When Peter announced his training was completed, the seriousness of his endeavour hit Holger hard, and he realised that the time had now come for him to test whether his clandestine skills would prove worth their weight in gold. It was suddenly abundantly clear to him that the training had been conducted at such breakneck speed that it had conveniently allowed him to dodge any anchor to reality. Only the daily phone calls to his secretary had reminded Holger that there was a world outside the grounds of the manor house. As the days passed, he slowly lost interest in his work as an attorney. Several of his regular clients had expressed their sympathy and support, but new cases had dried up. It was evident that, if this pact with FE could indeed clear him of the asset-stripping charges, it would take hard, focused effort to get the business back on its feet. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it; after all, it’s just selling my soul for a nickel and dime, Holger thought and closed his eyes.
For Holger, the only thing that mattered was being exonerated in the eyes of Louise. She could be proud of him again and would live with him whenever possible. He knew many that had lost their bond with their children in the fatigue of battle between 281divorcing parents. The mere thought of losing Louise scared him. For too many years, he had taken her for granted; he expected her to be there when he had time to give her his love. And expecting her to show him her love in return. Even though he had always put his career, and thus his own needs, before hers. He now saw that he had never considered how it had made her feel when, time after time, he had failed to be there for events that mattered to her. How a little girl might feel about always explaining why her father was the only one absent. And all because of something as inferior as work. How had she felt about her father never having time for her? Would she someday have had enough and punish him for his selfishness?
They could take away his business, and the house, for that matter. Because, as long as he had his health, he was confident that he would get back into the fight. I’m not a loser! But Louise was beyond his control. She was her own person; although she was his flesh and blood, he could quickly lose her for ever. Holger conceded the perils of his behaviour. His last phone call with Louise had been difficult. He had told her it would be a while until they could see each other again. And he had tried to convince her not to believe what they were saying about him on TV and in the press. Holger glanced at the little black-and-white photo he had pulled from his wallet and rubbed his eyes. He understood fully that it was hard for a girl her age – when being like your friends was front and centre. To be a part of the group. To not be ostracised. Kids could be so cruel to each other. Some parents didn’t give this type of thing much thought, and their casual use of words across the dining room table, like ‘he is guilty’, ‘a fraudster’, and ‘he brought this on himself’, could have catastrophic consequences in the 282schoolyard – regardless of him having promised her that he would prove them wrong. ‘I’ll see you again soon, baby – and whatever happens, never doubt I’ve always loved you!’ His final words still brought tears to his eyes. From the liberating distance and cover a phone call offered, he had tried hard to get his message across; she should never doubt his feelings for her.
Holger tucked the photo back in the wallet, zipped up his bag and left the room that had been his refuge for the past two weeks.
Peter and the other Jaegers were already assembled by the fireplace in the manor house’s living room. The atmosphere was subdued, like a group of friends about to part ways after a long holiday. Holger did not really know what to say but felt the need to break the silence:
‘Is Kaare able to brave it out? He’s been held prisoner for weeks. Even he must surely have a limit to how long he can withstand captivity.’
‘Of course; everybody cracks sooner or later. But Kaare will be far from reaching his limit – although he obviously can’t surf the web over there,’ Mads answered cockily.
The breezy atmosphere was misleading; the forced laughter by the fireplace quickly petered out. But everyone was grateful for a break in the tension; Holger recognised the camaraderie they had for one another and for their missing teammate.
‘In an ideal world, we would have had more time for training, but time is not on our side,’ Peter said bluntly.
‘There’s always room for more preparation. But my time as a litigator has taught me that, no matter how much you prepare yourself, your opponent always has something up their sleeve that you didn’t expect. Preparation is thus just a base for improvisation. 283And you’ve certainly given me a fantastic foundation for improvising,’ said Holger and tried to sound confident.
‘Roger that. We’d better get started. Holger, we leave at 09:00; if you want breakfast, there’s a spread in the kitchen,’ replied Peter as he got to his feet.
Holger declined the offer of breakfast. He was trying hard to convey his assurance that his mission might actually succeed. The truth, however, was that his stomach was so tightly knotted that forcing down even a single bite would be impossible.
‘Lars Danielson sends his best. He has decided to assign a codename for the mission: Holger Danske. You’ll get his direct number so you can communicate with him. It has a secure voicemail. Your rendezvous with Tatjana is also confirmed. All in all, it actually looks better than I had expected,’ continued Peter with a smile.
Carefree conversations broke out. Everybody knew that it might be the last time they saw Holger. For soldiers, this was an inescapable part of the job, but it never became routine. It was just slightly easier amongst mates than with the missus and the kids. For families, it got more challenging every time. They were the ones left with the insecurity and the powerlessness. In a curious twist, the Jaegers now took the family role. And Holger was the only one who felt resolved in the face of the action ahead.284