team.
1. What Do You Think?
The question I ask most often has to be “What do you think?” These words come out of my mouth a dozen or more times every day. Mark Cole says that being asked this question does more for his leadership development than anything else we do. Mark explains, “When you ask for my skills, you get my strengths. When you ask for my passion, you get my heart. When you ask for my ideas, you get my mind. But when you ask me for answers, you get my strengths, heart, and mind.”
“What do you think?” was the opening question I asked my team at the dinner we had together in Buckhead. I had requested that everyone come to the dinner with a list of questions I tend to ask. I also came with my own list. The first thing we did was look at my list so they could tell me what they thought. They immediately pointed out that one or two questions on my list were things none of them had ever heard me ask. I chuckled and crossed them off. Sometimes you don’t actually do what you think you do. Instead we focused on the questions I actually do ask.
When I ask people what they think, at different times I do it for different reasons. I ask it for…
Gathering Information
Sometimes the question is as straightforward as it sounds. I simply want good information. Often I receive that from my inner circle, whom I value very highly. Every person is not only talented and capable, but also a good thinker. Often I ask what they think because I can learn from them. They are like an extension of me.
I believe that leaders see more than others see and see things before others do. Having leadership gifting is often like having a head start in a race. But obviously leaders don’t see everything. By asking people on my team to tell me what they think, I can often gather additional information that gives me a better idea of what’s going on. One of my jobs as a leader is to piece these bits of information together into a complete picture so I can make good decisions.
Confirming My Intuition
Often I have a strong sense that something is true, but cannot explain why. It comes out of a strong sense of intuition. We are all intuitive in our areas of strength; mine is most acute in leadership situations. If you think you know something, but you’re not sure why, what can you do to validate your belief? Ask someone you trust. To verify that what I’m sensing is correct, I’ll ask leaders I respect what they think. Their answers often put words to my feelings and confirm my intuition, giving me greater certainty as I plan or make decisions.
Assessing Someone’s Judgment or Leadership
When new people join my team, I often ask what they think. For example, if we’re in a meeting, I’ll ask what they observed and get their opinion on what happened. It helps me learn if they read the room right. Or if we’re strategizing, I’ll ask how they think we should proceed. This is the fastest way to assess people’s thinking and observation abilities.
Teaching People How I Think
Let me say one more thing about asking people what they think about an idea or subject. When I ask the question, I always tell people why I’ve asked it, because that is one of the best ways to teach people. Why is a great tool for connecting and equipping.
One of the best staff members I ever had was Dan Reiland. When I first met him, he was an intern at the church I led. He was so good that I hired him. Dan is not only a good leader, but also an exceptional developer of leaders. Every job I gave him, he did with excellence. He was so good, in fact, that I made him my executive pastor—roughly equivalent to the president of a company, if I had been the CEO and chairman.
When I asked Dan to serve in that capacity, I brought him in on a lot of my decisions, and I often asked him what he thought. Then I would tell him why I had asked and what I was thinking. Many times he understood the issues and the decision-making process. But other times he didn’t. When that happened, he would come back and ask questions, and we would process the decision again until he understood it and would be able to make similar decisions for the organization himself in the future.
Processing a Decision
Sometimes people need a number of different perspectives in order to discover the best one. And sometimes they need time and reflection to process a decision. That has been true for me and for members of my team. Sometimes they have needed to move me along and convince me of a decision they believe in. Sometimes it’s the other way around, and I need to give them time to come around. The give and take is very healthy.
While we talked about the “What do you think?” question over dinner, Charlie Wetzel, who’s worked on my books with me for twenty years, asked how I know when to push for what I believe to be right and when to defer to members of the team. I explained that if I push for something my team doesn’t agree with, I do so because I’m sensing an opportunity or because my leadership intuition about it is strong. That doesn’t mean I run over my team or force the issue. It usually means that I give them time to process and that I revisit the issue multiple times so they can continue to receive additional information.
That’s what happened in 2010 when Scott M. Fay and Paul Martinelli approached me about starting a coaching organization. When they first pitched the idea, I wasn’t certain, but it didn’t take me long to see the opportunities it presented for helping more people and creating a legacy. It took my inner circle longer to see those things. After the first time they met with Paul and me, I asked them, “What do you think?” They gave their feedback, but I could sense that they didn’t yet see what I was seeing. That was OK. I gave them some time and then brought them back around to meet with Paul and me again. We did this three or four times before we got on the same page. And the results have validated my instincts. Today the John Maxwell Team has more than four thousand coaches and they are helping many people.
In contrast, there are times when I step back and defer to members of my inner circle. If a person is closer to the issue than I am, and he or she has a track record of success, I defer. Decisions should always be made as close to the problem as possible. If the team member is going to be responsible for carrying the endeavor forward, I am more likely to defer. And if team members keep coming back with an idea or decision and do so with great passion, I am likely to reconsider my stance or decision and defer to them.
Decisions should always be made as close to the problem as possible.
That was the case with the naming of The John Maxwell Company. When I decided to start a training, resourcing, and development company, I knew the direction I wanted the organization to go. But I wasn’t sure what we should name it. The only thing I was certain of was that I did not want my name to be on it. But Mark Cole, who is now the CEO of the company, pushed back against that, citing the names of past organizations and initiatives I had led or founded: INJOY, ISS, Maximum Impact. “People saw those names and had no idea what those organizations did or that you were involved with them,” Mark asserted. “If you want people to know what the new company will stand for, it has to have your name on it.” Finally I relented. But I did insist on one thing: the word company needed to be much more prominent in the logo than my name.
I felt similarly about the John C. Maxwell Leadership Center. When Kevin Myers, the leader of 12Stone Church, approached me about naming the leadership center after me, I was reluctant to give my approval. I love Kevin and have mentored him for fifteen years. And I loved the idea of the leadership center and was thrilled to give it my endorsement. But I was uneasy about putting my name on it. I know how fallible I am. Kevin was persistent, and he eventually persuaded me that the profile and promotion this would bring to the organization should outweigh my reluctance.
Asking the question “What do you think?” has often allowed me to lead my organization better than I would have if I had relied only on myself. More than once, members of my team have saved me from making a bad or stupid decision because they saw things I didn’t see, relied on experience I didn’t have, or shared wisdom they possessed that I lacked. Their thinking has elevated my ability, and for that I am very grateful.
2. How Can I Serve You?
Years ago, when I frequently invited people to come and speak to members of my organization, I found there were two types of speakers. The first was those who were excited to be there and to get a chance to speak on a larger platform than they were accustomed to. They saw it as an opportunity to be on stage, to shine, and to receive recognition. The other type of person arrived with a mind-set to serve me and the organization. Before stepping out onto the platform, they wanted to know how they could help me and often asked, “Is there something I can say for you?” I was always glad to invite the second kind of speaker back.
Having speakers ask how they could help left a strong impression on me. I was already doing some speaking at that time, and I immediately began expressing my desire to help the people for whom I went to speak. Today I’ve taken that a step further. Before I speak for a client, I get on a conference call to ask questions. Often they defer to me, but I remind them, “I’m coming to serve you.” And when we’re in the greenroom prior to my going out onstage, I ask them the same question other speakers asked me: “Is there something I can say for you?”
As my team and I ate dinner and talked about the questions I ask them, they let me know how often I ask how I can serve them. My assistant Linda Eggers, who has worked with me for more than twenty-five years, said, “I can’t remember a day that you didn’t ask me if there was anything I needed to help me move forward.” That’s true. I never want to be the bottleneck for my team.
Charlie Wetzel commented, “When John and I talk or meet, one of the last things he asks me is whether there’s anything he can do for me. That’s not just a throwaway line. He genuinely wants to do whatever he can to help me get my work done quickly and easily. And he would do anything to help me personally too if I needed it.”
I believe leadership is servanthood. It’s my responsibility to make sure my people have what they need to succeed and get their work done. If you are a leader, that is your responsibility too. Asking, “How can serve you?” not only helps others, it also helps prevent me from developing a positional mind-set whereby I start thinking I’m somehow “over” or better than everyone else on the team.
There’s another great benefit to asking your team this question: they ask it of the clients they serve. Recently David Hoyt told me that he asked this question of a client named Dianna. She responded by asking if there was any way David could introduce her to one of her heroes, Joel Osteen. David made it happen, and Dianna sent him a note that said, “Once again I am in awe. You just keep getting better. You inspire me. Love you.”
3. What Do I Need to Communicate?
As a leader and speaker, I am often engaged in advance to communicate to an audience. As I’ve already explained, I find out as much as I can on a conference call before the event, and I ask my host if there’s anything I can say to his or her people to help them. But sometimes I come in cold to a situation in which I am asked to speak. On such occasions I’ll ask one of my inner circle, “What do I need to communicate?” Why? Because success in communication comes from knowing the context more than the content. When I ask this question, I’m not trying to find out what content to deliver. I’m trying to find out who the people are, what the situation is, what happened before I arrived to speak, and how I can connect and help them.
That was the case in January of 2013 as EQUIP launched its initiative to bring transformation to the country of Guatemala. My team and I traveled there so that I could speak to members of the seven streams of influence: business, government, education, family, media, the arts, and the church. In the course of a week, I communicated to more than twenty different groups: social activists; reporters and television hosts; teachers, professors, school administrators, and the secretary of education; priests, nuns, and pastors; leaders of the Mayan nation; entrepreneurs, businesspeople, and millionaires; and government employees, elected officials, and even the president of Guatemala. Some groups numbered in the thousands. Some meetings were with just a few people. It was the most exhausting and intensive week of my life.
My goal with every group or individual was the same: to connect. So as I left one meeting or event and traveled to the next, I got with Mark Cole and asked him, “What do I need to communicate?” I needed to know the context before I stepped into the room. Mark would tell me three things:
- Whom I would be talking to.
- What the most important thing was.
- What the call to action was.
Without Mark’s help, I would have been in trouble. Knowing those three things made it possible for me to be successful. As a leader, you should not be trying to carry everything yourself. To be successful, you must share the load. But you must have highly capable people to hand things off to.
4. Did We Exceed Expectations?
One of the most important things you can do as a leader is make sure you and your organization are delivering what you promised. The question I ask to make an assessment of this is “Did we exceed expectations?” This ensures my future success and that of my organization. The future is dim professionally for anyone who doesn’t exceed the expectations of customers or clients.
For me and my teams, meeting expectations is not enough. In everything we do, I want us to exceed what is expected. I insist on this for two reasons. First, I always want people to feel that they got more than their money’s worth from me or the organizations I lead. Second, if we press to exceed expectations, it helps us to keep growing and improving. That’s how we get to the next level.
One of the teachings I’m known for is the rule of five. Every day I read, write, think, ask questions, and file what I learn. These are the five disciplines I practice to keep improving. Recently the leaders of The John Maxwell Company decided that they wanted to develop a rule of five for the organization. They took some time to create their list of five disciplines and then showed it to me to get my feedback. Unfortunately, what they had produced was just average. That wasn’t good enough. I asked them to keep working on it until they had something all of us could be proud of. I wanted them to exceed expectations.
If you want to be successful, you need to set the bar high for yourself and your team. It’s not enough to simply finish a job. You need to perform it with excellence, without cutting any corners. Every time you bring something to completion, try to find out not only whether you were able to help, but how much you were able to help. If you make it your goal to exceed expectations, you can continue to learn, grow, and improve.
5. What Did You Learn?
When our children Elizabeth and Joel were growing up, whenever Margaret and I treated them to an experience or traveled with them, they knew I was going to ask them two questions: “What did you love?” and “What did you learn?” Sometimes when I’d ask them, they’d groan. But finding out what they loved helped us to connect with them and get to know them better, even when they were teenagers. And asking what they learned helped them to grow.
Elizabeth and Joel are now adults. They have gotten married to wonderful spouses and have children of their own. Elizabeth got her degree in education and trained to be an elementary school teacher. Joel does sophisticated high-end technical installations of media and security systems for homes and businesses. His work requires him to travel quite a bit, which used to take him away from his wife Lis and their children. Joel’s solution was to buy an RV and have the whole family travel together while he and Lis homeschool the children. To my great joy, Lis recently told me that as they travel and see the country, Joel keeps asking the children, “What did you love? What did you learn?”
The question “What did you learn?” is not just for parents with impressionable children. It’s equally valuable in a work setting. I ask it all the time because it keeps my staff sharp and growing. It prompts people to evaluate their experience and make an assessment. And as I’ve often said, experience isn’t the best teacher—evaluated experience is. Besides, I often also learn something when I hear people’s answers; this question keeps me growing too!
Experience isn’t the best teacher—evaluated experience is.
David Hoyt has been part of my team for more than fifteen years. As I already mentioned, he is my speaking agent. Over dinner in Buckhead, as we talked about the questions I ask my team, David recounted the story of the first time he booked an international speaking engagement for me, many years ago. He handled all the details and worked with my host in Malaysia.
I arrived on-site and everything seemed great. However, when I got up in front of the audience and started to speak, I could tell that something wasn’t right. The audience seemed detached and unresponsive. It was quite a struggle. It wasn’t until after I was done that I found out why.
Weeks before, the host had asked David for my notes. Being helpful, he had sent a copy. David had assumed that the host would use them to promote the event. But what the host had done was print my notes—every word I planned to speak—and distribute them to everyone in attendance. Needless to say, the audience didn’t respond the way I’d expected, because it knew what I was going to say before I said it!
Afterward David and I talked. And one of the questions I asked him was what he’d learned. “I learned never to do that again!” David joked as he told the story over dinner. “I also learned not to assume anything and to ask more questions.”
A newer member of my team, Audrey Moralez, talked over dinner about how much she has learned by being invited to business meetings and conferences and then being asked, “What did you learn?”
“The first time John asked me this, I felt valued and included,” said Audrey. “But it also made me accountable. The next time John invited me to something, I started to pre-think about what I would learn before the meeting. And I started evaluating and rethinking what I learned afterward. It’s a great way to develop people.”
Any time you ask an open-ended question like this one, you don’t know what you will hear. The people who aren’t inclined to learn and grow may not have much to say, but the sharp people shine. And they teach you something.
6. Did We Add Value?
My daily goal is to add value to other people. I want not only to make life better for my family, but also to encourage and reward the server at the restaurant where I eat lunch. I want members of my team to feel that the company and I do everything we can to help them succeed and improve every day. And I also want our clients and customers to feel we improved their situation and helped them to succeed, every time we come in contact with them. My desire in life is to add value to leaders who multiply value to others. That’s why I ask this question.
That doesn’t mean I always achieve this desire. Not long ago, at an event, I was signing books after speaking. I do this all the time, and my goal is to sign every book for every person who waits in line to see me. I shake hands, smile for pictures with people, and sign hundreds—sometimes thousands—of books.
This particular event didn’t stand out to me as unusual. However, a few days after it, Linda made me aware of an e-mail she had received. It was from a man who had waited in the long line at the event and been frustrated with how I had treated him. He said I had been abrupt and rude. Wow! Not only had I not added value, I had actually devalued him. I felt terrible. So I asked Linda to get his phone number for me, and I called him to apologize.
I learned from that experience. It has helped me to do a better job when meeting people and signing books at speaking events. And any time I’m rushing too much and giving people too little, Linda gives me a gentle reminder to slow down and connect with people, for which I’m grateful.
7. How Do We Maximize This Experience?
One of my goals in life is to maximize every experience I have. In fact, “maximizing” is one of my top five strengths, according to StrengthsFinder. When I prepare for a learning lunch, I spend weeks doing research and formulating my questions. When I go to another country on vacation, I want to stay in the best location, eat at the best restaurants, find the best guide, visit the best sights, and learn as much as I can. When the company creates a product or service, I want to make it the best we possibly can and then help as many people as possible with it. When I see a business opportunity, I want to make the most of it in every way possible. And I want the members of my team to do the same.
At our dinner in Buckhead, Margaret told the story of how I made the most of my experiences when I turned sixty several years ago. Several months before my birthday, Margaret told me that it was going to be difficult for her to give me the party she knew I wanted. It would be nearly impossible to get all the people I wanted to invite together in the same place at the same time. “Besides,” she insisted, “it’s hard to surprise you.” Just when I was about to give her five compelling reasons she should do it anyway, she said, “But I do have a solution. Have parties all year.”
What a great idea! So that’s what I did. I made the most of my experience of turning sixty. I took a group of people hunting. I took another group sailing. I took another group to see the Kentucky Derby. Every month I had a mini-party to celebrate with the people I love.
As we talked about my sixty celebrations, Mark and David recalled the trip we’d taken together to Ireland to play golf at Old Head Golf Links. We did lots of incredible things on that trip besides golfing, including taking a helicopter ride. But my favorite was eating dinner at the K Club, where the American Ryder Cup team had dined the year before. At that dinner I told each member of our group what he meant to me and how he had added value to my life. By the end we were all weeping. Mark said that dinner had been one of the top three experiences of his life. He explained,
While at the table with an incredible and accomplished group of leaders, I was struck by what a privilege and honor that it was to be sitting there. We had just finished playing golf at one of top courses of the world and there was much to be grateful for. Then John did something that I had never experienced. We sat for three hours while John asked thoughtful and deep questions. As the night continued to unfold, the depth of relationship only grew between us. Time just stood still as John exposed a different and authentic way to influence high-level leaders by asking them to slow down and reflect. John’s deep questions helped us drop the typical male barriers and leader posturing. He then went around the table and explained to each of us why he had invited us on that trip. He described the influence and impact each person at the table had on him and explained what each meant to him personally, professionally, and relationally. That took the depth and authenticity to a whole new level. I had not seen John that vulnerable and appreciative before, and I linked that back to the questions that allowed each person to speak about themselves when answering.
I think we too often take opportunities and experiences for granted and don’t make the most of them. That’s a shame, because everything we do for others and every experience we have has so much potential. By asking how we can maximize our experiences, we make the most of them. Anything less and we’re actually wasting parts of our lives.
By asking how we can maximize our experiences, we make the most of them.
8. What Do I Need to Know?
For much of my life as a leader, I’ve maintained a very fast pace. Now that I’m approaching seventy years of age, when others expect me to slow down, I’m pressing on to make the most of my life while my mind is still sharp and I still have lots of energy. I want to finish well.
One of the ways I make the most of my time is to ask key people, “What do I need to know?” I’ve done that for years with Linda Eggers. I travel a lot and want to find out from perceptive people what’s going on back in the office. Linda always has her finger on the pulse of everything happening in the company. She’s aware of problems, knows how people are feeling, and can tell me what the atmosphere is in the office.
I often ask, “What do I need to know?” when I’m about to enter a meeting or engage in a phone call. It invites the team member to give me an overview of the situation, provide vital information, and prioritize what he or she believes will be most important. I will sometimes ask this question of several different people before an important meeting. For example, before a meeting with my publisher, I might ask it of Mark Cole to hear the priorities of the company, of my agents Sealy and Matt Yates to learn what’s going on in the industry, of Charlie Wetzel to get his ideas on book content, and of Linda Eggers to be up to date on communication and other information. Each person’s expertise, years of experience, and hours of work in his or her area help me to be at my best for the sake of the entire team. I always assume that others know something important I don’t that will help me to lead and make decisions more effectively.
By far the person I ask this question of most at this season of life is Mark Cole. In fact, after our meeting at dinner, Mark felt so strongly about this question that he wrote an e-mail about it to us. He wrote,
John asks me this question often when we have not talked for a few days. He also asks it after a significant business deal or decision has been made. He wants me to give him a 30,000 foot view of all of his companies, and he digs in only where he wants more information. This request for a briefing allows John to keep his focus on doing things that only he can do and yet get an overview or recap of what is happening in all of his companies and organizations in a quick synthesized form. It also lets him know that I’m keeping my eye on what really matters.
When John asks this question and I answer, it helps him, but it also does a lot for me:
It causes me to always be prepared by thinking through the big things that John wants and needs to know.
It causes me to be succinct and specific about what matter[s] to me.
It gives me a perspective over time on what matters most to John. When he asks about something I didn’t give in an update, I learn more about what matters to him.
It gives me a chance to express my challenges and get his input and viewpoint on it, often enabling me to see the bigger picture.
It reassures me that I have access to my leader and he is backing me up.
Recently, John called me and asked, “What do I need to know?” He was traveling and out of the loop, so I hit the high points but also told him of some operational challenges one of his companies was having. I didn’t want to tell him, but I did. He was frustrated by it, told me so, and communicated that I needed to get it resolved. But he also thanked me for telling him and assured me that he would rather hear about it from me first, so that he would be prepared when others told him about it.
The bottom line is that this question empowers me more than anything else John does for me or with me. It gets my head up out of the weeds, gives me perspective, and makes me a better leader!
The right questions asked of the right people help not only you but also them. Mark is a very secure leader, and for that reason he always tells me the truth. He’s not afraid to give me bad news or to tell me that he doesn’t understand something. And for those reasons, he keeps growing, and I love working with him.
9. How Do We Make the Most of This Opportunity?
I am entrepreneurial by nature. I like options. I seek out opportunities. And when I find them, I always want to make the most of them. Why? As I’ve already said, I’m a maximizer. But there is something more. The door to one opportunity often comes from another. If you pursue an opportunity, it almost always leads to other opportunities. People who wait for the one great opportunity often keep waiting. The way to find the best opportunities is to pursue the one at hand.
I’ve already mentioned how the John Maxwell Team came about and how we created The John Maxwell Company. I could see that starting both of these organizations would create many opportunities, but it has led to more than I had imagined. Paul Martinelli, president of the John Maxwell Team, is one of the best people I’ve ever known at making the most of opportunities. He is continually looking for ways to find and train more coaches, and he continually discovers ways to enhance their preparation process. For example, I recently mentioned to an audience how many leadership lessons I’d seen in Steven Spielberg’s movie Lincoln, and how much I would love to teach those lessons to others using the movie. As I came off the platform, Paul already had a plan for me to teach it to the coaches who chose to attend the training event again. And when I did, it was a fabulous experience for those coaches.
My experience training the coaches prompted me to find other ways to maximize opportunities. Recently I picked three coaches to invest in so they could partner with The John Maxwell Company to pursue other opportunities. And I believe other coaches may do the same in the future. And my experience on coaching calls with the four thousand John Maxwell Team coaches caused me to want to do elite coaching with two other small groups of leaders, which we call the Circle and the Table.
If you are a leader, you cannot afford not to ask the question, “How do we make the most of this opportunity?” It may lead you to your best paths toward greater influence, innovation, and profitability for your team and organization.
10. How Are the Numbers?
Most people don’t know this about me, but I love numbers and stats. I like to review them and analyze them. I’m naturally competitive and stats are like a scoreboard for me. So I’m constantly asking members of my inner circle, “How are the numbers?”
I want to know how many people are signed up to attend an event our company will put on. I want to know how many people will be attending an event I’m asked to speak at. I want to know the sales for the company every month. I want to know how many leaders EQUIP is training and what countries they’re in. I want to know how many of each of my books has sold every month and what each one’s lifetime sales are. Even if I won’t like the numbers, I want to know them. It helps me to judge how I’m doing and to strategize for the future.
I’ve always been this way. When I started my career I used to pore over the annual reports put out by my organization. But I have to admit I haven’t always enjoyed looking at financial figures. My brother Larry once took me to task for that, because a leader who has vision and a team but no way to pay for them won’t be successful. I’m a better leader because of it.
Mark Cole is the person I ask most often for numbers. He can tell me what’s going on at The John Maxwell Company and EQUIP. He knows what new deals we’re working on. Whenever I ask for numbers, he knows them. And Mark says it actually helps him too. Here’s what he has to say about it:
When John asks me for numbers, it actually does a lot for me. First, it keeps my head in the game and keeps me accountable. I am constantly on top of the details so that I’m prepared to talk about the numbers with him.
His asking about the numbers also demonstrates to me that no matter our role in the company—from CEO to frontline worker—everyone needs to keep an eye on performance indicators.
Finally, it drives me every day to perform better and to empower the team to perform better so that everyone is successful and we can give a good report to our boss.
Numbers count. They tell a story. They let you know what the score is. They show you where you’re winning and where you’re failing so you can make adjustments. They show trends. They reveal weaknesses. They are tangible evidence of how well you’re doing.
11. What Am I Missing?
There’s one last question I often ask: “What am I missing?” In fact, it is the question I ask most frequently, after “What do you think?” Why? I’m very aware that I don’t always catch everything that’s being explained to me or going on around me. Sometimes I can sense that everyone in a conversation seems to get something that’s being said, but I still don’t. Others are willing to help me get on the same page if I’m willing to ask.
Two of the fastest ways to connect with another person are to ask questions and to ask for help. Most people genuinely want to help others. And most people enjoy being an expert in their field and sharing their wisdom and experience. The only time these things don’t seem to be true is in an environment that discourages asking genuine questions and listening to honest answers.
Two of the fastest ways to connect with another person are to ask questions and to ask for help.
One of my greatest joys is that members of my inner circle have taken this practice of asking questions and begun to use it with their families. David Hoyt told me that he recently took his daughter Gracie on a trip to Spain when he was speaking for EQUIP. Not only did David do everything he could to maximize the experience for her by taking her to cathedrals, visiting palaces, going to museums, taking her to a flamenco show, and wandering through the city with her, but he also asked her insightful questions as they ate dinner together.
“Asking and hearing people’s opinions has a greater effect on them than telling them, ‘Good job.’ ”
—Sam Walton
And Mark Cole has told me that he uses the family dinner table as a place to regularly ask questions of his family. He says that sometimes the questions he and his wife ask are crazy and irrelevant, sometimes strategic and intentional. Mark says, “The questions allow our daughters to discover life truths and personal values. We ask questions that cause us to dream and questions that cause us to reflect.” When Mark recently asked, “What is the one thing you most enjoy that we do as a family?” his seven-year-old daughter Macy responded, “Asking questions at the dinner table!”
Give Birth to Great Questions
The evening at dinner I spent asking questions of my team wasn’t unusual for me. There is nothing I enjoy more than wonderful food paired with conversation. Give me an evening with friends talking about interesting subjects and I’m in heaven. The key to those magical evenings is good questions. My friends know that when I ask them to dinner, there will be two menus: one for food and one for our conversation, in the form of questions. Often as we head to dinner my guests will ask me, “John, what are the questions for tonight?” I try never to disappoint them.
Recently Audrey Moralez sent me an e-mail in which she wrote,
It’s said that Socrates was the midwife of man’s thoughts. The assumption is, of course, that people are pregnant with ideas and that they simply can’t deliver them on their own. They need a little help from the midwife. Interestingly, I think this is exactly what good thinkers should be able to do. Unfortunately, many people that are intelligent are more academic than practical and more concerned about internal value than external value. They seem to believe that if they hold on to valuable thoughts that it makes them more valuable. Their self-worth seems to be tied up in knowing more than everyone else.
What I appreciate about you and other members of the John Maxwell Company is the fact that it doesn’t matter how good the idea is; if it doesn’t get born and start running around on its own two feet, then it wasn’t a very good idea at all. Good ideas must be shared, improved upon with the help of other good thinkers, and then they must be implemented and acted upon. John, I think of you as a midwife.
What Audrey is describing is an environment where questions are valued and the answers of the team make a difference. I think that’s what every good leader wants if he’s willing to let go of his ego, get over his insecurities, and realize that only a team working together wins anything of value.
If you lead a team, start asking questions and really listening. Start valuing the contributions of your teammates ahead of your own. And remember that when the best idea wins, so does the entire team.