Jarez Sez: “You can use any kind of seasoning you want. Try a few things out, but this A.C. recommends trying it with a little bit of salsa and hot chili sauce. Mmm mmm, hell yeah!”
Don’t rush me, bro! Cooking, as well as eating, is a process to be enjoyed. One of the best ways to prepare yourself for a really big meal is by having a couple of appetizers to open your palate and let your stomach know that a bunch of funkalicious food is about to get up in there. Soul Rolls, Bacon Rap’d Scallops, and many other recipes will get your tongue ready to receive what I got to give you.
When I was growing up in Compton, I had a friend who lived in Watts, and I would literally dodge a bullet to go over to his house and have his momma’s famous Blasian egg rolls. When I grew up, I added a little soul of my own and created these little treats. My kids love ’em, and you don’t even need to risk a life-threatening injury to enjoy them.
How long it takes: 20 to prep, 25 to cook
How much it makes: 15 to 20 rolls, enough for 5 people
What you need:
One 16-oz package large spring roll wrappers
1 pound ground turkey or ground beef
1 dime bag seasoned salt
1 dime bag pepper
1 medium white onion, finely diced
1 teaspoon minced garlic
A mix of dipping sauces (chili sauce, salsa, ranch, Thousand Island dressing, and so on)
1 head green or red cabbage, chopped (I recommend using a half a head of each for color!)
One 8-oz bag shredded Jack or Cheddar cheese
Sunflower oil
What to do with it:
1. First thing you want to do is cover your spring roll wrappers with a slightly damp towel to keep them from drying out. With that done, it’s time for some Blasian cookin’.
2. Place 1 pound of ground turkey or ground beef into a medium-size bowl. You can even use ground chicken or ground alligator. I don’t give a damn!
3. Pour in half a dime bag of seasoned salt, which is about ½ tablespoon.
4. Follow that up with 4 peenches of pepper.
5. Toss in half a handful of chopped white onion.
6. Spoon in 1 teaspoon minced garlic.
7. Get your hands in there and mix it up.
8. Don’t be afraid if you look at your meat and it don’t look complete. All you got to do is give it a sniff. If it doesn’t smell like the best damn thing you’ve ever smelled, add another peench or two of seasoned salt.
9. All ya kitchen pimps and hos, it’s time to improvise! That’s right, raid your refrigerator and add some sauce to your meat.
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Jarez Sez: “You can use any kind of seasoning you want. Try a few things out, but this A.C. recommends trying it with a little bit of salsa and hot chili sauce. Mmm mmm, hell yeah!” |
10. Use a spoon and get it all coagulated.
11. Break up your meat and cook it in a large skillet until it’s nice and brown.
12. Spread out 1 spring roll wrapper.
13. Take a little cabbage and spread it right on there.
14. Take a little ground beef and put it over your cabbage.
15. Take a little cheese and put that right on top.
16. Do a little dance with your sauce girls.
17. Now, roll it nice and tight like a blunt. Rolling it too loose will make it too greasy on the inside.
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Jarez Sez: “Use a little dab of honey if you’re havin’ trouble keeping your rolls sealed up. If you don’t like honey, you could use a drop or two of beaten egg. This’ll keep your souls rolled.” |
18. Pour enough sunflower oil into a large wok or pan to float your soul rolls. Turn the heat all the way up and let it get HOT!
19. Carefully drop in 2 to 4 soul rolls, depending on the size of your wok or pan. Let them cook for 3 to 4 minutes, until golden brown, turning them occasionally.
20. Let them cool for a minute or two on a plate covered in paper towels to let the oil drain. When they’re cool enough to eat, dip them in your favorite sauce and eat it like a damn burrito.
When I started my catering company, Ivey League Catering, my very first client, a guy named Chase, asked me to make him and his business partners some baconwrapped scallops. I hadn’t ever worked with scallops before and I don’t eat bacon. But in true ghetto gourmet fashion, I just said, “Hell, yeah, I can do that,” and got to trying shit out in my kitchen. Me and A.C.P. Jarez tried a bunch of different stuff before stumbling upon this combination of ingredients. Let me tell you, everybody loved these scallops so much they took off their clothes and jumped into the ocean tryin’ to get some more.
How long it takes: 10 to prep, 15 to cook, 5 to cool
How much it makes: 10 scallops, enough for 5 people
What you need:
Olive oil
10 large fresh scallops
10 slices beef bacon, cooked but soft
2 tablespoons minced garlic
1 small white onion, chopped
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1 cup shredded Swiss cheese
A regular old muffin tin
What to do with it:
1. Light the fire under your frying pan and pour a little olive oil in there.
2. While that’s heatin’ up, preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
3. Now, pan-sear those scallops for 2 minutes on each side. Make sure they sear up a little bit brown.
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Jarez Sez: “Searing your scallops helps keep the moisture in. You can use this method for steaks and other kinds of food.” |
4. Place them seared mollusks into yo’ muffin tin.
5. Drape a piece of cooked beef bacon over each scallop.
6. Pour just a little bit of olive oil onto each scallop.
7. Slap on a peench of garlic.
8. Spoon a little bit of onion on each one.
9. Toss 2 peenches of Cheddar cheese onto each one. Then toss on 2 more peenches of that delicious Swiss.
10. Open that damn oven and place your muffin tin into the center. Leave it there for 5 to 7 minutes, or until the cheese layer gets brown and melted.
11. Take it out and let it cool for 5 minutes. Serve it up.
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Jarez Sez: “For more flavor, use the remaining sauce in the muffin tins and drizzle it all on top of the scallops.” |
Avocado is a very Los Angeles delicacy. A man can’t even order a BLT without the waitress asking if you want it with or without avocado. It’s so good they put it on burgers, on sandwiches, and on top of every salad. So I’m gonna share the wonders of the avocado with the rest of y’all. This one is quick and simple. But isn’t that what your last girlfriend said about you?
How long it takes: 10 from start to finish
How much it makes: enough Cool-a-cado for two
What you need:
1 ripe-ass avocado
1 ripe-ass tomato, chopped
1 small white onion
Balsamic vinegar
Olive oil
1 dime bag salt
1 nickel bag pepper
What to do with it:
1. Get yourself 1 large-ass avocado. Make sure it’s nice and ripe.
2. Split that bad boy right down the middle. Pop it, pull it, and pit it. Pow!
3. Now use a small knife to cut that mother up! Make little cubes by cutting vertically and horizontally while it’s still in the skin. Shaka!
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Jarez Sez: “If you’re an expert, you can hold the avocado in your hand while you cut it up, but ’til then, put that little green bitch down on a cutting board!” |
4. Fill that hole with some freshly chopped tomato. Zulu!
5. Chop your onion into small pieces and sprinkle ’em all over the place.
6. You know me, I love me some balsamic vinegar. Drizzle your avocado with balsamic. Then hit it with some olive oil.
7. Slap it with your salt and pepper to taste. Use as much as yo’ little taste buds can handle.
8. Use your knife to stab some of the avocado’s flesh and let some of the oil and vinegar seep in.
9. Bring yo’ ass to the table. It’s time to eat a healthy and delicious Cool-a-cado!
Tired of chips and salsa? Had enough of those chili cheese Fritos? Never want to see another carrot stick and ranch dressing again? Well, you came to the right place. Here’s a quick dip that’ll take your chips from normal to formal. Artichokes ain’t just pokey-ass root vegetables. Artichokes are like women. Yeah, they might have a few rough edges. They might hurt you now and again, and they can be hard to get inside of, but once you do, let me tell you, my friends—it’s all worth it.
How long it takes: 10 to prep, 30 to bake
How much it makes: enough for 10 to 15 people
What you need:
One 14.75-oz jar marinated artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
1 cup mayonnaise
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
½ tablespoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon paprika
Your favorite tortilla chips
9 × 9-inch square baking dish
What to do with it:
1. Preheat your oven to 350 scorchin’ hot degrees. That’s Fahrenheit, bitches!
2. Take a large bowl and put your chopped-up artichoke hearts, your mayonnaise, your cheeses, and your garlic in there. You can switch it up to a light mayo if you wanna keep it lower in fat.
3. Mix it like an old beat. Then remix it.
4. Transfer that mixture into the baking dish.
5. Let that all cook up for about 30 minutes. Make sure the surface is just beginning to brown before you take it out.
6. Once it’s out of the oven, sprinkle some paprika on top and set it out in a bowl side by side with some of those cheap-ass tortilla chips. Or, to keep it healthy, you can serve this with baked chips or whole wheat crackers.
If you wanna talk about getting a bang for your buck, this is the recipe for you. My heavenly garlic bread can fill you up on its own or it can complement any dish you wish. All the other garlic breads you’ve ever had will lie down at the feet of this loaf and pray for forgiveness for being so flavorless.
How long it takes: 10 to prep, 10 to cook
How much it makes: enough for 10 people
What you need:
1 large loaf French bread (you can use whole wheat instead if you want)
2 cups mayonnaise
1½ cups shredded Cheddar and/or Jack cheese
1 stick butter, softened in the microwave
½ cup minced garlic
Hot sauce (as much as you damn well please)
What to do with it:
1. First things first. Preheat your oven to 400 hot-ass degrees Fahrenheit.
2. Cut your French bread down the center. Be careful with that knife, ’cause your broke-ass probably ain’t got any insurance.
3. Lay the halves flat on their backs on a baking sheet.
4. Slosh your mayonnaise into a medium-size bowl.
5. Drop the cheese into the mix. Don’t be scared, toss it in. Toss it!
6. Take a soft stick of butter and pour into your spread. Shaka!
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Jarez Sez: “To make this recipe a little lighter, you can get rid of the butter, or at least cut it in half.” |
7. Toss the garlic in that motha’. Zulu!
8. Pour yourself some hot sauce up in that bitch; 4 or 5 dashes should do. That’s for color. Now mix everything up.
9. Spread that creamy goodness across your bread. Come on, now, put that shit on! Don’t be cheap—you know butter, mayonnaise, and cheese don’t cost nothing.
10. Put that into your preheated oven and leave it there for about 10 minutes, or until the cheese on your bread is melted and golden brown.
11. Now your garlic bread is delicious, but it’s hotter than a stripper in Hell, so let it cool down before you eat it.
Whether you’re on the Atkins Diet or you’re recuperating from the flavor overload you experienced when you tasted my garlic bread, this quick fix is a clever way to add a Blasian touch to your before-meal festivities. This is like Nature’s burrito. This is like a salad in your hand. And fellas, let me tell you, once you wrap up this dish, you’ll find your ladies unwrapping themselves right in front of you. Shaka-Zulu!
How long it takes: 20 to prep, 15 to cook
How much it makes: 12 wraps, enough for 4 to 6 peeps
What you need:
2 tablespoons olive oil
½ tablespoon minced garlic
½ cup chopped yellow onion
1¼ pounds skinless, boneless chicken breasts, cut into cubes
1½ cups shredded carrots
12 large lettuce leaves (or collard greens, kale, or even mustard greens)
1 dime bag salt
1 dime bag pepper
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
What to do with it:
1. Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat.
2. Add your garlic, onion, and chicken and sauté it all up for 7 to 10 minutes, until the chicken is cooked through. Let the flavors coagulate.
3. Add the shredded carrots and sauté for another 5 minutes.
4. When done, set the whole thing to the side and let it Coolio.
5. Grab the leaves of lettuce from the fridge.
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Jarez Sez: “Or you can try a combination of different leaves and make an attractive platter.” |
6. Spoon your cooled mixture onto the center of each lettuce leaf. Sprinkle on some salt and pepper.
7. Drizzle about ½ teaspoon balsamic vinegar on top of each one.
8. Carefully roll it all up like a cigar and serve just like that.