‘’Ere, what’s up with Agnes? I ain’t seen her looking so pleased with ’erself since before Arthur went an’ got himself married. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she’d got ’erself a bloke. I told yer my Bert saw her with some toff just before the Mitsons went away, but I didn’t think nothing of it at the time. I mean ter say…!’ Mabel Smith raised her eyebrows in disbelief. ‘The poor cow would be ’ard pressed ter find an ordinary bloke, let alone one with a bit of class. What d’yer think, Nora?’
Nora Parker cast a disparaging glance first at the woman by her side, then to the object of their discussion. Both women had known Agnes for over 20 years and, as her neighbour Mabel had just commented, neither of them had seen the middle-aged woman looking so happy, nor as smart since the early days when Agnes had imagined that one day Arthur would eventually get around to proposing to her. Yet since the Mitsons had gone on holiday, leaving Agnes in charge of the business, a remarkable change had come over the once dowdy woman, a change that hadn’t gone unnoticed by her regular customers.
Agnes, well aware of the speculation surrounding her and thoroughly enjoying her sudden elevated status, smiled sweetly at the elderly woman at the front of the queue as she put a large crusty loaf into a wicker basket. ‘That’ll be tuppence, please, Mrs Cox.’
‘Thanks, Agnes… Er, um, so how yer been lately, ducks? Got any news ter share with yer mates, love? Only we couldn’t ’elp but notice how ’appy yer’ve been lately, an’ we was wondering like, if yer had anything ter tell us? ’Cos I was only saying ter me daughter the other day, “Rene,” I said, “if anyone deserves a bit of ’appiness, it’s Agnes; especially after the way Arthur treated her.’” The grey head bobbed up and down as if to add weight to her words. ‘Now, I ain’t just being nosy, love, you’ve gotta lot of friends round these parts… Nah, it’s true, ducks, honest.’ The bird-like features of Mrs Cox crumpled at the look of scorn that suddenly flashed across Agnes’ plain face. Shuffling her small frame awkwardly she murmured, ‘Well, I can’t stand ’ere gossiping all day. I’ll see yer, ducks.’ Nodding to the two other women waiting to be served, both of whom had been listening intently to the conversation, the red-faced woman hurried out of the warm bakery.
Agnes, her expression betraying none of the pleasurable churning in her stomach at finding herself the centre of attention, asked airily, ‘Made up yer minds yet, ladies? Only yer’ve been ’ere long enough ter buy up ’alf the shop. Unless yer’ve just come in ter ’ave a nose round.’
Instantly the two remaining customers sprang to life, their faces turning hard at the insulting tone in Agnes’ voice.
As Nora Parker made to come back at Agnes with a suitable retort, Mabel quickly gave the irate woman a discreet nudge in the ribs. Then, her features folding into a warm smile she said sweetly, ‘Don’t be daft, Agnes. We was just wondering who your gentleman friend was, that’s all.’
Taken by surprise, Agnes’ cheeks began to burn in confused embarrassment. Noting her uncomfortable reaction, Mabel hurried on gleefully. ‘Ah, that surprised yer, didn’t it? My Bert saw yer with him in the Nag’s Head just before Arthur and Ellen went away. Proper toff my Bert said he was. Now yer can’t blame us fer wondering who he is. I mean ter say, it’s only, natural we should be curious.’ Agnes lowered her head in startled bewilderment, and Mabel smiled triumphantly at Nora before resuming her probing. ‘Come on, woman, don’t keep us in suspense. Who is he? Where d’yer meet ’im?’
Regaining some of her composure Agnes raised her head and stared hard at the two women. Women who had been coming into this shop for years and never before had they shown any genuine interest in her, apart from the time Arthur had brought Ellen here to live. Oh, they’d been out in force then, the nosy, hypocritical old cows. Making snide remarks and looking at her with feigned sympathy. How she had come to hate them all. These women with their boring, dependable husbands and snotty-nosed children, children who were now grown and rarely visited their parents, unless they were after something, apart from Nora, whose son Ted still lived at home and supported his widowed mother. The rest of them were still living in tiny houses, forever in debt and having to watch every penny. And they had the cheek to feel, not only superior to her, but sorry for her as well! At least she owned her own house and she had a few bob in the bank, which was more than the majority of her customers could lay claim to.
Now she had a man in her life. And not just any man, but a man of means, a real gentleman.
The only fly in the ointment was Kenneth’s wife.
Kenneth had been very open about his marital status right from the start and, as their friendship had blossomed, brought about by their mutual interest in young Micky Masters, Kenneth had confided in her that his wife’s health, which had never been robust, was now so bad the doctors had told Kenneth to prepare himself for the worst. It was that evening that he had taken hold of her hand and, his eyes locked onto hers, had asked her gently if she would wait until he was free. A tingle of excitement ran up her spine as she recalled the intimate moment.
‘Well, come on, woman, out with it.’ The loud voice jerked Agnes back to the present and the naked curiosity that filled the faces of the two women. They were both smiling at her as if they were close friends, but their eyes slyly mocked her. Agnes recognised the look at once; after all, it was a look she had witnessed hundreds of times over the years. But now things had changed. Now she was the one holding the upper hand and she revelled in the new experience. It had been a very long time since she had felt any self-worth or respect for herself. Now she had both and she wasn’t such a fool as to imagine that these women had suddenly become her bosom friends. Still, she was only human, and the desire to show off quickly overcame her reticence. But she must be careful how much she divulged. Kenneth had been most insistent about their relationship remaining a private matter between the two of them. But once Kenneth’s wife was dead, there would be no more need for secrecy.
Assuming a superior air, Agnes straightened her back and, with her head held high, said, ‘As a matter of fact I do have a gentleman friend, but I can’t say any more at the moment.’ She hesitated, then, unable to maintain her lofty attitude and desperate to talk about Kenneth, her mouth opened and the words she had fought to keep quiet came tumbling out in a rush of excitement. ‘Oh, all right then, I’ll tell yer. But yer’ve gotta promise ter keep it to yerselves.’
Both women edged closer to the counter, their faces agog with excitement.
Looking first over their shoulders to make sure no one else was about to enter the shop Agnes took a deep breath. ‘Like I said, I can’t say too much at the minute, but let’s just say I might not be working ’ere fer much longer. My gentleman friend is very comfortably off, an’ once we’re married he’ll expect me ter stay at ’ome, especially with the little one ter…’ Agnes broke off, her face registering her horror at the near slip she had made in referring to Kenneth’s niece.
But the inference hadn’t gone unnoticed. Immediately Mabel exclaimed, ‘Bleeding ’ell, Agnes. Yer ain’t pregnant, are yer? Gawd love us, yer can’t be, not at your age.’
Before the startled Agnes could reply Nora Parker snapped loudly, ‘’Course she ain’t too old, Mabel. There’s plenty of women that’s been caught out ’cos they thought they was too old ter get pregnant.’ Cocking her head to one side she added slyly, ‘An’ yer only in yer early forties, ain’t yer, Agnes?’
Agnes’ face had turned scarlet, both in embarrassment and deep despair. It had been her life’s wish to have a child of her own, but as the years had passed by she had reluctantly resigned herself to the fact that she would never have the joy of hearing a child call her mother. There was also the fear that one day soon Ellen would announce she was pregnant and that would be her undoing. The thought of watching Ellen’s stomach swell, and Arthur strutting around as the expectant father was enough to make Agnes’ insides knot in silent agony. She wouldn’t be able to bear it, she knew she wouldn’t. Yet now she was to have a second chance. Once Micky was out of the way leaving Kenneth the chance to rescue the little girl from the squalor in which she lived, then she, Agnes Handly, would become a mother to the orphaned child – once Kenneth was free to make her his wife. And maybe, just maybe, she might still have a child of her own one day. Though deep down she knew that her chances of becoming a mother at her time of life were very slim.
Gathering her startled wits she said bitterly, ‘No, I ain’t pregnant. Chance would be a fine thing, wouldn’t it?’
The raw, naked pain on Agnes’ plain face momentarily silenced both women, causing them pangs of guilt as they remembered how they had treated Agnes in the past. Nora Parker cleared her throat as if preparing to speak, but no words came. In those few moments it was as if a veneer had been stripped from Agnes’ face, leaving in its place an anguish so painful to behold that both women dropped their gaze, a genuine feeling of sympathy engulfing them.
Nora was the first one to speak. For once at a disadvantage she said softly, ‘Sorry, Agnes, we didn’t mean any harm, did we, Mabel?’ She looked to her friend for support.
‘Oh, no, Agnes, ’course we didn’t.’ Her eyes flickering to Nora, Mabel continued uncomfortably. ‘I mean ter say, we wouldn’t be deliberately spiteful, honest.’ Floundering now she glanced back at Nora, breathing a sigh of relief as her friend took over the strained conversation.
Anxious to change the topic of conversation Nora asked pleasantly, ‘Well now, ’ow long is Arthur and Ellen away for?’
Her composure back in place once more, Agnes made a great play of rearranging the display of cakes on the counter before replying, ‘They went fer two weeks, so they’ll be back at the weekend.’
Their purchases bought and paid for, the women prepared to leave, anxious to get outside so they could discuss Agnes and her gentleman friend in more detail. It was as they reached the door that Nora remarked casually, ‘I still can’t believe Arthur let Ellen talk ’im into ’aving a holiday. I wouldn’t be surprised if they came back early, especially as Arthur’s never been away from the place fer over 20 years. He’s probably worrying ’imself sick his business will go ter rack and ruin while ’e’s away. Mind you, I gotta say, Bill’s baking ain’t a patch on Arthur’s, though don’t tell Bill I said so. Anyway, see yer tomorrow, Agnes. ‘’Bye.’
No sooner had the women departed when the bell over the shop announced another customer, and it was one o’clock before Agnes had the chance for some time to herself.
With Bill minding the shop, Agnes took her dinner break in the kitchen. And as she ate a crusty cheese roll, she thought back over the past three weeks, her eyes and mouth softening at the memories. For the first time in 20 years she had a purpose for getting up in the morning, apart from going to work. Finishing her snack she wandered over to the mirror hanging over the sink and took stock of her reflection. And once more she marvelled at the difference a bit of hair dye and new clothes could make to a person’s appearance. She looked ten years younger, but, she reflected sadly, no amount of hair dye and new clothes could make her more attractive. She was still as plain as she’d always been. Then she brightened. Kenneth obviously thought her attractive. In fact he had been lavish in his compliments on her new appearance. Idly smoothing down the ruffles on her new white blouse she then inspected her hair. She had toyed with the idea of letting it hang loose, but had quickly dismissed the notion. The last thing she wanted was to look like mutton dressed as lamb. She had, however, left a few wisps of hair framing her face, giving her features a softer look. The rest of her hair was neatly plaited and pinned to the back of her head. Turning her head this way then that, she was suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of frustration as she recalled all the wasted years. If only she hadn’t been so stupid as to hope that Arthur would one day rekindle the romance of their early days. And where had her hopes and loyalty got her? Cast aside, her heart broken, her self-esteem shattered. If only she’d had the sense to move on when the affair with Arthur had ended she could have been married, maybe even had a family by now. If only! The two most tragic words in the world. But, by some miracle, she had been given a second chance of happiness and she wasn’t going to waste it this time. Checking the mirror to make sure she had no crumbs on her mouth she suddenly recalled Nora Parker’s comment about Arthur coming back early and the memory of those casually spoken words brought Agnes’ head up sharply.
Arthur would never have consented to such an arrangement if she and Ellen, for once allied against the weak-willed man, hadn’t constantly kept on at him, day after day, until the poor, harassed baker had finally agreed, just to get a bit of peace.
Pouring herself another mug of tea, Agnes’ mind whirled anxiously, her thoughts going round and round her head like a pet mouse on a spinning wheel.
If she was to have any chance of a new life with Kenneth she would have to move quickly. Only last night Kenneth had pleaded with her again to put their plans into motion, but for some inexplicable reason she had continued to stall for more time. But now she realised there was no more time to prevaricate. Once Arthur and Ellen returned and, knowing Arthur, who must by now be champing at the bit to return home, they could well turn up any time now, she would have no opportunity to get Micky out of the way. She knew too, that, once the deed was done, she would have to leave her small terraced house. For once word got round, as it would surely do, she, Agnes, would no longer be welcomed in the East End. Her head drooped as the enormous consequences of what she was about to do hit her like a physical blow to her stomach. Then she stiffened her resolve. The plan was well worked out. Once Micky was out of the way, she would move into a small hotel, paid for by Kenneth, and there she would stay until they could finally be together. In the meantime she would put her house on the market with a reputable estate agency. Once the house was sold, the money earned would go into her bank account. She would feel easier in her mind once she knew there was a comfortable nest egg to fall back on if things with Kenneth didn’t go well.
Not that she expected that to happen, she rebuked herself sharply, but she of all people knew that life didn’t always work out as one expected.
Taking a deep breath, she swallowed the last of her tea and came to a decision. She would do it this evening. Yet even as she tried to convince herself she was doing it with the best of intentions, she couldn’t stop the nagging guilt gnawing away inside.