Chapter Nineteen

We’re so proud of you, honey. You did great!” Mom said, hugging me.

Dad reached out and put his hand on my cheek. “For a minute I thought it was an angel singing up there. You looked and sounded absolutely beautiful,” he said.

“Oh, Dad.” I rolled my eyes but smiled at him, secretly pleased by his comment. “Thanks so much for coming.” I turned and impulsively gave Courtney a hug. “You too, Court. Thanks for being here.”

She hugged me back awkwardly and didn’t look me in the eyes when she said, “Sure. You sounded really good.”

I was a little hurt that she seemed so standoffish, but then I reasoned that she probably hadn’t gotten my note yet.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Moore! Didn’t Eliza do a great job?” Jason appeared by my side, and although he was talking to my parents, his eyes never left me.

“She certainly did. And I enjoyed the numbers that your choir performed, too,” Mom said. “Eliza said that you’re going over to a friend’s house now, is that right?”

Jason smiled. “Yeah, we’re just going to go play some games and stuff.” And then after a quick glance at my dad, who was frowning, he added, “But don’t worry, I’ll have her home by eleven o’clock sharp.”

My dad acknowledged this with a grunt and slight nod, and I saw my mom discreetly elbow him in the ribs. “Well that sounds like fun! You two have a good time.”

I smiled at her, thankful to have at least one sane parent. “Thanks, Mom. See you later.”

Jason and I walked toward a group of after-choir stragglers, mostly the people going to Luke’s house. Luke, however, was nowhere in sight.

“So, what am I going to have to do to get your dad to like me?” Jason asked once we were out of earshot.

“Well, I think all you’d have to do is change yourself into a girl, and then the two of you would be best friends,” I said, trying to keep a straight face.

“Ha-ha, very funny.” He rolled his eyes. “Seriously though, the man hates me, and I need to get on his good side.”

“Why?” I asked in feigned innocence.

“Why? I’ll tell you why.” He turned to face me and his voice dropped so that only I could hear. “Because I’m crazy about his daughter, and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. I have to be honest, though; I don’t blame your dad for being protective. When I saw you in that dress, I almost broke out in a sweat. You look incredible!”

I blushed furiously, happy to know that he thought I looked pretty. I was wearing one of my favorite dresses. It was a little on the formal side, but not enough that I couldn’t wear it to church. It was a black satin, tea-length gown with a lace overlay and beadwork on the empire-waist bodice. It was my “little black dress,” and I wore it whenever I wanted to look extra nice.

He shook his head. “I don’t know what I’m going to do when I see you in your prom dress. Maybe we should have an oxygen tank on hand—just in case.”

I smacked his arm and laughed. “Whatever!”

• • •

We headed to Luke’s house and found several cars already parked in the driveway. I tried to quiet the flutter in my stomach at the thought of seeing Luke again. He and I had barely spoken since that day outside the school, and I still felt bad about the way I’d acted that afternoon. We had shared something special that day, and I felt like we’d bonded in a way I couldn’t explain. I hated this new awkwardness that had come between us.

I’d looked for him in the audience tonight, but the stage lights were too bright to see much past the first few rows. I wondered what he’d thought of my solo, and I couldn’t help but hope that he liked my dress as much as Jason did.

Jason! It seemed like it took great effort to remember to think about him whenever Luke was near. I scolded myself and then turned my focus on Jason. He was holding my hand as we walked up to the house, and I realized that it was beginning to feel natural now, but I still couldn’t drop the nagging worry about what Luke would think when he saw us this way.

Jason rang the doorbell, and after a few seconds, Luke’s mom answered the door. She seemed to be about ten years older than my mom, but she still had an air of youth about her. Her hair was dark, like Luke’s, and her warm, brown eyes conveyed kindness. She had a welcoming aura about her, and I liked her instantly.

“Hello, Jason, it’s nice to see you. Who’s your friend?”

“This is Eliza Moore. She’s been here once before, but I didn’t get the chance to introduce you that night,” Jason explained.

Sister Matthews smiled at me, and the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth were evidence that it was an expression she wore often. “It’s nice to meet you, Eliza. The kids are all in the game room if you want to head up there.”

I smiled in return. “It’s nice to meet you too, and thanks for letting us hang out at your house—it’s beautiful!” I was surprised by my own words; normally I was shy in the presence of adults I didn’t know well, but something about her made me feel right at home.

“Thank you! We really enjoy it here.” She leaned in and added in a whisper, “But don’t look too closely at anything because I haven’t dusted in a week!” Jason and I laughed. “Have fun, you two.” She winked at me and then walked down the hall toward the kitchen, which was emanating the rich smell of chocolate chip cookies. My mouth watered as I realized that in my rush this evening I’d forgotten to eat dinner. I hoped that some of those cookies would make their way up to the game room.

“Hey, guys!” Danny yelled as we entered the room.

People were everywhere. Some kids were playing pool, Ping-Pong, or air hockey, and others had spread out on the extra large sectional sofa. At least half of the kids were still dressed up from the concert, and I was glad that I wouldn’t stand out in my dress.

A sizable group had congregated around a table covered with cookies, chips, soda, and a deli tray with rolls. Jackpot! After spotting the food, my eyes (and my stomach) couldn’t focus on anything else.

“Do you mind if I go get some food? I forgot to eat dinner, and I’m starving,” I whispered to Jason.

“Not at all, that’s what it’s there for. Come on.” He pulled me to the table and loaded up his plate, allowing me to feel free to do the same. I noticed a few girls at the table widen their eyes when they saw how much food I was piling on, but I was too hungry to care.

Jason and I found a spot on the edge of the sectional and dug in. I looked around the room to see who I knew. Danny, Clark, Becka, Britney, and Whitney were all there. I was a little surprised to see Whitney, but she was happily talking to Alex Bedford. She caught my eye and waved. She said something to Alex and walked over to where we were sitting.

“Eliza, you did a great job tonight! Are you going to try out for Sound Harmony?” she asked enthusiastically.

I was overwhelmingly pleased to receive a compliment from Whitney both because she belonged to the Jubilee choir—the top choir in our school—and because she was one of Ms. Steele’s favorite students.

“Thanks, Whitney! You did an awesome job, too! I always look forward to watching you guys perform.” I sighed. “As for Sound Harmony, I’ve thought about it, but there are so many girls planning on trying out that I don’t know if I should even bother.”

Sound Harmony was the all-girls junior choir, and I secretly longed to be a part of it.

Whitney shook her head. “Do it. You have an amazing voice! I’m sure you’ll make it, and I wouldn’t doubt if you made Jubilee the next year.” She smiled at me encouragingly. “It’s too bad we won’t be in your group for prom, but hopefully I’ll see you at the dance.”

“Yeah, that would be great! Are you going with Alex?” I asked.

She beamed, and I could tell that she liked him even more than I’d thought. “Yes, he asked me a few days ago.” She glanced at him briefly, and her eyes were dreamy when she looked back at me. “I’ll talk to you later, but remember what I said about tryouts.”

“Thanks, I will.” I felt like I was on cloud nine. Whitney had given me the confidence boost I needed, and even if I didn’t make it in Sound Harmony, at least I wouldn’t have the regret of not giving it a shot.

“She’s totally right,” Jason said. “You have to try out. I can’t believe you’d even think you wouldn’t make it. You have the most incredible voice I’ve ever heard and Ms. Steele loves you.”

I blushed. “Thanks, that’s really sweet of you to say. I’ll try out next week, and we’ll see what happens.”

At that moment, Luke appeared at the top of the stairs, carrying a two-liter bottle of soda in one hand while balancing a tray of cookies in his other hand. He looked as if he were used to hosting parties all the time, and it made him all the more attractive.

After he’d set everything on the table, he turned around and almost immediately caught my eye. I looked away quickly, embarrassed to have been caught staring. I tried to cover it up by sweeping the rest of the room casually, but I couldn’t help but glance at him out of the corner of my eye.

A few girls I didn’t recognize instantly flocked to Luke’s side, and by the way they touched his shirt I imagined they were complimenting his clothes. I had to admit, he looked extra handsome tonight. He had changed out of the formal suit he wore for senior choir and into a brown hoodie and jeans. The clothes were casual, but somehow he made them look like they could be featured in a magazine ad.

I was beginning to feel that absurdly jealous feeling as I watched the girls fawn over him, so I diverted my attention elsewhere. I ate all the food on my plate, and after my second cup of soda, I realized I was in desperate need of a bathroom break.

“Hey, Jason, do you know where the bathroom is?”

“Yeah, down that hall, second door on the left.”

“Thanks. I’ll be right back.” I stood up and took my plate over to the trash can, which happened to be right next to Luke and his adoring fans. I kept my eyes on the floor, not daring to look up as I dropped my plate into the black plastic lining, but I felt a pair of eyes watching me.

“Hey, Liza, you did a great job tonight.” Luke’s warm voice sent shivers down my spine.

I looked up into his gorgeous brown eyes. “Thanks, you did too.” I couldn’t help but notice that the faces of the two girls next to him had suddenly become menacing. The looks they were giving me screamed, “Back off!” so without saying another word, I turned and walked down the hall toward the bathroom.

After using the restroom, I was about to turn back down the hall toward the party when I spotted a balcony at the other end of the hallway. It beckoned to me with the bluish cast of moonlight, and I decided that since the door was already open, I wouldn’t be imposing if I checked it out.

I was a few steps from reaching the door when I heard voices and stopped dead in my tracks.

“Chelsea, you should have told me. I totally would have understood.”

“I know, Owen, and I’m so sorry I wasn’t honest with you in the first place. I guess I was embarrassed that my dad lost his job, and I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me. When I got that money today, I thought for sure it was from you. You promise it wasn’t?”

“I wish I could say that it was, but I swear I had no idea what your family was going through.”

“Huh. Well, hopefully someday I’ll found out who it was so I can thank them. It was one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me. I tried to get my dad to take the money, but he insisted that I use it for my dress . . . so, if you can forgive me, I’d love to go to prom with you.”

“Chelsea, you know there’s no one else I’d rather go with,” Owen said. “Listen, is there anything I can do to help you? It must be really tough to go through something like this.”

“That’s sweet of you, but no. It’s time for me to grow up, I think. I’m going to sell my car and get a job. Hopefully that will help to pay off some of our bills, and my dad is already applying at different companies. It’s going to be hard, but we’ll get through it.”

I couldn’t believe this was the same Chelsea Andrews talking! She sounded truly sincere and even—dare I say it?—humble. I felt a fresh confirmation that I’d done the right thing by giving her the money, and I hoped she’d never find out it was from me—the secrecy was the fun part.

I was about to turn around and quietly make my way down the hall when Chelsea and Owen suddenly emerged from the balcony doorway, almost bumping into me.

“Oops! Sorry.” Owen had his arm around Chelsea, and they steered around me. Chelsea gave me a brief smile, but neither of them seemed to suspect that I’d heard their conversation.

I smiled back. “No problem.” After they left, I made my way out onto the balcony.

I inhaled deeply. It was a perfect spring evening. A soft breeze caressed my cheek and carried the heavenly scent of lilac. It gently blew the tender limbs of a willow tree that stood sentry in the backyard.

I spotted a bench swing and sat down to enjoy the peaceful moment. I closed my eyes and thought back over the happy events of the day.

“I see you found my favorite hangout. Mind if I join you?” Luke’s voice startled me, and my heart began a rapid staccato as he sat down by my side.

“Not at all. It’s beautiful out here,” I managed.

“Yeah, it is. Lots of times, this is where I come to do my homework or to just sit and think.” His voice was soft and thoughtful, and I felt goose bumps on the back of my neck as I sensed how close our bodies were. I tried to think of something to say, but my mind was blissfully blank. With anyone else, it might have been uncomfortable, but somehow the silence felt relaxed with Luke.

After a few moments, he turned to me. “I’ve never seen you in a dress before. You look . . . um . . . really nice.” He sort of winced as the words came out, and I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond.

“Uh, thanks. I see you didn’t waste any time in changing out of your suit. When you’re a missionary, you’re going to have to get used to wearing one, you know,” I chided him playfully, trying to smooth over the awkward moment.

He laughed. “That’s a good point. I guess I’m just trying to enjoy my casual clothes while I still can.” He got an excited look in his eyes and lowered his tone confidentially. “I should be able to submit my papers in a few more weeks.”

“Awesome!” I was genuinely happy for him and couldn’t help but wonder where someone like Luke would end up serving.

Then, he unexpectedly reached over and placed his hand on mine. His touch sent an electric shock running up the length of my arm and into every part of my body!

“Eliza, I’m glad I have someone like you that I can tell these kinds of things to. I—” Before he could say anything else, I snatched my hand out from under his and stood up.

“Sorry, I . . . I think I better get back into the party. Jason—h-he’s probably wondering where I went.” My voice stuttered in confusion, and Luke looked up at me in a mixture of panic and remorse.

“No, please, just wait a second . . .”

But I had already turned around and was headed back down the hall, my mind racing a thousand miles an hour.

Never in my entire life had I felt this way before, and my instinct was to run! Luke had touched me once before, back in the hallway on that fateful first day of school—but this had been different. This time he hadn’t touched my hand to help me up, but of his own choice! I knew from that moment that my heart was in serious danger.

I already felt physically pained from leaving him, and every cell in my body shouted at me to run back and apologize—to do anything that would bring me close to him again, but I fought the impulse and kept my feet moving back to the game room. I needed more time to sort through my feelings before facing Luke again. I was practically Jason’s girlfriend, for crying out loud! I needed to calm my frenzied heart. Surely his touching my hand had just been a friendly gesture. He must think I was a complete maniac for running away! But I couldn’t be his friend in the way that I was sure he wanted; not when being in his presence made me feel so entirely out of balance. I’d need time to carefully guard my heart before I could offer him friendship, and only friendship. Yes, time was what I needed. Time would solve everything.

I entered the game room and saw Jason sitting in the same spot on the sofa. He was watching some people playing tennis on a video game, but his face looked somewhat concerned. As soon as he saw me, the concern melted away and he smiled.

“Hey, I was about to ask one of the girls to check on you. Are you all right?”

“Um, not really.” The noise and commotion from the room was making me feel more confused, and I kept looking over my shoulder anxiously for any sight of Luke. It would be humiliating to face him again so soon after my freak-out on the balcony, but even worse was the thought of him seeing me with Jason—especially if Jason wanted to hold my hand again.

“I have a really bad headache. Would you mind taking me home?” I begged.

He jumped up. “Sure. Do you want me to ask Luke for some Tylenol or something?”

“No, that’s okay. I just want to go home and lie down,” I said truthfully.

“All right, let’s go.” Jason gently took my arm, leading me through the crowd and out of the house. He checked my face in concern every few seconds and kept asking if there was anything he could do.

I reassured him that I was going to be fine, that it really wasn’t a big deal, but the scene on the balcony kept running through my mind. Each time I thought of it, I was more shocked and embarrassed at myself, and a flood of tears crept dangerously close to the surface.

Jason pulled into my driveway and gave me a quick good night hug. Then he waited until I’d gone into the house before he finally left.

It was a little past 10:15 when I walked through the front door.

My parents were in the family room, sharing a bowl of popcorn and watching an old movie. They looked up at me in surprise.

“Home already?” Dad asked incredulously. The expression on his face was one of unmasked enthusiasm. I could practically read the thought running through his mind, Maybe this Jason guy isn’t so bad after all!

Mom, however, was more perceptive. “Is everything all right, sweetie?” she asked, setting down the bowl of popcorn.

Her genuine concern almost caused me to unleash the tears, but I put on my best game face and smiled feebly. “Yes, I just had a headache so I felt like coming home.”

“I’m sorry, honey. Is there anything I can get you?”

“No, I’ll be fine. I think I’ll take a shower and go to bed.”

“That’s a good idea.” Seemingly satisfied by my answer, she picked up the popcorn bowl and Dad restarted the movie.

I had headed for the kitchen when Mom spoke again. “Don’t forget that Dad and I are leaving early in the morning. We’ll come in to say good-bye before we go and give you any instructions you might need.”

“Oh, right. Okay.” I actually had forgotten that Mom and Dad were leaving on a trip tomorrow.

Dad sometimes had to travel for business, and occasionally he would take all of us with him. Now that I was old enough, though, he and Mom trusted me to stay home with Courtney so they could have a night away once in a while.

I usually looked forward to their trips for weeks in advance. The feeling of being in a house with no parents totally thrilled me. Normally Jill would spend the night when my parents were out of town, which made it seem more like a party. I felt a twinge of sadness as I remembered how we’d stay up half the night eating junk food and watching movies until we both fell asleep on the floor. Courtney would usually join us too, excited to be hanging out with us. Thinking of Courtney, I suddenly wondered if she’d gotten my surprise.

When I reached my bedroom door, I looked down the hall and heard music coming from her room. She must have gotten my note by now. Despite all the junk on her bed, there was no way she could have missed the king-sized, shiny wrapper.

I entered my room hopefully, expecting a little thank-you note on my bed or an acknowledgment of some sort, but everything was just as I’d left it.

I sighed as I retrieved the yellow candle from my backpack where I’d stashed it and placed it gently in the nightstand drawer with my other special keepsakes. Maybe my nice gesture to Courtney hadn’t made a difference, but at least I knew I’d helped Chelsea, and that felt good.

I stared at the objects in my drawer, noticing that I was beginning to acquire quite a collection. Just two more to go and the collection would be complete. I wondered distractedly what those items would be, but my nagging thoughts kept trying to force me to think about something I was trying to forget. I rubbed my eyes wearily and made my way to the shower.

My cell phone buzzed, and I flipped it open to find a text message from Jason.

Jason: Hey, I hope your headache is better. Can’t wait to hear you sing again for Sat. concert. Or for our date after. ;) Sleep tight!

I smiled, but didn’t feel up to replying, and I was grateful he’d ended his message in such a way that I didn’t have to.

As the hot water enveloped me, I finally relaxed and released my thoughts, allowing myself to think about tonight’s encounter with Luke. I tried to dissect meaning from every word he’d spoken and each gesture he’d made—especially the last one.

Did he have any idea what he’d done to me by taking my hand? Maybe he was a touchy-feely kind of person and physical contact was natural to him. Maybe he held lots of girls’ hands.

The thought was like poison in my bloodstream, and I immediately rejected it. I’d never seen him touch another girl before, not even in a friendly, joking kind of way, and I knew he wasn’t a player.

This allowed only one other solution, but it was so preposterous that I immediately shook my head to banish the thought. Luke would never be interested in me as more than a friend, and allowing myself to hope would only cause me incredible heartache.

Besides, I wasn’t a player either, and Jason and I were all but officially dating—one good “DTR” session and we’d be a couple. I had a feeling that the opportunity for “defining the relationship” would come on prom night; maybe I’d even get my first kiss. I simply couldn’t allow my thoughts to dwell so much on Luke. It wasn’t fair to Jason, and it wasn’t fair to my unprotected heart.

Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t run off when I did. What had Luke wanted to say to me? I remembered the pained look in his eyes, and I wanted to slap myself for being so rash. He had been in the middle of thanking me for listening to him, and one touch of his hand had made me bolt like a crazed rabbit. I couldn’t imagine what he must think of me. Part of me hoped that I’d never have to face him again, while the other part of me hoped desperately that I would face him again—and soon.

Integrity

“Till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me.”

—Job 27:5