NO BOOK ON THE soul would be complete without at least some mention of soul mates. Even people who do not believe in reincarnation use the term soul mates to describe the type of relationship between two people who appear to be made for each other.
For people who believe in reincarnation, a soul mate relationship is one between two people who have been together in a number of previous lifetimes. Usually the attraction is instant as soon as these two people meet, and the friendship that ensues seems natural and familiar.
Of course, not every close friendship is necessarily a soul mate one. Recently, someone told me that her marriage had ended after three years.
“I thought he was my soul mate,” she told me. “But he couldn’t have been, as he’s no longer in my life.”
In fact, they may well have been soul mates. Soul mate relationships do not necessarily last for a lifetime. Once the two people have learned everything they need to learn from the relationship in this lifetime, there is no need for it to continue. If the relationship continued, the two people involved might miss out on other important lessons they have to experience in this incarnation.
Soul mate relationships can change from one lifetime to the next, too. Someone who was your brother last time around might be your daughter this time. Even though the relationships and gender have changed, the two souls will instantly recognize each other.
Other people have told me how worried they are that their soul mate might be living in another country and they might not have the opportunity to meet in this lifetime. Fortunately, this is not a problem. Soul mates don’t meet by accident, and your soul mate will come into your life at the right spiritual time to enable you to have the experiences you both need to make maximum progress in this lifetime.
In fact, there is more than one soul mate waiting for you. Ancient teachings say that groups of cells gathered together while waiting to be transformed into souls. When they were in human form, these souls would instantly recognize each other if and when they happened to meet. All the other cells in the group that you belonged to are your soul mates, and you will notice a strong immediate attraction and recognition whenever you meet them.
Soul mates meet each other when the time is right. It may seem unfair when one person meets his or her soul mate at the age of, say, twenty, while someone else has to wait another forty or fifty years. I was fortunate enough to meet my soul mate at the age of twenty, and we have been married now for more than forty years.
However, an old school friend of mine married twice and had a string of unhappy relationships before finally meeting his soul mate at the age of fifty-eight.
“I envied you,” he told me. “I just didn’t seem to get it right. However, it finally worked out, and in many ways I’m grateful for all of my previous relationships. I made lots of mistakes, and learned from each one. I can really appreciate my soul mate now. If I’d met her thirty years ago, I’d probably have lost her again because of my immaturity and self-centeredness.”
Obviously, the universe waited until my friend was ready before allowing him to meet his soul mate. Consequently, you’ll need to remain patient if you’re still waiting for your soul mate to appear. You, and your soul mate, may have a number of things that have to be resolved before you can get together. Remember that there are a number of soul mates waiting for you, and when the time is right, you’ll finally meet.
Twin Souls
The concept of soul mates dates back thousands of years. In his Symposium, Plato wrote that people had been looking for their soul mate ever since Zeus cut them in half. In his mythical story, Plato tells of a world that contained men, women, and people who were both male and female. Plato told how humans began discussing how they could climb up to heaven and replace the gods. Not surprisingly, the gods were upset when they heard this, and discussed what they should do. The simplest solution was to destroy humankind. Fortunately, Zeus came up with a better idea. He suggested cutting all the people in half. This would, he said, immediately double the number of people making offerings to the gods. It would also weaken the people and prevent them from carrying out their plan.
The gods agreed, and all the people were divided into two. Naturally, the people were upset, and Zeus decided to enable each half to enjoy intercourse with their opposite, symbolically creating a whole. As a result, the males sought other males, the females other females, and the people who had been both male and female also sought their other half.
The concept of twin souls dates back to this story. Your twin soul is your other half, dating from when we were all whole. Although the term twin souls is mentioned frequently, it is most unlikely that you’ll meet your twin soul in this incarnation. This is because your twin soul comes into your life when you are both experiencing your final lifetime on this earth plane.
A twin soul relationship is a perfect one in every way, because you connect on the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and soul levels. You can imagine how incredible this must be when you think that most relationships begin when the partners meet on two levels, and in many relationships there is no connection on any level. You will experience this incredible joy one day, but that day may be many incarnations from now. In the meantime, though, you can experience a deeply rewarding, fulfilling, and joyful relationship with one of your soul mates.
William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet is a good fictional example of a soul mate relationship. However, you don’t have to look far to find true examples of soul mate relationships. One of my favorites, as it involves two poets I love, concerns Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Robert Browning (1812–1889) was thirty-three years old when he met Elizabeth Barrett (1806–1861). She was six years older than him, and looked much older than her years. At the time they met, she was bedridden and was looked after by her pious father, who said lengthy prayers at her bedside every night and forbade her from ever marrying. Robert and Elizabeth corresponded for four months before she consented to meet him. She was a recluse and was concerned about the effect her appearance would have on him.
The initial meeting went well, and on the following day Robert wrote her a letter saying that he hoped he hadn’t offended her or stayed too long. One day later, he wrote her another letter proclaiming his love.
The relationship developed with daily exchanges of letters that gradually became less formal and more intimate. Before long, Robert was writing to “My own, dearest love.” After she told him the sad story of her brother’s death by drowning, Robert wrote: “Let me say now—this only once—that I loved you from my soul, and gave you my life.”1
Because her father was adamant that she should never marry, Elizabeth and Robert were forced to elope. After their marriage, they settled in Florence, Italy, and focused on their writing careers. Their son, Robert Barrett Browning, who later became a well-known sculptor, was born in 1849. One year later, Elizabeth’s most famous work, Sonnets from the Portuguese, was published. This book of sonnets proclaims her love and devotion to her husband. It was written during their two-year courtship, but she did not present it to him until three years after their wedding. Robert’s pet name for Elizabeth was “Little Portuguese.” This was because she had written a poem called “Catarina to Camoens,” which contained the feelings of a dying Portuguese girl for her absent lover.
Sonnets from the Portuguese includes her most famous sonnet, which describes the intense love and devotion she felt for Robert:
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Elizabeth died in 1861, and Robert returned to London, where he continued his career. He died in 1889 and was buried in Westminster Abbey. Two years after his death, two volumes of the letters Robert and Elizabeth wrote to each other were published. They demonstrate conclusively the incredible love they had for each other.
Some writers have asked how an attractive and popular thirty-three-year-old poet, with a wide circle of female friends, could instantly fall in love with a bedridden invalid several years older than himself. Elizabeth delayed the meeting because of concerns about her appearance, but Robert’s soul instantly fell in love with her soul, as they had been together in many previous incarnations.
Their love story has been retold many times. The famous play The Barretts of Wimpole Street by Rudolf Besier is just one example.
Clara and Robert Schumann are also a good example of a soul mate relationship. Robert Schumann (1810–1856), the famous German composer and pianist, met Clara Wieck (1819–1896), the daughter of his piano teacher, when she was just nine years old. Clara’s father disapproved of their friendship and did everything in his power to prevent their relationship from developing. Robert first proposed to Clara when she was fifteen, and three years later, when Clara was eighteen, the couple took Clara’s father to court to receive permission to wed. Robert and Clara married in 1840, and Robert Schumann’s creativity blossomed as a result. Over the next few years, he composed his best-known works.
However, a shadow was hanging over them. Within a few years of their marriage, Robert started showing signs of mental illness. He was forced to resign his professorship at Leipzig Conservatory. In 1854, he tried to commit suicide by jumping into the Rhine River and was placed in a mental asylum. Clara was forced to go on concert tours to earn enough money to support their family of seven children. Robert wrote to her every day but was not allowed to see her, as it was thought it would make his illness worse. Finally, after almost two and a half years, Clara persuaded his doctors to let her visit. She wrote in her diary: “He smiled at me and put his arm round me with great difficulty, for he had almost lost all control of his limbs. Never shall I forget that moment. I would not give that embrace for all the treasures on earth.”2 Twenty-four hours later, he died.
Robert Schumann had pleaded with her to marry their mutual friend Johannes Brahms, but she refused to do so. She spent the rest of her life composing and teaching.
The story of Robert and Clara is a desperately sad one. They were obviously brought together to enable them to learn some powerful karmic lessons. In the process, they composed some of the most beautiful music that has ever been written.
In many cases, soul mates share the same ray. However, this does not always occur, as soul mates come together for many purposes. Soul mate relationships always provide opportunities for both people to grow and develop. Consequently, someone on the first ray (willpower, forceful, dogmatic) may well be a soul mate of someone on the fourth ray (charm, harmony, reconciliation). In this example, the person on the first ray may need to learn how to sway others without being overly demanding, while the partner might need to learn to stand up for him- or herself. Seemingly unlikely combinations enable both partners to learn valuable lessons.
Because these lessons are sometimes painful, it’s important to love and nurture your soul. We’ll look at that in the next chapter.