Jackpot!

 

I stayed away for over a week. Bear called my cell relentlessly, begging me to come home, telling me he’d do whatever I wanted. But what I wanted was some peace and quiet, a nice, simple life without mooching surfers eating all my food and listening in on all my conversations and stuffing my fridge with all their beer. I didn’t pick up his calls even once. And I ignored all his texts. Well, that’s not true. I didn’t actually disregard them. I read all of them. I just didn’t respond.

I have to admit, staying in a nice hotel did wonders for my psyche. Misery might have loved company but that bitch could sleep alone. For the first time in a long, long while, I reveled in not having to be aggravated about something—or someone—on a daily basis. Sure, maybe I should have been more upset at my behavior and walking out on the man I loved, but I let myself off the hook. I reassured myself that I needed a break, some time to myself, and I selfishly took it. It wasn’t like we were married or anything.

And as for Bear’s emergency fund subsidizing my mini-vacay? Did I feel bad about taking that? Yeah, I kinda did for a second, then I remembered all of the food and wine and beer I’d feed all his friends over the years and that money wouldn’t have even begun to cover that cost. So, no, I didn’t feel bad about it at all.

I went out and bought some new work outfits, some new lingerie, some toiletries and some good magazines, all courtesy of Bear’s money. It was so nice just to get up, brush my teeth, shower and then get dressed without any hassle. I did miss my morning fucks with Bear, but I bought a vibrator to compensate.

It was also nice to go down to the hotel restaurant and have fresh food—scrambled eggs, crispy bacon and toast slathered in butter. Occasionally, I’d have a fruit bowl, too, and freshly squeezed orange juice. After that, it was work with Quinn, a nice lunch, then back to work. Then I was back at my room. It was so nice to come “home” to a clean place, even if it was just a hotel room, with fresh towels and a nicely made bed. I didn’t do much at night and usually just relaxed, sometimes by the pool, mostly in my room, sometimes ordering room service, sometimes a pizza or calzone from the pizza place up the street. Sometimes I didn’t even eat anything and I’d just have a glass of wine and some crackers. I could do what I wanted. I could watch what I wanted on TV. I could listen to music on my phone or watch funny videos. I could sleep on whatever side of the bed I wanted. Bear always had to sleep facing north for some reason. I have no idea why.

Quinn told me I was crazy. “I like your moves,” she said. “But you’re playing a dangerous game.”

“How’s that?”

“When word gets out that you’re gone,” she said. “There will be about a thousand surf groupies lined up at your house. I hate to tell you, but the ladies love Bear. And I mean love. He was the shit for so long, women still worship him.”

“Well, they shouldn’t,” I said dryly. “But I got news for him. If he touches even one of those skanks, I will have his balls. He’d better practice some restraint.”

“He’s a man,” she said. “And that might be too much to ask.”

“I’m doing it,” I snapped.

“You got a point, but you and I both know that it’s different with women. We know how to say no,” she said. “Besides, you two are so great together. You don’t need to let this get out of hand. Take some time and then go back to him. I know he misses you.”

“And how do you know that?”

“He calls me a hundred times a day begging me to tell him where you are,” she said. “That’s how.”

I shrugged. I missed him, too, but not being around him for a few days made me realize that it was nice just doing what I wanted to do instead of always having to yell at someone about something they’d forgotten to do or about something they shouldn’t have.

“Just keep your trap shut and don’t tell him where I’m at,” I told Quinn. “He needs to stew in his own juices for a while.”

“Fine,” she muttered.

But all good things must come to an end. About a week after my hasty departure from our house, I was awakened around midnight by a pounding on my door. Even though I was more than a little startled, I got up and peered through the peephole. At first, I didn’t know it who it was. All I saw was this handsome man with his head shaved to a burr. The guy had a bit of stubble on his face, too, and his eyes were flashing blue. Then I realized who it was. Bear! He’d shaved his head! And he had found me.

I opened the door and said quietly, “Shh! Be quiet. People are trying to sleep.”

“Good to see you, too,” he said quietly, mimicking my voice, then shot me a look of hurt mixed with anger.

I motioned him in and shut the door. “Did you finally wear Quinn down?”

“No,” he said and entered the room. “She wouldn’t tell me.”

“Then how?”

“I basically drove around to all the nice hotels around here and looked for your car,” he said and sat down at the foot of the king-sized bed. “I knew you wouldn’t stay in a flop house so that made it a little easier.”

I stared at him, at his head, then at his face. God, he was so hot. How could I still find him so unbelievably attractive after all this time, after all we’d been through together? But I did. He was so handsome that it impacted my judgment. It could easily override my anger right now. I had missed him, missed having his hands on me. I wasn’t about to tell him that, though. I was still angry and hurt, too.

He caught me staring at him. “What are you looking at?”

I jerked a little at his words and said, “What the hell did you do to your hair?”

He shrugged. “I shaved it.”

Well, that was putting it mildly.

“So what?” he asked sarcastically.

“You look like you just broke out of jail,” I said.

He just stared at me. “Don’t you like it?”

Actually, I did. It made him look different; dark and dangerous. It really brought out his eyes, too. My God, he was hot. Sometimes even I couldn’t get over his hotness. “I do like it,” I said, staring at him. “But I don’t want you here.”

He seemed a little hurt at my words. “I’m not leaving, Willa, until we work this out.”

I sighed. He was right. We needed to at least talk about this. I walked over in front of him and leaned against the credenza. “So, what do you want?”

“You know what I want,” he said and looked around the room. “Nice digs.”

“It is nice,” I said and noticed he was letting his beard grow out again. Argh! “But you have to leave.”

“I’ll leave when you’re ready to leave with me,” he said.

I shook my head. “Nope. Not happening.”

“It has to happen,” he said. “Who just runs off like that? And what you did to Cupcake, leaving him like that! The little guy comes over everyday looking for you. I bought him a bag of treats but he won’t take them from me.”

Aww… I felt bad about that, I really did. I loved Cupcake. “But he’s okay, isn’t he?”

“He misses you!” he said. “People—and animals—love you! And you just bail on them when something gets tough. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“That’s not all there is to it and you know that, Bear,” I said. “I’ve already been looking for apartments.”

“Are you serious?” he asked, his eyes widening. “Come on, Willa. We got into one fight. One fight!”

“We fight all the time,” I said. “But it’s not that, Bear.”

“Then what is it?”

I sighed. “We’re at an impasse. I’m ready to make the transition from immaturity to maturity. I’m ready to be a grownup. You’re not.”

“I’m a grownup,” he said. “I pay taxes and can buy my own beer. I can pay my own way.”

“God!” I yelled and shook my fists. “You don’t get it. You just don’t!”

“So, you’re just going to leave me,” he said. “Just like that.”

I nodded. “I guess I am.”

He stared at me long and hard, as if he was ready to get to the real reason he was here. It was no surprise when he asked, “So, did you go jump into bed with Jed or something?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked. “I haven’t even thought about Jed since we argued about him.”

“Well, I have,” he said. “And I thought you might have moved in with him.”

“Are you serious?” I asked.

He nodded. “I am. So, I went to his house—”

“You went to his house?!”

“Yeah, he’s got one up in the Hills,” he said. “I had a friend find it on the computer. Anyway, we almost got into a fight, but then we started talking and he invited me in. He’s actually a pretty cool dude. I didn’t know that. He’s just got a major grudge with us, well mostly with me. So, we made up.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I wasn’t buying any of this for one second. Bear and Jed made up? Sure they did.

“Anyway, he told me that you basically did the same thing to him,” he said. “When the going gets tough, you bail. And you did.”

I couldn’t believe it. “So, you two girls are talking about your feeling together now? I guess pretty soon the two of you will be borrowing tampons from one another and talking about your periods,” I said. “Are you going to invite him to move in with you? Maybe you can paint each other’s nails and read gossip blogs together, too! Maybe even crochet a handkerchief to wipe away your tears.”

He stared at me, then he couldn’t help himself and he cracked up. “God, I’ve missed that smart mouth.”

“Well, I haven’t missed you.”

“You’re lying,” he said.

I was. He didn’t need to know that, though.

He stopped laughing and said, “No. We’re not going to go that far. I don’t think he’s that cool. But it’s true and you know it. Once you think things aren’t going your way, you check out.”

“If I was actually doing that,” I said slowly. “I would have left years ago, Bear. Do you remember when we had to rewire the house?”

He groaned.

“Yeah, I do, too,” I said. “I had saved up for two years to buy a new car but the house almost caught fire one day. Remember that? Remember plugging in the new toaster and it almost blew up? Oh, I do and I remember my savings going to pay to rewire the whole house. So, that was tough. That was hard. And, yet, I didn’t bail then, did I?”

He shook his head.

“You listen to me and you listen good,” I said and pointed a finger in his direction. “I stayed because I love you. That’s the only reason why I’ve put up with all your bullshit for years. Because I love you. But did it ever occur to you that it might eventually get old?”

He nodded slightly. “I see your point and I totally understand where you’re coming from. I want to do something different; I want things to get better between us.” He pulled something out of the back pocket of his jeans. “You’re right about the impasse. So, I got this friend of mine to draw up some plans for an addition to our house.” He held the paper out to me.

I went over and took it, then looked the plans over. The plans were drawn up by hand but very detailed with measurements and everything. I immediately understood that whoever had drawn them knew what they were doing and that they had basically turned our little bungalow into a two-story modern day beach house. It was very well executed. Wow. It was gorgeous.

“We have a good sized lot, so he said we could pull it off and even put in a that little lap pool you always wanted,” he said, very proud of himself for being proactive. “We would build up and add a second floor. The whole downstairs would just be the kitchen and the living room, with a little half bath, too.”

“Wow,” I said. “This is very well thought-out.” And it was. It was like a professional had done it or something.

“And, as you can see with the addition of two extra bedrooms, there’s plenty of room for a bambino or a bambina.”

“But no money to pay for it,” I said.

He shook his head. “That’s where you’re mistaken. I called my mom. She’s down to help us. Apparently she’s going through some phase where she wants a grandbaby. Yes, she actually said the word grandbaby, which was weird. But, hey, whatever.”

“Cool,” I said as I always liked his mom. I studied the house plan again and smiled. This might work. It would be a shame to walk away from such a great location. I had to smile at him. “Okay, you’ve got my attention.”

He grinned back. “I knew I would. Bernie said that it wouldn’t cost that much to build, either. I mean, it will cost a lot, but he’s got a house we can stay in while it’s being done. He knows all kinds of contactors and all that.”

“Who’s Bernie?” I asked and sat down beside him.

“He’s a friend,” he said.

“I know all of your friends,” I said, looking at the house plans again.

“Not him,” he said. “He’s never comes over to the house because he always has to go to work. He’s not like the rest of the guys. He works all the time.”

I turned and stared at him. “You know an actual grownup?”

“Yeah, he’s got a wife and kids and everything,” he said. “And his own construction firm. He’s an architect, too. He’s actually pretty big shit. You know all those women’s stores over on that fancy street?”

I stared at him. “Rodeo Drive?”

He nodded. “He’s done some remodeling over there. And he’s built that one building… That bank building somewhere downtown, the one that looks all funky but really cool?”

Oh, that one? That architecturally significant building that got write ups in major architectural magazines and had hour-long specials about it on news shows? That one? That one everyone talked about for the two years it took to construct it? Yeah, I knew that one. I knew, also, that I should have been happy that a well-known and respected and famous architect had drawn up our house plans. However, I knew there was a lot more going on and it was beginning to make me angry. Suddenly, I got a glimpse of what Bear had been doing while I had been working. I knew just where this was headed. Even so, I held my anger back and said, “Just how did you two meet?”

“Oh, he was out trying to surf one morning and nearly killed himself,” he said, chuckling. “His doctor told him he needed a recreational activity to deal with all the stress he was getting from work, so he took up surfing.”

Yeah, that made sense. Nothing like falling off a surfboard to get the stress out.

“Anyway, he rode his board out to shore and crashed into the beach. He was being such barney. He knocked the wind out of himself and looked pretty banged up. I went over to help him and gave him a good scolding about doing that. It can fuck you up. It’s all in the dismount.” He nodded at me knowingly before continuing, “You have to know when to bail. So, we started talking and I offered to give him some lessons and we became pretty good friends.”

Was that so?

“Now he can hang-ten,” he said, grinning. “But he was hard to teach. He kept wanting to lean down, like with his knees for leverage. I told him to stop that shit and to straighten up. How would you even enjoy that? He looked like an animal taking a shit in the woods.”

Okay. I almost cracked up. Almost. “Did you tell him that?”

“I did,” he said. “That’s when he finally got it. See, you have to trust the water. If you got no trust, you got nothing.”

Well, that was certainly true. I took a breath and said, “So you, a former world champion surfer, gave this big architect, who is probably a multi-millionaire, free lessons?” I asked. “In other words, you taught him how to surf for free?”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he said. “That’s what friends do, isn’t it?”

“Perhaps. But did it ever occur to you to charge him for your time?” I asked. “For your knowledge?”

He shrugged and shook his head. “Nope. Why would I do that?”

“How many other people have you coached over the years?” I asked.

“A few,” he said, considering. “That one guy that produces all of those movies where people go to war with animals that are intellectually superior to humans? What’s his name? Oh, Harris O’Connell?”

I’d heard of him and his movies. Yeah. He was a big shot, too. “Anyone else?”

He named a few other significant men, one a very significant jeweler, all of them very wealthy, and even a few women, one who owned a giant real estate agency. I knew then what was going on. Word had spread about Bear Aurelius Dillon giving free surf lessons. When Bear Aurelius Dillon should have been out getting a fucking job!

I handed the house plans back to him and said, “Here, take it.”

“What?” he asked, looking slightly taken aback. “Why are you acting like that?”

“Why am I acting like this? You don’t even get it, do you?”

He just stared at me. He didn’t get it.

“This is what you’re doing all day while I’m out working, right? You never even mentioned knowing these kinds of people. Did you ever think I might like to meet them or something? Quinn has a staging business! These people are always buying and selling their homes! You could have done her a real solid by giving her an introduction or two.”

He shrugged. “I just didn’t think you’d be interested in meeting them. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Besides, this is not about business. It’s just about surfing.”

“You had an opportunity to make a shitload of money right in front of your face and you ignored it!” I said, glaring at him. “You taught rich guys how to surf for free when you could have been charging them! Do you know how many people would pay for you, and pay you well, to teach them to surf?”

“I don’t know,” he said, almost inaudibly.

“A lot!” I yelled, becoming so enraged I almost wanted to hit him. “Like everyone who ever wanted to learn how to surf would pay you! Did these big shots ever offer to pay you?”

“Yeah, all the time,” he said. “But I didn’t want their money. I was just happy to do it. Learning to surf is something that should be free anyway.”

“Not if you don’t know how to do it, it’s not,” I said. “We’ve been struggling financially for years, with me making most of the money. And here you were giving away the milk for free.”

“I never slept with any of them,” he said, trying to make a joke. “I don’t roll that way.”

“Don’t play stupid with me right now, Bear,” I hissed. “We can never get married and have kids! You’re too brainless!”

“Hey, I’ve asked you to marry me a thousand times,” he said.

“And did you ever buy me an actual engagement ring?” I asked, my face flushing with the anger I felt. “Did you give me a candlelit dinner? Or take me to a fancy restaurant? Or even down to the beach at sunset? No, you didn’t. You just thought it was enough to just say it, didn’t you?”

“But you never said yes,” he said quietly. “So, I was never able to give you the ring.”

“Whatever,” I said and groaned.

“Sorry,” he said. “I never thought about it like that. I guess I fucked up.”

“No, you didn’t think about it,” I said. “Because I’m not special enough for you to make the effort. But you would spend countless hours in the ocean teaching complete strangers to surf, wouldn’t you?”

“Oh, come on, that’s not true,” he said. “That’s not true at all. You’re more important than any of them.”

“Really? I am?” I asked, almost on the verge of tears, feeling so hurt I would probably be crying for days. “Well, I certainly don’t feel that way, Bear. I always feel like I come second to your surfing. Sorry, but I do. Maybe, if you’d ever made a romantic gesture just to let me know you cared, I’d let half of the stuff I get irritated about slide. Maybe if you had just once tried to make it up to me, I wouldn’t ride your ass at all!”

He hung his head in shame again. “It’s not true. I love you more than anything, more than surfing even. You have to know that.” He stared up at me.

“It is true,” I said as the tears finally released and slid down my cheeks. “You prove it time and time again. You’d rather give away free surf lessons to rich guys than help me out around the house. Would it have ever killed you to clean the bathroom or to do a load of laundry? Why not take a morning off from your free fucking surf lessons and go buy some groceries for your loser friends to eat? You sure as hell never bought me any!”

“But I cook for you all the time,” he said quietly.

“Yes, and you leave me a big mess to clean up, too, don’t you?” I said, shaking my head at him. “We don’t even have a dishwasher! I’m the dishwasher!” I paused and took a breath and wiped my face off with the back of my hand. “I am just so sick of you.”

“Come on,” he said. “I’ll do better.”

“You won’t because you can’t,” I said. “Because all you think about is yourself and the fucking ocean. Fuck you and fuck all of this bullshit. I can make it on my own. I don’t need you. I never did. I stayed with you because I loved you. That was all. I didn’t give a shit about your surfer glory or who the fuck you were. I loved you. And all you ever did was treat me like dirt.”

“That is not true,” he said, his eyes tearing up. “Please don’t do this, Willa. I love you more than anything.”

“No, you don’t,” I said. “You love surfing more than anything. In fact, I’ve heard you say those very words. So, I hope you and surfing are very happy together.”

“Come on,” he said. “I’ll do anything.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to,” I said. “I should have stayed with Jed. I know that now. Let me tell you one thing. If we hadn’t had sex that morning, I would have gone back to him. If you hadn’t been so good in the sack, I would have left and never looked back. So thank your dick for all the good years you got out of me.”

“Please don’t say that,” he said. “I’ll quit surfing, I promise.”

“I would never ask you to do that,” I said. “I wouldn’t even think of it because all it would be down the road is how I made you give it up and how much you hate me for it. But what you don’t realize is that is that you could have always surfed and had me, too. But you fucked it up by being lazy and inconsiderate.”

He looked away from me.

“I never wanted you to give up surfing,” I said. “All I ever wanted you to do was make room for me in your life, too. That’s all, Bear, that’s all I ever wanted.”

That really got to him. Actual tears began to stream down his cheeks. He was crying. I’d reduced him to this. Good. I’d cried over him myself before. I was crying now! He should know what it felt like.

“Please don’t go back to Jed,” he said. “Please don’t leave me for him.”

“He doesn’t even want me!” I yelled.

“He does,” he said. “He still does. He’s not over you. You’re all he talked about that day. I talked about you, too. But still.”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that,” I said and patted his shoulder. “You’ve ruined me on men. I don’t want another man—ever! Fuck all y’all!”

I knew I sounded a little like my mother. Yeah, but she had been right about men all along. She always said you can’t trust a man. And you can’t do anything with one, either. She knew my dad was only interested in hunting and fishing and that she’d never change him. Just like Bear was only interested in surfing. The only difference between us was that I had put up with it; I had foolishly thought I could change him, mold him, and make him into the man I wanted him to be.

I sighed and thought of all the bitching and moaning I’d done over the years and how it never produced any real results. Everything always stayed the same. I’d bitch and he’d pretend to listen, then pretend to do better and the next thing I knew, we’d be right back where we started. After a while, I gave up. And the thing was, I didn’t want to change him. I just wanted him to be a better man. I wanted him to want to do better by me because I meant something to him, because I was so special to him that he had to do better just to please me, just to prove that he could and that he wanted to. But that was never going to happen. And it would never happen because he would never change. He thought he was prefect and to an outside observer, he certainly seemed that way. But I knew he wasn’t. He was far from it.

He just stared at me. I saw all of his pain and sadness, all a byproduct of my mean words. But I didn’t care. It didn’t faze me one iota. This was the straw that had finally broken the camel’s back. He’d brought this on himself.

I went to the door and held it open. “Get out and stay out. I never want to see you ever again.”

His face dropped and I could tell he knew I was serious. Sure, I’d been gone from the house for a few days but I knew he’d find me. I knew we’d probably make up and we’d go on. That was, until now. This was different; it felt different. It was over and he was leaving. This was it. It was too painful to live the way we’d been living. I wanted to move forward but he wanted to hold me back. I was breaking free of that, at the cost of our relationship, at the cost of our love. It was sad but true that even love couldn’t overcome this.

“I mean it,” I said. “Get out, Bear. Leave.”

He started out, then paused. “Let me just say this, okay? I know I’ve fucked everything up and I’ve fucked it up good. I get that. But what if I made it up to you?”

“If you were going to make it up to me,” I said. “You already would have. You’re incapable.”

“I am not incapable,” he said. “I am very capable.”

“Nope,” I said, shaking my head. “Not buying it.”

“Come on, baby,” he said. “Let’s not do this.”

“It has to be done,” I said. “I can’t live like this any longer, Bear. You won’t grow up. You won’t change. And I’m not going to be the bad guy bitching and moaning all the time, nagging your ass. I hate that. I shouldn’t have to do that. But you always put me in that position.”

“I guess I do,” he said and wiped at his eyes. “So, fine, Willa, fuck it then. We’re done. Update all your social media! It’s fucking complicated! Or tell everyone you’re single or whatever it is they say on there!”

“It’s always complicated with you,” I said, glaring at him.

“Fine,” he said. “Bye-bye to our life. But it’s on you!”

“It’s on me,” I said and shook my head at him. “Now get the hell out of here.”

He stared at the open door, then at me. We were so close I could hear his breathing, smell his cologne. I suddenly thought about how it would be from now on without him in my life and I wanted to burst into tears again. But I’d do that after he left.

“You need to go,” I said quietly. “I mean it, Bear.”

He started out, then stopped. Before I even knew what he was doing, he bent down and brushed his lips across mine.

“No,” I said and pushed at him, taking my hand off the door. It slammed shut. I had to get it open again. “We’re not having sex.”

“Why not? What’s one more time?”

“Because you know I won’t be able to resist,” I said and turned and tried to get the door open again so I could shove him out of it. “It’s not happening. This has been painful enough! We are done!”

He didn’t answer. He just slipped his arms around me and refused to let me move. I struggled against him and tried for the door again, to no avail. His lips were on mine, crushing against mine, forcing my mouth open. I kept my mouth clamped shut, refusing to give in, refusing to let him kiss me. He grabbed at my breasts. I slapped his hands away. Nope, not doing that either. His mouth was back on mine, moving, kissing, sucking gently but with urgency. He was a good kisser, too good a kisser. That’s the only reason I fell for him in the first place because he knew how to kiss so well. His kisses could melt the hearts of even the most hardened bitches. He wasn’t about to melt mine, though. No, not this time. I wasn’t having it.

“Stop it,” I said as I came up for air. I pulled back and slapped at him. He ignored me and grabbed my arms and pulled them together. Then he stopped moving. I stopped moving. This was it. He was going to let me make the call. Move forward? Or move apart?

“It’s your call, Willa,” he said softy.

His eyes implored me to let him stay. His eyes begged me to let him kiss me. His eyes yearned to have me tell him I wanted him. And I did. I wanted him so much, so badly I ached. I’d been aching since I’d left the house that night. His eyes gave me pause, that’s what they did.

And I paused. In the moment I paused, I knew I’d been weakened and he’d get what he wanted, which was me. I yearned for that touch from him, from his hands on a bare breast or a slight stroke across my back, for him to be touching me. Just needing him like that made me weak and probably stupid.

Oh, fuck it. Without a second thought, I grabbed at him and pulled his face to mine, his lips to mine. We kissed hungrily at each other’s mouths and then he walked me backwards towards the bed and pushed me down on it, his big, solid body settling on top of mine. Then he slipped a hand up my shirt and touched my breast.

Ahh… I’d missed that. So very much. His big hand just squeezed my breast ever so nicely. I moaned and felt my heartbeat quicken. He was turning me on. He was turning me on so much I couldn’t stand it. What was it about him that did this to me? I didn’t know but I knew I had to have it, the one thing he was more than willing to give me.

But then I regained my senses. I said, “No, Bear, don’t,” but then moaned as his head was going lower and lower and then was between my legs.

“Don’t what?” he whispered. “You want me to stop this?”

I moaned because as he said that, he pulled my pajama bottoms off, then my panties, in one fell swoop.

“You want me to stop?” he asked. “Tell me to stop.”

I bit my bottom lip. I could feel his breath down there, between my legs. He was waiting for me. He was waiting for me to confirm what he’d known all along, which was that I could never truly resist him. I could feel myself swell as I awaited the first touch from his lips. I could feel my hips rise off the bed, pushing towards his mouth, wanting that feeling he always gave me, that adrenaline rush of pure sexual pleasure.

“Are you going to tell me to stop?” he said softly. “Tell me to stop.”

This was it. I could stop it all now. I could send him out the door, on his way. Goodbye. Like hell I could. I could no more deny what I wanted than he could keep himself from doing it.

“Don’t,” I moaned. “Don’t stop.”

He didn’t hesitate. Once the words were out of my mouth, his face was buried between my legs, eating me with fervor and passion and just so much zeal. I gasped as he sucked at me, licking me like an ice cream cone, taking his time to really devour and enjoy. His fingers were playing with me, too, slipping inside of me and rubbing gently, slowly, easily. He had a knack for this, that much was true. Fine. I’d have one orgasm and then kick his ass to the curb. I would succumb to it and then send him off. Actually, I didn’t have much choice but to succumb to it. And succumb I did. The orgasm came out of nowhere, even though I was trying to hold off, and hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess I’d missed him more than I’d thought. I grabbed onto his head and literally humped his face as I came, moaning and nearly screaming with all the pent-up passion I’d been storing for over a week.

Once I started to come down, he kissed his way back up my body, pausing to pull my shirt off then bending down to lick and suck at my nipples before his lips found my mouth again. I ate at his lips, holding his head steady with my hands. Then he moved back and pulled his shirt off, throwing it to the side. I rose up and ran my hands across his smooth, hardened chest, then kissed it, sliding my tongue down his stomach and to his cock, which was hard. I smiled and unzipped his pants, pulled it out and went down on him, sucking him as hard as I could.

He gasped a little and grabbed my hair, pulling me back up to him and we kissed again, kissed as I pushed his pants and boxers down and grabbed onto his bare ass, squeezing it. Oh, he felt so fucking good. I’d missed him so much I couldn’t stand it. But I wanted more. I wanted to fuck now.

I turned around and he pushed me down a little. Then he grabbed onto my ass and pulled it into the air and my head went into the pillow. Oh, yeah. Booty was up, head was down. I was ready to get fucked.

He slapped my ass hard once, then leaned over and grabbed my breasts before sliding his hands along my back.

“Oh, put it in,” I begged.

“Shh,” he said and slapped my ass again. “You like that?” He paused and rubbed my ass. “Don’t you? You’ve been bad. You deserve it.”

“Mmmm…” I moaned. “Give me another.”

He gave me another, this time even harder and I knew it would leave a mark, but I didn’t mind.

“Oh, baby,” I moaned. “Give it to me. Just fuck me!”

And he did. He gave it to me, pushing his hard cock in and then he fucked me hard, rough. He grabbed onto my hair and pulled me up so he could suck at my throat as he fucked me. I just let him, hanging on for the ride. I grabbed his hand and put it between my legs, rubbing myself as he fucked me and licked on my neck. Soon, I was overcome with another sensation of orgasm before it hit me and hit me hard. I moaned loudly and bit down on my bottom lip. I fell face-first back to the bed, with my ass still in the air while he finished with one final, hard thrust.

“Ow,” I moaned. “Fuck, that was good.”

He fell on top of me, breathing heavily. We didn’t speak for the longest time after that, then we rolled over and hugged each other. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him as close as I could get him. What was the use in trying to break up with him? It was no use. I was addicted to him, just like he was addicted to surfing. It’d never be over for us because I couldn’t get enough. I was weak. My lust for him weakened me. I had no choice but to make up with him, welcome him back into my arms. For whatever reason it was, we were meant to be together. I surrendered because there just wasn’t much choice in the matter.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” I replied and kissed him. “God, I love you so much, Bear.” I pulled back and stared into his eyes. “But why do you piss me off so much? We could just be doing this all the time if you would just stop!”

“I know,” he said. “I’ve never thought about it like that.”

“Then think about it.”

“I will,” he said. “You had me scared, though.”

“What makes you think this changes anything?” I asked.

He pulled back and looked at me. “What?”

I laughed and hugged him back to me. “Shut up. Don’t ruin it, Bear.”

“Okay,” he said. “But please don’t do this to me again. It’s almost killed me.”

“I won’t,” I said honestly. “It’s been bad for me, too. You know that I can’t get enough of you.”

“I know,” he said. “But you poked the bear and the bear had to poke back.”

“I don’t like the way that sounds,” I said and we laughed, smiling at each other. “Oh, I could just kill you!”

“Please don’t,” he said and chuckled.

“Did you really go see Jed?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. I should have known you wouldn’t be there. You need someone like me, babe. He can’t handle you.”

I laughed. “I think you might be right.” I pulled back and stared him dead in the eye. “But you don’t have to worry about it. You’ve ruined me on men. I don’t ever want another man.” And he had. Besides, I doubted I could ever find anyone to fuck me like he did. And for that, I guess I was willing to put up with his crap. I was so weak. But that’s what good sex did to a woman. It was just too good to resist.

“That’s like music to my ears,” he said and kissed the tip of my nose then sighed with satisfaction. “I won’t have any more parties. I promise.”

“You can have parties,” I said. “But just not every other day, okay? And you’ve got to tell those losers to stop eating all my food.”

“I’m just a generous guy,” he said.

“Yeah, but you’re being generous with my food,” I told him, then shook my head. “Wait. Wait. Let’s not get into it or I might kick you out and ruin the moment. Let’s just be together right now, oaky?”

He nodded. “Okay.”

We lay there for a while, then he sat up and looked around. “This place have a mini-bar? My throat is as dry as a possum’s cod.”

I groaned. “Of all the stupid, country-assed sayings you could have picked up in Tennessee, that’s the one you choose! Why that one?”

“I like saying it,” he said, laughing a little. “I think it’s funny.”

“You do know what it is, right?” I asked.

“I got an idea,” he said and grinned. “So, mini-bar?”

I pointed. He got up and got two beers out of the small fridge and brought them over, sitting down beside me. He popped the cap on one, held it out to me, then popped the other one and took a long drink as I took a long look at his body. Would I never tire of looking at that thing? He was like an Adonis. We sipped our beers and he smiled at me. I smiled back, then cracked up.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I just thought of something,” I said and got up and went to my purse and pulled out a lottery ticket, then handed it to him. “You’ve got me trained so well, I bought that without thinking yesterday.”

“I do have you trained,” he said and kissed my cheek, then looked at the ticket. “Oh, fuck, babe. You got all the numbers wrong!”

“I did?” I asked.

“You’re fucking off on every number by one! How is that possible? You got twenty-seven, thirty, thirty-six, forty-one, forty-nine and twelve! These numbers will never win!”

He. Was. Out. Of. His. Mind. I just stared at him.

“Even if I win, I’ll still lose,” he said, shaking his head. He looked around wildly then shook his head. “Well, I can’t buy a new one now. It’s after twelve. Drawings already happened.”

God, he got on my nerves so badly. “Bear, let me ask you something. Why do you continue to play the lottery when you know you will never win?”

“I got those plans to move to Hawaii,” he said.

“You don’t have to win the lottery to move to Hawaii,” I said. “You’ve got all those friends there. You could visit anytime.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said. “It’s not just to go to Hawaii, but to move there. You know, do it up right.”

That did sound nice. But I had to ask, “Why Hawaii?”

“Because it would be like Shangri La. Surfing all the time, parties at night.”

“That’s your life now!”

“Yeah, but it’s different there,” he replied. “The waves are just so rad, you know? The water is warmer there. I could surf every day, all day, eat fresh fish at night, sleep in a tent.”

“So, you become an overnight millionaire and you sleep in a tent?”

“Or maybe we could buy a tree house.”

“You want to live in a tree house?” I asked and looked around for my t-shirt, then pulled it on.

“I do and I’d be happy,” he said and tossed the lottery ticket to the side. “Please don’t get dressed. I like you naked.”

“Shut up,” I said and found my panties, then slipped them on. “But anyway, you’re happy now.”

“But then we’d be rich and that would make you happy which would make me even happier.”

As always I came out looking like the nagging woman. Like I was only interested in money. Ugh! I realized that maybe I was the nagging woman. But I wasn’t going to let him know I was thinking this. “Oh, go fuck yourself.”

“I’d rather fuck you,” he said. “But yeah, but if I lived out there I could surf the Banzai Pipeline with my buds every day if I wanted to. It would be so cool.”

“And kill yourself in the process,” I said and added, “But at least you would leave me a rich widow.”

“You got to marry me first,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll marry you,” I said.

“You will?” he asked, his eyes a little wide.

I thought about it. “Well, not today, but yeah, someday.”

“Wow,” he said. “That’s cool. You said yes!”

I stared at him. “Someday, Bear, someday, yes. Let’s move on.”

“You got it, babe,” he said and stared at me and smiled. “You know, I only started playing the lottery because of you. I started the day we met, came up with those crazy numbers and have played them every week since.”

That was kind of sweet, even if it was the dumbest financial plan I’d ever heard. “You mean,” I said. “I’ve played them.”

“I’ve played, too,” he said.

“And look at all the good it’s done you!” I said and acted thrilled.

“I mean, you never know,” he said. “You get the numbers right and then ding-ding-ding-ding! Jackpot!”

I sat down on the bed and stared at him, then said, “You know, if you had kept surfing professionally, you would be one rich bitch, right?”

He looked away from me quickly, like he didn’t want to think about that.

“Bear?” I said. “You know that, right?”

“I know, Willa.”

“Tell me why you quit,” I said. “Please?”

“Why should I?”

“Quinn wants to know,” I said. “She bugs me all the time about why you quit. She thinks you almost killed yourself.”

“It can get dangerous,” he said and got up and retrieved another beer from the small refrigerator. “But, no, that never happened.”

“Then what did happen?”

“It’s stupid,” he said.

“I can tell you want to tell me,” I said. “So just tell me, Bear.”

He looked at me as he uncapped the beer, threw the cap to the side and sighed. “Fine. I will tell you.”

“So tell me,” I said.

He took a long sip of his beer and began, “I was out doing a competition in Tahiti one year and I was waiting for my wave, you know, way far out there, bopping up and down on my board. I was in the zone and I felt good. Then I stared back at the crowd on the beach, all these people who were, for better or worse, going to judge what I was about to. And I just always thought of it as catching a wave. But then I realized this wasn’t about catching a wave. It was about pleasing people. It finally dawned on me that it was a competition to get some people you don’t know to like you.”

I’d never thought of it like that.

“And I almost panicked,” he said and came over and sat beside me on the bed. “I began to think about stuff. Like, what if I don’t do well? What if I don’t blow it out of the water? What if I wasn’t the best? What if I couldn’t stay the best? What would happen when I got older and stopped being as good? Can I keep this up? What if I’m not able to stay at this level? They’ll hate me, that’s what.”

I understood completely. I put my chin on his shoulder and nodded for him to continue.

“But I caught that wave and dominated that competition,” he said. “And then I went back home and bought me a little house near the beach and that was it. I dropped out. I gave up a lot but, you know, I guess I am like my dad in that sense. It is about the wave, about the way your soul feels when you’re out there. It’s just you and nature and nothing else matters.”

He put it so eloquently. And that was saying something for a guy who could burp the alphabet.

“Besides, I’m not really a competitive person,” he said. “I know I’m pretty much better than everyone else out there so I don’t have to have a judge to confirm it.”

I laughed at his arrogant un-self-awareness.

“I just never really thought about anything other than surfing,” he said and turned to me. “Until I met you.”

I smiled at him. “Go on.”

“This cute chick on the side of the road needing her tire changed,” he said and finished his beer.

“You know I can change a tire, don’t you?”

“You can?” he asked and set the empty beer bottle on the nightstand.

I nodded. “I can. I just let you do it because you were so hot.”

“Well, fuck me, I didn’t know that,” he said. “You know, what I liked was that you didn’t know who the fuck I was. I could be who I really am around you, not an internationally ranked super star surfer.”

“Well, it’s good to see that you still have some humility,” I said and laughed.

“No, it’s true,” he said. “You looked at me like I was a person, not this thing. And I loved you for it. It was cool.”

I smiled at him. “No, you’re cool, even if you are a dropout.”

He nodded, then said seriously, “Willa, you know if I hadn’t quit, we would have never met, don’t you?”

“Then it’s a good thing you quit, isn’t it?”

He smiled.

I hugged him tight. “You are the sweetest man in the world,” I said and kissed his cheek. “Even if you do drive me crazy.”

“Thanks for saying that,” he said and kissed my forehead, then he got up and looked for the lottery ticket and tossed it into the trashcan. “I’m done with this shit. It’s never going to pan out. It’s a fool’s game. From now on, I am going to work hard and get us the money we need so you,” he paused and pointed his finger at me. “Can pop out a few kids.”

“That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard,” I said dryly then got up and took the ticket out of the trashcan. “You never know, Bear,” I said and handed it to him. “Keep it.”

“Nah,” he said and tossed it to the side. “I’ve got a better plan. I’m going to start a surf school. I will have those noobs popping up in no time. Hell, you never know, I might even be able to teach some of them how to ride a barrel. That might take a while, though.” He paused and eyed me. “But no way in hell am I going to show them my sweet spots. That’s too much to expect.”

I rolled my eyes. His sweet spots were places that only “real” surfers knew of that allowed them to catch the best waves. Some of them were around abandoned piers or what-have-you. I was sure the people he would be teaching wouldn’t even know what to do in a sweet spot. More than likely, most of them could barely stand on a board longer than a couple of seconds. I couldn’t and he’d been trying to teach me to surf for years. I had really given it my all a few times, putting on my best bikini, tucking a board under my arm, following him to the water, hollering about how cold it was. And then we’d paddle out and I’d attempt to surf. I’d pop up on my board and that’s about as far as I got. Then I’d fall into the water, getting salt water in my eyes and feeling like a fool. He’d yell at me to “Stay on the board! Just get up a little at first! Not all the way! Get used to it!” And I’d try that and then I’d fall again. And again. And again. It was a good thing I’m a strong swimmer, that’s all I can say. Finally, I got so fed up and just plain exhausted, I splashed water in his face and told him he was a bully, a no good bum and that I hated him. And I said it like that, “I hate you!” Then we got into this giant argument that drew a crowd. Fortunately, it didn’t end up on YouTube like his rant about Jed had.

So, I gave it up after a while, even though he begged me to keep trying.

“It shouldn’t be that hard, now that I think about it,” he said. “I’ve already got a list of clients, as they say, so I’ll just call them and give them a head’s up and ask them for references.”

Of course, the most powerful people in Los Angeles would give Bear their personal phone numbers. Why wouldn’t they?

“And they can brag to their friends about how a former champion taught them how to surf.” He nodded, like he’d convinced himself of this.

“Well, okay,” I said. “When did you have time to come up with this business plan? I mean, we just got done fucking.”

“I multitask,” he said, then after seeing the look on my face, he laughed. “No, I have to think of something when we’re doing it so I don’t come so quickly. So I can satisfy my lady.”

“Stop calling me your lady,” I snapped. “This isn’t the Old West.”

“I like calling you my lady,” he said and put his empty bottle down. “So, when can we get on with the kid business?”

“We’re not married yet,” I said. “And you have yet to follow through with your business plan. Let’s have a meeting about it when you actually start making some money, Bear.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “Is my lady ready for round two?”

“If you call me lady one more time, I will nut you.”

“Don’t even entertain that idea,” he said and hugged me. “Your body is really rocking tonight. I forgot how much you turn me on. Oh, wait, no I didn’t. I still have those pictures.”

He’d taken some nude pictures of me a while back. In my defense, I was really drunk. I slapped his arm. “You said you deleted those!”

“I lied,” he said. “I have to have something to look at!”

“Look at real porn like most other men,” I said.

“I do that, too,” he said. “But I like a little variety.” He paused and looked around the hotel room. “Like this. This was variety, doing it somewhere different. You had a good idea coming here.”

Whatever. He started kissing me and then all I could do was go along for the ride. We fell back to the bed and had hot sex again, then fell asleep spooning. I awoke about six that next morning, mainly because he was snoring in my ear. I pushed him off and yawned, then got up and into the shower. When I got out, he was sitting on the bed, scratching his head. When he noticed me, he broke out into a big smile.

“Hotness abounds,” he said and got up and tried to take my towel off.

He was still naked. And hot. But what else was new? Maybe I had time for a quickie. I glanced at the alarm clock and shook my head. Not if I wanted breakfast, too. “No,” I said and wriggled away. “I have work.”

“Tell you what,” he said. “Quick shower and then a quick fuck?”

“I’ll think about it,” I said and he disappeared into the bathroom. I got ready quickly, then told him I was going downstairs for coffee. I’d do my makeup and hair when I got back. I grabbed my wallet and hurried to the elevator and caught it just as two businessmen were getting on, then rode down in silence. They stared at me and at my wet hair and bare feet. I ignored them. Men!

I went into the restaurant and, because I had been staying at the hotel for a little while, the hostess greeted me with a smile.

“Table for one again?” she asked.

“No, I’m going to take it to go today,” I said and ordered two big breakfasts with pancakes, bacon and eggs and two coffees. I went ahead and paid for it. “Thanks,” I said and took my change.

“It’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said.

“Okay,” I said and sat down in a booth. The television was on the local news program. I leaned back into the seat and watched it. The pretty news anchor started babbling about some local reform or something and I zoned out, then she mentioned something about the lottery. I sat up and listened.

“And onto other big news and this is big, people. It looks like we have a winner! A ticket that is worth over three-hundred million dollars was purchased in the Los Angeles area. Now, if you didn’t get the numbers last night, it might just be your lucky morning. Here they are again. No one has come forth to claim the prize yet, so if the winner is out there, please call the lottery headquarters and they’ll tell you what to do.”

What were the numbers? Let’s see Bear not win again. That would be fun. However, I was glad that he was going to stop playing and wasting my money on it.

“Oh, I guess I should call the numbers,” she said.

“She’s a real blonde, folks,” her handsome co-host said.

I cracked up. He was funny.

“Okay, here we go,” she said, laughing to herself. “Here we go. Twenty-seven.”

Twenty-seven? Oh, no, that’s the number I played accidently. Well, it was probably a passive aggressive move on my part but it was a subconscious thing. I’d never fuck his numbers up on purpose. I thought about it. Maybe I would.

“Thirty,” she said.

“No way,” I muttered and stared at the television. Was this really happening? I didn’t think Bear ever even got one number right and on my first try, I had two. Well, that was probably good for nothing.

“The third number… Thirty-six.”

“Seriously?” I said. This couldn’t be right. What was the next number? What was the fourth number?

“The next number is… Forty-one!”

My heart began to beat wildly in my chest. This was too weird. It was fucked up!

The fifth number was, of course, “Forty-nine.”

Forty-fucking-nine! Forty-fucking-nine! I felt like a gambler at a racetrack. I’d never experienced anything like this before in my life. It was like I was on a high or something. I’d won. Almost. But surely not. If I didn’t get the jackpot number… What did that mean? Did I still win? Was I still a winner? I didn’t know how it worked. How could I not have known how it worked? I guess I never expected to actually win.

“And the jackpot number is… Twelve.”

Ding-ding-ding-ding! Jackpot! I was stunned. I could not move. I’d just won the lottery! I was a millionaire! No, I was a multi-millionaire! Who had that kind of money? Movie stars? Rock stars? Tech entrepreneurs? Rockefellers? Vanderbilts? But now I did, too. I was filthy fucking rich. Congratulations to me, bitches! I’d just won the fucking lottery! I’d just won the fucking lottery! Wait a minute. For how much?

She turned to her co-host and said, “Can you believe that? Three hundred and seven million dollars.”

That couldn’t be right. I was just about beside myself. If I hadn’t already been sitting down, I would have collapsed. I’d just won! I was a rich bitch! I could buy that Valextra bag from that asshole at that store. If I even wanted it anymore, that is. I could buy something else. I could buy his whole store lock, stock and barrel and kick him out if I wanted to. I could also buy that house I wanted. Then I remembered I couldn’t because Jed was buying it. But I could… I could buy something even better! I could buy a Maserati! I could drive a fucking Maserati! Wait, Jed had a Maserati. I wouldn’t want him to think I was copying him. Maybe I’d get something else, something even cooler… I couldn’t think of a cooler car, so I’d have to decide on that later. Oh, wait. What about a Tesla? Yes! That was the car I wanted! Oh… Then I knew. A Shelby Cobra… Oh, yeah. That was it, like a vintage ’68 one, one of those two-seaters. Then I really thought about it. Could I even get my hands on one of those? I didn’t know but I didn’t care. I was rich!

Then I wondered what kind of car would Bear want. Bear! The ticket was upstairs with Bear! Oh, fuck! If he got a hold of that ticket first, there was no telling what he would do. I hated to admit it, but I just didn’t trust him with that kind of money. Hell, I didn’t trust him with fifty bucks. I’d once sent him to the store for some bread and milk and he came back with a baby turtle, some pork rinds, and a twelve pack of his favorite beer. But no bread and no milk. And what was I supposed to do with a baby turtle?! I ended up releasing it into the wild, i.e. our backyard. Bear named him Slow Ass and I had to buy heads of lettuce for years for that thing until one day it just up and disappeared. I don’t know where it went or how as it was a slow as a, well, turtle.

Seriously. Who knew what he would do? He might start a surf school for monkeys or something. He might buy some island out in the middle of the Pacific because it had awesome waves. He might just buy a tree house and expect me to live in it.

But there was no way he was getting his hands on that money first. I had to secure it. I had to get it and I had to get it now! But I couldn’t move. I was too dumbfounded. This was so big, so heavy, so new. What was I going to do with all that money?

“That’s a lot of money,” the news anchor said, nodding at his co-anchor. “I should have bought a ticket yesterday. But c’est la vie!” He paused and turned to face the camera. “Now, onto the weather. Hal, what does it look like for sunny California on this beautiful Monday morning as people head out to work?”

Without a second thought, I jumped up and raced out of the restaurant. I heard the hostess call, “Hey! Your food!” but I ignored her. I got to the elevators but there were already a shitload of people there waiting so I took the stairs, two at a time, all the way up to my fourth floor room and let myself in.

I was in such a hurry I almost fell to the floor. I straightened myself up and looked around. Where was the ticket? Where was it? I looked around in a panic just as Bear came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Well, two towels. He also had one around his head like a turban.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

I did? I glanced at myself in the mirror. I did look kind of freaked out. I straightened up and thought I saw the lottery ticket on the credenza, right next to the flat-screen TV. I was about to make a leap for it when I realized it was just a receipt and not the actual ticket. I also realized that the TV was on and turned to the same station as downstairs. The gig was up. I was more than sure he’d heard the numbers. I stared at him, probably a little crazily, because he laughed and shook his head at me.

“Seriously, what have you been smoking? Give me some of that,” he said and kissed my forehead. “You’re sweaty! Are you getting sick?”

I thought about it. “Uh, no. I dunno. I ate at some weird Chinese place yesterday with Quinn and the sushi tasted a little funky.” Maybe that was it because I really felt like I could throw up. Was this what winning a lot of money did to people? Did it make them sick? I knew it was making me crazy, kind of. My heart literally felt like it was going to come out of my chest.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. We stared at each other. “Who the hell is that?” I asked.

Bear shrugged and took the towel off his head and tossed it on the floor. “How the hell would I know? Want me to answer it?”

“No! I’ll get it!” I said, my voice high.

He leaned in and studied me. “Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Maybe you knocked me up last night,” I said and laughed a weird, high pitched laugh. “Hahhahhahaha!” I felt my skin start itching and I scratched the back of my neck. It felt hot, like I was getting a rash. Nerves, man, nerves. Maybe I did need some weed to calm myself down.

“Well, okay,” he said and kept staring at me. “I’ll get the door.”

“No! I’ll get it,” I said and went to it and opened it. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw it was the hostess from the restaurant downstairs. And she was holding a big bag of food and two coffees in a little cardboard tray. “Oh, damn! I’m sorry! I forgot!”

She eyed me. “That’s okay, Willa,” she said and smiled. “I told you it would be a few minutes then I thought maybe you misunderstood me and thought I’d bring it up. I don’t know. No need to let it go to waste. I just didn’t know what your hurry was.” She glanced past me at Bear, her eyes widening a little, then smiled at me knowingly. “Oh, I see what your hurry was. Have a good one!”

“That’s just my boyfriend!” I called after her, leaning out of the door. “We’re together! It’s not what it looks like!”

She looked at me like I had lost my mind and waved then disappeared down the hall. I turned to Bear. “I think she thought I just picked you up or something.” I stared at him. “She probably wants to know where I got you.”

He threw his head back and laughed, then said, “Thank you. That’s the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me. Well, not really.”

“You’re welcome,” I said, narrowing my eyes a little at him then took the food to the little table and started getting it out of the bag. Bear came over behind me and started rubbing my back. I wriggled away. He kept at it but I slapped his hands away. He kept at it. I turned on him with a plastic fork. “Seriously, get your hands off me.”

He held his hands up. “Now I know there’s something wrong,” he said. “When have you ever turned down sex?”

“I turn down sex all the time,” I said. “Just not from you.”

He stared at me, digesting this and finally understood the joke. “Whatever. I’m hungry. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with you, too. Let’s eat.”

We sat down at the little table and started to eat. Well, he did at least. I just sat there, shaking my leg nervously, so much that my whole body began to vibrate.

“Willa,” he said and laid a hand over mine. “You’re shaking the table.”

I was? I stared down at my leg. It was shaking like crazy. Oh, God, what was I doing? I didn’t even know. I just had this idea that if I didn’t get the ticket first, he would and then he’d really fuck everything up. If any of his moochers found out we’d won that kind of money, we’d be broke again in a week.

Wait a minute. What if he already had it? What if he’d seen the news and knew it was the winning ticket and was keeping it from me? I thought about that. He wouldn’t do that. He’d have to brag. Besides, I knew he couldn’t keep a secret. He told me things other guys had sworn him to secrecy about merely minutes after they had confided in him. But where was the little fucker? Where are you, lottery ticket?

“I don’t get what’s going on with you,” he said, eying me. “Maybe I fucked you too good last night. Maybe I addled your brain. Did I fuck you too good?”

“Is such a thing even possible?” I asked.

“If it is, I am quite capable of doing it,” he said.

I stared at him. God, why didn’t he just shut up? I turned and looked around again, then spied it on the floor, next to the credenza. Ah, there the fucker was! I was so grateful to have found it, I wanted to break out in a hymnal or something. Thank you, God! Thank you, God! But I kept my cool, sort of.

But then I thought of something. What if I’d gotten the numbers wrong and I was doing this all for nothing? That was possible as I’d played Bear’s numbers for years but not these numbers. They were completely different. I had to get that ticket and find out.

“These flapjacks are good,” he said, chewing. “Are you going to eat?”

I was still staring at the lottery ticket. I turned to him and said, “Who calls pancakes flapjacks?”

“What are you supposed to call them?”

“Pancakes,” I said slowly. “Again, we’re not in the Old West.”

He threw his head back and laughed loudly. He was really getting on my nerves, even more than usual. He leaned over, grabbed the back of my head and pulled me into a deep kiss. I, of course, started kissing back, but pulled away before he could get my juices flowing.

“I’ll get you later,” he promised.

“Not if I get you first,” I muttered and watched him eat. Soon, all of his food was gone and he started on mine. We’d be here all morning! “Don’t you have something to do today?” I asked as innocently as I could, tapping my fingers on the table.

“I don’t,” he said.

“Isn’t there some swell or something you should go check out this morning?” I asked. “I meant what I said. I don’t expect you to give up surfing.”

He shrugged. “The reports aren’t so good this morning,” he said, chewing. “It’s a bum day. Waves are down. Everything’s flat.”

Of course they were down today, for the first time in five years. Everything was all calm. The moon was taking a day off, wasn’t she?

“Hey, I know,” he said. “Take the day off and we’ll do something cool.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “What’s something cool?”

“Go to the zoo,” he said.

“If I want to smell animal stink, I will invite your friends over,” I said. I wasn’t going to the zoo. I was going to pick up my money! Well, our money. If he’d ever leave, that was. I didn’t really have a solid plan just then, but I wasn’t about to let him in on anything yet. He was such a fool when it came to money. Yes, I was going to tell him and, yes, I was going to share it but not before I secured the cash. Once I had it and had it put it into some sort of bank account or even a trust, then I would tell him. That way, he couldn’t run through with it by buying all kinds of stupid things. And giving it away to his loser friends.

I mean, I knew it was partially his because I wouldn’t have even played the lottery if he hadn’t asked me to. Or, rather, he hadn’t trained me to. It had become a force of habit with me. But now it had paid off and we were going to live very, very well once I cashed the ticket in. I just couldn’t let him screw everything up the way I knew he probably would.

Just then, Bear looked around and something caught his eye. Without a word, he got up, picked up the lottery ticket and threw it into the trash.

“Why did you do that?” I asked breathlessly.

“It’s worthless,” he said. “You were right all along about the lottery. It’s a fool’s game. I’m going to stop playing. No one ever wins.”

That wasn’t exactly true. At least not this time.

He bent over and hugged me. “I just want to spend some time with my lady. I missed you so much!”

He kissed my cheek. I wriggled away. “I warned you about that lady shit,” I said and pointed to the bathroom. “And you need a shave. Go in there and get rid of that scruff. It’s rubbing me raw.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said and disappeared into the bathroom.

“Finally,” I muttered and raced over to the trashcan and grabbed the ticket. I scanned the numbers just to make sure I hadn’t hallucinated the whole thing. No, the numbers lined up. I checked them on my phone just to be sure and, sure enough, I had the winning ticket! Suddenly, everything felt right. It felt good, like everything was going to be okay. I smiled and breathed a deep sigh of relief. Thank God for losers like Bear who invested so much effort in empty dreams such as this. But then again, who says money doesn’t bring happiness? Fuck that. I knew this was going to make me happy, at least for a while. I’d been without any real financial security for most of my life, so I couldn’t wait to just have that feeling that I had enough money to cover everything I needed and wanted. I couldn’t wait to feel that security once I was cuddled up underneath all those dollar signs.

And I was going to do right by Bear, too. I was going to let him do anything he wanted, within reason, of course. He could have all the new boards he wanted, all the surfing trips, all the pot. No, he was going to have to stop smoking pot. He did need to grow up a little.

He came out just then. I turned to him and decided it was time to tell him. I couldn’t wait, actually. He was going to be so excited. I took a breath and said, “We won the lottery.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sure, we did,” he said and rubbed his face. “I hate using your lady razors. They fuck up my face. Look at how red it is!”

I looked. Yes, it was raw but he would live. I told him this.

He laughed. “But I liked that body wash,” he said and held up his elbow. “Smell me. I smell like a pretty tropical flower.”

“And you sound like a dumbass,” I said.

“Smell me,” he said again, laughing a little.

I sniffed. He did smell nice. “Yes, you smell good. Can we move on now?”

He shrugged. “Hey, have you seen my shoes?”

He didn’t believe me about the lottery. He really didn’t. Maybe that was a sign. I just stared at him, then turned and sat on the bed. He started getting dressed and I watched him, remembering our first few years together, how much crap I overlooked. I loved him more than anything, but I knew winning this money would change everything because that’s what money does, it changes everything. I knew then that the best decision was to wait to tell him until I had the money secured. Until I had control of it.

“Willa?” he said.

I jerked a little and replied, “What?”

“Have you seen my shoes?”

I pointed to them over by the bathroom door.

“Good,” he said and picked them up, then sat beside me and put them on. “Listen, I have to go. I just remembered something I have to do.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head.

“What?” I asked and leaned back to stare at him. “What are you up to?”

“I just want to clean the house before you get home, that’s all,” he said. “Is that okay?”

I smiled. “It’s fine.” Then I thought about it. “Are you really going to clean the house?”

He nodded. “I am,” he said and kissed me on the forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I replied and cupped his chin in my hand and pulled him to me for a deep, long kiss. I pulled back first and stared into his eyes. Everything was going to change after this. We were going to be filthy, sticking rich. But I wanted him to know how much I loved him right then, right in that moment just in case it changed us too much and we got lost in all the money. That happened. People broke up after they won the lottery. I didn’t want that to happen to us, of course, but if it did, I wanted him to know how I felt right then. “I mean that, too, Bear, I really, really love you.”

“I really, really love you, too,” he said then chuckled. “Are you sure you didn’t get bumped on the head last night or something?”

“Only when you were fucking me,” I said and smiled. “Now go.”

I will,” he said and went to the door. “See you later.”

I nodded but didn’t answer. As soon as he was out of the room, I doubled checked the numbers once again on the ticket to make sure I wasn’t just crazy. But they were the right numbers. I had the winning ticket.

I had the winning ticket. Oh, my God! I was rich! Suddenly, it hit me and this time I became filled with such excitement I jumped up and down, pumping my fist into the air. Scenarios began to play in my mind. I imagined hosting parties like Gatsby and popping corks on expensive bottles of champagne and then spraying it at people off the balcony of a fancy house. I imagined driving a new, fancy sports car of some sort, chartering private jets, partying my ass off in places like Ibiza… I was going to have so much fun! I imagined it like I was in a music video, a song by Pitbull or somebody like that, buying diamonds and designer clothes and getting bottle service at fancy clubs and going to Vegas and playing the roulette table while I was dripping in diamonds and…

Then I imagined me and Bear getting it on on an exotic beach somewhere, just the two of us. Me and him… Always me and him.

But right now, just me. Just me and my fantasy of being a rich bitch.

Just then, my cell rang, jarring me out of my dream sequence. I picked it up to see it was Quinn calling. “Hello,” I said.

“Hey, girl,” she said. “We’re not going to do that house in the Valley today. They canceled. So, we’re going to go ahead and move onto that one in the Hills.”

“Got it,” I said and bit my bottom lip, wondering if I should at least tell Quinn. What should I do? I’d never had anything like this happen before.

“Cool,” she said. “So, did you ever talk to Bear?”

“I did,” I said. “We’re good now.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God! I am so sick of him calling me all the time.”

“I’ll make sure he never does that again,” I said. “I apologize for him.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “You know I love him.”

“Well, everyone does,” I said.

“But you’re the lucky lady he loves back,” she said.

I smiled. I was. And I was going to buy him something big. I know! I’d buy him a really cool, vintage cigarette boat. He loved those. And he loved to water ski. I could imagine him having the time of this life. I’d stay on the boat and sip a fruity tropical drink while sunbathing. Nah, I’d probably just have a cold beer.

“So, I’ll see you in a little bit,” she said.

“Yes, you will,” I replied and we said goodbye and hung up. Then I knew what I was going to do. I’d go in to work today, just like I always did. Then I’d go home that night, give Bear a big hug and a bigger kiss and then hand him the ticket. I was going to let him have it all, on the condition, of course, that he let me manage the money. And then we’d live happily ever after.

If only it’d happened like that.