LATER, HOWL AND I EXIT the storage closet. I spread the maps across the floor next to the cargo bay doors while Howl pads the outside of the door with sleeping bags to keep Xuan from listening. June keeps her seat at the cockpit wall farthest from the makeshift cell door, ignoring me when I call her over to look at the information Xuan gave us.
I whittle my voice down to a whisper when Howl finishes and sits down at the map across from me. “Xuan isn’t going to lead us into anything immediately dangerous. He’d get killed too. And if he wanted to turn us in, he could have done it while we were still on the ground at Dazhai.”
“That’s the problem.” Howl shrugs. “Maybe he really does want to defect. But maybe someone at Dazhai saw this as an opportunity to keep tabs on us. What if I’m right and your mother only told you about the cure because you’re the only one who can get it? That has probably occurred to Dr. Yang as well.”
“You think Dr. Yang would have sent a Red medic to keep an eye on me?”
“Maybe. Xuan knows the area. Tai-ge told the Reds his plan, though, so Xuan could have been sent by someone in the Second ranks as well.” Howl sighs. “And then there’s June.”
June. I glance over at her again. She looks emptied. Xuan did that.
I coil the anger in my chest down tight, gritting my teeth as I turn back to the map.
“I need whatever Xuan’s got. Coordinates,” Tai-ge calls from the halo of lights dancing around him on the console. “And an idea of what sorts of fortifications we can expect.”
“We . . .” The words die in my mouth. What does Tai-ge really know about Xuan? And underneath that question, the one Howl asked me back by the tree. How much do you trust Tai-ge?
With everything. But that doesn’t mean I don’t see his weaknesses. “Before we do that, could you tell me how the two of you got out of the camp so easily?” I ask. “The whole place was locked down.”
He doesn’t look up from the controls. “I told you. Xuan let me out. I’ve known him for years—he used to work with my father. Don’t you remember him from after the bombing, Sevvy? He’s the one who fixed you up.”
“Tai-ge, I want to know how. Did you sneak out through the fields? Steal uniforms? Hide in a pile of dead soldiers? How did you get out?”
Tai-ge’s just an outline against the cockpit window, the sun’s light painfully sharp where it touches him. “It isn’t that complicated, Sev. He snuck into the prison, told me he could help me, and we ducked past the patrols.”
Howl’s eyebrows are cocked, his lips pressed so tight together his mouth has disappeared. When he looks at me, I raise my eyebrows in question, and he shakes his head, long and slow, dismissing the bullet-point list of an explanation.
“Did you get coordinates?” Tai-ge’s shoulders relax as he lets go of the controls, then twists around in the captain’s chair to look at me. “You were in there long enough to have charted us a course the whole way there and back again.”
Howl looks back down at the map, his shoulders tense. I don’t want to give in to doubt just yet. Tai-ge is flying. Distracted. Maybe there’s still an explanation for everything. Maybe.
“We’re . . . discussing what Xuan told us,” I finally call back. “Give us a minute.”
Not exactly a lie, but I hate the way it tastes, speaking less than the truth to my best friend. I don’t much like Howl’s approving nod at my closed mouth either.
Tai-ge looks toward the closet, getting up from his chair. “Are you still worried that Xuan is going to hurt us . . . ?”
“Is there a reason we should trust him, Tai-ge?” I slide between him and the closet door.
He cocks his eyebrows. “Because I do?”
I nod, trying to swallow but nothing will go down. “We need some room, Tai-ge. Just to . . . make sure.” Howl looks up, his lips pressed together tight. His mind is already made up about who needs what information. “Anything you can add about how you two met and how you got out would be very helpful.”
Tai-ge gives Howl’s bowed head a long look before answering. “I don’t think there’s much to add.” There’s a ruddy sort of undertone creeping up in Tai-ge’s cheeks, the last semblance of good humor slipping from his face. “Are we really keeping him in there?”
“For now.” Maybe if I approach him later, he’ll share more. We’ve spent so much time not talking in front of Howl, perhaps Tai-ge isn’t comfortable saying anything now.
Tai-ge gives the closet another long look, disapproval unfolding across his features. I pull him around to where Howl has already spread the maps down over the ground, not exactly sure how to proceed. Howl sets the encryption key down in the center of the map, a frown puckering the skin between his eyebrows, as if he isn’t comfortable with Tai-ge here listening.
It makes me want to knock their heads together, to create a safe space where we can all just talk through what needs to happen without worrying what the other will do. I can’t, though, because I know why both of them have sealed their mouths shut. I’m watching every word I say too. It used to be easy to trust what people said. I spent my whole life doing what I was told, believing what I was told. Living the way I was told.
It was built from lies.
Then I met Howl, believed Howl. About a new life, a place where even City traitors could be safe, if only they knew the way. He was at the center of it, the one leading me into this new beginning, which turned out to be an end in disguise. Now believing anything is like some past life, a whole other girl who didn’t think very hard about anything because it was easier to tell jokes and play pranks than deal with the world squashing her down into the ground.
A soft purple light blooms under Howl’s fingers as he turns on the encryption key, still not looking up.
I hate this. I hate that there’s a shadow of doubt in my mind about Tai-ge intentions. That I almost feel more comfortable talking through things with Howl because I’m pretty sure I know what he is and what he wants. I hate not trusting people, looking sideways at everyone and everything they say. I hate that I should have been doing it all along. That there isn’t a place in this world the girl I was before could survive.
When Howl sets the key down on the map, the purple light washes over the unintelligible lines, seeming to lift them an inch or so, forming a rippling landscape of mountains and valleys suspended above the paper. I can’t help the lurch of excitement as I look over the rise and fall of the terrain. This is where Mother told me to go.
Where she told me I’d find family. They’re down there somewhere, hidden in the swirls of light.
Toward the edge of the map, the land ends in a crescent, like the moon peeking around the corner of the Earth’s shadow. Beyond that, the topographical representation slumps into flatness that continues to the edge of the map. Hovering inside the crescent of land, there’s a craggy circle poking up through the flat expanse, as if the map forgot what was all around it.
Tai-ge’s eyes flick over the map, and he blinks at the flat portion. “Is it still encrypted? That area needs an extra level of clearance?”
“Xuan says it’s water.” An ocean, like all the rivers, rain, and snow I’ve ever seen poured into the same container. I go up on my knees, all of me sore and hurting after Dazhai, looking down at the map. I know about oceans, but the flatness on the map just seems wrong. The smell of the encryption key fills my nose, a sort of chemical tang that smells like heat, though the device itself is cold.
“He’s right.” June’s voice jerks my attention up. She’s crept closer while we were talking, stopping just outside our triangle around the map.
“Can you tell us more about the area?” I ask. “Anything about their military? Walls? Populated places?”
June kneels in response, her fingers marching across the land’s curved edge, disrupting the key’s beams of light wherever she touches. But then she shakes her head.
Tai-ge sits next to me, his arm brushing mine. I slide to the other side of the map so I’m between him and Howl, June across from me so we can all see. “So?” Tai-ge asks. “What did he say? What are we looking at?”
“This is supposed to be some kind of settlement. Towns and cities.” I draw my finger along the crescent of land, the light rippling wherever I touch until I come to rest on the craggy circle out in the water. “And this is the island where the main city is.”
Howl points to notations made in a Red’s spiky hand well south of the crescent of land, a knobby outcropping along the coast with hills between it and the settlements. “That’s a City helifield for sure. And that”—he points to an X scratched into the space between the helifield and the hills blocking the populated area—“looks like some kind of staging area. But why would they need it?” He looks over at me, the purple light from the key catching under his cheekbones. “I don’t like this. We have no idea what we’re flying into.”
“Kamar wasn’t supposed to be real.” My eyes feel dry as I explore the blazing lines, as if with so much to look at, I’ve forgotten to blink. “It was just a story to distract everyone in the City from who it was they were actually fighting so defection wouldn’t be a problem. Wasn’t it?”
“No one knows about this place.” Howl looks at Tai-ge. “And between the two of us, it seems like it should have come up. Who are they, do you think? How have they managed to stay stable out here by themselves for so long?”
“Maybe they aren’t as stable as the City or Mountain?” I sit back and cross my legs, leaning forward against my knees, unable to keep still. “Less of a threat. Or maybe they’re too far away.”
“Cities mean stability. You all have to live together.” Tai-ge points at the island. “Get enough food. Have people who can fix your roof when it starts to leak.”
“And,” Howl adds, scratching at his stubbly chin, “if Xuan is right and SS isn’t a problem there, that sounds significantly more stable than where we’re coming from.” He looks at me. “A good place to run if defecting is your plan. But the rest of what he said sounds like it came straight from the propaganda pamphlets the First Circle used to feed the Third Quarter. ‘The invaders who destroyed our country speak a different language. They’ll kill us as soon as they realize where we’re from.’ ” He sits forward. “But why would they? The City hasn’t been fighting them so far as I know.”
Tai-ge clears his throat in the silence that follows. June’s lips seem to be sewn shut, her knees drawn up close to her chin. She looks up at me, her eyes narrowed.
“Do you know if he’s telling the truth, June?” I ask. “Reds took your mother. From where?” I gesture helplessly toward the pile of maps, spread across the floor.
“They do speak different.” She raises one finger, pointing at the land that cups around the island. “I would never have known how to find my way back. Left too little.”
A bubble of surprise swells up inside me, bursting with a sharp pop. June speaks the way I do. When she speaks, that is.
It was better if I said nothing. How dangerous would it be for a Wood Rat trying to hide in our mountains with all the wrong words stuck in her mouth? Is that why June doesn’t speak unless she has to?
“Can you talk for us? Can you speak their language?” I ask, hope rising inside me. If June can interpret, if she knows more about this place than we realized, we won’t need to dance around Xuan. And, realistically, if what Xuan has hinted about Kamar not caring much for City-born coming down from the mountains is true, June would be a better advocate than he could hope to be.
June looks down at her hands, brow twisted over the question as though there isn’t a right answer. She closes her eyes a few seconds too long to be a blink, then flicks them back open, her green-stone eyes hard. “Maybe,” she finally whispers.
“We need to settle on a landing spot.” Howl clears his throat, looking over the notations to where Xuan told us to land. South of the settlements, to the west of the staging area. Right within the reach of everyone we’d like to stay away from. “Xuan said we need to get to the island. But he also said if we land too close to the settlements or the island itself, we’ll be shot down.”
I catch Tai-ge nodding along with what he says. “Do you know something about that?” I ask.
Tai-ge shakes his head. “No, I’m just listening.”
I feel as if I’ve swallowed a hunk of lead. I keep trying to trust but only get more reasons to doubt. “We need to find a spot that looks neutral,” I say. “Only, Xuan won’t tell us more than what he has already.”
Howl nods, picking up almost before I can finish. “If we find a spot with enough cover to hide the heli, we can scout our own information so we don’t have to rely on him.” He glances back toward the storage closet before nudging me. “Unless your telepathy kicked in and is telling you to do what the creepy medic says.”
“No, my telepathy doesn’t work unless both of my feet are on the ground and I’m not worried about people shooting me while I’m asleep.”
“He isn’t creepy,” Tai-ge interjects. “And what’s the point of having him here if we don’t follow his advice . . . ?”
Howl’s mouth quirks in a smile, ignoring Tai-ge. “Well, that’s useless. Wouldn’t you need telepathy most when you’re worried about dying?”
“I use my powers for the soft and gentle things of the world,” I retort. “Where cook stashed the good cookies. That sort of thing.” My hand hovers over a hilly space above the settlement, blank of any notation. “What about here? It doesn’t look so different from the south. No huge mountains or big signs that say, death to all who come this way.”
“The City doesn’t put up signs, usually. But maybe they’re more polite in Port North.” Howl leans over to look at the spot I’m pointing to, and suddenly he’s too close. I inch away to keep from touching him, my stomach clenching.
“Did you hear what I said?” Tai-ge pulls back from the map, going up on knees so he’s a head taller than the rest of us. June shrinks back an inch at the annoyance in his tone. “Xuan knows the area. He knows where people are, he knows where neutral territory is, and he’ll be able to get us down safely. Where did he say to land?”
“He . . . didn’t give us specifics.” I hate the way the lie slides so easily from my lips as I tilt forward to touch the map. My hands slide over the area southwest of the settlements where Xuan told us to go, then creep up to the north side of the populated area, the spot Howl and I were talking about. It’s blank of anything but a cluster of three hills we could hide behind. Howl gives a miniscule nod. June sits back as if the decision has been made. I look up at Tai-ge. “Xuan just told us to stay north of the settlement.” I point to the three hills. “What about here? Looks like it’s within hiking distance of the settlements and far enough from the Reds that they wouldn’t be able to swarm us.”
“If that’s what Xuan said, then that sounds fine.” Tai-ge eyes the northern area. “We’re not supposed to fly over the settled areas or the island, right?” He waits for me to nod. “So we’ll come at it from the other side. What else do we know about fortifications? Walls? Guards? Do they have an army, whoever they are?” Tai-ge transfers his gaze to Howl. “Helis or guns? Mantis?”
“He won’t tell us,” Howl replies. “Not yet.” He sits back from the map, returning Tai-ge’s stare with a smile. “Torture doesn’t provide reliable intelligence, for the most part, or I’d press him a little harder.”
The three of us around Howl go still. I can only imagine my face is woven into a horrified sort of surprise, though June looks vaguely interested. The angry set to Tai-ge’s jaw could cut metal. “Xuan is not a prisoner. He came to help of his own free will, and—”
“Whoa.” Howl puts his hands up. “Calm down. I was just kidding.”
“Just kidding?” Tai-ge’s thick eyebrows both go high on his forehead, and suddenly I’m glad I left the gun June took from the camp in the snow before we took off. “You already locked him in the same place we kept you—”
“No one is torturing anyone.” I put a hand up when Howl starts to argue. “I know you were joking, Howl, just . . . keep your sense of humor to yourself. Tai-ge, let’s choose some coordinates. June . . .” She’s curled up again, her face hidden underneath her arms. My heart misses a beat. “Are you okay?”
She nods without moving her arms. At least I think that’s what she’s doing based on the way her arms jog up and down. Howl puts a hand on her shoulder and she peeks through her fingers. “What’s up, June?”
She breathes deep, then she pushes herself up from the floor, her face pink at the cheeks. Her eyes flick up to rest on Tai-ge, a movement so small I almost don’t catch it. “I’m fine.”
I slide over to put an arm around her. For a second I think she’ll pull away, but then she lets her head hang back down. She’s so small. So hard on the outside. But that doesn’t mean she’s hard on the inside. Coming back here . . . coming back with the very person who chased her away . . . I swallow hard, holding her close with one arm, and with the other, I point to a clear spot on the map. “There.”
June leans forward, her fingers weaving in between the lines to keep from disrupting the trails of light. She points to a spot just behind the triangle of hills I picked, near the ocean. “No, here,” she whispers.
“Should we go that close to the water? We don’t know if they have boats, or how so much water will behave . . .” Howl trails off as June shakes her head, pointing again to the spot, a curve between two hills just before the knife’s-edge drop into the water.
“It’s safe there. Everyone’s gone.” June pushes away from me to stand up, then goes back to her spot on the other side of the cabin.
My eyes hurt, staring at the stiff lines of her shoulders, as if she’s buckling under whatever it is she remembers about this place.
Tai-ge touches the spot, his mouth knit tight as if he’s going to argue, but then he just looks up at me. “We have the maps that show where we are now? And the space between?”
“Yes. I’ll help you.” Howl bundles up the maps and the key and takes them over to the controls. After dropping them next to the captain’s chair, he goes to June and whispers something in her ear. She rolls over to push him away, but there’s a trace of a smile at her mouth before he goes back to the maps and Tai-ge.
June watches me cross the cabin, sitting up when I settle in next to her. She leans toward me to rest her head lightly on my shoulder. All of the tension swimming through the cabin seems to have drained. If things could be okay with June, then at least one corner of the world isn’t smashed to bits.
“We’re so close, June,” I whisper, worried saying it too loud will somehow curse us. The moment I begin to hope, the heli propellers will jam or Dr. Yang will materialize in the cargo bay with a bullet for each of us. “If we find my mother’s papers, it could be the end of Mantis. The end of . . . at least some of the fighting.”
“No.” June picks up her mask from the ground, holding it up next to her face. “It would be the end of this. The end of fear.”