HOLDING THE TELEPHONE receiver to her ear, Barbara gave Missy a reassuring smile as she waited for Richard to answer his office line. “Mr. Benson, this is Barbara Wilson.”
“Barbara? Why so formal?”
“That’s right. Missy’s counselor.”
“She’s with you, isn’t she?”
“Yes. She’s right here. We’ve been having a nice visit.”
“As nice as our last visit was?”
Barbara steeled herself against the suggestion in his voice. “In fact, something’s come up in our discussion that I wanted to talk to you about. Missy tells me that the doctor is going to do an ultrasound at her next visit, and she’s a little apprehensive about it.”
Richard was instantly concerned. “It’s not painful, is it? Or dangerous?”
“No. But medical machinery can be a little intimidating. Mr. Benson, she’s asked if I would go with her, and I told her I’d have to talk to you about it first.”
“Do you want to go?”
“I think it’s an excellent idea. But naturally, I felt we should ask your opinion.”
“If it’s what Missy wants and you don’t mind, I’m all for it.”
Barbara gave Missy a thumbs-up and forced a smile. “I’m so glad you feel that way, Mr. Benson.”
“I want to talk to you about this. Alone. When Missy isn’t listening in.”
“I agree,” Barbara said evenly. “That would be a good idea.”
“Tonight?”
“Yes. Missy and I are having a great visit. We’ve been making spaghetti sauce.” She paused as Missy waved frantically. “Excuse me.”
“Tell him I’ll make him spaghetti now that I know how.”
“Don’t you want to tell him yourself?”
Missy shook her head. “That’s okay. You can tell him for me.”
Barbara relayed the message, listened, then laughed. “Yes. I’ll tell her that.”
After hanging up the phone, she turned to Missy. “He said that if the spaghetti is half as good as the pot roast was, he’s going to hire you out as a chef.”
“Daddy’s so silly sometimes,” Missy said, but Barbara could see the pleasure her father’s compliment had given her.
That evening, Richard brought wine to go with the spaghetti. “Good,” Barbara said when he presented her with the bottle. “We may need it.”
Concern captured Richard’s features. “I could tell by your voice that something was bothering you. Is it this doctor’s visit with Missy?”
“It’s everything,” Barbara said. “If you’re not too hungry, why don’t we talk before we eat?”
Richard nodded.
“Make yourself comfortable, then,” Barbara said. “I’ll put this in the refrigerator.”
When she returned to the living room, he was sitting on the couch. He patted the space next to him, and she sat as he’d invited.
“Don’t I even get a hello kiss?” he asked.
“Oh, Richard,” she said, gladly going into his proffered embrace. They hugged long after the kiss ended.
“Does this have anything to do with the fact that I asked you to marry me?” he asked. “By the way, that was pretty sneaky, enticing me to make love to you so you could avoid talking about it. You knew I had to leave.”
“So did you,” she said. “And you weren’t exactly fighting me off.”
“I’m not perfect, but I’m not crazy, either. You obviously weren’t in the mood for talk, and you do have incredible breasts.” He grinned unforgivably at the blush that colored her cheeks.
Barbara stiffened her spine. “This time, we talk.”
“First,” he said. “Then I can show you how much I missed you since Friday night.”
Barbara fought the curl of desire his suggestive bantering brought to life inside her. “We’ve got some serious problems to discuss, Richard,” she said firmly.
He nodded solemnly. “About Missy, or about us?”
“About Missy. And about us. Oh, Richard, I feel so incredibly conflicted. When we decided to keep our relationship between us, it seemed so simple and logical. I thought you were right about Missy having enough on her mind without us throwing a serious relationship in her face. I still think so, but—”
She paused and wiped her hand over her face. “It was hard enough when it was just a matter of your having to sneak over here like a married man, but the closer I get to Missy, the more I feel we’re deceiving her as much as protecting her. When I was talking to you on the phone in front of her, it was like lying.”
“So you think we should level with her about our relationship?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted miserably. “Since you asked me to marry you, I’ve been more confused than ever.”
“About us?”
He wasn’t expecting her to melt. But that’s the only way he could have described the way everything about her softened as she looked at him. “I used to sit in class and practice writing Barbara Simmons Benson. That should make me question whether my feelings are real or just memories of old feelings that were never resolved. But it doesn’t.”
Her eyes held love as she smiled bittersweetly. “I don’t know if I never stopped loving you or if I just fell in love all over again. I just know that I’m crazy in love with you.”
A thousand-ton weight floated from Richard’s chest. He’d known she loved him, known it with every fiber of his being, but it was a relief to hear her admit it. He cradled her head, sliding his fingers into her hair and curving them around her scalp. His face hovered an inch from hers. “Say it,” he said.
“I love you?” she replied, caught off guard by his intensity.
“That’s old news.” His mouth was so close to hers that his lips brushed hers when he smiled before imploring, “Now say, ‘Yes.’”
He swallowed the word as it came out of her mouth, feeding on its significance. He wouldn’t have expected that after all their lovemaking of the past weeks, that a single kiss would carry so much meaning. But this kiss, which started with a promise, became a covenant between them. It left them breathless and jubilant and complete in a way they’d never been complete before.
“It’s official now,” Richard said.
“Yes,” she said, putting her head on his shoulder. After a long hesitation, she said, “We’ll never have just this moment again. I wish...that we could put it in a bottle and take it out when there’s nothing hanging over our heads to spoil it.”
“Missy?”
Barbara nodded. “The omission is so much bigger now than when we were just exploring what would happen if we got to know each other again.”
“She’ll be pleased, Barbara. She likes you.”
“And she loves you. She trusts both of us. Which is why she could feel betrayed when she finds out that we kept this from her.”
“You think it’s time to tell her about us?”
“I think it’s time to think about the best time and the best way.”
“Maybe if we did it slowly, if you came to the house to visit. Missy would like that. I could mention that I find you attractive. She’d probably suggest that I—”
“And what if she reacts negatively to the idea because she’s scared it would threaten her relationship with you? Would we call it quits? Or would we sneak around some more?”
“We’re not sneaking around, damn it!” Richard said. “We’re being discreet to protect my daughter when she’s got enough on her mind without our springing this on her, too.”
“You were right. You wanted to wait until Missy’s crisis was resolved before we got so deeply involved. If I hadn’t thrown myself at you—”
He cupped her chin and tilted it until he could see her face. “You didn’t throw yourself at me. We were like two locomotives charging toward each other on the same track.”
“You’re sweet to remember it that way.”
“I don’t regret a minute—not even a second—of the time we’ve spent together. The frustration is in all the years we wasted and can’t get back again. This thing with Missy will eventually work itself out, and when it does—”
“Maybe she’ll be my maid of honor.”
The look in his eyes was hot enough to melt stone. “I’d marry you this minute if there was a preacher standing in front of us to perform the ceremony.”
Barbara hugged him fiercely, and for a few minutes, at least, they lived only in the moment, savoring the richness of being able to hold each other after having been separated so many years.
A fit of barking from the apartment next door shattered the spell. “Someone’s doorbell is ringing,” Barbara observed idly.
“How do they put up with that dog?”
“Gizmo? He’s a cutie! He just hates doorbells.”
Richard harrumphed skeptically. After a silence, he asked apprehensively, “Tell me about this test Missy’s going to have.”
“I’m no expert,” she said. “But a sonogram is something like radar. It uses sound waves that bounce off solid objects and create images. There’s no pain involved. Not every expectant woman has one, but Missy’s pregnancy is considered high risk because of her age.”
“She didn’t tell me that. About the high risk. Is she—could she be in physical jeopardy?”
“I’m not a doctor.”
“But you’re a woman. A smart woman.”
“My opinion? Missy’s a healthy sixteen-year-old. She and the baby will be fine. If she were fourteen, with a history of drug abuse or malnutrition or heavy smoking, the prognosis wouldn’t be as good for either, especially the baby.” She gave Richard an inquiring look. “Why haven’t you asked Missy’s doctor all these questions?”
“I haven’t met Missy’s doctor.”
“You’ve taken her for her appointments.”
“I sit in the waiting room and write the checks. It’s an OB-GYN office. They’ve never asked me into the treatment rooms or whatever is behind that door the nurse takes the patients through.”
“And you haven’t asked to go?”
“It’s a woman’s world back there, and I don’t want to invade Missy’s privacy. And don’t give me that look!”
“What look?”
“That you’re-an-insensitive-male-and-uncaring-father look!”
“That wasn’t what I was thinking at all,” Barbara said.
“If she’d asked, I would have gone with her.”
“Do you honestly think I’d have agreed to marry you if I’d thought you were insensitive or uncaring?”
Richard frowned in frustration. “No. I’m sorry. My fuse is a little short. I just...I feel so responsible and yet so...powerless.”
“You’re a parent.”
“Sometimes I don’t feel like much of one.”
Barbara stroked his back soothingly. “It takes a caring parent with a keen sense of responsibility to achieve the level of frustration you’re at.”
He turned and reflexively pulled Barbara into his arms. “If I’m so caring and sensitive, why didn’t she tell me about this sonogram? Why didn’t she ask me to go with her instead of—”
“Instead of me?”
Richard released a labored sigh. “Do I sound like an ungrateful jerk?”
Barbara smiled reassuringly. “We agreed that Missy needed a female confidante. That’s why I suggested counselling.”
“So you think this is one of those female bonding things?”
“As opposed to a rejection of you, yes. If the father were involved with the baby, she’d probably want him along, but she’d probably be a little self-conscious lying on a table with her belly bare in front of you. She’s already embarrassed about being pregnant.”
“She’s embarrassed with me, and wouldn’t be with the little twerp who got her pregnant?”
“It’s not that simple. I said if the father were involved with the baby, she’d probably want him along. If that were the case, and Missy were older and married, you wouldn’t think a thing about her wanting her husband with her.”
“I guess.”
“There just aren’t many established rules for unmarried teenaged girls who are carrying babies the father couldn’t care less about. It would be simpler if there were, so we could turn to Section 3-C on page thirty-seven of the rule book to find out who’s supposed to go with Missy when she has a sonogram.”
She patted Richard’s knee. “That wine should be cool by now. Why don’t you decant us a glass while I cook the spaghetti.”
“‘Decant’?” he repeated with a chuckle as they rose.
“Oh, all the best wine servers decant, don’t you know?” she replied in a heavy, affected British accent.
“Glad I sprang for a bottle with a cork,” he said drolly. “I’d hate to try to decant a screw-on.”
Barbara put the water on to boil and then sat down at the table and picked up the glass of wine Richard had poured for her. She took a sip. It was robust and tart. “This was a good idea.”
“I have some of those occasionally.”
His hand was on the table, next to his glass, and she covered it with hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Probably a lot more often than you realize.”
He responded with a small smile.
“I have an idea I want to run past you now,” she said, trying to sound upbeat.
Richard’s mouth curled sardonically. “If you waited until I had wine to bring it up, it can’t be pleasant.”
“It’s not unpleasant,” Barbara said. “It’s just something to think about.”
Richard groaned. “I don’t want to think any more. Let’s go to your bedroom and have mindless sex instead.”
Barbara grinned drolly. “Later. First I want to feed you so you’ll have enough energy to keep up with me. And while we’re waiting for the water to boil, we might as well toss around some ideas.”
“You’d be perfect if you weren’t so damned clever,” Richard grumbled.
“I’m serious, Richard.”
“I know,” he said resignedly. “Let’s hear it.”
“Physically, this test Missy’s going to have is not going to be much, but it could have an enormous psychological impact. She’ll actually be able to see an image of her baby moving on a screen, and she’ll probably be given a printout of the baby’s image.”
“What? Like a computer printout?”
“Exactly. Only it looks like a black-and-white photo. Richard, some mothers frame these printouts, or post them someplace where they’ll see them often.”
“The baby’s going to be a lot more real to her.”
Barbara nodded. “If the baby’s turned the right way, she may find out whether it’s a boy or a girl.”
Richard buried his face in his hands and swore, then sucked in a ragged breath. “How’s she going to deal with this?”
“I’d say that depends a lot on how you deal with it.”
“I’m not ready for this.”
“It’s here, and it’s happening, whether you’re ready for it or not. You’re thirty-six. Missy’s sixteen. She’s going to need your strength. Whether you think you have the strength or not, she needs to believe that you have it. And if you can’t find it, you’re going to have to do a damn good job of faking it.”
The water was boiling. She got up and put the noodles in, then stirred them. When she turned abruptly to return to the table, she was startled to find Richard right behind her. An involuntary shriek of surprise rose from her throat.
He draped his arms over her shoulders and looked into her eyes. “If I find the strength to handle this, it’ll be because you showed me where to look for it.”
“We’re not going to have to dig very deep to find it,” she said soothingly.