NATE DIDN’T COME BACK THAT night, so I managed to sleep without scaring the crap out of Nico by screaming or crying in the middle of the night.
So I guess that was something.
But I felt stupid and awkward about trying to be friends with Nico, so we didn’t really say anything to each other after the alarm clock woke us up. We got dressed in silence. Nico put his Pine Mountain disguise back on in order to blend in with all the other boys who looked exactly alike, so he could come to breakfast with me. Well, not with me, because it wasn’t like we were friends or anything. Then we left Sam Abernathy alone so he could shower or poop, or do his TSE, all of which were things I never, ever wanted to think about the Abernathy doing ever again.
After we picked up our food in the cafeteria, I saw Annie and Isabel sitting together, so we joined them. For some reason, I couldn’t keep my eyes off Isabel.
“Ryan Dean, are you blushing?” Annie asked.
“What? Uh. No?”
To be honest, just thinking about Isabel and that jerkoff JP Tureau having actual sex made me feel extremely flustered, so, yes, I was blushing. But I said, “It just feels really hot in here.”
Then I slipped my finger inside my necktie and tugged it loose.
Nico said good morning to the girls, and I watched as they both cast big baby-seal love eyes at him. Damn. Why’d he have to be so good looking and perfect? And why couldn’t we be friends? That really sucked.
“Did you guys have fun last night?” Isabel asked.
I realized that everything Isabel ever said to me from that moment on would forever sound like she was talking about having sex. I was burning with jealousy, because I liked Isabel, and also because Annie and I hadn’t quite done it yet, and thinking about it was driving me crazy.
Nico shrugged. “Yeah. I had fun.”
And I touched Annie’s thigh and added, “Seanie’s letting me ride with you to the airport today. Then I’m going to catch a bus back from Beaverton.”
“Why don’t you just stay at Seanie’s?” Annie asked.
I shook my head. That would never happen. “His parents make me go to church. It could get ugly. I wouldn’t want to spontaneously combust in the pews next to all those Christian folk.”
Then—score!—Annie blushed. She must have thought I was talking about how we had fooled around together on our detour during the “run” and committed the Sin of Onan, for which we both should be smitten.
Nico nodded, “That’s considerate of you.”
“Yeah,” I said. “No fifteen-year-old dude wants to be smitten.”
Then Nico said, “But you really don’t need to ride all that way to Pacific City with us just to see me off. It’s cool of Seanie to offer the ride. I’ll be fine, bro.”
Ugh. Broed over breakfast. And Nico was kind of making it clear that we’d probably never even talk to each other again. I don’t even know why he came out to Pine Mountain in the first place. Whatever. I hoped that maybe, somehow, he might have felt better about Joey and the school, and the people who loved his brother. So good for you, Nico.
Bro.
I noticed Spotted John and Seanie sitting together at an empty table. And I could tell by how Spotted John was looking at Seanie that something really was going on between those two. I was kind of happy for both of them, even if Seanie Flaherty had to be the highest-maintenance boyfriend on the planet.
I said, “Excuse me for a second. I need to go tell Seanie something.”
And Seanie Flaherty looked awkwardly embarrassed and creeped out when I came over and sat down next to him at the table with Spotted John Nygaard. This was a new thing, in so many ways. First, Seanie was always the guy making everyone else feel creeped out; and, second, I could really, really tell there was something “new” going on between Seanie and Spotted John.
I put my arm around Seanie’s shoulders.
So Seanie just dropped his eyes down and stared into his swirling bowl of Frosted Flakes as he stirred and stirred. It was gross, because when he did that, I could see the bald spot and the stitches in his scalp.
“Hey, Seanie. Hey, John,” I said in my cheerful-and-everything-is-completely-normal voice, not that everything wasn’t completely normal—it’s just that Seanie Flaherty was always wound up so tight.
“Hi, Ryan Dean,” Spotted John said.
“Hey, dude,” Seanie said.
I looked at Spotted John, then I looked at Seanie. “Can I just say something? No. Can I say two things?”
“Counting what you just asked?” Seanie said.
“No. So, okay, maybe three or four things,” I said. “Better yet, let’s not count. I don’t have a math class this year.”
Spotted John said, “Go for it, Snack-Pack Senior.”
“Okay. Look, I’m not the guy who goes around posting stuff like Internet pictures of my friends while they’re passed out in their underwear. I’m not someone who gives up personal details or gossips about other dudes behind their backs. You guys know that about me.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Spotted John asked.
“Those pictures of you were kind of hot, Ryan Dean,” Seanie said.
Now, that sounded like something the old Seanie would have said. And the new Seanie too, come to think of it.
“Yeah. Whatever. Well, what I mean is—I’m glad if you two have something going on. That’s really cool.”
Seanie brightened a bit and looked up from his cereal bowl. “Okay. Thanks, dude. So Annie never told you about me?”
I shook my head. “Annie’s not like that either.”
“She was the first straight person I came out to. Then I told JP, which is why you don’t really see us hanging out together anymore.”
“Yeah. JP. What a stud,” I said.
“I thought it wouldn’t matter. We’ve been friends for so long.”
“Whatever,” I said. “Just remember what Mrs. Blyleven would tell you guys.”
“What?” Spotted John said. “About putting my penis in a vacuum cleaner?”
“Well, she would be proud of you for remembering Commandment Nine, John. And using the word ‘penis’ as opposed to ‘something else.’ ” I made air quotes when I said “penis” and “something else.” “But I was thinking more about her advice against hooking up, as opposed to building a healthy and equitable, consensual relationship.”
“Ryan Dean?” Seanie asked.
“What?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Um. Okay. That’s probably a good idea. But I am happy for you guys, anyway.”
“Whatever,” Seanie said.
“Also, I don’t think I should ride with you today when you drive Nico back to Pacific City. I don’t think he likes me very much.”
“How much did you want him to like you?” Spotted John asked.
I shook my head. “No. Just no, John.”
Then Seanie said, “Dude, I don’t really want to go either. I was thinking I’d really just like to stay here at PM this weekend.”
Of course.
I got it. Cotton Balls would be leaving for home. Spotted John always stayed at Pine Mountain on the weekends. Seanie and Spotted John could do whatever they wanted to, which I kind of didn’t really want to think about ever again. And then Immature and Selfish Ryan Dean West thought, It really sucks how easy it is for two guys to fool around here, when me and Annie have to freeze our balls off in that goddamned creek. Well, not Annie’s balls. But . . . um . . . you know.
“Well, what about Annie? She’s counting on you to drive her to the airport.”
Seanie sighed and looked at Spotted John. Yeah, they definitely had A THING going on, and I was a little jealous. Not of Seanie or Spotted John, but I was jealous. Again.
Bastards.
“Why don’t you drive?” Seanie said.
“What?”
“Take my car. You know how to drive, right?”
Immature and Selfish Ryan Dean West made certain I didn’t hesitate before answering. “Yeah, of course I can drive, Seanie.”
It wasn’t a total lie. Well, to be honest, it pretty much was a total lie. But I’d been in cars lots of times and I’d watched people—people who actually knew how to drive—drive. So, how hard could it be?
“Just don’t fuck up my car,” Seanie said.
I was already starting to get scared thinking about driving, and thinking about fucking up Seanie’s very expensive car. But Immature and Selfish Ryan Dean West was thinking about tricking Nico into drinking lots and lots of water and coffee, then ditching Nico at a pee stop so Immature and Selfish Ryan Dean West could have actual sex with Annie in the backseat of Seanie’s Land Rover. Immature and Selfish Ryan Dean West was already crafting his hey-Annie-I-think-you-should-bring-those-condoms-your-mom-gave-you-to-the-airport speech.
“Dude, I’m a really good driver.”
Immature and Selfish Ryan Dean West, who only took his flight plans from Copilot Two, was in total control of everything now.
Seanie dug around in his pocket and then pulled out the key fob for his car. My hand shook slightly when I took it from him. That nervousness must have been the last shred of Mature and Responsible Ryan Dean West surrendering to the inevitable and deplaning Ryan Dean West Airlines before departure.
“Thanks, dude. I’ll see you when I get back.”
I wished I could just ditch classes and leave on the spot.
And Seanie said, “Just tell Annie and Nico that I feel dizzy from the concussion and I better stay in bed this weekend.”
Did he really just say he wanted to spend the weekend in bed?
“Um,” I said.
Seanie turned pale and put his face in his hands. “Just please forget I ever said that, Ryan Dean.”
I snatched up the key and stood up. “Said what, Seanie?”
And then I high-fived Spotted John, who immediately added, “This counts as only one of the favors you owe me, Snack-Pack Senior.”
“Deal,” I said.
Now, how the fuck was I supposed to drive halfway across the state of Oregon?
Oh well; I could figure that small detail out when I needed to.