TAI’S 2:00 p.m. voicemail from David went, “I don’t even know where to start to apologize. It got out of control so fast. I hope nothing happened to cause problems with your job.”
His job? That was what David was worried about?
DiBlasi had taken the rest of the day off, so Tai didn’t have to watch out for retribution.
So far, he was Teflon. Nothing in David’s explosion of family crap had stuck to Tai.
At four thirty the voicemail said, “I would like to offer an apology in person. If you don’t want to come here, I could meet you somewhere after work. Just tell me what to do here.”
How lucky was the bastard that the here wasn’t lockup. That he was free to roam around until his next selfish choice dragged in friends and innocent bystanders.
The voicemail at eight was almost the last one his phone would ever be able to take. A pause so long Tai thought David was going to let it go like that, silent, and then, “Sir. Please. I can’t—” David’s swallow was audible and then he disconnected.
Fiery need and icy rage battled along the nerves under Tai’s skin. His David. That betrayal. The plastic housing on the phone cracked, and Tai dropped it like it burned him, shoving it away from him on the couch.
Jez picked her head up off his thigh, ears raised. “How? How can I make it work if he can’t even see what he did?”
She huffed a deep sigh and settled her head back down. He stroked her ears. “It’s just you and me, Jez. Donte, Sammie. I’m not settling for almost again.”
Six hours later Tai was still awake. The window unit AC couldn’t do much when it was swamp-humid and still eighty degrees long after midnight. Jez was parked underneath it. Sprawled out on his bed, sweating from every pore, Tai thought about joining her.
He got as far as considering a shower first when his phone rang. After hours of silence, he’d wondered if David had given up, but his name—and that grin—popped up on the screen.
“What?”
“Uh, ah, oh. It’s you.” Live, David’s voice was harder to resist. The surprise, undeniable relief. Tai wanted to watch those feelings in David’s beautiful eyes.
“You called my phone.”
“Right. I did.”
“Just wanted to recite some vowel sounds at two in the morning?”
“No.”
“Well?” Tai prompted after a minute of silence.
“I’m sorry. I made a mistake.”
“Well, that we can agree on.”
“Do you—? You called Gavin—I thought—You do care about me?”
“I can’t believe you’re asking that.”
“I miss you. And I need Sir. I feel like I don’t know how I work anymore without knowing that’s there.”
And whose fault was that? Tai sat up. “Selfish much?”
“What?”
“You can’t start a sentence without I, can you?”
“I guess not.” There was a trace of David’s humor there, but warped into something so broken Tai had to clench his hands into fists to keep from reaching for him, reassuring him. Then David came back at him. “But you’re the one who told me to stop hiding. To tell you what I was feeling.”
“You’re right. I’m not saying I was perfect here. I thought I was a good Dom for you.”
“You are.”
“If I was, maybe we wouldn’t be here.”
“Where are we? I’m sorry. I don’t know how to prove to you that I know—God, I helped that disgusting—I feel like shit and I can’t—Please.”
Tai felt the pull, like David was there at Tai’s feet. The tug to take away what his boy was suffering. Make it right. And when the next time came for David to choose between easy and right—what then?
Pressure squeezed tight at the base of Tai’s skull, everything hot and heavy, making it impossible to breathe. “I’m sorry too. But right now, I need some time. Some space.”
“You know—you know I didn’t choose him—I wouldn’t choose anyone over you.” But in a way he had.
“Give me some time, David. Good night.”
BEACH OPENED the hotel suite door to Gavin’s knock.
“Since when do you turn down an invitation to go anywhere?” Gavin strode in and took up a seat on the couch with the air of a man who was not leaving until he was good and ready.
“Since it sounds like a snoozefest.” Beach had been expecting Gavin to pop up since turning down both the invitation to meet the newest little Montgomery and the earnest plea to come condo shopping, but he didn’t have to like it. It was harder to wallow without bourbon, but he was giving it his best shot.
“Hamish Tolliver Montgomery and mother are doing quite well, thank you for asking.”
“Hamish? Good luck at school, kid.”
“It’s impossible not to want to call him Hammie, as he looks like a freshly boiled haunch, down to the curse of red hair.”
“Thought you liked redheads.”
“And I therefore know that my half brother already has a chip on his shoulder. I am removing myself to a new address posthaste.”
“Why don’t you move in with Jamie?” Beach slunk into the opposite corner of the couch. “Don’t you practically live there already?”
“I wasn’t invited.”
Beach’s eyes widened. He wasn’t overly fond of Gavin’s choice of boyfriend, but seeing them make eyes at each other left no doubt things went deeper than skin. And somebody ought to be happy.
Gavin shrugged. “It’s just about an address. We’re comfortable with things the way they are.”
Right. What did Beach know about successful relationships? The only two he’d ever put effort into had blown up in his face. Speaking of, “They caught him.”
“Who?” Gavin asked, as if there were another criminal apprehension Beach might be mentioning.
“My father. Al says if we don’t contest the forfeiture of the money and the Nancy, they’ll drop any aiding-and-abetting charges, so I’m back to just my original criminal trespass sentencing on Tuesday.” Beach picked at the edges of tape holding down the gauze on his hand. Al said it would be Beach’s own doctor taking out the stitches next week, but hedging his bets, Al also added that the worst-case scenario was thirty days in jail. Beach found himself surprisingly uninterested in the outcome.
“The Nancy? Oh, Beach, I’m so sorry.”
It wasn’t as if he could fit the cuff over the big wad of gauze. But he couldn’t bring himself to put on the other one. He’d lost the right to wear it.
He dragged up a smile for Gavin. “Yeah. She was a good lady. But I can get another boat.”
“True.” Gavin stretched out a leg and kicked Beach’s knee. “You know what else you could easily get. A shower. You look like shit and smell worse.”
Beach held up his bandaged hand. “I ended up tearing two stitches. I’m under dire orders to keep it dry.”
“Nice excuse.” Gavin stomped over to the kitchenette and grabbed a plastic bag that held the leftovers from his trip to the hospital. Tossing aside the bloodstained shirt, he pulled out the discharge directions. “And you were supposed to change this bandage yesterday. Here.” He came back over with the bag. “I suppose it’s too much to hope for that one of the principal owners of Midland-South Health has any bandages or tape in his hotel room.”
“You suppose right.”
“It’s all right, my brother’s a doctor. I can swing it.” Gavin shoved the plastic bag over Beach’s hand and began tying the ends over his wrist.
It hit like a wave. Like the worst kind of sub drop. It shoved him sideways and rolled him under, and he couldn’t breathe. His eyes burned with tears.
Jerking free, he tore off to the bathroom and spun on the shower to full blast as sobs choked his chest. Gone. He’d never ever have that back. Never know what it felt like to put himself in Tai’s—in Sir’s hands and feel the weight and freedom of that control. Never ride that high of endorphins, ache with what Sir wanted him to feel.
And what had he given that up for?
A pedophile of a father. How could he not have known? Because he didn’t want to. It was easier, less complicated not dealing with truth, which was inconvenient and boring and inflexible. He’d hated anything that locked him in with those limits. Black and white, either/or.
Until Tai.
He made the rules worthwhile. Made them mean something besides an obstacle to slide around.
“Beach. C’mon.” Gavin hammered at the door. “Beach. You’re freaking me out.”
He was freaking himself out. How could he never have that again? There wasn’t anything like it. Not X. Not liquor. Not coke. Yeah, there were other Doms out there. A world full of them, men and women, from what he’d learned online. But none of them were Tai.
Beach yanked off his shirt and shoved his head under the spray to get rid of the worst of his tears and snot, though he was pretty sure he’d been crying loud enough for Gavin to hear him.
“I’m fine.” He grabbed for a towel with his unbandaged hand and opened the door a crack. “Showering.”
“Do you need help?”
“I thought you didn’t want me getting into any more trouble with the police. I should think you washing my dick would piss off one in particular.” Beach unfastened his shorts and kicked them away.
“Fine. But I’m staying right here.”
“I’m not going to kill myself, Gavin. I’m only taking a shower.”
“You didn’t see your face.”
Beach didn’t have to. He’d felt it. Could still feel it. He squeezed his eyes and managed a scraping off of funk with one hand.
A few minutes later he yanked open the door, holding the towel at his hip with his plastic-wrapped hand. “See? Everything intact.”
Gavin had perfected a polite demur that at the same time was as clear as an emphatic Says you.
“You get dressed, and we’ll go pick up some supplies to change your bandage.”
“You go play doctor with Sergeant Boyfriend.” Beach stripped off the plastic and handed it to Gavin, letting the towel fall to the floor. “I’m fine.” He went into the bedroom and dressed, but he knew Gavin was still out there.
Which became obvious when Gavin said, “So when’s the last time you left the hotel?”
“Let me think, since none of your fucking business.”
Gavin pushed open the door. “So you’re in love with him, huh?”
The flash of anger evaporated. Beach sat on the bed and stared at his bare feet. “I was in love with you once, remember?”
Gavin shrugged then came over and sat beside him. “Guess I’ve always been just that good.”
Beach shoved him—“Ow”—with his bandaged hand.
“And you’ve always been that stupid.” Gavin caught Beach’s wrist, then looked at the knuckles before freeing it. “So when that didn’t work out, what did you do?”
“Became your best friend and told myself it didn’t matter that much.”
“Did you try that this time?”
“No.” Beach cracked his ankles. “I already have a best friend.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I know the D/s freaks you out, but it’s more than that. And at the same time—everything, every thought in me is that I want to be with him. That I need to belong to him.”
“You did seem pretty happy.”
“You thought I was high.”
“Like I said.” Gavin turned his head to study Beach. “You really like him telling you what to do, like with dessert when we went out?”
“I really do.” Beach flopped back on the bed. His leg had begun hurting since he’d stopped doing the exercises. “You know, it’s kind of crazy. Even if by some miracle he forgave me, my life would never be easy again. And I want that. It doesn’t make sense, but I want it.”
“Shit.” Gavin’s voice was oddly urgent. “I guess your fairy godmother needs to dust off her wand.”
TAI GRABBED the phone and kept typing up the probation report. It was hard to keep his mind off David, but doing two things at once helped.
“It’s Gavin Montgomery. I’m so sorry to trouble you at work, but I wasn’t sure we had established that more personal contact was appropriate.”
Tai translated that as Gavin wasn’t sure Tai would take the call if he knew it was from David’s friend.
“Yeah?”
“I know it’s short notice, but this Saturday we’re doing a volunteer cleanup at the residence. You were kind enough to make a generous donation, and I sensed you were really interested, so I thought you might want to come down and help out.”
Right. And in no way was this some kind of ploy where he’d end up either listening to another one of Gavin’s for-your-own-good speeches or trapped working side by side with David.
He had to admit Gavin was good at manipulation, though. He already felt bad about turning him down.
“I do think the shelter is worth working toward, but it is kind of last-minute. And besides, Gavin, I thought you wanted me to let David go.”
“I’m sorry about my intrusion. I misread the situation. But I didn’t even tell Beach about the cleanup. Even if his hand wasn’t all messed up, it’s not his sort of thing.”
“What happened to his hand?” Tattoo sucker on Tai’s forehead, but he couldn’t help himself.
“He won’t really talk about it. All I know is it happened the night he was arrested. Twelve? No, sixteen stitches.”
David had a smart mouth, but the cops would be used to worse. Tai hadn’t heard anything about resisting arrest.
His phone lit up. “I’ve got another call.”
“Will we see you on Saturday?”
“If I’m there, I’m sure you will.”
Tai spent the rest of the day digging around, but there was no arrest record because David hadn’t been arrested. Just held for questioning. But the lawyer was as sharp as money could buy, and if David had been hurt by the cops, there would have been press all over it. Unless that was how the lawyer got David out without charges?
No matter what Gavin said, Tai was pretty sure David would be down at the shelter on Saturday. He could ask him then. He’d see David. And then?
Then Tai would know.
TAI SAW the dumpster first, hard to avoid when it seemed to take up half the street. But though he saw Gavin’s matte-black car next to a shining ’60s Ford truck, David’s Spider wasn’t around.
Tai buried his disappointment as he climbed out of the car. The letdown told him what he should have already known. They weren’t done. After he put in some help, he was going to go see David and make this work.
“Looking for something, Fonoti?” Jamie passed him and hurled an overstuffed trash bag into the dumpster.
“Just the man in charge.”
“Hmph.” Jamie’s cheeks were red under his freckles. “Gavin’s throwing stuff down the chute.” He jerked his thumb at the spot where a funnel made of plastic spilled from the upper story into the dumpster.
There was a rumble, and the plastic buckets shook. A cloud of dust billowed up. “Did he get a permit for this?”
Jamie shrugged. “I’ve learned it’s better sometimes not to ask.”
On the first floor, a guy with salt-and-pepper hair was working a crowbar on the boards over the windows. As Tai climbed the stairs, he heard laughter and the sound of tiles clanking together. In the hall a tall, thin blond with a medical mask on and a kid with dark curly hair were emptying trash cans into the chute.
The kid was doing most of the giggling.
The blond punched him in the arm. “For fuck’s sake, Marco, enough with the what-should-we-stuff-in-the-hole crap.” He lowered his mask and narrowed his eyes at Tai. “Can I help you?”
“Gavin?” Tai said.
“Back there.” The blond waved behind him.
In a bathroom a guy too small to be Gavin stood in the tub, knocking out the tiles. “Hey, Gavin. Did you ever think of designating the bathrooms by orientation?” He spun around. One hand on his heart, he tugged down his mask. “Yowza. You are not Gavin.”
“What? Another rat’s nest?” Gavin came to the door. “Tai. I’m glad you came. This is—”
The guy in the tub stripped off his glove and offered a hand. “Eli. And I am deeply regretting a commitment to monogamy at the moment.”
At Gavin’s chuckle, Eli turned to him. “What, like you’re the only size queen in the room?” Still hanging on to Tai’s hand, Eli delivered a slow once-over. “Hon, you are proof that God loves queers and wants us to have lots and lots of dick.”
“Thank you, I think. Nice to meet you, Eli.”
Eli’s hand went back over his heart. “That voice.”
“Gavin, how can I help?”
Gavin led Tai through the doorway. “I really appreciate you coming. Especially after my behavior the other night.”
“Forget about it.” Tai would rather not spend too much time thinking about Gavin’s opinion of David.
“I wish I could. I was wrong. I can see how much he’s changed for the better. And I’m going to be horribly inappropriate again, but I feel like I owe him. If you don’t want to be there for him in that capacity any longer, do you think you could steer him toward someone else to offer it?”
Tai’s head hurt trying to wrap around Gavin’s words. The guy wanted Tai to send David to another Dom? Or was that coming from David?
“You got something you want me to do, or you just want to pimp your friend?”
“You could start in there.” Gavin gestured toward a room like he was doing Tai a huge favor by letting him clean up a pile of broken furniture.
“Fine.”
However “horribly inappropriate” David’s friends were, Tai had made this commitment to help out and for a good cause. He knew what happened when kids didn’t have a place where they felt safe. He’d seen too much of it.
So he’d do this thing and then go find David and figure out what the fuck Gavin had been talking about with his “steer him toward someone” bullshit.
Hauling furniture—and smashing some of it into more portable bits—then flinging it into the dumpster was a productive way to burn off some anger. Tai figured he’d made four trips to one of Jamie’s with whatever he was hauling in trash bags. During one slog out to the dumpster, he saw two more guys come in. One ended up helping yank down the boards over the windows while the other spent as much time making suggestions as he did tossing stuff in one of the wheeled bins.
All that was left from Tai’s pile was an armchair with an exploded seat cushion courtesy of the rats Gavin had mentioned. As Tai lifted it, the kid, Marco, called from the hall, “¡Oi, papi! Throw that one from the window. I want to watch.”
Tai looked through the dirty glass. It was a clear shot to the dumpster, and that would be one hell of a satisfying toss.
As Marco shoved open the window, another car rolled to a stop in the alley. “Thank God, more people.”
Eli came up behind them. “I hope it’s the lesbians Gavin said were coming. We could use some butch help.”
Marco giggled and shoved Eli.
“Nope,” the blond called from the hall. “Hair’s too long. It’s Zeb.” He took off down the stairs, almost instantly appearing in the alley below.
A man with hair down to his shoulders only had a foot out of the car when the blond grabbed him for a solid kiss.
“You going to throw it now, papi?”
The passenger door opened, and David stepped out, balancing a bakery box and a tray of coffees.
Tai sucked in a hot breath of air, more aware—more alive—in his body than he’d ever been. The expansion deep under his ribs was big enough to take in all the dust motes flying out into the sunshine, all the thuds and bangs and rumbles of the city. And more. To take in all of the man now turning to look up, to know David held a big piece of Tai in return. And that was all right.
He gave the chair enough momentum and arc to land squarely in the middle of the dumpster.
David’s eyes grew wide, the chair crashed and shattered, and the big tray of coffees wobbled. His bandaged hand shot forward, and then the whole tower spilled and splashed against the side of the car.
“Whoops?” Marco patted Tai’s arm.