WEDNESDAY NIGHT was overcast with fog so that the lights of L.A. were gathered within it, and refracted as if the sky were a giant footlit screen. The air was warm but an ocean breeze was stirring, an early warning of the chill to come. The neighborhood was quiet except for the occasional siren. Dixon and Claire Greenwood were sitting outside, complacent over drinks, watching the evening news on their portable TV and straining to hear over the muffled noise of insects, but not paying close attention because the news that day had nothing to do with them. Now and then Claire rattled the ice in her glass and made a sarcastic remark about the boyish demeanor of the anchor and the monotony of the mayhem, traffic accidents, a forest fire, two deaths in South Central, and then, the last item, Ada Hart dead at sixty.
Did he say Ada Hart? That can’t be.
My God, Dixon said.
Ada was an old friend, an actress long retired. Dixon moved to increase the volume, and they both rose from their chairs. Ada had been found dead in her bed, a suspected overdose, though the police weren’t saying and her agent could not be reached. The obituary had been hastily cobbled together, incoherent even by the standards of the local news. The reporter in the street outside her house suggested that actresses of a certain age were cruelly treated by the Industry and she was but the latest victim, so perhaps it was no surprise that observers hinted that she died of a broken heart. The bulk of the report had to do with the circumstances of her death, but the last thirty seconds were devoted to her Academy Award nomination and the films she was best known for; the boyish anchor mentioned two, not her best, and got one title wrong. The clips they showed were of Ada as a young woman in her familiar tomboy pose, “aggressive” would be somewhere in the director’s notes: head turtling forward, hands on hips, mouth worked into a snarl, telling off some hapless thug twice her size. The final one was a photograph of a charity affair the year before, Ada looking every minute of her sixty years but with a wisecracking smile, a glint in her eyes, and a glass in her hand. The glint was especially effective owing to nearsightedness.
God, Claire said. Poor Ada.
She was sixty-two, Dixon said. Not sixty.
And she loved not working. “Died of a broken heart.” What gibberish.
She did her best work for me, Dixon said. Anna’s Magic.
I think she did, Claire said. I’m sure she did. No doubt about it.
But that was twenty years ago.
Twenty-five, Claire said.
Yes, twenty-five. Just after the accident.
A terrible obit. The photograph at the end, she would have hated it.
She didn’t give a damn, Dixon said.
Yes, she did give a damn. Ada always gave a damn about her hair.
They watched a commercial in strained silence. Dixon was not shocked at Ada Hart’s death. She had never taken good care of herself and only last year had had a heart attack that she concealed from everyone except her agent, who was Claire’s agent as well, so the secret was shared. Everyone knew everyone’s business in L.A. When the item showed up in a gossip column Ada was mortified. But it was ignored, and she understood then that she was old news; no one cared about her health, good or bad. When Dixon shivered and put his hand on his wife’s arm, Claire suggested they go inside. The Pacific chill had arrived.
I’m cold, too, she said.
Something walked over my grave, Dixon said.
But Claire appeared not to have heard because she turned suddenly and suggested they eat out, somewhere quiet and out-of-the-way, perhaps the Mexican place off Sepulveda, close by and perfect for a foggy night.
They had not seen much of each other in the past year, Ada often away in San Francisco seeing her businessman. That’s what Dixon called him, the Businessman. He owned furniture stores, high-end gear for the wizards in Sausalito. Dixon had an idea he liked her for who she had been rather than who she was, but Ada denied it. Don’t be proprietary, Dix. Behave yourself. They had had an affair during the filming of Anna’s Magic. Claire was off somewhere on location. Was it Toronto? Dixon had cast Ada as the prim younger sister of the randy Anna, whose magic touch with men ran out at the end of the first reel but was restored to her at the end. Anna’s Magic was a comedy, the only one Dixon made. Ada played a nude scene that was supposed to be chaste but had gotten out of hand thanks to the sinister close-up camerawork of Billy Jeidels. Dixon had no idea what he had until he saw the rushes, Ada’s skin deeply tanned and in half-light, her thirty-five-year-old body as taut as a teenager’s but definitely not a teenager’s. The difference between the moon and the sun, Billy had said enigmatically. What he apparently meant was, No glare, more mystery. She stole the movie, in part because she was no longer a tomboy nor showed any signs of ever having been a tomboy. The audience was charmed, seeing a side of Ada Hart that they had never seen before or even imagined. She became their discovery. She had let her hair grow. She wore half-glasses. She made no wisecracks. She never snarled, instead inventing a soft stutter and a cadence that seemed to work out to about one syllable a second. She played prim when the script called for it but in a series of small gestures made it plain that she was not prim, that prim was the farthest thing from her mind. Prim was a disguise, and she seemed to imply that all her previous roles had been disguises and what the audience saw now was the real Ada Hart, Ada comfortable in her own skin, Ada liberated at last.
They were filming on the Costa Brava. Dixon’s screenplays always called for water nearby. Ada was living in a small villa overlooking the Mediterranean. “When Dixon saw the dailies of the nude scene he was startled. He watched the sequence three times, the last time in slow motion. It was a forty-five-second scene and as expertly choreographed as a three-hour ballet, and he wondered why he had not recognized it at the time. Under the lights, the set cleared, only Ada, Billy, and himself in attendance, he thought it a fine sequence but nothing more than that. And then he knew that the forty-five seconds was a conspiracy between actress and cameraman, not an improvisation but something well thought out and carefully controlled. Ada did not speak except to hum something at the end; he thought he recognized a phrase from Gustav Mahler.
When he arrived at Ada’s villa, she was standing at the deck railing looking out to sea, bulky in a terrycloth robe, drinking a glass of wine. The villa was dark but the deck was washed with light from the moon, huge in the eastern sky. Ada stepped inside to fetch the bottle and another glass. I was swimming, she explained. I swim every night to the float, sit awhile, swim back and return here for a glass. I watch the moonlight in the Med and think about how lucky I am, being here. Being in your wonderful movie. You pick great locations, Dix. It’s a side of you I never knew.
I was looking at the dailies, he said.
She smiled broadly but did not reply.
It’s quite a scene, he said. When did you and Billy dream it up?
It’s improv, she said.
Was that Mahler you were humming at the end?
Liszt, she said.
And was that improv, too?
Of course, she said.
He said, Liar.
She laughed. Well, maybe not all of it. How pissed are you?
Not very, he said. He thought, No more pissed than any general who rose from his afternoon siesta to find his troops occupying the capital. Presenting it to him as a kind of surprise.
He wanted me to do it and I felt like getting it done, she said in her trademark snarl, laughing and kissing him on the cheek as she led him inside where they would be more comfortable. What do you say to another glass of wine?
He stayed that night and the next, and the night after that. When Ada was finished filming she remained in the villa, and a week later Dixon moved in. When they had been together a while they began to talk about life on the set, Anna’s Magic and other sets. So much hurly-burly, she said. So many, many complications. So many, many needy people in one small closet, and in that way the set resembled a theater of war or a political campaign, where the rules were fixed to suit the mighty objective ahead. Those were the analogies everyone liked because wars and political campaigns were momentous and consequential, whereas a movie was only a movie, unless it was an extraordinary movie, a classic movie, whereupon anything went. Anything at all. That was why there was more hurly-burly on the sets of good directors than mediocre ones. That’s a compliment, Dix. The other thing is, on the good sets people are likely to be serious as opposed to delusional, so there’s less of the no-one-understands-me-at-home, boo-hoo. We all have this focus and elation because we’re doing good work and want to share it, and what could be more natural? The best times I’ve ever had were with men who were very happy at home, except they weren’t at home and had this itch and the missus wasn’t around to scratch it. What about you and Claire?
Dixon assembled a taco and handed it to Claire. They had not spoken much. Ada Hart was the first of his old girls to die, a thought that came to him when he sat down and the pretty waitress handed them menus, greeted them by name, and discouraged them from the special. Anytime someone you loved died, the world was suddenly smaller and less interesting and you, too, were diminished. They said that these events gave you perspective but that was sentimental. Perspective was what you had before the death, and after it you were so heavy-hearted and blurred of mind that you could not decide the simplest things, such as what to order after the special was declared off limits. Of course, if you were in the movies, your friends and family could watch your work onscreen; but that was work, not life, and bore about the same oblique relation to personality as a composer to his music. Each time Dix reran Anna’s Magic, he was aroused by Ada’s nude scene, the scene surrounded by his memories of directing the shooting, and his surprise at what had been shot, and his visit later to Ada’s villa, Ada in a white terrycloth robe, drinking a glass of wine in the moonlight and then moving inside for another glass. What a time they had had, and it didn’t end on the Costa Brava. It ended a year later in New York. Ada found an actor she liked, and Dixon continued to be happy at home.
Claire brought up Ada’s funeral. Probably the Businessman would be in charge, but God help him if he ignored Hollywood convention, specifically the selection of speakers and the order of appearance. The Industry always claimed you at the hour of your passing, but took its own sweet time in working out the arrangements. Claire was to begin a film in December. And he had the Berlin business to consider. He had promised to give Henry Belknap a decision soon, and Claire was in the dark about it.
She said, Do you want to speak?
If I’m asked, he said.
You will be, she said.
Then I’ll speak.
Do be kind, Dix.
It’s a eulogy, he said.
That’s what I mean, she said, smiling fractionally.
Let’s talk about something else, he said.
Bye-bye, Ada, Claire said in Ada Hart’s voice.
He said, Do you remember Henry Belknap? UCLA. A German scholar, he gave me some help on Summer, 1921. About my age, a porker. Looks like Sydney Greenstreet. A wiseguy, talks out of the side of his mouth. Very, very smart.
Vaguely, she said.
Dix said, He wants me to come to Berlin.
And do what?
Nothing much.
So go, Claire said. What is it, a weekend? I’ll come with you.
It’s a residency, Dix said. He wants me for three months.
Three months?
Henry gave up UCLA and became a Rektor. He runs a think tank in Berlin. He wants me to come and think. You’ll be off on location. You’ll be locating while I’m thinking.
First I’ve heard of Berlin, she said. How long—
He called me last month, Dix said.
She said, Whoa.
He explained that Henry Belknap was insistent, offering a semester’s residency, go anywhere, do anything, no obligations except to give them an oral history on moviemaking. The oral history was intended to be his personal settling of accounts. They were eager to have him as one of the eight Fellows; the others were historians and economists. The German film industry was especially enthusiastic, since Dixon Greenwood was a cult figure among the younger directors and actors, who saw him as the unenviable victim of fin-de-siecle American capitalism, a casualty no less martyred than the heroic Hollywood Ten. Henry Belknap’s Mommsen Institute proposed to provide him with money for expenses and an apartment in its villa at Wannsee. Learn about Berlin, let the Berliners learn about you. Three months, January through March. He had nothing better to do and he thought he might learn something from the change of scene, winter on the North German Plain, where the wind originated in Finland via the Arctic. Dix knew no German but Henry was reassuring. No problem, my man. Everyone you meet will speak English.
You don’t know anybody in Berlin, Claire said after a moment. You’ll be bored.
Berlin is never boring, he said.
So what’s it about really? she asked.
It’s about loose ends.
Oh, Dix, she said.
Loose ends for a decade or more, he went on. I can’t work. At any event, I don’t work. My audience has vanished, gone away, emigrated somewhere. Something happened, I don’t know what it was. But I looked around one day and discovered that I was the only one in the room. Everyone else had gone away.
All you need is a decent script, she said.
I write my own scripts, remember?
You know what I mean, she said.
I’ll tell you a story, true story, not a script for a movie. Andy Richardson was one of my father’s closest friends. Andy manufactured greeting cards, birthdays, anniversaries, but his specialty was Christmas. He had a team of artists at his plant outside of Chicago. Nineteen sixty-two was his banner year. In some locations he even outsold Hallmark. The next year, he borrowed every dollar he could and hired more artists—artists who could draw distinctive Santy Clauses, the Virgin Mary, elves, wreaths, and the Three Kings. Nineteen sixty-three was going to be his breakout year. He shipped more than two million Christmas cards, and then catastrophe. A month before Christmas, Oswald shot Kennedy. Andy was a great Democrat. He was inconsolable, and when he came to work a week or so later he realized that his business was ruined. No one sent Christmas cards that year. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, we wish you and yours the very best for 1964? Little elves dancing around a snowman? The Three Kings gazing at the star in the east? America was in mourning, or anyway that part of it that bought cards for the holidays. Andy’s business never recovered. So he sold it, and spent the rest of his life playing golf. He and Harry were great golfing partners. Everyone liked Andy. But when Oswald shot Kennedy, the bullet hit Andy also.
Claire shook her head. So instead of golf, you’re going to Berlin.
When John F. Kennedy was killed, Andy Richardson was the age I am now.
Don’t start that, she said.
I like to work, he continued. Always have. I like the set, for me it’s a kind of lair. I saw the world from the set, the lights, the camera, the actors with the script I had written myself. Then something happened, damned if I know what it was. Something. The weather changed, drizzle all day long.
He looked up suddenly and said, America doesn’t interest me anymore.
That’s what you said then, she said. What I’m thinking is, Germany’s old news. Germany is the place you went to when you were young and made a bull’s-eye, and you know perfectly well that life isn’t lived backwards, it’s lived forwards. Claire paused a moment, unsure of her thought. Her husband did seem to have a reverse gear, his life’s objective a series of successful returns. She said brusquely, So side-of-the-mouth Henry Belknap calls up one day, and the next day you’ve decided to spend three months in Germany.
It isn’t the same Germany, Dix said.
It’s the same Germany, Claire said. Despite itself. You’re looking for inspiration, go to Paris. Everyone else does.
Germany’s been a captive nation, Dix said. The First War, Weimar, the Third Reich, the Cold War. But the Wall’s down, Kohl’s gone. Question is, What about the corpse in the corner?
She looked at him strangely, then laughed. The corpse in the corner?
Henry Belknap and I spent a month in Germany, summer of ’fifty-six. Henry had introductions to people, academics here and there, and a banker in Hamburg. It was Henry’s trip, I was along for the ride. We stayed with the Hamburg banker for a weekend. Evidence of the war was everywhere, though the war did not concern us because it had ended years before, half our lifetime. The banker was hospitable, he and Henry discussed the Hanseatic League, with detours to poets and novelists. The banker was a cultivated man, a widower. In his den he had a wall full of Emil Nolde’s prints of Hamburg’s harbor, and photograph after photograph of his wife and children. He told us that his children were dead, and so he lived alone. He remarked casually that he had no one to leave his bank to. He was the sole survivor of his family. He looked directly at us then and spoke with the utmost gravity. You boys cannot know the catastrophe of the war. You will never know it. You can only have it secondhand, appalling—and then he stopped, flustered, as anyone is when he realizes he has said too much, opening a door to an unspeakable room. He returned the conversation at once to some obscure diplomatic crisis of the Hanseatic League in the fifteenth century, a pregnant century, and that was how we spent the remainder of the evening, talking pleasantly, surrounded by photographs of his wife and children. I have never been in an atmosphere where so much was left unsaid. We were discussing the nap of the carpet and ignoring the corpse in the corner. At the end he looked at us, smiling, or it seemed like a smile, perhaps it was something else, and said, We are at the beginning of a great prosperity. Prosperity will save us and we will never again be the nation we were. You’re nice American boys. Your parents must be proud. I wish you were my boys because, if you were, I could leave you my bank. He wished us good night, and went upstairs to bed.
Henry and I went on to Lübeck and some other place I’ve forgotten, but the weekend at the banker’s house in Hamburg stayed with me, and has to this day. When I returned to the United States, I mentioned it to my father. I described the banker, the look of his house, the photographs, the carpet and the corpse, and the prosperity. Harry did not interrupt me once. When I finished, he reminded me of the remark of the French general following the loss of Alsace in 1871: “Think of it always, speak of it never.”
Listen always for the unspoken thing, Harry said.
Then he asked me the banker’s name, and when I gave it he was silent for some seconds.
Hard to know, he said.
Hard to know what?
His religion, Harry said. Whether his boys died in the Wehrmacht or the camps.
I’d guess Wehrmacht, I said.
Perhaps, Harry said thoughtfully. Perhaps not. You’ll never know.
The boys are dead either way, I said.
Yes, he said. Where would matter only to their father.
Coffee arrived. Dixon listened to the restaurant’s piped-in music, some Beach Boys ballad. Retrograde, he thought. The Beach Boys were as retrograde as he was. He wondered if aspiring composers sent songs to the Beach Boys, hoping they would sing one. Hoping that new music would snap Brian Wilson out of his trance. For himself, scripts continued to arrive but he did not understand them, complaining that they seemed written in a foreign syntax, familiar words and phrases spliced and rewired to resemble the nonsense speech of a dream. Who were these stories written for? At the same time, he had no ideas of his own. The world had moved on, but he had not moved on with it. He believed his audience had vanished, and without an audience he had lost his most valuable collaborator. Like Andy Richardson, he was out of business, adrift on a featureless sea without chart or compass. The other changes were predictable. The Industry’s revolving door had swept away all his old friends and replaced them with aliens young enough to be his own children.
Claire rolled her eyes. You don’t know what you’re talking about, Dix. Some of them are very talented and well educated. You’d like them if you took the trouble to get to know them. And they’d like you, too. They’re smart and they know what they want. They’re successful, Dix, and success has its own specific rewards. You work, for one thing. You’re back on the set. We both have a craft, and if you’re a craftsman it’s obvious that it’s better to work than not to work, always keeping in mind that it’s movies we’re talking about here, not world peace or a cure for cancer.
He was looking at his wife with a sideways smile because she was in demand again. The saloon door swung both ways.
You’re looking forward to the new one, aren’t you?
It’s a good part, she said defensively.
I know it is. I read the script, remember? And Howard Goodman is a capable director.
Howard Goodman always shows me to good advantage. He’s relaxed on the set, so the atmosphere’s good. It’s fun, Dix. Everyone has a good time on a Goodman set. The script is solid and the cast is professional, except for that ass. You can’t have everything.
What ass?
That ass. What’s his name, the short one? The one who insists on doing his own stunt work, and if a stunt isn’t there he’ll demand one. But it’ll be fine.
“At a certain level”? he asked, grinning. “At a certain level” was old-fashioned Industry jargon for material that was not junk. It was plausible material that was professionally written, directed, and acted. Well-made entertainment, box-office entertainment that did not embarrass anyone.
Definitely, she said.
Howard’s your man, then. Howard’s been at a certain level his whole life.
Sarcasm does not become you, Dixon.
He looked at the bill and put money on it.
So what about Berlin? she asked.
I’ll decide after Ada’s funeral, he said.
They stood for a moment under the restaurant awning watching the fog collect and swirl away. Nearby a family was crowding into a high-rise Mitsubishi SUV, the parents, two teenage children, and a youngster, a boy perhaps seven. The teenagers were complaining loudly. Their mother went around to the driver’s door and unlocked it while the father stood behind the children, his arms spread, attempting to herd them into the rear seat. The fog came and went so that Claire and Dix could not see them clearly. The mother was young and the father was Dix’s age, but very tall and bent, and wearing a Dodgers baseball hat. The doors were open but the teenage children refused to enter, continuing their complaints, something about a rotten deal in a soccer game, obsolete computer equipment, and an underdone hamburger. The father was nodding but something in his posture—he was stooped, his arms too long for his body, and his eyes turned away—suggested he was not listening. He gazed off in the direction of the steak house across the street. The mother was talking now, gesticulating at the children. The young boy was leaning against the rear fender in an attitude of absolute boredom, and when his father moved to muss his hair—it was a gesture of the most tender affection—he jerked his head away and said loudly, Don’t!
Let’s go, Claire said.
Stay a minute. I want to watch the end of it.
Claire sighed. You and your third reels. What do you care? What’s it to you?
Because I know who they are, Dix said.
Claire gave him her infinite-patience look, then peered through the fog to the Mitsubishi. My goodness, she said. It’s Billy Jeidels.
And family, Dix said. They had not seen each other in months. Billy was in the same professional cabinet as Dix, different shelf. He had married ten years ago, a young screenwriter with two children. And they had one of their own, the boy. Dix had heard or read somewhere that Billy was filming commercials for television and that he had won some award, an important honor in the advertising industry. He had been away from feature films since collaborating on Dix’s last, a critical and financial failure. Billy shared the blame, unjustly, and his new wife, Gretchen, complained that his long association with Dix had made him unemployable. Dixon Greenwood was radioactive, worse even than Chernobyl. Billy did not take his wife’s part but the friendship suffered. They got together now and again for lunch, talking always about the old days and the five films they had made together. It was a men-only lunch because of Gretchen’s animosity.
Beautiful cameraman, Dix said.
Yes, he was.
I think he’s in a fix now.
That girl is why he’s in a fix, Claire said.
The family was still in midargument. Gretchen’s voice carried across the asphalt, something about shutting up right now, that money didn’t grow on trees, and getting into the car, and this time I mean it. The teenage girl was furious and stamped her foot. Why are you being such a shit, Gretch? Arms wide apart, Billy Jeidels continued to press against his children, urging them into the car. Dix heard him say mildly, All right, all right now, and that seemed to be the signal that whatever demands were being made, they were now acceded to. The children safely in the rear seat and buckled in, Billy slowly opened the front passenger door and leaned gently against it. The car was taller than he was. He swayed for a moment, almost losing his balance, still looking into the far distance as if he were making up his mind about something. He drummed his fingers on the car’s roof. His wife banged her hands on the dashboard and they heard, most clearly, her next words.
Get the fuck in the car.
Billy came back from wherever he had been and with infinite weariness, left foot, then left leg, right foot, then right leg, he complied. He lowered the window and sat perfectly erect, his elbow resting on the metal sill. The children were quarreling again and his wife continued to scream at him. But he said nothing and did not look at her. It was as if he were deaf and alone in the world. At last Gretchen was silent and the car began to move, gathering speed out of the parking lot and into the traffic on Sepulveda, where it ran a red light and hurtled away, soon lost to view.
He was drunk, Dix said.
Billy was never a drinker, Claire replied.
Perfectly drunk. He had probably heard about Ada.
Was Billy involved with Ada, too?
Off and on, Dix said.
Let’s go now, Dix.
They walked to the car arm in arm. Claire drove. After a moment, Dix began to think out loud, recollecting his move from New York to Los Angeles more than thirty years before. He liked California at once, the glitter and the sun, the endless freeways, the disorder and ambition, the blue Pacific, the girls as restless as the tides. Everyone in Los Angeles was from somewhere else and always on the hustle, and the style of things the reverse of Hamburg in 1956: nothing was ever left unsaid. Remember the party where we met, the socialite’s house in deepest Pasadena? The English butler? The butler wanted to be a very big star, so he spent his mornings bodybuilding and his evenings passing canapés on a heavy silver tray that he balanced on three fingers of his left hand. He was always winking at the guests, men, women, it didn’t matter so long as they had something to do with the Industry. A producer stole him away from the socialite and he was happy to be stolen because he figured the producer was going to make him a star. That was the promise. Instead he got a bigger tray in a smaller house. He got his revenge, remember? He ran off with the producer’s wife. He butled his way to the top of the tree, with the help of Mrs. Producer. They’re still around, probably retired and living near the golf course at Palm Springs.
Claire began to laugh.
And that’s where we met, at one of those famous Sunday night suppers.
Billy Jeidels was there, she said. Ada Hart, too.
I don’t remember Ada, Dix said.
She was there. She was with you.
Not with me, Dix said. I was alone, worried about the girl with the black eye. Adorable girl, except for the black eye. She knew every man in the room, and I was wondering which one of them had slugged her, except she was laughing a storm. She didn’t behave like someone who’d gotten manhandled. Those shades you wore, they only called attention to the mouse. And when someone finally introduced us and I asked what happened, you said you’d walked into a door. And I said, Yeah, try the veal, it’s the best in the city, and you called me a wiseguy and took off the shades and blinked twice. Lenses as thick as von Stroheim’s monocle. Myopia, you said, and I kissed the mouse because you seemed so happy to have it, wearing it like a badge. And I knew L.A. girls who wept when they got a bad perm. I knew you were different and I fell in love with the difference.
She turned into their street, sudden darkness after the bright lights of Sepulveda. The air was scented, the fog beginning to disperse. She pulled into their driveway and stopped under the branches of the huge beech. She turned off the engine but made no move to leave the car. From an open window nearby they heard a fanfare of trumpets, the bellicose signature of the late-night news.
He said, L.A. is a bad town when you’re not working. It’s like being a stowaway on shipboard, but everyone knows you’re there, hiding in the lifeboat. They don’t mind as long as you stay out of sight.
Is that what it’s like?
Pretty much. You don’t know where the ship’s going, either.
Lost the compass, is that it?
They know, or they say they do, and once upon a time I knew. I was able to read the time, see things before they came around the corner. I had second sight. I knew how things worked. That means, how people saw themselves. What they wanted and what they would do to get it. And then I couldn’t do it anymore. The clock stopped. I can’t tell you the time right now, never mind tomorrow or next month or next year. America has overwhelmed me, and no wonder, it’s a big country. Country’s big, L. A.’s small. And I’m sixty-four. I need another country.
Dix, she began.
I loved L.A. in the early days. We were so young.
Me too. Loved it to death.
You still do, he said.
It’s good to be working, she said. That’s true. But I’d be happier if you were working.
I will be, he said. That’s a promise.
In Germany, she said.
He did not reply to that. Instead he said, Did you hear what that woman said to him, and the way she said it? Get the fuck in the car.
I heard it, she said. Poor Billy.
Yes, he agreed, but said nothing more. He turned to her in the darkness and kissed her. In the moonlight he saw their two worn Adirondack chairs, side by side under the beech. The chairs were as old as their marriage. They kissed again and after a while he said in his slow voice that for the longest time he could not forget her black eye, livid against her fair skin, swollen, angry, yet her expression was of the purest amusement, and so the black eye was nothing more than a sudden squall on a beautiful summer day. So alarming, and then you adjusted and learned to live with it, and in a heartbeat it was gone, healed like any other wound.
You thought my black eye was sexy, she said.
Yes, I did.
She thought a moment, her head resting on his shoulder. She said she knew he was going to Berlin and that it was all right. He did need a change of scene, a different plot and a different cast of characters, something new. A change of country, she said. A different time and different weather, another narrative. A place to quicken the heart, like L.A. in the old days.