Chapter 16
Maintaining a Stress-Resilient Lifestyle
In This Chapter
Building in stress management
Insulating yourself from stress
Getting involved
Learning to have fun
Managing your stress is a little like managing your weight. In the beginning, you’re enthusiastic and, with much gusto and determination, you start dropping those pounds. Weeks (or maybe only days) later, your enthusiasm begins to wane. You’re even gaining back any weight you may have lost.
Your attempts at stress reduction can easily fall victim to the same fate. Staying motivated and finding the time to practice your stress-management skills is not that easy. You may also find that, even though you now have the right tools, you rarely use them. This common situation is much like belonging to a health club and never going. On most days, especially your busier ones, time flies by, and you don’t consider doing anything that even slightly resembles stress management.
This chapter shows you how to avoid many of the pitfalls that often derail your attempts to manage your stress over the long haul. But there’s more: Effective stress management means more than having the right stress-reducing tools and techniques. Stress management means knowing how to balance the pressures and demands in your life with positive satisfactions, personal pleasures, and a lifestyle that insulates you from the negative effects of stress. This chapter shows you how to create that balance and how to use these positives to enhance your overall stress resilience.
Making Stress Management a Habit
One of the keys to successful stress management is turning your stress-reducing skills into habits. By integrating some bits of behavior into your daily life, you can reduce your dependence on motivation and pure grit. Think of a habit like brushing your teeth. Rarely do you ask yourself, “Do I feel like brushing my teeth today?” No, you simply brush your teeth (or at least I hope you do). This behavior — brushing your teeth — has become a habit. You repeat this behavior day in and day out, with little effort or resistance on your part. This is what you need to do with your stress-management behaviors. The following sections provide some suggestions for making stress management a habit — one of your better ones.
Making use of found moments
Sometimes, the situation you’re in makes you a prisoner of the moment. You can’t escape. You have to be where you are, and, to make things worse, you don’t have much to do while you’re there. You may be waiting in line at the grocery store or (gasp!) at the Bureau of Motor Vehicles. Why not capitalize on these situations and turn them into opportunities to bring some stress management into your life? Sneak in a little relaxed breathing, meditation, rapid relaxation, imagery, coping self-talk, or any of the many other stress relievers I discuss in this book. Many of the stress-management methods in these chapters work quite well, even if you have only a minute or two.
Knowing where to find these moments
When to use your stress-management skills isn’t always obvious. Take a look at Table 16-1 for some potential times to use these skills, along with some suggestions of relaxation techniques you may want to use. If you want to find more detailed information on the relaxation techniques listed in the table, turn to Chapters 4 and 5.
Table 16-1 Places to Practice Your Stress-Management Skills
|
Place |
Relaxation Method to Try |
|
Sitting in a boring meeting |
Diaphragmatic breathing |
|
Riding a bus, train, or taxicab |
Guided imagery |
|
Flying in an airplane |
Meditation |
|
Riding an elevator or escalator |
Rapid relaxation |
|
Getting your hair cut |
Autogenic suggestion |
|
Sitting in the dentist’s chair |
Progressive muscle relaxation |
|
Taking a bathroom break |
Deep breathing |
|
Lying in bed, as you fall asleep |
Personal imagery |
While you’re waiting, exhale
Having to wait for somebody or something is one of the better opportunities you have to build some stress relief into your day. Rarely a day goes by in which, at some point, you don’t find yourself having to wait. Here is just a partial list of those all-too-common waiting opportunities. Try to take advantage of these opportunities in your own life.
Waiting at a stoplight
Waiting for an elevator
Waiting in traffic
Waiting for a train or bus
Waiting for the microwave to cook your food
Waiting on hold on the phone
Waiting in your doctor’s office
Waiting for a TV commercial to be over
Waiting for a file to download
Waiting in line at the supermarket
Waiting for your turn at the ATM
Waiting in line anywhere
Relaxed breathing, deep breathing, imagery, meditation, and rapid relaxation, and other “instant de-stressers,” are some of the short, fast, and effective ways of taking the edge off your stress whenever you find yourself waiting.
Using a “stress dot”
A stress dot is nothing more than a sticker to remind you to keep stress management an active part of your life. Stress dots can be useful tools in triggering your memory. To create a stress dot, look at your local office-supply store for very small circles of brightly colored sticky paper. (About 1⁄8-inch in diameter should do it.) Or you can make your own stress dots by cutting small circles out of anything with an adhesive back. Place this dot in a strategic spot, so that it becomes a cue or prompt and can signal you to do something stress-relieving.
Here are some places that may work for you:
The face of your watch
Your watchband
Your steering wheel
Your refrigerator door
Your computer
Your keyboard
Your e-reader or tablet
Your pen
Your coffee cup
Your cell phone
Your television set
A light switch
Remembering Your Ps (Prompts) and Cues
In life, sometimes you need a little reminding. You need someone or something to nudge you to do things. In your younger days, your parents probably filled this role. (And what a fine job they did!) These days, however, you may find that you have to do your own reminding. This section provides you with some ways you can remind yourself to use your new stress-management tools. All you have to do is use your stress prompts and stress cues.
The idea here is to use naturally and frequently occurring behaviors — your prompts and cues — as reminders. The sight of my front door reminds me that I need to take out my keys. Getting into a car triggers me to fasten my seatbelt. These behaviors are automatic. I don’t have to think about them much. The same principle can help you build in ways of managing your stress. Whenever you’re presented with a prompt or cue, follow it up by doing an instant de-stresser exercise — deep breathe, meditate, use some imagery or rapid relaxation, and so on.
Here are some common stress prompts and cues to get you started:
Ending a phone call
Looking at your watch
Shutting your office door
Stopping at a stop sign
Listening to your telephone messages
Turning off your computer
Turning off your TV
Turning off a light
Making an appointment with yourself
When you schedule something, you’re more likely to follow through with it. You almost always show up for appointments with your doctor, your dentist, your lawyer, your accountant, your dinner date, and the person who cuts your hair. So why not use that same principle for other things in your life, like managing your stress? Try some of the following suggestions:
Schedule regular times during the week when you will do something to manage your stress. Make Thursdays Lunch-with-a-Friend Day. Schedule Monday and Wednesday evenings as health club times.
Make your coffee break a stress break. Set aside a few minutes mid-morning and mid-afternoon to drain some of that accumulating tension from your mind and body.
Commit part of each lunch hour to some stress-reducing activity. Go to the gym or try meditating in a nearby park for 20 minutes.
Designate specific chunks of time during your week as times when you do the kinds of activities you normally wouldn’t. While these activities will be specific stress-management techniques, they can also be activities that are diverting and relaxing — listening to music, taking in a film, going for a swim, and playing squash or tennis.
Logging in once in a while
Try this suggestion for at least an entire day. On your laptop, tablet, or smartphone, or simply on an index card or scrap piece of paper, make a note of when you did something to reduce your stress. Be brief, making sure that your record-keeping doesn’t add to your existing stress level. Table 16-2 shows some sample entries.
Table 16-2 A Sample Stress-Management Log
|
Time |
Where |
What I Did |
|
9:30 a.m. |
Bedroom |
Meditated for 15 minutes |
|
10:20 a.m. |
Kitchen |
Practiced deep breathing |
|
Lunchtime |
On the street |
Did some stretching |
|
3:30 p.m. |
In the car stuck in traffic |
Did some rapid relaxation |
|
4:30 p.m. |
Waiting for the elevator |
Practiced relaxed breathing |
You get the idea. You may find that by monitoring your stress-management attempts, you’ll become more conscious of doing them and of doing them more often. Try it.
Becoming a freelance, unpaid, stress-management guru
The topic of stress frequently comes up in conversation, and if it doesn’t, you can always bring it up yourself. When you do, you may find that most people have a great interest in your stress-management activities. People will ask you how you handle your stress. Tell them. In fact, show them. One of the best ways of mastering something is by teaching it to others. Teach a friend or interested listener one or more of your favorite stress-management techniques. You’ll begin to feel somewhat proprietary about these tools and, as a result, feel more motivated to use them yourself.
Finding Your Oasis (Sand Optional)
To effectively manage your stress, you need a place where you can escape the pressures and demands of everything going on around you. In fact, you need several such places. Ideally, these should be places that are quiet, peaceful, and relaxing. These places become your oases — your places of refuge in a stress-filled world. Places like this usually aren’t that easy to come by. A wood-paneled study or a Zen garden may only be wishful figments of your imagination. The reality is, the place you use as an oasis may be your bathroom or your bedroom. But these can just as easily serve as places you retreat to when your soul needs a little peace and tranquility. Continue to add to your list of peaceful places. Your oases don’t need to be magnificent. All you need is a place where, for at least a small part of the day, you won’t be disturbed. In the following sections, I start you off with some suggestions.
Creating an inner sanctum
Try to create a space within your home that you really like to spend time in. Have at least one feel-good room or an area that is emotionally welcoming. Your private corner can be anyplace — maybe a window seat, a warm kitchen, an inviting bedroom, or a cozy study — where you can close a door and feel hidden away from it all, where you feel unhurried and unhassled. This place is your inner sanctum, a space within a space to which you can retreat when the world outside feels less than hospitable, a place where you can sit, read, write, think, meditate, or just daydream. Designate this space as somewhere that you don’t worry, pay bills, answer the phone, or do anything else that could even remotely increase your level of stress. The rewards of having a quiet retreat are immense.
Taking a bath
The bathroom may be the only room in your house where you feel like you can lock the door and be alone. One of the many things you can do in a bathroom is take a bath. A hot bath is a wonderful place to relax and totally let go. Stretched out and surrounded by warmth, in a bath you can give yourself permission to relax. Adding some Epsom salts or essential oils can make your bath even more pleasurable, especially if you’re feeling tense or achy. Introducing some soft lighting, gentle music, and a soothing drink can make this place feel like heaven.
Enjoying a walk in the park
Most communities have wonderful parks where you can stroll aimlessly, taking in the activity around you or becoming lost in your own thoughts and images. In the larger parks, you can often find yourself quite alone, one of the few places where there is no one else around. But the park doesn’t have to be large. Some are no more than a small patch of grass, a few trees, and a bench or two. When I can, I find that walking through the park on my way to my office or coming home after work is a wonderful way of mellowing out and disassociating from my busy day.
Jogging, bicycling, or inline skating in the park are great ways of combining exercise with a sense of solitude. You can bring headphones or, better yet, simply enjoy being alone with your thoughts.
Seeking sanctuary
We tend to think of houses of worship as religious sanctuaries, places for prayer. And, of course, they are. But churches and temples can also be visited for non-religious forms of expression. You can reflect, meditate, or simply lose yourself in reverie. They are quiet and often softly lit — ideal settings in which to be alone. Many churches and temples are quite majestic and sweeping in their architecture, inspiring and revitalizing even the most tired spirit. And, except for during midnight mass and Yom Kippur, your chances of finding an empty pew are excellent.
Becoming a lobbyist
Many hotels, especially some of the older ones, are wonderful buildings that can be a treat to spend time in. You won’t be alone here, but chances are you won’t be bothered. Although many people are coming and going, don’t be surprised if you find a comfortable chair situated in a relatively quiet part of the lobby.
Losing yourself in the shelves
Bookstores, especially the larger ones, can be marvelous places to sit, write, and escape the pressures all around you. I consider my local bookstore my personal library. It’s a great place to escape to a quieter mode. The catch? It can be a madhouse on weekends. On good days, however, the unhurried, not crowded floors, lined with wonderful books, become an inviting setting to which you can retreat.
And don’t forget the public libraries. Libraries, especially the larger ones, are great places to spend an hour or more in relative solitude. Large tables, vast spaces, and enforced quiet all contribute to an ideal place to work, think, and imagine.
Accentuating the Positive(s) with Stress Buffers
When you think of reducing your stress, most often you think of ways of eliminating, or at least minimizing, the negatives in your life. Get rid of as many of those unpleasant pressures and demands as you can, and your life will be much less stressful. However, creating a lifestyle that is truly stress-resilient means not only eliminating the negatives but also finding and building in positive sources of satisfaction and pleasure that compensate for the negatives you haven’t been able to eliminate. I call these your stress buffers. They include a wide range of activities, involvements, and commitments that bring positive feelings to your life.
One of the keys to creating a stress-resilient lifestyle is living more than a one-dimensional life. This means looking at your lifestyle and figuring out what’s missing. Complete the following quiz to determine whether your lifestyle is providing you with the stress buffers that are important in helping you resist the negative effects of stress. Respond to the following statements with “very much,” “so-so,” or “not really”:
I have family I can rely on when I need to.
I have friends I can talk to when problems arise.
I have friends I enjoy spending time with.
I have hobbies and/or interests I enjoy.
I look forward to certain activities during the week.
I get satisfaction from the work I do.
I find my life satisfying and involving.
My spiritual beliefs give me support and comfort.
I enjoy meeting new people.
I like trying new things.
I take a vacation regularly.
I enjoy nature and the outdoors.
I frequently do things that are fun.
I have an adequate income.
I do things for others who are less fortunate.
The following sections discuss various stress buffers and show you how they can help you lead a more fulfilling, multi-dimensional life.
Connecting with Others
Having people in your life you can talk to, complain to, cry with, and laugh with — not to mention go see a movie with — represents an important stress buffer in your life. Connecting with family members and friends becomes one of the more important ways you can insulate yourself from stress and strengthen your ability to cope.
Family: The ties that bind
Although at times your family may seem like the source of much of your stress, for most people, family members can be an important source of caring and emotional support. After all, few other people in your life know you as well and stand by your side when the chips are down. Being with family and sharing memories of times past can provide you with a sense of being part of something larger, something that feels warm and comforting. Family events such as birthdays, anniversaries, marriages, christenings, and bar and bat mitzvahs all bring with them a sense of repeated experience and family reunion and provide you with a sense of emotional connectedness that can buffer you from stress.
However, as you well know, maintaining family ties and holding on to those good feelings takes some effort. Make the time to be with those you care about. Work at making these relationships positive and satisfying. It’s worth it.
Some research data verifies what seems intuitively true — that being in a good marriage can have stress-reducing benefits. A study conducted by Pamela Jackson, Ph.D., a sociologist at Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana, found that, in supportive marriages, the amount of stress experienced by spouses in troubling times was significantly less than that reported by individuals in less-supportive relationships. These individuals were less likely to become depressed when their lives became highly stressful. Other research supports these findings. It appears that being in a harmonious marriage results in fewer psychological and biological signs of stress.
You need a Monica, a Rachel, or a Chandler
When you ask people what they value most in life, near the top of that list, right under family, is friends. Most of us regret, or will come to regret, that we neglect our friendships at the expense of other, often less-rewarding activities. We wish we had spent more time with friends, called them more often, and worked harder to maintain and nurture our friendships.
Your friendships are probably your most important stress buffers. Friends provide company for you, bring you pleasure, and help relieve feelings of loneliness. Good friends listen to your problems, give you guidance, and support you emotionally. They are your therapists.
People with a strong social support system report experiencing less stress and are better able to cope with the stress they do feel. Studies show that friendships can insulate you from the effects of stress.
Having friends can lower your blood pressure, improve your immune system, and even increase your life span. In one research study of some 7,000 women conducted over 17 years, the researchers found that those women who had few friendships had a higher risk of dying from all kinds of cancer. Having good friends, it appeared, was even more protective than being in a marriage. Another study found that among patients with coronary heart disease, those individuals who were neither married nor had close friends were more likely to die in a five-year period than were those who were married, had a close friend, or both. It seems that having friends and family can reduce the destructive effects of stress on your body.
Doing Something, Anything
Finding satisfaction in a hobby or interest is an important way of reducing your stress. Any hobby — whether it’s collecting beer cans or stuffed animals, doing some bird-watching, or whatever else suits your fancy — can be absorbing and diverting. The fact is, it really doesn’t matter that much what you do. It’s a big mistake to reject or abandon a hobby because you think it’s unworthy or less esteemed by others. The fact that you’re doing something is what counts. Leave your ego out of it.
I have a friend who collects baseball cards. He can spot a Mickey Mantle rookie card at 30 paces. He visits the card shows, chats with the dealers and other buyers, and generally seems to have a fine old time. He looks forward to arranging his new acquisitions, merging and purging with obvious glee. Though I have little interest in collecting these cards, I must admit that I’m a little envious of the pleasure and sense of satisfaction my friend feels about these 2x3-inch colored squares of cardboard.
For him, and for countless others, having a hobby or pastime is an incredibly positive experience that provides joy and interest and acts as a stress buffer, insulating them from much of their daily worries and hassles. When you’re engrossed in a hobby or pleasurable pastime, the time seems to fly by, and, often, you’re with others who share your interest.
But what about you? Ask yourself how you spend your spare time and if any activities or involvements could add to your life.
Joining the group
Every community has groups and organizations that can put you together with like-minded people. By sharing a common interest, you establish a natural bond that can transform your relationships with others in the group from mere acquaintanceships to good friendships. Here are some groups you may want to consider joining:
Your local church or temple
Your child’s school (attend PTA meetings, be a class parent, organize a fundraiser, serve on safety patrol)
Your neighborhood association
A special interest group (a book group, a nature group, a music group, a political group, a singles group, and so on)
Learning a thing or two
You have numerous opportunities to attend classes on something you find interesting. Can’t think of where to go? Here are some suggestions:
Local universities, colleges, and community colleges, which often have non-credit continuing-education programs
The Y
Language schools
Arts and crafts schools, which offer classes on everything from scrapbooking to painting and photography
Cooking schools
Writing centers
Aerobics groups
Dance schools
Music schools
Getting in the game
Or, consider getting involved in a sport or game. Lest you’ve forgotten, here’s a short list of the more popular offerings:
Bridge
Tennis
Golf
Poker
Mah-jongg
Bowling
Lawn bowling (why not!)
Billiards
Swimming
Gymnastics
Ice skating
Baseball or softball
Basketball
Volleyball
Hockey
Bingo
Scuba diving
Where to sign up? You can start with the local Y or check out the bulletin boards at your gym. I found an equally matched tennis partner by looking at the “players wanted” board at my neighborhood tennis courts. And, of course, you can always search online.
Accomplishing something
Sometimes just getting something done is stress relieving. It doesn’t have to be big things. Small accomplishments can often produce impressive emotional payoffs. They can take the form of self-maintenance tasks, errands, or any simple chores. Here are some suggestions. You can add your own ideas.
Calling back some friends
Fixing something
Cleaning something
Going shopping
Cooking a meal
Going to the cleaners
Writing in a journal
Re-arranging your closet
Straightening a room
Getting your hair cut
Washing the dishes
Folding and putting away laundry
Taking the dog for a walk
At first blush, many of these activities may seem like work. Yet once you start and finish any of these tasks, you may be surprised at just how pleased you are and how good you feel. The trick is just jumping in and starting.
Becoming a volunteer
One of the better stress buffers is becoming a volunteer. You can start small. Help out at your local library, church, or synagogue. Help those who are housebound, or be a mentor to a child in the school system. You have no shortage of ways to help others. If you’re short on ideas, take a look at the list of volunteering suggestions in Chapter 11.
Getting a pet
Having a pet is a marvelous way of combating your stress. Convincing data shows that pets can indeed reduce your stress and serve as important sources of emotional comfort. The presence of a pet in the room can put you at ease, evoke feelings of caring and tenderness, and provide you with a companion. Pets can lower your blood pressure, make you feel more relaxed, and distract you from your own day-to-day worries and concerns. And because they don’t complain, have opinions to disagree with, or know how to operate the television remote, pets trigger less conflict and friction than do the people who live in your house. As a bonus, they can even take care of any roach or rodent problems.
Cultivating calm with gardening
How many times have you heard of a gardener going ballistic? In fact, some scientific literature documents the positive, stress-buffering effects of gardening. Gardening is now widely thought of as a form of therapeutic intervention in many medical and psychiatric settings. Author and gardener Linda Yang points out that the word “paradise” comes from the Greek “paradeisos,” meaning “private park of kings” — where peace and beauty dwell amid fruit trees and flowers.
Working in a garden can be satisfying. You can find something soothing and peaceful about potting a petunia or tending to a tomato. Why? Because you’re in control. The pace is your own, with no one telling you what you’re doing wrong or giving you a deadline. It’s just you and nature. Your garden doesn’t need to be extensive. It can be a small terrace, a shared plot of ground, an indoor herb garden in the winter months, or simply several houseplants that you water and prune. A flowerbox works well, too — the effects are the same. A few square yards of paradise can bring a large measure of tranquility to your life.
Getting in the kitchen
I’m not a particularly good cook, but I do enjoy the process. I find it involving, creative, and incredibly relaxing. Maybe it’s the kitchen or my love of eating, but I find tinkering with a recipe to be very satisfying. Baking is especially comforting because of the wonderful aromas that emanate from the oven. Eating the end result is great fun, too. Of course, this may not be the most exciting idea for you if you already spend hours in the kitchen supplying the rest of your family with sustenance. In that case, making reservations may be your idea of a good way to relieve stress.
Becoming a bookworm
Ah, the joys of a riveting pot-boiler, seething romance, or faithful classic. Reading a good book is one of the more pleasurable ways of reducing your stress. Whether you’re lying in bed, lying on the beach, or curling up in your favorite chair, reading can slow your pulse, lower your blood pressure (it’s been proved), and distract you from the cares and worries around you. Reading can transport you to another world.
But reading provides more than distraction. It can also stimulate your mind and your imagination. It can enrich your experience, giving you new information, ideas, and interests. It can even have social benefits. Join a book group, and reading puts you in touch with others who share your interests.
Books are relatively inexpensive, portable, and incredibly convenient. You can read on the train, plane, waiting for a salesperson or your dentist, or any other time you find yourself with some moments to spare.
These days, if you’re short of time and can’t get to the bookstore, you can use your computer or tablet to order or download a book. You can find virtually (no pun intended) any book online and have it sent to you or download it to your e-reader, often at a greatly reduced price. Turn off your TV set. Read a book.
Remembering to enjoy the little things
When we think of the things that bring us pleasure in life, we usually come up with the big stuff: getting that job promotion, taking that dream vacation, winning the Nobel Prize. You tend to overlook the smaller satisfactions and enjoyments that happen regularly. For me, having that first cup of coffee in the morning, reading the newspaper, and walking by the park on my way to the subway are very enjoyable. In and of themselves, these events are no big deal, but they add up, and together they contribute to a broader positive picture. Here is a list of some simple pleasures that can add to the quality of your life:
The smell of newly cut grass
Hand-written letters
Spring rain
New snow on a moonlit street
The smell of the air after rain
The fragrance of someone’s perfume
The warmth of the sun
The sound of rustling leaves in the fall
The smell of burning wood
The sound of children laughing
The crackling of an open fire
The smell of freshly baked cookies
The sound of birds chirping in the morning
Sunrises and sunsets
Completing a task
Getting out of the house
When was the last time you did one of the following?
Went out for dinner
Went to a movie
Went dancing
Saw a play
Heard a concert
People-watched
Went to a nightclub
Strolled in the park
Went shopping just for fun
Explored a new neighborhood
Saw a dance performance
Went to a sports event
Had lunch with friends
Went to a museum
Went to an art gallery
Take the time to find joy in the little things and to explore some new avenues — and reduce your stress while you’re at it.
Regrouping and Getting a Grip
Vacations are a wonderful way of regrouping and regaining some perspective on your life. That two-week vacation in the mountains or at the ocean can be glorious. The trouble is, by about 3 p.m. on the Monday of your return, you’re ready for another vacation, which unfortunately, is now 50 weeks away. Rather than depending on that major vacation to provide you with a timeout, you’re better off scheduling some minor or mini-vacations that you can scatter throughout the year.
Try building in more frequent, shorter trips and vacations. These can take the form of half days away, day trips, sleepovers, weekends, and long weekends. Think of your time away as a safety valve that needs to be opened from time to time. The trick is to evenly distribute these getaways throughout your year, before the pressure builds.
Pre-schedule time away
The most common reason people give for not getting away is not having enough time. They would love to get away, but something always comes up. But if you wait for that perfect time, you may wait forever.
Start by assuming that no perfect time will ever arrive for you to get away. But make a commitment to getting away anyway. Rather than reacting to an imposed schedule, create a time-away schedule early on that ensures that you actually follow through with your plans. Build in some getaway time, and make it a higher priority in your life. Sit down with your calendar and block out some major time periods and some smaller time periods when you plan to be away. Spread out the dates to cover various times of the year so that you don’t have to find the time — it’s already scheduled.
Build a getaway file
If you’re going to escape, you need to know where to escape to. Isn’t it amazing how little you know about getaways even a few hours away from home? Begin collecting information about places you can escape to. Start with the wonderful books on local travel at your bookstore. You can find books describing all kinds of trips, places to stay, and things to do and see. Include in your file favorite places friends have told you about, articles from newspapers and magazines, and brochures. You can also explore the unlimited possibilities of the Internet, and perhaps keep a virtual folder of bookmarked travel sites. Create two categories: one for shorter, one- or two-day trips, and a second for longer trips. The websites, books, articles, and brochures themselves can encourage greater interest and excitement and give you some new ideas about where to go and what to do.
Take a mini-vacation
For an escape to be short, you have to be able to get there in an hour or less. The plan is to get away from your home for a few hours or a full day and return the same day. Even without a car, you can get out of town. If you live in a major city, you can find day excursions via public transit to places and sites away from where you live. You may be amazed at what there is to see and do — all in a day or less.
One of my favorite short trips out of the city is a visit to a state park and forest about an hour away. In the middle of the park is a lake where you can rent canoes and small sailboats by the hour. I usually bring a picnic. It serves as a wonderful day away.
Here are some other ideas you may want to try:
Check into a hotel or spa. A night or two in a nice hotel can be energizing. Weekend rates are usually a lot cheaper than weeknights, too. Pretend you’re a tourist. Or, if you’d rather, you never have to leave the hotel at all. If you want to get out of town, a health spa can be just the thing to revitalize your tired juices.
Take a hike. Hiking in natural surroundings can have a soothing, calming effect. The views can be spectacular. On a hike, you won’t find any elevators, fax machines, or computers. And you may see animals besides pigeons, squirrels, rats, and roaches. Many routes allow you to park your car and follow a trail that brings you back to your starting point. Organizations such as the Sierra Club are not only a good way of obtaining information about hikes but also can put you into contact with other people if you’re short of company.
Take your bike. Although I’m sure you can bike somewhere in your neighborhood, finding a less congested road or a new vista may have greater appeal. After you get out of town, you’ll find many bicycle trails and open roads that offer great scenery and little traffic. If you don’t already have one, a bicycle rack for your car is a terrific investment.
Look for water. If you live near a body of water — and it doesn’t have to be large — a day by the water can be a wonderful escape from the congestion and confusion of your usual day-to-day life. Even if the water is too cold for swimming, strolling on a beach or a promenade above the water can be marvelously relaxing. Many people forget about the shore during the off-season, but this is a mistake. In the spring, fall, and winter months, the beaches are beautiful and also wonderfully empty.
Pick some fruit. One of my family’s favorite outings is to visit one of the many farms about an hour or so away from where we live. Depending on the season, we pick apples, blueberries, strawberries, or raspberries. Then we go home and figure out what to do with them. Pies are the simplest project, but we have recently ventured into the world of jams and jellies. Many of the farms offer other perks, such as horseback riding and the wonderful taste of freshly pressed cider.
Stay in a country inn. Small country inns and out-of-the-way bed and breakfasts provide the ideal contrast to the bigness and busyness of the city. You’re away from the boring motels and hotels that dot the thruway. Meandering through country roads and byways, you can find that unique, one-of-a-kind hideaway that will not only provide you with a bed but also feed you with home-cooked specialties.
On the other hand, if you live in the country, going into the city and taking in the sights, maybe seeing a show, and people-watching can be a refreshing change of pace.
Other places you may consider visiting include the following:
Botanical gardens
Nature conservatories
Mansions and estates open to the public
Public gardens
Country auctions
Vineyards
County fairs
Living Mindfully in the Present
When you think about it, much of the stress you experience comes from either getting upset about things that have happened in the past or worrying about what will happen in the future. You worry about what you did or didn’t say to a difficult boss or irritating coworker, or agonize about that upcoming meeting or deadline. The present, alas, gets lost in the shuffle, as does any enjoyment you could be experiencing. In Chapter 6 I place much value on becoming mindful of the present. If you can train yourself to live in the present, focusing on what is happening to you right at this moment, your life can be much less stressful. You may also find that your life slows down, and time passes less quickly.
Life in the present, however, can be pretty ordinary. Everyday experiences may be nothing to write home about. Yet valuing this ordinariness can add satisfaction to your day. For example, eating a meal is a routine thing to do. But instead of automatically rushing through it, try to approach your eating with a different mindset. (Refer to Chapter 6 for suggestions for mindful eating.)
Here are some additional “ordinary” things you do that can become satisfying and valued. Try adopting a mindful approach to each or all of these:
Taking a shower
Walking to work
Eating a treat
Drinking a cup of coffee
Getting dressed
Brushing your teeth
Making your bed
Listening to music
Doing some exercise
Your goal here is not accomplishing anything (though this may be a benefit). Your goal is just the being there and the doing. By turning these tasks and chores into mindful ones, you can have a different experience.
You may think that focusing only on the present moment should be pretty easy. But it’s not. Your mind finds it difficult to stay in the present. Your past and your future are like magnets, pulling your attention away from what you’re doing right now. But if you can overcome the distractions and focus on what is happening in the present moment, you find that you’re less distressed about things going on in your life and that you feel more relaxed and less tense.
In a wonderful section of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life, the author describes how he mindfully cleaned his kitchen stove with the help of a Bobby McFerrin album. The result was fairly poetic, with the rhythms of cleaning and scrubbing mingling with singing, dancing, and a general total involvement in what is normally seen as a mundane, forgettable task. Any activity can be done mindfully. Doing your laundry, washing the dishes, making the beds, vacuuming the rug, opening a can of soup, even eating — all of these can be done more attentively, with greater awareness of every aspect of the task.
Try eating with chopsticks once in a while. If you’re not in the habit of eating with chopsticks, it will slow down the eating process and get you to pay more attention to what you’re eating and how you eat it. If you’re looking at a chunk of meat, cut it up into edible bites first. As a bonus, you’ll eat less — and weigh less — if you make this a habit. If chopsticks aren’t your thing, try eating with your other hand. This trick slows you down equally well.
Taking Your Fun Seriously
Ask yourself when you last did something that was pure fun. When was the last time you just played? Or did nothing? Sometimes, doing nothing or having fun is just what the doctor ordered. It may seem sinful and decadent, and you may feel your guilt level rising just thinking about it, but taking time to do nothing really is an important part of your stress-management program. Playing or goofing off can distract you from your problems. It can give you time to regroup and regain some equilibrium. You return to your world refreshed and ready to jump back into the fray.
“That’s great,” you respond, “I’ve spent half of my life playing around and goofing off, so I must be well on my way to being totally stress-free.” Not quite. I’m not talking about the time you spend avoiding, procrastinating, and otherwise neglecting all those things you would be better off doing. The secret of stress-reducing goofing off and play is goofing off or playing at the right time. It means building in play time and time for yourself with nothing to do.
For example, you can see that a project you’ve been working on for weeks will be finished later that day. That evening you can do any number of things — paint the house, reupholster chairs, or clean out all the clutter from your basement. What you’d really like to do, however, is watch the ball game. Do it. And don’t feel guilty.
Be careful not to equate playing games with having fun. If your golf swing or backhand is causing you grief, or if your weekly bridge game leaves you feeling homicidal, you may not be having lots of fun. Fun means thoroughly enjoying yourself. Remember, your stress level should go down, not up.