CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

SERENA COULDN’T BEGIN TO GUESS their destination until Malcolm turned off the highway down the neatly paved road that led into Kinloch Forest. The headlamps swept across the trees that crowded the drive, illuminating them in patches as they passed through the gate into the forestry area.

“Really?” she asked, unreasonably giddy at the prospect. “We’re going stargazing?”

He glanced over at her, the light from the car’s instrument cluster illuminating his pleased expression. “Indeed. Even in the village there’s too much light pollution to see anything. I thought you should be able to enjoy what you’ve put so much work into. Especially since we have only a couple of weeks of dark skies left.”

“I love this. We’ve been out only one night since we arrived. I was telling the kids the stories behind the constellations. Well, I was telling Em. Max never makes it much past the first few minutes.”

Malcolm smiled at her in the dark, something she felt more than saw, as he pulled into the dirt car park. “There’s a flat spot where we can sit up there—not that I need to tell you that. You literally wrote the brochure on it.”

Serena suddenly wished she had worn jeans and low-heeled boots, because even though the ground had dried out from an unaccustomed week without heavy rain, the ground still sloped unevenly upward from the car park. She buttoned her coat while Malcolm went to the boot and began rummaging through the packed items.

“I don’t suppose you would mind carrying some things, would you?”

“Of course not. What have you got in there?”

He pulled out a picnic hamper and handed it over first. “Dessert, naturally. A couple of blankets—I wasn’t sure how warm you would dress, but I didn’t want to spoil the surprise. And this, which I will carry.” He pulled out a hard-sided case and a padded black bag that was shaped like the case for a hunting rifle, but shorter. It took her a second to puzzle through what they could be until she put it together.

“Really? You brought a telescope?”

He chuckled. “You are the first woman to consider that a positive. Not that we really need a telescope, but I thought it could be fun.”

“It is fun.” She slid the picnic hamper to the crook of her elbow and then took one of the blankets while he gathered the rest of the gear. Then he withdrew a torch fitted with a red filter—to preserve their night vision, she knew—and slammed the boot.

“Shall we?”

“Lead on.”

When they reached the flat-topped grassy area, he spread out one of the blankets. She lowered herself to the center of it, already chilled by the cold night, her breath puffing out in front of her. He knelt before her and draped the second blanket around her shoulders, then got to work assembling the telescope on its tripod while she rummaged through the hamper.

Besides the stainless-steel carafe of something she assumed was coffee or tea, it contained little paper boxes of all sorts of pastries: cream puffs, tiny individual almond cakes, mini lemon and fruit tarts, and what looked like chocolate truffles. “I like your style,” she said. “Which one do you want to try first?”

“I’ve already tried them all.” She sensed his smile in the darkness. “And by now your children probably have as well. What do you think Kylee had in her rucksack?”

“Oh no, poor Kylee. Giving those two sugar before bed practically guarantees they’ll be running circles around her.”

“She can handle it. Besides, she was quite the negotiator when I asked her to do this. It’s going to be worth any amount of hyperactivity.”

Serena laughed. “I’m really beginning to like that girl.”

“She’s something all right.” He lowered himself to the ground beside her and delved into the hamper. “So which will it be?”

“Chocolate. Definitely chocolate.”

He removed one of the ganache truffles from its fluted paper cup and held it for her to take a bite. She licked the chocolate from her lips and gave him a teasing smile. “First you ply me with wine, and then you feed me chocolate in the dark. Are you trying to seduce me?”

“Do you want me to?” His tone was serious, almost sultry, but even in the red glow of the torch, she could see the humor dancing in his eyes.

“Not just yet.” She laughed at the look of surprise on his face. Had he been a different sort of man, she’d worry that she was hinting at something she didn’t plan to deliver.

They sampled all the pastries in the box and drank their coffee while Serena pointed out the constellations overhead and told the stories behind them. Then he pulled her to her feet and rearranged the blanket over her shoulders.

“My turn. Come look.” He made a couple of quick adjustments to the telescope and then stood aside as she bent to look through the eyepiece.

She drew in her breath. “What is that?”

“Jupiter,” he said. “If you look closely, you can see two of its moons. Do you see those bright starlike dots?”

“I do.” A smile spread over her face. The planet was a bright disc, two tan bands clearly visible through the telescope’s high-magnification lens. It put an inexplicable sense of awe into her heart. “I’ve never seen it in such detail.”

“It’s a little humbling, the extent of what we can’t see and what we still don’t know,” Malcolm said. “I always think of it like the universe’s heartbeat. Or God’s fingerprint. You can see it when you know where to look.”

“You’re very poetic for an engineer.”

“I blame it on the present company.” For a change his humor was absent, and the seriousness in his voice made her heart thud.

“What else can we see?” she asked, quickly backing away from both the telescope and his mood.

Malcolm squinted up at the sky, then made a few more adjustments. He stuck to the stars after that, telling her their facts, even though he took every opportunity to touch her.

It only got colder as the night went on, and Serena began to shiver despite the blankets and coffee. Malcolm rubbed her arms for warmth. “Let me pack up, and we’ll get you inside.”

She wasn’t sorry to get back to the shelter of the car, but she hated to think about the evening drawing to an end. It had been so long since she’d been on a date that was so normal and enjoyable and romantic in its simplicity. He’d not tried to impress her. Rather he’d sought to give her an evening without worries, filled with things he knew she enjoyed. And he’d thoroughly succeeded.

When he at last pulled into her drive and parked, they just sat in the dark for a few seconds. “You know the minute we come to the door, Kylee will be peeking out, trying to catch us at something,” he said.

“So if I’m going to take advantage of you, I should do it now?”

“Something like that.”

“Then come here.” Serena tugged his jacket to bring him closer, then lifted her face for a long kiss that started an ache in her rather than satisfied it. When they parted, she brushed her fingers across his whiskered jaw. “This was one of the nicest nights I can remember. Thank you.”

“So what do you think? Can I see you again?”

She smiled coyly. “You’ll see me at work every day next week.”

“But I can’t kiss you at work.” He pulled her close again, but this time he kissed only her cheek and her jaw near her ear.

She leaned into him with a sigh of pleasure. “Who says you can’t?”

“I think I did. Remember? Work stays at work; home stays at home?”

“Then you can’t complain about your own rules. However, the answer is yes. I would love to go out with you again.”

“Good.” He kissed her one last time, lingering too long for it to be called quick, then brushed his thumb over her bottom lip. “Now let’s go inside before we have to explain to Kylee what was taking us so long in the car.”

“Oh, Kylee is seventeen. She knows.”

Malcolm fixed her with a reproving look. “I do not want to hear things like that. Kylee hasn’t even thought of kissing a boy, let alone doing anything else.”

“Congratulations, Malcolm. You can officially consider yourself a father.”

It was nice not having to downplay that part of her life, Serena thought as he took her hand and walked her to the door. Even when she’d dated in the past, she’d spent the whole time either wishing the man she was with could see her as a woman and not simply as a potential mother for his children or trying to pretend she wasn’t worrying about her kids at home. Malcolm didn’t make her feel she had to choose between her two halves.

The minute they reached the front step, though, Kylee yanked the door open, wild-eyed and upset. From behind her came Max’s all-too-familiar inconsolable scream. “Thank God you’re home. He’s been crying for ten minutes, and I don’t know what to do!”

“It’s okay. It’s night terrors. He probably doesn’t recognize you.” Serena fumbled in her handbag for a moment and then pressed several banknotes into Kylee’s hand. “Thank you, Kylee.” She turned to Malcolm. “I’m sorry. I’m going to go take care of this. Can you let yourselves out?”

She didn’t wait to hear their answer, just dropped her bag by the door and darted for Max’s room. He was bouncing on his bed, screaming at the top of his lungs while staring at nothing on the opposite wall. Immediately her heart rate ramped up, blood pumping through her veins as if she were facing an attack and not just her inconsolable son. She climbed on the bed beside him, knowing that it probably wouldn’t do any good.

“Hi, monkey,” she murmured. “Mummy’s home. I’m here.”

“No!” he screamed, still not looking at her. “Go away!” He lashed out at her as if she were attacking him, and she backed off a little. Some nights she could hold him and he would calm down. Nights like this, he could scream for hours, and all she could do was make sure he didn’t hurt himself.

She kept up a steady stream of soothing words, but they didn’t seem to penetrate. He just kept screaming and thrashing, throwing himself around on the bed. Serena had no idea how long it lasted; she just knew that the longer it went on, the more tense she became. Frustrated tears swelled in her eyes as she kept her distance and made sure he didn’t pitch himself off the bed.

Then suddenly the tears subsided, and he looked at her, his eyes clear. “Mummy?”

“Yes, sweetie, I’m home. Do you want to go back to sleep?”

He nodded and lay down on the bed, clutching his giraffe as if the incident had never happened. Serena heaved a sigh of relief and drew the covers up over him, then tiptoed out of the room.

In the hallway, though, she paused as the tears that had been threatening finally spilled over. It had been ages since Max had had a night terror that bad. Was it the universe’s way of balancing things out because she’d enjoyed one blissful night of worrying only about herself? Or was God punishing her because she’d dared to have something in her life besides motherhood?

No, God didn’t work that way. It was only guilt over the feeling that Max had ruined what was up until that point a perfect night. But this was her life. The children would always be her first responsibility. There were no do-overs for her younger and more carefree years, even if she didn’t exactly wish for one. But a full night’s sleep . . . a few minutes to herself to smile over what had been a perfect date . . . was that too much to ask?

She wiped her damp face with her sleeve and walked into the kitchen, intending to make herself a cup of tea, then stopped short. Malcolm stood at the counter pouring water from the steaming kettle into two cups.

“He’s asleep?” he asked in a hushed voice. He took the cups and set them on the table.

“What are you doing here?”

“Do you want me to leave? I realize you said to let ourselves out, but I thought you might need me. I had Kylee take my car back to the house.”

It was so thoughtful and so much more than she would have expected that the tears came back in full force. He didn’t hesitate before enfolding her in his arms. She sniffled against his chest, battling against the swell of conflicting emotions.

“It’s okay, Serena. You’re a good mum. It’s not your fault.”

“I know, it’s only—” She pulled away and dabbed at her eyes, aware of how watery her voice sounded. “It’s hard sometimes. So hard to do it by myself. And you’re being very sweet, but I can’t let myself rely on you.”

He pulled her into him again and held her tightly. His voice was muffled in her hair. “I would like to be someone you could rely on.”

“Please, Malcolm. Just stop.”

“Why?” Now it was his turn to pull away and look her in the eye. “Why is it so hard to let someone care about you and maybe help a little?”

Because it won’t last. Because when this is over—and it will be over at some point or another—my life will be that much harder. But she couldn’t say that to him. It would sound as though she were asking for a commitment, and she wasn’t. Not when they’d just had their very first date. Not when they still knew so little about each other.

“Can’t we drink our tea and enjoy the quiet?”

He looked disappointed, but he kissed the top of her head and let her go. She sat down with one of the cups, and Malcolm settled across from her. After a few moments of sipping their drinks, he asked, “How often does this happen?”

“Once a week, sometimes more. He wakes up every night, but most of the time he goes right back to sleep when I tuck him in. This one was really bad, though. Maybe because I wasn’t here.”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” he said.

“I know. It probably would have happened anyway. He’s been having night terrors for more than a year, for no reason I can determine. At least he won’t remember it in the morning. If I tell him he woke up in the night, he’ll deny it.”

Malcolm chuckled. “Just as stubborn as his mum, you’re saying?”

“I am not stubborn.”

He drilled her with a comical squint.

“Okay, fine, maybe I’m a little stubborn. And maybe I just got spoiled with Em. She’s always been an easy child.”

“Except for getting kicked out of school.” Malcolm shrugged at her surprised look. “Sorry. I was wondering why you changed schools midterm, so Muriel told me.”

“I still don’t know what to make of that.” She’d almost forgotten about it, considering how peaceful their stay on Skye had been. “She’d never had a problem with a single person her entire life. Literally. Everyone loves her. So why was she picking fights at school? And why won’t she tell me the reason?”

“Maybe she’s protecting someone,” Malcolm suggested. “Em doesn’t strike me as a girl who would be purposely stubborn, unlike her mother.”

Serena made a face at him, but his joking was beginning to lighten her heavy heart. “She seems to be doing really well in the Gaelic Medium course here, but I still don’t know what I’m going to do for next year. Do I find another independent school? Public school? I refuse to send her away to boarding school, even when she’s older.”

“Serena.” Malcolm took her hand across the table and squeezed it. “Maybe just this once you should sit back and trust. I understand wanting to have everything planned out, but some things in life you just have to take on faith.”

“Blind faith has led me into some very bad decisions. I prefer to keep my eyes wide-open.” She hadn’t meant to say that, hadn’t meant to come so close to a truth he wouldn’t want to hear. He seemed to have the idea that everything would work out if one just stayed the course—including their relationship. He was too smart not to pick up her reticence toward him and know the things were linked.

But instead of pressing the issue, he circled to her side and pulled her to her feet. “I’m going to let you go to sleep now. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?”

“You’re taking us to meet Davy and Glenn. Right?”

Serena shook free of her melancholy. “Yes, of course. Sorry. I have to bring the kids, so I’ll drive if that’s all right with you.”

“Perfectly fine.”

He tugged her against him and gave her a lingering kiss. Her tension slowly melted away, and she slid her arms around his waist.

“Just let me do what I can for as long as I’m able to do it, okay?”

She swallowed and nodded. “I’ll try.”

There were a couple more kisses on the way to the door and one on the steps, but as she closed the door behind him, Serena couldn’t help but feel as if things were slipping fast out of her control.