They walked in silence for the first few minutes. Julia kept her head down, looking at her feet ostensibly to watch for pitfalls or patches of ice, but in reality because she still felt embarrassed and had no idea what to say.
‘I’m sorry,’ Joseph said again as Julia stopped to wait while Basil nosed in the hedgerow. ‘It just kind of slipped out. Don’t worry. Even if she shows up, she won’t be able to tell, not with all the dresses and veils and things.’
‘Just shut up.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘And stop saying that.’
‘Alright.’
They walked on again, but managed only a few steps before Basil found something else to nose at. A wind got up suddenly, showering them with ice from the branches of the nearest trees. Julia shrank away from it, and Joseph, hands in pockets but his coat unzipped, lifted one arm as though to shield her, even if his timing was off, the snow showering her regardless.
‘Thanks,’ she said, offering him a forgiving smile.
‘You still have a bit on your nose,’ he said, lifting a hand as though to knock it free, then thinking better of it.
‘So, you’re still thinking of going through with it?’ Julia said, aware that someone had to take the initiative to move their conversation away from sorry or thanks. ‘Marrying Elizabeth, I mean?’
Joseph shrugged. ‘I suppose so.’
‘I think she might be having cold feet.’
‘Really?’ He sounded more excited than perhaps was right for a man about to get married, but in the circumstances, it was probably understandable.
‘That’s what she told me. She might have just been having a moment, though.’ Then, feeling as though the only way to stop herself from bursting into tears was to run her mouth, she said, ‘Who knows? You might find you like each other. It might work out. What was it that woman said? You’ll live a long and happy life together.’
‘She was talking about me and you.’
‘But you said she wouldn’t know the difference.’
Joseph tugged on Basil’s lead, pulling the dog out of a snowy hollow at the foot of the hedge. A large chunk of snow came away with the dog, and as he shook it off, it rained down on Joseph’s boots.
‘Ah, that sucks. Come on, let’s just get home.’
‘It’s not my home,’ Julia said before she could stop herself, aware it was the drink talking. Before she could even start to apologise, Joseph stopped, head lowered.
‘And it won’t be mine either unless I marry Elizabeth.’
‘There’s … there’s the charity auction.’
‘What charity auction?’
‘I … I suggested it to Harry. People donate items and the proceeds go to saving the farm.’
Joseph stared at her. ‘So the whole village knows that we’re in trouble? I don’t want charity—’
‘So why are you marrying Elizabeth? Because that’s exactly what this is.’
‘Because … no one needs to know.’
Julia felt like a runaway train building up speed. She was on a roll, and there was no stopping her. ‘So you expect them to think that some famous social media personality just shows up in this nowhere village, falls in love with a man like you so badly that she’ll marry him after two days? Nothing suspicious about that, is there?’
‘A man like me? What’s that supposed to mean? Coming from a woman like you, who’s what, thirty and single, and whose last boyfriend is in prison for burglary?’
‘Car theft and fraud, technically.’
Joseph opened his mouth to reply, but Basil barked suddenly, derailing them both. Julia looked at the ground, while Joseph reached down and wiped a lump of snow off the dog’s head.
‘Look, I’m sorry,’ Julia said.
‘Me too.’ Joseph smiled. ‘Why don’t we just go home—or back to Chapel Cottage, if you like—and drink some hot chocolate?’
Julia lifted an eyebrow. ‘With a mince pie?’
Basil barked again.
‘He can have a dog biscuit,’ Joseph said, but as Basil whined and licked at his hand, he sighed. ‘Or maybe just a bit of crust. A small bit.’
It was nearly ten o’clock when they got back to the house. Everyone else had gone to bed, but Mabel had left a plate of freshly made cakes and biscuits on the table with a note to eat as much as possible. Ordinarily Julia would have balked at the thought of so much sugar just before bed, but it was Christmas after all, so she went for a mince pie, a slice of maple syrup pie, and a cup of hot chocolate. Joseph chose the same, donating a piece of mince pie crust to Basil, who then retired contentedly to his basket.
‘To be honest,’ Joseph said, as they sat down facing each other on two armchairs, while the embers of a fire flickered in the grate, ‘I’m not sure I can go through with it. Even if it does save the farm. It just doesn’t feel … right. I’ve committed now, though, and I don’t like to go back on my word. The church is ready, people are expecting … I mean, she’ll probably annul it after New Year, when she finds something else to sell to her fans. They’ll forget all about it. I mean, it won’t even count as a proper divorce, will it?’
Julia gave a tired shrug. ‘I have no idea. Would you want that hanging over your head, though?’
‘You sound like you’re trying to talk me out of it.’
‘I’m not. It’s your life. Your farm. I think it’s quite an honourable thing to put your grandmother and your home before everything else.’
‘Perhaps it’s time to accept the inevitable. Nothing lasts forever, does it?’
‘No, I suppose not.’ Although I wish this moment would last a little longer. ‘What am I thinking?’ she said aloud, sitting up sharply in the chair, aware Joseph was staring at her.
‘Are you alright?’
Julia shook her head. ‘Sorry, I’m just tired. I drank too much earlier. I probably shouldn’t be eating all these cakes either. Look, I think I’ll turn in for the night.’
She stood up and walked across the room, acutely aware that it was the last thing she actually wanted to be doing, but that she was doing it anyway. As she sensed he might, Joseph got up to intercept her, but too quickly, knocking his hot chocolate to the floor. He let out a gasp as it hit the edge of a rug, fortunately not breaking, but spilling its contents across the stone slab on the floor in front of the fire.
‘Ah, no.’
‘I’ll grab a cloth.’
‘It’s okay, don’t worry—’
Julia tried to squeeze past just as Joseph turned, and his face was right there, inches from hers. There was an awkward pause as they looked into each other’s eyes. Julia tried to breathe, but her throat felt tight, her heart fluttering.
‘Julia—’
It didn’t matter that it was just for show, for money, whatever. Joseph was getting married in two days. Julia forced her eyes away from his and hurried to the kitchen. When she returned a couple of minutes later, she found Joseph on his knees, soaking up the hot chocolate with a tissue he had found. He looked so adorably silly trying to soak up an entire cup’s contents with one tissue that Julia couldn’t help but laugh.
‘No matter how many times you dip it, I don’t think it can take any more,’ she said.
Joseph looked up and smiled, the awkwardness that had passed between them apparently forgotten. ‘But the ads on telly say they can soak up like a litre each.’
‘Well, here’s a cloth, just in case you need it.
‘Thanks.’
She knelt beside him while he wiped up the hot chocolate, watching the way his hands moved back and forth with gentle, methodical strokes as though he took joy even from clearing up a mess. Her heart ached with both longing and regret, and in the end, she found herself standing up, backing away from him to the doorway.
‘I’m going to turn in,’ she said, her voice feeling hollow, otherworldly, like another person speaking for her. ‘I’ll see you in the morning. It’s the … ah … dress rehearsal, isn’t it?’
Joseph looked up at her, but didn’t smile. His eyes looked lost.
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘It is.’