My morning sickness got worse, except I knew it wasn’t really morning sickness. It was Wyatt sickness. He didn’t answer any of my calls or texts, and I was absolutely sick about it.
But I had a job to do, and I needed to get the hell over Wyatt. He was gone. Our relationship was over. I was going to be a single mom in about eight months. I needed to start figuring out how to do that.
“Anything?” Laura asked when she caught me staring at the dark screen of my phone for the hundredth time.
I shook my head and tucked my phone away.
“Are you sure you can handle this?”
I nodded. “I owe it to her.”
“Then let’s go.”
I knocked and walked into the outpatient room. It was cold, as always, but the cold was bothering me more than usual the last few days.
Like my body was reminding me that the cold had been a part of my last time with Wyatt.
“Hey guys,” I said with a smile. “Are you ready for this?”
Addi and Joey exchanged a look and nodded. “We are. We’re feeling good, Peyton.”
“Excellent. That will always help.”
Laura worked to get everything ready while I talked to Addi. Even though she’d been through the procedure before, I wanted to make sure she was calm and ready.
“You know how this goes. You shouldn’t feel any pain. Laura will hold the ultrasound wand on you so I can make sure I’m in the right spot. When I know I’m there, I’ll inject the embryo into the lining. We’ll keep you here to rest for an hour. And Joey, you know you can stay in here with her.”
They both nodded.
“Do you guys have any questions?”
They shook their heads. “We’re just hoping this is the last time.”
“I am, too.”
Laura said she was ready and handed me the catheter. She squirted gel onto Addi bare abdomen as I lifted the cover. I watched the tip of the catheter come into view on the screen with my eyes on exactly where it needed to go. I eased it into position, then depressed the plunger to implant the single embryo into Addi.
I said a quick prayer as I removed the catheter, even more important with my own tiny life developing inside me.
Laura verified that the embryo was in fact released, then we both cleaned up. Addi and Joey were staring at each other when I turned back to speak to them and I almost couldn’t say anything.
I took a deep breath and struggled to compose myself. “Laura or I will check back with you guys in a while. If you need anything, let us know. And we’ll make sure you have an appointment in a couple weeks to come back for your blood test.”
They nodded, but their eyes were already trailing back together.
I rushed out of the room and into my office before my tears fell.
Laura was on my heels.
“What happened? Did something go wrong?”
I shook my head. “I was just watching them and… I don’t know if I can do this.”
“This what?”
I gestured to my belly. “This, this. Have a baby on my own. It’s not fair to the kid. He should be with both parents, not just one.”
“He?”
“Oh, shut up,” I snapped.
“Your hormones and emotions are all over the place right now.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s not that. Watching the way those two were looking at each other reminded me why I went into this business. It’s not fair for me to keep my own child just because I feel guilty. I should give the baby up to someone who really wants kids. Two parents.”
Laura took a deep breath. “You’re scared right now. And you’re emotional. I know this is hard, but you’re already making changes to fit another person in your life. If that person is your child and not Wyatt, I know that’ll be hard, but you can do this. You’ll be a great mom. And I’m not going to take that job.”
“What? Why not?”
“I can’t leave you here like this.”
“No. Hell no. I’m going to be a mother. I can’t have everyone in my life still treating me like I’m incapable of being alone. How in the hell will I ever care for a child if I can’t care for myself.”
“I never said you can’t. You shouldn’t have to. I’ll move into Vicki’s room. I already put in my notice for my apartment, so I’ll have to move in soon, but it’ll be good. I’ll cook and clean and help you with the baby. We can do this.”
“I love you for offering, Laur, but I can’t let you do that. You want this job. You’re excited about it. This baby is my responsibility. I survived medical school, I can raise a child.”
“I think med school was probably easier. Shorter, too.”
“I’m going to miss you,” I said, hugging my friend. “It’s going to be hard, but I won’t let you stay here.”
Laura held me for a long minute. “I’m scared.”
“What are you scared of?”
She shrugged and pulled back. “I’ve never lived somewhere new like this. I’m going to a new town with all new people and doing a new job. What if I’m not any good? What if I hate living there? I mean, I haven’t even gone to visit. What-”
“Laura, stop. You’re going to love it. And you’re an amazing nurse. And if you decide you want to come back, I’ll always have a spot for you here.”
She hugged me, tears rolling down both our cheeks. “The way I’m blubbering you’d think I was pregnant, too.”
I snorted. “I wish it was you instead of me.”
Laura shook her head. “You’re going to love this baby so much you won’t know what to do with yourself.”
I rested my hand on my belly. “I already do.”
I threw myself into work the rest of the week. I refused to think about Wyatt, but I dreamt about him every night. I’d wake myself up calling his name and find my hand in my panties halfway to an orgasm.
Of course, when I was awake, I had no interest in finishing.
Which meant I was wound tighter than a bow by the weekend.
“Hunter’s coming over and we’re going out to dinner,” Vicki said when I walked into the kitchen for a drink. “Want to come with us?”
I shook my head. “I’m good. Thanks.” I continued into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water.
“Is everything okay with you?”
I nodded. “Of course, why?”
Vicki’s eyes trailed my body, taking in Wyatt’s t-shirt that I never wanted to take off, my thick sweatpants because I was freezing, and my fuzzy slippers. Oh yeah, and my unwashed hair. Going on two days.
“You’re never like this. You skipped girls’ night. You’ve been working like crazy. And I haven’t heard anything about Wyatt.”
“We broke up,” I confessed. “It’s over.”
“I sort of figured. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t want to talk about it.”
“So he ended things?”
“Yes,” I snapped. “Does that make you happy? One more thing that I’ve screwed up in my life. I can’t even keep a man happy.”
Vicki flinched and I immediately felt bad for being such a bitch.
“I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I guess there’s a lot we both have to say. I don’t want to see you miserable, Peyton. I thought you and Wyatt were good together. You’re both very committed to your work, you love what you do, you really seemed to click, and you didn’t want kids. I was a little jealous of you guys because it seemed so easy. Like you just fell into a relationship.”
“We did. And it was easy. Until I messed it all up.”
“How did you mess it up?”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now. I’m back to normal. I’ll still be available for your wedding though. I already cancelled all my appointments for that day.”
“Thanks. Um, Mom and Dad want to come down for the week. I was sort of wondering if they could stay here.”
Just what I needed. Of course, I grinned. “Yeah, sure. It makes the most sense. I’m guessing you’ll have moved everything into Hunter’s place by then.”
She nodded. “Yeah. I, um, I have almost everything there already.”
“Wow. Where have I been?”
She shrugged. “Work.”
I nodded. “Right. Well, that’s going to change. Over the next few months I’m going to take more time off work.”
“Why?”
“I need to realign my priorities. I hired a new doctor. She starts in March. And I’m going to need to take time off over the next eight months or so.”
“Eight months? That's very specific.”
“Yeah, well, things are changing.”
“Did you give yourself a weird deadline or something?”
I nodded. “Or something.”
“Peyton, what’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. It’s not that important. Have fun with Hunter.” I turned to head back to my room before I ruined her night.
“Wait. Are you pregnant?”
I froze, just for a second, then spun around. I smiled and shook my head. “Of course not. I always use protection.”
“Yeah, and it’s not guaranteed. How many times did you tell me that? You are pregnant, aren’t you?”
I sighed. “Yes.”
“Shit. That’s why you and Wyatt broke up, isn’t it?”
I nodded.
“I can’t believe he’s that big of an asshole. He was there, too. He had just as big a part of creating that baby as you did.”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
“How does it get more complicated?”
I shook my head. Vicki didn’t need to know about Wyatt’s ex and her tricks. It wasn’t my place to share that story.
“It doesn’t matter. He feels betrayed and it’s over between us. I can’t do anything about it.”
“But he can’t do that. I mean he has a responsibility to you and the baby. Does he at least acknowledge that?”
I shook my head. “We haven’t talked. I blurted it out last weekend and I haven’t heard from him since. I’m on my own as far as I’m concerned. If he wants to be in the baby’s life, I won’t keep him away, but I can’t keep trying to reach out to him. It’s killing me to have him ignore me.”
Vicki pulled out her phone. “I’m going to text Hunter that I’m not going out tonight. I need to stay here.”
“No,” I told her. “You’re not staying here. I’m fine. I need to be fine for my baby. Go out with Hunter. Have fun.”
“I-”
“Vicki, go. Enjoy a night out with your fiancé. When you’re pregnant like me, you won’t want to go out. You’ll feel like a whale and be uncomfortable and miserable constantly. Have fun now.”
“Gee, you make getting pregnant sound so exciting.”
I shrugged and gestured to my outfit. “This is the face of unplanned pregnancy. At least you know yours will be planned.”
Vicki sighed. She met my eyes. “I’m a little jealous of you right now.”
I nodded. “I know. And I wish I could give you this baby. Or Addi. Or any one of my patients. It kills me that I got pregnant on birth control, on accident, when I didn’t even really want kids, and so many women can’t when they’re doing everything right.”
“You can’t think that way,” Vicki said. “We can’t question why things are the way they are.”
“Sure we can. We’re just not going to get an answer.”
Vicki laughed. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay here?”
I nodded. “I’m sure.” The doorbell pierced the air. “Anyway, Hunter’s here. Have fun.”
I turned to leave the room to spare Hunter from looking at me in all my crazy pregnant goodness. I heard Vicki walk across the room, her heels clacking on the floor. She opened the door just before I made it to my room.
God how I wished I’d made it to my room.