When Holger woke up, self-pity washed over him straight away and almost made him cry. The world was so bloody unfair. He was only put in this situation due to fictitious accusations. Unfounded, but devastating. He was finished. He would never be able to get decent clients again. His house would go to the bank, and his world would crumble. I want to be acquitted! His daughter should not have to be confronted with her father being a criminal. No matter that it was with his life on the line, he was determined not to disappoint her.
In an attempt to rid himself of the suffocating blanket of self-pity, he suddenly remembered an old paratrooper’s prayer that had defined him in his youth. And slowly he started chanting:
I’m asking You, God, to give me what You have left.
Give me those things which others never ask of You.
I’m not asking You for rest, or tranquillity of spirit, body, or mind.
I’m not asking You for wealth, success, or even health.
All those things get asked of You so much, Lord,
that You probably don’t have any left to give.
Lord, instead give me what You have left.
Give me what others don’t want.376
I want uncertainty and doubt.
I want the tempest and battle.
And I ask that You give them to me for ever, Lord.
This, so I can be sure to always have them,
because I won’t always have the courage to ask for them from You again.
Give me what You have left, Lord, because I can’t ask them of myself.
Lord, give me what You have left and what others do not want,
but give me also courage, strength and faith!
Holger felt his fighting spirit returning, and turned to face Kaare. He was not sure whether he had heard him, but he thought he saw his back straighten. We will succeed! Step-by-step, a plan started shaping up. Had Kaare not had his eyes closed in pain, he would have seen the smile that played on Holger’s lips.