Chapter 15

“That will do extremely well, child. You have delighted us long enough. Let the other young ladies have time to exhibit.”

— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Volume I, Chapter Eighteen

What was I thinking?

Tuesday morning, I drove to school in the Jeep with a scowling Cat, trying to ignore the fact that I felt naked in my short black skirt and that my bony knees were tapping a staccato rhythm against each other.

Liz and Jane saw me before we all left for school, Jane nodding with approval and Liz just whistling. Cat didn’t exactly seem to share their opinion.

“I can’t believe you’re actually wearing that ho outfit.”

I doubted that many ho’s toted Physics and Calculus textbooks in their Army-camouflage backpacks, but Cat wasn’t into fine distinctions.

“I don’t look like a ho.” Besides, a ho would’ve actually kissed someone at least once in her life. And Jane had talked me into buying this skirt, and no one would ever accuse Jane of looking like a ho. Or hanging out with one.

Cat’s nose wrinkled. “You look like you’re trying to hook a guy.”

I rolled my eyes, even though Josh’s face flitted through my brain. “Isn’t that what you’re always trying to do? What’s the matter? No luck?”

I’d scored a dig, I could tell, but it felt weird. I mean, even though Cat and I were stuck driving to school together most days, we never talked. Now that we were finally speaking, we just took swipes at each other.

Cat stared out the passenger window of the Jeep as I pulled into the school parking lot and headed for the closest open spot.

“Don’t park there!”

I frowned at her. “Why? You like to walk?”

A couple of spots away, a carload of guys tumbled out of a station wagon that looked like it belonged to a soccer mom. I pointed at the guys. “Do you know them?”

Cat grabbed my finger and shoved it down in my lap. “Don’t point! For God’s sake, I don’t want them to see me.”

“Too late.” I shrugged. “We stopped ten feet from them, and we’re in the only hot-pink Jeep in Woodbury, if not the entire world.”

“Don’t remind me.” Cat slouched down in her seat, her eyes level with the glove compartment. “I am, like, so busted.”

“Because you saw some guys you know?” I frowned but drove on, past the guys, and swung wide to turn into another free spot halfway down the row. “Won’t you see them in school?”

Cat’s head bobbed up just long enough to glance out the rear window, but I’d already checked. The guys hadn’t noticed us, as far as I could tell, and were halfway to the school building by now.

A tiny voice came out of Cat, a little less snotty than usual. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“You don’t want them to know we have a hot-pink Jeep. Sorry, but I think everyone in school already knows, especially after some of the things Lydia has done in this Jeep.”

“Oh, sure. Cut on Lydia when she’s not here.”

“It’s her own fault she’s not here, but I wasn’t cutting on her.” I pulled the key out of the ignition and stuck it in my backpack. “Just stating a fact. Everyone knows this Jeep.”

“But they don’t all know—”

She broke off, and I waited for her to continue.

I rolled my eyes. “Okay. What don’t they know?”

Still slouched down, Cat looked away from me. “That you’re my sister.”

Stung, I sucked in a breath. “Actually, I think they do.”

Cat ignored me, but when I grabbed my backpack and opened my door, she finally opened hers. “It was bad enough when you were a geek. But now everyone’s talking about you. When they see that skirt—”

I frowned. “What are they saying?”

“Oh, you know.”

I didn’t have a clue. In fact, everyone had eventually stopped talking after I showed up in new clothes and a new haircut. They still stared, sure, but that was it.

As far as I knew.

“I have no idea.” I bit out the words through clenched teeth, wishing Jane were here, or even Liz. “Tell me.”

Cat climbed out of the Jeep and headed toward school but walked a few feet away from me. As if we weren’t together. Had she always done that? Had I been too absorbed in my own problems to notice or care?

She finally glanced at me. With a sneer. “They think you might be Lydia’s successor.”

I halted in the middle of the parking lot. After a long moment, I laughed. “Me? Like Lydia? She doesn’t even read books.”

Cat nodded, utterly serious. “I know, right? I tell them you’re not the next Lydia. It’s my turn. My turn to be the girl everyone wants.”

She wanted to be like Lydia? She wanted guys to want her that way? “I think you can aim higher.”

She brushed me off with a duck-face look I privately called prune face. “And now you’re trying to dress all hot, and you have that skirt on, like you want every guy in school to notice. You’re just trying to take it away from me.”

Was Cat on drugs? “I’m not trying to be like Lydia. Or like you.” Understatement of the century. “I’m just wearing new clothes because Jane and Liz thought it’d be a good idea. You can wear short skirts, too, if you want.”

“I don’t have long legs.”

“So don’t wear skirts. But I’m not trying to hook a guy.”

“Oh, really? Then why’s that guy staring at you?”

My head twisted, and a groan escaped. Josh. So far, I hadn’t seen Josh and Cat at the same moment in school, so her wild tales of Josh and me hanging out together at the Mall of America were technically rumor. Sure, I’d told Jane and Liz all about it by now, but they hadn’t seen him. No one in my family had. I didn’t want that to change.

I turned back to Cat, pretending I hadn’t noticed Josh, even though I’d glanced long enough to see his wide eyes and his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

I couldn’t help it. I tugged my skirt down in back.

“I don’t think he wants it lower.” Cat smirked, and I might’ve kicked her if I weren’t afraid my skirt would fly up in back. “Who is he, anyway?”

I didn’t look at Josh again. Maybe he’d walk right into school without stopping or saying anything.

And maybe Mom would buy me a Corvette for my birthday.

“Mary? MB?”

I froze a moment, then slowly turned at the sound of his voice. Argh. Josh was ten feet away now.

“Did he call you MB?” Cat half-whispered the question, which meant everyone in the parking lot could hear her.

Josh looked from me to Cat and back again. “Isn’t that your sister? Doesn’t she call you MB?”

I shrugged, even though all the air left my lungs and I felt like fainting. Even on Josh’s bed. “She’s not—”

Cat chomped harder on the gum in her mouth, smacking it loudly. “I’m not what? Your sister?”

I hissed between my teeth. “A minute ago, you said you didn’t want anyone to know.”

“That was before I met your friend.” She batted her eyelashes at Josh, reminding me in a really annoying way of Penelope. “Hi. I’m Cat.”

“Josh.” Then he turned to me, totally blowing her off.

Cat stomped into school ahead of us.

“You said you’d work on the roller coaster project after school, but you didn’t say you’d be wearing—” He broke off, frowning.

The warning bell rang, and we both picked up our pace. I turned to Josh, trying to act casual, even though my heart was thundering in my chest. “Wearing this black top? Is there a problem with it?”

I glanced down, pretending to be brave but secretly terrified I’d find raspberry jam slathered down the front of me. My snug, scoop-necked black top was jam-free, though, and Josh didn’t answer. After a quick stop at my locker, I walked ahead of him into class, which probably didn’t help.

It also gave the entire class a full frontal look at me. The room went silent. Then someone whistled.

It definitely wasn’t Mr. Skamser.

I glanced at him, nervous, just in time to catch him sighing and closing his eyes. I think male teachers don’t like seeing short skirts on high school girls any better than dads do.

“Take your seats, please.” He cleared his throat. “We have a lot to, ahem, cover in class today.”

I hoped he wasn’t referring to my butt.

I sat down, Josh behind me, but he didn’t lean forward to ask me about the roller coaster project or our Calculus homework or anything else. I thought I heard a tiny groan coming from behind me at one point, but it could’ve been Josh’s reaction to Mr. Skamser’s latest lame joke.

The bell rang, finally, and I got up to leave for Gym class. At the door, I glanced behind me. Josh was still sitting at his desk. With a glazed look on his face.

The votes weren’t all in yet, but Liz seemed to be right about guys and short skirts. Unfortunately, I’d already agreed to work on the roller coaster at Josh’s house after school, and I hadn’t brought something to change into. I pictured his room. One chair, filled with books. And a bed.

We could work at the dining room table. Or, if we absolutely had to work in his room, I could drape his bedspread over myself. Including my head.

I somehow survived Gym class and, more important, changing clothes in the locker room. Even Chrissie was speechless when she saw my skirt, although she managed to rediscover her acid tongue when I stripped down to my undies. Plain white, as usual. Liz hadn’t been able to talk me into changing that, no matter how many times she dragged me past Victoria’s Secret and the lingerie section of Macy’s.

As I stood there in my undies and glanced down at my skirt and top lying on the locker-room bench, I realized that Liz might be right about the undies. Even if a guy didn’t see them—and I wasn’t ready for that—there was something weird about wearing cute clothes on the outside and drab undies underneath.

I surreptitiously glanced around the locker room and noticed that I seemed to be the only one wearing plain white. I bit my lip. Where was the manual they’d written for teenage girls, and why hadn’t I ever received a copy of it?

I felt Josh’s gaze on me all through Calculus class. By now, the whole thing gave me the creeps. I had legs. Big whoop. A lot of other girls wore short skirts to school, and I didn’t see guys having heart failure wherever they walked. Talk about being objectified!

Shaking my head, I wandered in a daze into the cafeteria, found my table—empty, as usual—and sat down. Penelope wandered by, looking almost as lost as I felt and scanning the room. So Josh wasn’t sitting with her, either. I finally saw him, sitting at a table halfway across the room, eating lunch with Kyle and other football types. And staring at me.

I turned away. I’d changed my clothes and my hair, even worn a short skirt today just to get a reaction. Everyone noticed, but I still sat alone at lunch and no one talked to me in class, unless you counted Chrissie picking on me in Gym class. Which I didn’t. Short of getting a lobotomy, I didn’t know what else I could change.

Liz had been right, but so had Jane Austen.

I sighed, wondering if this was how Mr. Skamser felt when he sighed so much. Hopeless.

By sixth period, the startled looks on the other kids’ faces started to fade, but I couldn’t get used to Josh. Josh, who’d sat with me on the first day of school, when I wore overalls and a ponytail. Josh, who’d asked me to ride a roller coaster and be his Physics partner.

Until I puked on him.

Josh noticed me before only for my brains, and now he just noticed my looks. Did he even remember I had brains?

By the time the final bell rang, my skin was crawling. I held my breath, wondering if I’d remembered to tell Cat she could take the Jeep home today, wondering even more if I had the guts to go through with this.

But I had to. The truth was, I was turning eighteen tomorrow. I’d been sweet sixteen, I was still sweet seventeen, and I refused to be the only sweet eighteen at Woodbury High. Thanks to Josh and a skirt that could get a girl arrested, I wouldn’t be sweet eighteen.

Because I was going to get kissed. Today.

Whether I liked it or not.

Even though I’d driven the Jeep in this very same skirt this morning, I had no idea just how high a skirt rode when I sat in a car. Especially a guy’s car!

Josh managed to start the Camaro and drive through the streets of Woodbury without hitting any dogs or small children, but I could feel every time his eyes glanced at my legs.

“Sure you can still come over to my house?” His voice cracked.

I turned my head to look at him. Sure enough, he was staring at my legs. In fact, at the very top of my thighs. If my skirt crept up any higher, he’d be staring right at my undies.

My white undies.

The thought cooled me down, but that made only one of us.

I willed him to look me in the eyes. “What’s the matter? Don’t you want to anymore?”

He met my semi-amused, semi-frustrated, semi-nervous gaze a moment before his eyes flickered south again. “I want to.”

“Have you already drawn the design you talked about?”

“Design?”

I rolled my eyes. I’d worried for so long about a guy wanting me for my brains, but I should’ve focused on finding a guy who also had brains. Brains that didn’t melt the minute he saw me in a short skirt.

“You do want to work on the roller coaster, right?”

As he gave me a vague nod, I realized I wasn’t totally sure I wanted to, but I had to keep my options open in case the kissing didn’t work out. How was kissing supposed to work? Two pairs of lips touch, but what then? I’d watched another movie with Jane and Liz over the weekend, and I still didn’t have a clue. It looked like tongues got tangled early and often, and the thought made me vaguely sick to my stomach.

I’m not even talking about where the guys’ hands went. Like, quickly. I glanced down the front of myself, seeing the scoop-necked black top and the short black skirt and the long expanse of thighs. Did finally ending my sweet-seventeen status include giving Josh a peek at my white undies?

Or worse?

We were almost to his house, but the utter silence was killing me. “My birthday’s tomorrow.”

I slapped a hand over my mouth. I said that?

Josh grinned, looking more like his old skateboarder-and-Physics-guy self and less like the lust-crazed zombie I’d seen all day. “What do you want for your birthday?”

A kiss? Like, just one tiny kiss?

I didn’t say that out loud, thank God, but something in Josh’s eyes made me think he knew. Great. Mary Bennet and her white undies were now officially in Great Danger.

I shrugged, as if I weren’t terrified out of my mind. “I don’t know. My two older sisters took me shopping to look for ideas, but Jane said it’d be a surprise.”

Josh flicked a glance at my lips. “You like surprises?”

Of the terrifying variety? No. “I guess it depends.”

We pulled up in front of his house. Just like last week, no other cars were in sight, but his mom’s car could be in the garage. In fact, she might be spying out a window right now at her son and the Girl Who Wanted to Be Kissed.

Josh reached across me to push open the passenger door, obviously not caring whether his mom was spying on him or whether his forearm brushed oh-so-softly against my boobs, making my own breath catch.

He glanced at me, eyebrows raised in a question he didn’t ask, then opened his own door and got out. I had no choice, short of hijacking his Camaro or wimping out and walking home, so I held my breath and followed him up the sidewalk to his house, through the front door to the stairs, and up the stairs to his room. We didn’t stop until we got inside his room and he shut the door. Softly. And stared at me.

And slowly started to unzip his jeans.

I’m kidding! As if!

But he kept looking at me, and at my lips, as he walked over to his desk and dumped his backpack on it, then held out his hand for my backpack and set it next to his own. Without opening either backpack or any books or notebooks.

I shivered slightly as he walked toward me.

“So your birthday is tomorrow?” He glanced down the length of me, making me feel a little dizzy. “Is that skirt for your birthday? If so, you should have birthdays more often.”

“I— I don’t—”

No wonder he didn’t want me for my brains anymore. I didn’t appear to have any brains.

He took a step closer, but miraculously I stayed on my feet, even though I felt the edge of the bed against the backs of my knees. If he was just teasing me and was actually about to whip out his Physics book or some stupid drawing of a roller coaster, I might have to kill him.

He fingered the bottom edge of my shirt. “I didn’t have a chance to buy you anything.”

“That’s okay. I don’t know why I told you it was my birthday. And it’s tomorrow anyway.” I heard myself babbling but couldn’t stop. I also knew at that point that I couldn’t stop Josh, and I was pretty sure I didn’t want to.

“So . . . I should get you something tomorrow?”

“Um, no need.” If he got any closer, I’d stop breathing. In fact, it was possible I already had.

“Will you be eighteen? Or are you some kind of child prodigy or something?”

His hand was touching my arm, brushing against it lightly, making me shiver. And then his hand moved to my waist.

“Eighteen.”

The front of his jeans brushed against my skirt, and I officially stopped breathing.

He leaned even closer, his mouth toward my ear. “I suppose you wanna work on the roller coaster.”

What roller coaster? “Not necessarily?”

His lips touched my ear. “Good. I don’t really want to, either. I haven’t wanted to all day.” He reached down and touched the side of my skirt. “Not since I saw you in this.”

His other hand touched my skirt, too, both of his hands now at my hips, and he pulled me closer to him. Before I could say “roller coaster,” he kissed me, sweetly, on the lips. And then not so sweetly.

And then I landed on the bed.

I didn’t pass out this time, though. Josh landed on top of me and kept on kissing me, and it was pretty clear that skateboarding wasn’t his only talent.

Wow.

Two hours and several hundred kisses later, Josh dropped me off in front of my house and, before I even had a chance to blink, Liz met me at the front door.

I wiped my hand over my mouth, trying to erase any evidence of my crimes, but it reminded me of Josh’s lips on mine and his hands on a few other parts of me.

Liz grinned. “If I were you, I’d scoot upstairs before Mom sees you and goes after Josh. With a gun.”

“Liz, I—”

“Babe, I can tell. And don’t worry about the bet. I just wanted you to take Josh for a spin.”

I felt myself turning bright red but took her advice and ran upstairs to my room, my backpack slapping rhythmically against my right hip. I slammed the door to my room and collapsed against it. Safe. But only for maybe twenty seconds.

The soft rap on my door had to be Jane. The force shoving my door open despite the full weight of my body against it had to be Liz.

Jane peeked inside first. “Okay if we come in?”

I looked at Liz, right behind her. “Do I have any choice?”

“No.” Liz laughed as they both slid past me, Jane to the end of my bed and Liz to her favorite spot on the floor. “But we wanted to seem polite.”

Jane rolled her eyes. “I am polite. But Liz told me to get my butt in here, and I always do as I’m told.”

Liz snorted.

“So?” Jane patted the bed next to her, and I gave in and joined her there, even though I’d probably spent enough time on someone’s bed for one day. “Spill.”

“Um, Liz was right.”

“I told you I’m not making you pay up.” Liz stretched out on the floor, one hand propping her head up. “But it doesn’t mean we don’t get all the details.”

“Just like you give me details of your dates?”

Utter silence.

Jane smirked at Liz even as her cheeks flushed a bit pink. “She’s got you there.”

“Oh, I’m perfectly willing to share.” Liz tried to sound breezy, but for once in her life she fell short. “I just thought I’d let you go first.”

“Fine. No details.”

All three of us laughed, and I felt something ease in my chest. Part of me wondered, though, what I’d just done.

Liz gave me a thorough up-and-down, lingering on my lips, which were probably swollen. “Don’t tell me. You never got around to working on the roller coaster.”

“Liz!” Jane grabbed my Eeyore pillow and tossed it at her.

Liz simply grabbed Eeyore and tucked it under her head. “You know I’m right.” She sighed loudly. “There go all my plans for Mary’s sweet-eighteen party.”

Jane and I both leaped off the bed and started pummeling Liz. When Jane caught her breath, she glared at Liz. “You know she wants to be called MB.”

“I—”

Liz grinned up at Jane, who had her in a headlock. “From the looks of it, she doesn’t care what anyone calls her, as long as Josh keeps kissing her like that.”

I couldn’t help it; I touched a finger to my lips. What had Josh called me when we’d been kissing? Had he said anything? Or hadn’t I heard a word he said?

The only thing I did remember, with vivid mortification, was the sound of his mom’s voice. In his room. Telling Josh to quit mauling that poor girl and to take her home.

Right before she asked if I was Penelope.

I was lucky I got out of their house with my backpack, and Josh was lucky he got out of there alive.

That, I remembered. Definitely.

Liz started laughing, snapping me back to reality. “Tell me I don’t look like that when I get home from seeing Alex.”

Jane laughed. “Worse. You look much, much worse. But we don’t want to want to hear about you and Alex. I’d like to hear a few details about MB and Josh.”

I knew even less about sharing details than I’d known about kissing, if that was possible. But I’d resolved the kissing issue—and, like Liz said, before I hit eighteen.

“God, look at that dreamy smile.” Liz made a big smooching sound with her lips against the back of her hand. “You have to admit she’s got it bad.”

Jane sniffed. “I don’t have to admit anything, and neither does MB.” She turned and winked at me. “Unless you’d like to.”

“It’s just that—”

Liz held up a hand. “Tell me you didn’t take it all the way.”

The knowledge that I was wearing white undies and didn’t want Josh to see them had more than prevented that, thank you very much, even if I had to keep yanking my skirt down as we rolled around on his bed. I think my virtue would’ve prevented it, too, but I’ll take whatever works.

“You didn’t . . .”

I shook my head. “Nope. Definitely didn’t.”

Liz looked disappointed, for reasons that eluded me, considering that Lydia had taken it all the way to reform school in Montana. But Jane just smiled and nodded, as if she knew without asking that I wouldn’t have done that with Josh.

The more I thought about it, as I lay in bed that night, I wasn’t quite sure which sister’s reaction I preferred.

“It’s the birthday girl!”

“Happy birthday, MB!”

MB? Who was MB? Oh, right. Me. As my bed started moving, sending me smack into the headboard, I groaned and opened my eyes. Liz and Jane were both propped on my bed, Liz bouncing on the edge of it. Each of them held a wrapped gift.

I frowned. “What time is it? And aren’t we doing cake and gifts at dinner?” I tamped down a stab of disappointment. Alex and Charlie must be back in town, and Liz and Jane weren’t even planning to share my birthday dinner with me. “I guess you must be busy tonight.”

“Very busy.” Liz’s eyes twinkled. “With our favorite eighteen-year-old sister.”

Jane shot me a look of apology. “I told her not to wake you up. I’m sure my present would be perfectly fine to open in front of Mom and Dad, but you know Miss Drama Queen here.”

“Hey! I saw your present, remember?” Liz shook her head. “Even if Mom doesn’t bat an eyelash, Dad will go catatonic. You know how he is.”

Jane shrugged. “Watching five daughters go through puberty can’t be easy for a guy. Especially, well, Dad.”

Except for the yoga, I hadn’t really noticed anything weird about Dad, but I looked from Jane to Liz, who seemed to agree. What else hadn’t I noticed all these years? Josh? Most of the kids in my school? I could add Dad to the list.

“Anyway.” Liz held out a package wrapped with . . . a few twirled-together condoms? Yikes! “You can decide for yourself about Jane’s gift, but I know for a fact that even Mom would go apoplectic about this one.”

I held the gift at arm’s length, trying not to look at the multi-colored condoms. I mean, assuming that’s what they were, and not some sort of weird-shaped balloons.

“Oh, c’mon.” Liz kept bouncing on the edge of my bed, making my head bounce with her. “I just did that as a joke. It’s not going to kill you to touch a condom. You will soon enough.”

“Liz!” Jane slapped her. “You have no idea what MB will or will not do. A lot of girls wait.”

Liz just looked at Jane, who started blushing furiously. Apparently, I wasn’t in a room with girls who were waiting. Was I waiting? For now, definitely. With or without timely interruptions by Josh’s mom.

I started unwrapping Liz’s gift, steering clear of the condoms. I wasn’t even quite sure where to put them. Nowhere in the house was completely safe from Mom’s prying eyes, but I’d think about it later. I ripped off the wrapping paper to find a book. By Erica Jong. I closed my eyes but kept seeing the title: Fear of Flying.

Liz laughed as she tapped her fingers on the book’s cover. “It’s a classic, and I know you like to read classics.”

Jane’s lips twitched. “We’re not talking Hermann Hesse.”

“In a way. They’re both about discovering what makes you tick. About coming into your own.”

I stared at the cover. “I thought this was more about—”

Despite my kissing marathon with Josh yesterday, Liz’s gift reminded me that I was still playing in the minor leagues of romance. Erica Jong? Wasn’t this book all about s-e-x?

“It’s just a book. You don’t have to have sex with a stranger. Although . . .” Liz’s eyebrows danced.

“Big talker.” Jane shook her head at Liz, then thrust her own gift into my hands. “If Liz did half the things she talks about, she’d be sharing a bunk with Lydia right now.”

“Hey! I have never fantasized about stripping for a crowd.” Liz tilted her head. “Except maybe . . .”

“Like I said.” Jane rolled her eyes and nodded at the beautifully wrapped box in my hands. “This might be a little dull compared to Liz’s present, but I hope you like it.”

My hands trembling, I slowly pulled off the wrapping paper to find a box from Macy’s.

“Open it.”

I looked at Jane, her eyes glowing, and realized she wouldn’t buy me something embarrassing. I opened the box. An array of matching panties and bras, in different styles and colors—none of them white—stared up at me. And despite Liz’s teasing when she tried to drag me into Victoria’s Secret last weekend, not a thong in the bunch.

A teardrop hit the corner of my eye.

Jane leaned forward and dabbed it away. “You’re not sad, are you? Oh, I’m so sorry! I know it’s a bit personal, but I was sure you’d love these.”

I swiped my hand across my cheek. “I do like them. I really do.”

Liz looked a little hurt. “But you don’t like the book I picked out for you. The reader in our family.”

Jane swatted her. “She didn’t say that.”

I touched Jane’s arm, stopping her. “I liked the book, too. I just don’t know where to hide it from Mom.”

Peals of laughter rang out until footsteps thundered up the steps and Mom flung my door open, sending gifts and wrapping paper flying under the covers.

“What? You’re celebrating your birthday without the rest of us?” She turned and shouted through the open door. “Howard! Cat! Mary is opening presents. Hurry! You’re missing the excitement!”

Excitement? She had no idea!

And thank God for that.