Chapter 3

Getting Started: Gathering Your Tools

In This Chapter

Measuring your stress

Keeping tabs on your stressors

Staying out of your own way

As that Chinese proverb says, “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” You’ve taken that initial step by reading this book. So far, so good. But taking that first step isn’t very helpful if it’s in the wrong direction. On any long trip, you want to have a pretty good idea of where you’re going and to make sure you have the right equipment to get you there. The same wisdom holds true as you begin your journey on the road to becoming your own stress manager. You want to begin with the proper gear — an accurate road map, a good compass, and the right attitudes (and maybe a light lunch).

This chapter gives you the important tools you need to become aware of your stress and to understand where stress comes from and what it looks like. I help you measure your stress and identify your stress triggers. I also show you how to create a stress journal, which helps you pinpoint more specifically when and where you’re stressed. These insights become important as you add tools and strategies to your repertoire to help you manage, reduce, and even eliminate much of your stress.

How Stressed Are You? Finding Ways to Measure Your Stress Level

Certainly, one of the first steps in mastering your stress is knowing just how stressed you are. But measuring stress is a trickier business than you may think. Part of the difficulty stems from the multifaceted nature of stress. That is, stress is both a stimulus and a response; it’s what’s on your plate and how you react to what’s on your plate. Unfortunately, your doctor can’t just hook you up to a machine and measure your stress level as easily as she does your blood pressure or heart rate, even though stress can manifest itself as various biochemical and physiological changes in your body. So how exactly do you measure your stress level? The following sections show you some relatively easy ways to identify and quantify just how stressed you are.

Starting with a simple gut check

Oddly enough, one of the best ways to measure your stress is asking yourself this simple question:

“How much stress am I currently feeling?”

In an age of high-tech, computer-driven, digitally monitored gadgets and gear, this lowest-of-low tech gauge may seem like a joke. Yet it really is an incredibly useful way of assessing your stress level. This subjective measure of your stress has some advantages. One, it measures those aspects of your stress — anxiety, anger, muscle tension, or whatever — that you feel truly reflect your stress. Two, it’s sensitive to the ways in which your stress level can change from day to day and even from moment to moment.

If you don’t trust your own judgment, ask someone who knows you well to tell you how stressed you seem. Your spouse, sibling, and best friend may have a better handle on your distress level than you think. They see sides of you that you may miss.

Using a stress gauge

To help you put a number on your stress level (and to give this approach the appearance of technological sophistication), I suggest you use a simple ten-point scale (shown in Figure 3-1) that permits you to calibrate your level of stress in a more quantitative way.

Illustration by Wiley, Composition Services Graphics

Figure 3-1: A simple ten-point scale can help you quantify your stress level.

So right now, you may say to yourself, “I’m feeling a little five-ish.” This morning when you were stuck in major traffic, you probably would’ve described your stress level as a seven.

You can get the hang of using this scale quickly. It is a handy tool for you to have as you master many of the stress-management tools presented in this book.

Measuring your stress in other ways

In order to get a more complete picture of your overall stress, a more objective measure of your stress level may be useful. Sometimes you experience stress but aren’t aware of it. That’s when a questionnaire may be appropriate. What follows are two such measures that provide you with valid and reliable measures of your stress level.

If you aren’t in a test-taking mood right now, you can skip this section and come back to it later. But don’t skip it entirely. These measures are useful in helping you understand your stress better. Also, if you retake these scales from time to time, your scores can tell you how well you’re doing as you master the various stress-management techniques and strategies in this book.

The stress-symptom scale

This index gives you a measure of your stress level by looking at the number and the severity of your stress-related symptoms and behaviors. To use this measure, simply rate the frequency with which you’ve experienced each of the listed items during the last two weeks. Use this helpful rating scale:

0 = Never

1 = Sometimes

2 = Often

3 = Very often

Fatigue or tiredness	_____
Pounding heart	_____
Rapid pulse	_____
Increased perspiration	_____
Rapid breathing	_____
Aching neck or shoulders	_____
Low back pain	_____
Gritted teeth or clenched jaw	_____
Hives or skin rash	_____
Headaches	_____
Cold hands or feet	_____
Tightness in chest	_____
Nausea	_____
Diarrhea or constipation	_____
Stomach discomfort	_____
Nail biting	_____
Twitches or tics	_____
Difficulty swallowing or dry mouth	_____
Colds or flu	_____
Lack of energy	_____
Overeating	_____
Feelings of helplessness or hopelessness	_____
Excessive drinking	_____
Excessive smoking	_____
Excessive spending	_____
Excessive drug or medication use	_____
Upset feeling	_____
Feelings of nervousness or anxiety	_____
Increased irritability	_____
Worrisome thoughts	_____
Impatience	_____
Feelings of depression	_____
Loss of sexual interest	_____
Feelings of anger	_____
Sleep difficulties	_____
Forgetfulness	_____
Racing or intrusive thoughts	_____
Restless feelings	_____
Difficulty concentrating	_____
Periods of crying	_____
Frequent absences from work	_____
Your total stress-symptom score	_____

You compare your scores on the stress-symptom survey with the scores of others who complete this scale. No, I’m not saying you have to flag down passersby and make them take the test so you have scores to compare; you can use the handy chart in Table 3-1 instead. The higher your score, the more stress symptoms you’re reporting. A higher frequency and/or intensity of stress-related symptoms and behaviors is generally associated with higher levels of stress.

Table 3-1 Determining Your Stress Rating

Your Score	Your Comparative Rating
0–19	Lower than average
20–39	Average
40–49	Moderately higher than average
50 and above	Much higher than average

Many of the symptoms and behaviors in this list can result from factors other than stress. Many medical conditions and disorders can have the same symptoms as those seen under conditions of stress. If any of your symptoms persist and/or are worrisome, be sure to speak with a medical professional. Your health-care provider is in the best position to tell you what your symptoms mean and what you should do about them.

The stressor-identification scale

This scale helps you not only assess the amount of stress you’re experiencing now but also identify where that stress is coming from. Items in the scale include major life changes, important issues, and worries and concerns that you may be experiencing now. Use this simple scale to help you quantify how much stress the listed categories give you:

N = No stress

S = Some stress

M = Moderate stress

G = Great stress

Conflicts or concerns about your marriage or relationship	_____
Concerns or worries about your children	_____
Concerns or worries about your parents	_____
Pressures from other family members/in-laws	_____
Death of a loved one	_____
Health problems or worries	_____
Financial worries	_____
Concerns related to work/career	_____
Long or difficult commute to work	_____
Change in where you’re living or will live	_____
Concerns with current residence or neighborhood	_____
Household responsibilities	_____
Home improvements or repairs	_____
Balancing demands of work and family	_____
Relationships with friends	_____
Limited personal time	_____
Concerns with social life	_____
Concerns with your appearance	_____
Issues with your personal traits or habits	_____
Boredom	_____
Feelings of loneliness	_____
Feelings about growing old	_____

Note that this scale isn’t designed to provide you with a quantitative measure of your overall stress level. Rather, it’s a tool that helps you pinpoint specific stresses in your life and assess the impact each may be having on your life at the present time. It’s an index of what’s on your plate.

Monitoring Your Stress with a Stress Journal

Hopefully, using the measurement tools in the preceding sections gives you a better picture of just how much stress you’re currently experiencing. The next tool you need is one that both shows you what’s triggering your stress right now and measures your ongoing stress level: a stress journal.

A stress journal or stress log is one of the more useful items you can carry in your tool belt. To effectively manage your stress, you need to become aware of when you’re feeling stressed and be able to identify the sources of that stress. A stress journal can help you do just that by showing you very specifically when you experience stress and pinpointing the situations or circumstances that trigger those stresses. Your journal acts as a cue or prompt, reminding you that you should take some action and use one or more of the stress-management tools you’ve mastered. By keeping a longer-term record of your daily stress, you’re in the best position to formulate a comprehensive stress-management program that can integrate various stress-reducing strategies and tactics.

Maintaining a stress journal as you read various parts of this book helps you focus your efforts and acts as a reminder that your stress needs tending to. Even after you complete your stress-management program, you should still monitor your stress on an ongoing (but perhaps less frequent) basis.

Make your journal small and compact enough that you can carry it with you. I find that using a small notebook works well. Your journal’s form and format are less important than the fact that you use it on a regular basis. If you’re a high-tech kind of person, you can work your stress journal into your laptop, smartphone, or tablet. You can find apps that make your record-keeping easier.

Knowing how to record your stress

Here’s what someone’s stress log may look like on a Wednesday morning:

Day: Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Time	My Stress Trigger (Importance Level)	My Stress (Stress Level)
7:45 a.m.	Couldn’t find my keys (2)	Annoyed, upset (4)
9:30 a.m.	Subway stalled for ten minutes (1)	Annoyed (3)
11:30 a.m.	Mail came; big credit-card bill (6	Upset, worried (8)
12:30 p.m.	Given a deadline for project (4)	Worried, anxious (8)

The following sections walk you through the four steps you need to make your journal as useful as possible, with each day on a separate page.

Step 1: Write down what’s stressing you

In the “My Stress Trigger” column, write down exactly what is triggering your stress. It may be an event, a situation, an encounter, or a problem. Be sure to also note the (approximate) time in the “Time” column.

Be brief in your trigger descriptions. You don’t need to relive the event; you just want to record that it happened. For example:

“I was so annoyed because I thought I had left my keys on the hall table. They weren’t there, and I had no idea where they were! What a pain! This is the third time this month this has happened. I need a brain transplant!”

becomes

“Couldn’t find my keys!”

Or consider this potentially stressful trigger:

“I was so upset when I got that flat tire on my way to the bowling alley. This was our big night. We were in contention. We could win the team title. That is, if Mable shows up. She’s the real star.”

becomes

“Flat tire on way to bowling!”

Similarly,

“OMG, my mortgage payment is overdue! Heck, where am I going to come up with the money?”

becomes

“Need mortgage money!”

Step 2: Rate the relative importance of the stressor

Next to your stressor description, rate the relative importance of that stressor on a ten-point scale like this one in Figure 3-2.

Illustration by Wiley, Composition Services Graphics

Figure 3-2: A ten-point scale can help you figure out the relative importance of what is causing your stress.

To help you get the feel of the scale, think of major life stressors that could happen or have happened to you — the death of a loved one, a major financial loss, a life-threatening illness, the loss of your job, chronic pain, and so on. These major, life-altering events are your eights, nines, and tens.

More moderate stressors may include breaking your leg, losing your wallet, having your car break down on the highway, and so on. Big deals, but not catastrophes. These are your fours, fives, sixes, and sevens.

Your ones, twos, and threes are the everyday hassles: being late for a movie, getting caught in the rain with no umbrella, encountering a rude clerk, and so on.

Be careful here. You aren’t rating how stressed you were about these events and situations; you’re just rating their objective importance as a life stressor. So even if you go absolutely ballistic and sulk for days when your favorite team loses a game, the trigger “losing a game” is still only a one or two in life. (Okay, if it’s a play-off game, maybe a three.)

Step 3: Write down what your stress looked like and rate your distress level

In the “My Stress” column, describe what your stress response looked like. Look at your emotional responses — worried, anxious, upset, fearful, angry, and so on.

Now rate the level of your distress about the stress trigger. Use a ten-point scale like the one in Figure 3-3.

Illustration by Wiley, Composition Services Graphics

Figure 3-3: This scale can help you determine how much a particular stress trigger distresses you.

Knowing when to record your stress

Now that you have the format down, you need to use it.

What I don’t want to do is add more stress to your already-stressful life. Make keeping your journal easy so that you’re more likely to keep it up. Keep in mind that you don’t have to record every single stressor in your day. A few of the more important and/or recurring ones will do.

Note when you’re feeling stressed by becoming aware of negative emotional changes. Anxiety, worry, shame, upset, fear, and anger are usually a tip-off that you’re feeling stressed.

You don’t have to record your stressors at the exact time they occur. However, the sooner you make the entry, the more likely it will be that you recall what occurred and how stressed you were about that occurrence. Making the entry later in your day is still better than not making an entry at all.

Facing Roadblocks

If you recall your last attempt at losing a few pounds or getting rid of all the clutter in your house, you may recognize that good intentions don’t always guarantee success. Almost always, you encounter one or two roadblocks. But being aware of potential obstacles in your path and figuring out ways of avoiding them makes reaching your goal more likely.

Here are some of the more commonly experienced roadblocks (whether your goal is managing stress, cutting clutter, or whatever) and some ways to help you avoid them:

I don’t have time.

I’m too busy.

I have too much stuff to learn.

It’s too much work.

It’s not my cup of tea.

I tried it once and it didn’t work.

Each of these excuses contains at least a grain of truth. But each of them can act as a roadblock, slowing or stopping you from getting the most out of your stress management efforts. In the following sections, I give you some ideas and suggestions to help you get around these potential obstacles.

Take it a step at a time

Learning any new skill takes time. The trick is not to tackle everything at once but rather to spread your learning out over time. Start slowly; don’t overwhelm yourself. Set aside 15 or 20 minutes in your day and practice one of the methods or techniques in this book. It may be on your way to work in the morning, during a coffee break, on your lunch hour, or after work when you come home.

Give it a try

A few of the approaches in this book may feel a tad foreign and not immediately comfortable. Yet, with a little getting used to, these techniques may be the very ones you routinely use later on. You may not think, for example, that the breathing exercises are your thing, but you may be pleasantly surprised to find them wonderfully calming and relaxing. Many years ago, when I first began exploring various stress-management methods, I felt lukewarm about meditation as a relaxation tool. Now I swear by it. Hey, you never know. Keep an open mind. Give everything at least one good try.

Accept your different strokes

Although being open-minded about relaxation techniques is important, you ultimately need to put together a package of tools that reflects your personality and lifestyle. No two people are exactly alike. One size rarely fits all. For one person, the picture of ideal relaxation may be lying on a beach in the Caribbean with a page-turner in one hand and a piña colada in the other. For someone else, this scenario may trigger some an eye-rolling “Do I have to?” His or her idea of a relaxing vacation may be visiting every museum that’s open. The general rule is, if you aren’t comfortable with a technique or strategy, you’re less likely to make it a part of your life. If meditation doesn’t do anything for you, that’s fine; move on to something that does.

Practice to make perfect

Most of the methods and techniques presented in these pages require some practice before you can master them. Even though you can pick them up pretty quickly at an intellectual level, you need to spend some time repeating them to truly reap their benefits. Don’t give up too easily. Learning to ride a bike, drive a car, and play tennis all take time. Why should discovering how to manage the stress in your life be worth less time and effort?

Find a quiet place

You need a place to do all this practicing. Hopefully, you can find one that’s relatively quiet and relaxing, at least for a short period of time. Given the realities of your life, your quiet place may have to be a setting that is far from ideal. Your office — when the door is shut — may work for you. You can also try your bedroom at home, or your car when you’re stopped in traffic or commuting to work.

Link up

Listening to audio instructions can be a marvelous way to learn and practice many of the relaxation and stress-reducing exercises presented in this book.

Go to www.dummies.com/extras/stressmanagement to access a free guided relaxation that you can download to your computer or mobile device.

Get a stress buddy

Doing something by yourself can be hard. Losing weight, going to the gym, and stopping smoking are all easier when you do them with a friend. The same holds true for stress management. See if you can interest a friend in joining you. Your stress buddy can gently prod you to practice and put your new skills into daily use.

Don’t expect overnight results

You’ve spent years creating your stress-producing styles and patterns. Fortunately, changing these patterns takes a lot less time, but it still takes some time. You need to change your behaviors and thinking, not to mention modify your lifestyle and work style. You get there step by step. See yourself as being part of a program that looks at your daily encounters and experiences as opportunities for growth and change.