Chapter 17

[A]s she was no longer mortified by comparisons between her sisters’ beauty and her own, it was suspected by her father that she submitted to the change without much reluctance.

— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Volume III, Chapter Nineteen

World War Three raged downstairs all evening and, from the sound of it, at least half the night. Thursday morning, the uproar left me without even a taste of Guitar Hero, totally disgusted with Mom and Dad, and dead to the world.

Dad finally woke me up half an hour before school started. Mom had already left for work, and Cat was apparently hoping I’d oversleep so she could claim the Jeep for herself.

Brat.

I scrambled downstairs, dressed but still half asleep, and headed into the kitchen for a Pop-Tart on the run.

Cat called out from the front hall. “What’s the matter? Can’t the birthday girl drag her ass out of bed in the morning? Too tired from playing Guitar Hero all night?”

Ignoring her, I grabbed the Pop-Tart and slid past Cat at the front door. Blinking, I turned to take another look at her. She tottered outside on nosebleed heels she must’ve stolen from Mom—and a short skirt? What? Dressing like Lydia was nothing new for Cat, but she’d always drawn the line at short skirts. Cat had gorgeously thick, long brown hair that anyone would envy, but short skirts weren’t her best look.

I shook my head.

“What? You think you’re the new fashion guru around here? Not in this lifetime.”

Like I’d ever claim that title. What little I was doing right these days was totally thanks to Jane and Liz, and everyone knew it. Except maybe Josh.

I unlocked the Jeep and got in. Cat followed a few moments later, still grumbling.

I glanced at her sideways. “What’s with you, anyway?”

She sniffed, then wiped her nose on her sleeve. Also not her best look. “You.”

I blinked. “Me? My life barely intersects yours, and that’s only when we ride to school together.”

“Next year we won’t have to.”

Thank God for small favors. But would Jane and Liz and I all have to share the Prius? Oh, wait. They’d be in their new apartment, and they’d take the Prius, along with the contents of Dad’s wallet.

I smiled at Cat, but not sweetly. “Bummer for you. I’ll have to take the Jeep to the U of M, which leaves you on foot.” I couldn’t help laughing.

“No way! Lydia will be back by then, and it’ll be two against one. We get the Jeep.”

“Sorry, babe.” Yikes. After hanging out with Liz so much lately, I was even starting to sound like her. “I have a feeling Lydia’s opinion won’t count for much. You know how felons lose the right to vote?”

Come to think of it, Cat probably wouldn’t know that.

“You are so funny. Like, not.” Cat turned to stare out the window, reminding me of a caged prisoner. In fact, a bit like Lydia. “Lydia is gonna come home and rule the world, just like she always did.”

“Mom’s world, maybe, but even Mom has her limits.”

I hoped.

“You just think you’re so cool because Jane and Liz and even Dad are falling all over you these days. But you’re not. It was just your birthday, and it’s over. Besides, they just feel sorry for you.”

That was basically my own theory, but somehow it sounded worse coming from Cat. I tried to brush it off, even though I’d rather open the passenger door and push Cat out as we sped around a corner. “Don’t worry. You already told me I’m not all that. I got it the first time.”

I pulled into the school parking lot, and Cat hopped out without another word. I followed her into school, watching her try to make her butt sway for the benefit of all the guys without toppling off her heels. It was close.

Had I looked like that the other day when I wore my short skirt? No. For one thing, I’d worn flat sandals. For another, I’m pretty sure I don’t sway. At all.

On the other hand, Cat might be a twit, but she and Lydia had a lot more experience than I did at hooking guys. A fifth grader would have more experience.

I’d hooked exactly one, and he’d thrown me back.

Which was fine, I told myself. Josh had saved me from the fate of being sweet eighteen, and he hadn’t made me pay for the favor by doing his roller coaster project for him. Although he’d certainly asked several times.

But who needed guys? I had Guitar Hero! Whenever Dad and Liz didn’t steal it, at least.

I walked into school trying to count my blessings, such as they were, and trying to ignore the things in my life that weren’t perfect. With enough determination and hard work, you could get rid of the things that weren’t perfect, couldn’t you? I mean, Lydia was gone for at least a year, wasn’t she?

I grinned at that thought just as I reached my locker.

Josh was standing next to it, waiting for me.

“Hey, birthday girl.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yesterday. But hey yourself.”

“I tried calling you last night. The phone at your house was busy, and your cell phone isn’t listed in the school directory.”

Maybe because no one except Mom had ever called me.

But I didn’t say that.

“It was a tough night to reach anyone in my house.” After Lydia’s call, Mom had taken periodic breaks from screaming at Dad to call every friend and relative she knew—and maybe a few people she didn’t—to sob about “poor Lydia.” Now, thanks to Mom’s frantic dial finger, the entire world knew Lydia was in reform school.

“Did you do anything special for your birthday?”

I shrugged, not knowing whether I should mention the electric guitar or Guitar Hero. I didn’t know if Josh liked me, or why. If he knew I had Guitar Hero, it’d be just another reason for him to hang out with me that didn’t involve me.

Of course, if Penelope found out I had Guitar Hero, she’d buy it for herself the next day.

“I, uh, got Guitar Hero for my birthday.”

Mary, you weak, slobbering twit!

Josh’s eyebrows went up, reminding me of Dad. “You did? Wow. We should play sometime.”

I was so stupid. “We don’t—”

“I’ve got Guitar Hero, too. I could give you some pointers if you want.”

I just stared at him, wondering if he’d invite Penelope, too, and make it a cozy little three-way. Gross.

He glanced down, adjusting his grip on the books in his arms. “But we don’t have to.”

What was it with Josh? He couldn’t decide between Penelope and me? Just because she kept dressing to match me?

The bell for first period was about to ring, but I didn’t move. “What do you want, Josh?”

“Want?” He put his hand against his chest, as if my question was so shocking. “Uh, what do you mean?”

I slammed my locker. “Maybe I don’t feel like connecting the dots for you.”

I headed to class and, surprisingly, Josh kept pace with me. “Is this about the roller coaster?”

I swung around to glare at him, and I might’ve rolled my eyes. “You’re joking, right?”

“I know I keep asking, but I think we’d make a good team.”

“A good roller coaster team?”

“Sure.” Josh let me go ahead of him into class. “Why not?”

Why not? What was all that kissing we’d done two days ago? Glancing into our classroom, I didn’t plan to ask Josh that question now. Or ever. What was the point? Josh wanted me to help with his Physics grade. Maybe he’d fallen under the spell of my short skirt on Tuesday, or maybe he’d wanted to work on the roller coaster but got distracted. Or maybe it was a pity kiss; he’d finally figured out exactly how pathetic Mary Bennet was, and my birthday was coming up and all.

I didn’t like any of those options. But I didn’t have to hang around Josh waiting for the options to improve. I also didn’t have to beg.

Too bad I had to do my roller coaster project, which was due in less than three weeks. Because otherwise I’d totally blow off Josh.

I’m pretty sure.

Friday after school, I trudged through the school parking lot on my way to the Jeep, Cat walking her usual fifteen feet ahead of me. I couldn’t help wondering how she could possibly think my reputation tainted her social standing more than Lydia’s did, but whatever. I was stuck with Cat for the duration.

I watched as Cat hopped into the driver’s seat. “What do you think you’re doing? Dad said I’m supposed to do all the driving.”

She locked the doors and shouted through the window. “Since no one else will, I’m doing myself a favor. Catch ya later.”

She started the engine and backed up, barely missing me. When she peeled out, I just stood there staring after her. What the—?

A very different engine rumbled up beside me. “Hey, it’s my lucky day. Wasn’t that your sister? Need a ride?”

Fuming, I turned toward Josh and took a deep breath. “I do now. Or, actually, I guess I can walk.”

Just then, a single raindrop splattered on my glasses. Perfect.

“I could give you a ride. Anywhere you like.”

I wasn’t sure if Josh was joking or flirting or what, but when a second and third raindrop hit, I walked around to the passenger side of his Camaro just as he leaned across the seat and pushed the door open.

“Hop in.”

“Thanks.”

But he didn’t go anywhere.

“So where did you want to go? Wanna try the new roller coaster at the Mall of America? Or come over to my house and take a stab at the roller coaster model?”

Even though the mention of riding a roller coaster sent my stomach into spasms, I gave him a weak smile. “You don’t give up, do you?”

He grinned at me. “Not easily. I bet you don’t either.”

He had no idea. I think I officially gave up completely by the fall of seventh grade. Okay, if you didn’t count my feeble attempts this past month, most of which were either egged on by Jane and Liz or inspired by Josh, but I wouldn’t ever admit it.

I shrugged. “Are you already working on the roller coaster model? Does that mean you’ve finished your design?”

“No thanks to Kyle.” Josh started driving, slowly, when a car zoomed up behind us in the parking lot and started honking. “Actually, I’m not even done with the design, but I thought this would be a good weekend to tackle both parts—the design and the model.”

I didn’t even know where I’d go to find parts for a roller coaster model. I’d counted on Liz and Dad helping me, despite Mr. Gilbertson’s threats, but it’d be more fun to do it with Josh. I mean, not to do it with Josh, but, well, do it. In the nonsexual sense. If Penelope wasn’t tagging along.

Josh cruised onto the main street. “So? Have I talked you into it, or should I just give you a ride home?”

I wasn’t quite sure exactly what he’d talked me into—and, with Josh, it kept changing daily—but I had to get my roller coaster done. The fact that Josh offered the only possible bright spot in the otherwise blank weekend that loomed ahead of me wasn’t a factor at all.

Right.

I breathed a sigh of relief when we pulled up in front of Josh’s house, because it wasn’t the Mall of America and, as far as I knew, didn’t have a roller coaster hidden inside.

The relief lasted only until I glanced at the upstairs window that had to be Josh’s, and everything came flooding back. What was I doing? I was wearing long pants, at least. And a wispy camisole that barely covered my boobs, although I wore a thin baby-blue cardigan over it. Oh, and I had cute yellow undies with butterflies on them.

Great. I was sending myself mixed messages. How could I hope for better from Josh?

He unlocked the front door and, with his hand barely touching the small of my back, ushered me inside.

I tried not to shiver. I didn’t totally avoid it.

After glancing at the stairs leading up to Josh’s room, I pointed a shaky finger at the dining room. “Would it be easier if we worked in there?”

Josh barely glanced where I was pointing before he headed to the stairs. “Nah. My room is more comfortable, and I have everything in there.”

That was the problem.

I followed him upstairs, biting my lip as I debated the pros and cons of kissing Josh again. The pros were obvious. The biggest con was Penelope, plus not having a clue what exactly Josh wanted and whether he was using me. Okay, he was using me. I just wasn’t exactly sure for what. As we got closer to his room, though, the cons got shoved aside by visions of Josh kissing me. And maybe Josh taking a sneak peek at my undies, although I wasn’t totally sure about that.

I would probably never be sure about that.

“C’mon in.” He opened the door and followed me inside. The room looked just like it had on Tuesday, but it felt different now. It felt like a place where a girl got kissed.

I dropped my backpack on the floor and tried not to look eager. Josh dropped his own on the bed—and then opened it.

“I admit I’m not as far along as I acted, but I do have a few quick-and-dirty sketches to start with.”

So much for getting any lip action, as Liz would say. Except that Liz wouldn’t be saying it, because she’d be getting it. Sighing, I sat on the floor, cross-legged, pulled out my Physics notebook, and looked up at Josh.

Who was staring at my lips.

“I’d kinda like to—”

“—get to work?” From the look on his face, I knew that wasn’t what he wanted, but he also wanted Penelope. If he couldn’t choose between us, then it was up to me to choose. And I wasn’t choosing a three-way. “Let’s look at your design.”

He frowned, then joined me on the floor, his hip smack up against mine and way too cozy to get much done. That might be his point, but he opened his own notebook.

I blinked. “You drew this? Wow.”

He shrugged. “I like to doodle.”

“This is not doodling.” Tracing my finger along the lines of his sketch, I whistled. “It’s fantastic.”

“Yours is probably a lot better.”

“I, uh—” What could I say? After giving Josh so much grief, both in my own mind and to his face, I hated to admit the truth. But I had to. “I haven’t actually started.”

His eyebrows went up.

“I’ve been busy.” Shopping for clothes. Getting a new hairstyle. Working up the nerve to kiss a guy who spent most of his time with another girl. “It seemed like there was plenty of time left, but I guess it’s starting to get closer.”

Josh stared at me, and not just at my lips. “You told Mr. Gilbertson you were done. Weeks ago.”

I felt my face flushing, and I gazed down at my hands twisting in my lap. “I was maybe a little embarrassed.”

“Because I changed partners.”

“Um . . .”

His fingers touched the bottom of my chin, gently lifting my face until I was looking straight at his big blue eyes.

God, I wanted to kiss him. Despite everything.

“I was a total jerk, but I didn’t dump you. I just couldn’t say no to Kyle without telling him.”

I frowned. “Telling him what?”

“That I wanted to—”

“—do the roller coaster project with someone who wouldn’t get a failing grade in Physics?”

Josh grinned, then glanced at my lips. He was sitting so close to me already, but it felt like he was moving even closer. Without technically moving. “That, too. I couldn’t say no without telling Kyle I liked you.”

“In overalls and a ponytail and hiking boots. Right.” I glanced away from his lips, away from Josh, and out the window. “I don’t think so.”

Josh laughed, but this time he didn’t try to tilt my face back toward him. “I thought you must be a skater.”

My head swung toward him on its own. “A skater? Me?”

“Okay, the hiking boots didn’t fit the picture.” Josh shrugged. “But you were smart, too, and I liked that.”

He liked me for my brains?

That was a good thing, wasn’t it? Even though my brains had just floated out the window, leaving me here with a thumping heart and a libido I didn’t understand?

Josh kept staring at my lips. “So am I supposed to admit how much I like you, MB, and you get to just sit there?”

“Pretty much.” I tried to sound nonchalant, maybe bordering on hip, even as my lips went dry and my mind blank. “Actually, there is something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

Josh swallowed hard. “Yeah?”

“I decided I don’t want to be called MB. I’m okay with being Mary.”

Just not the one Jane Austen wrote about.

Grinning, I nudged him with my elbow, the way Liz would, even though I remembered too late the last time I’d done it to Josh. He’d driven me straight home without another word. This time he didn’t.

He kissed me. Wildly.

Then he broke off and straightened his notebook on his lap. “I’d like to do more of that, but first I really would like to work on the roller coaster. If that’s okay with you.”

“The roller coaster, or the kissing?”

His eyebrows danced. “Both, if you don’t mind.”

I did mind—about Penelope, and not knowing exactly where I stood with Josh—but I knew now that he liked me and wanted to kiss me again, and it wasn’t a bad start.

Somehow, asking about Penelope right now didn’t seem like something a smart girl would do. And Josh had just told me I was smart. Now, that was something I was confident about.

I nodded. “Then let’s get going. But are you sure your mom won’t care if we’re up here in your room again?”

“Not for a while.” Josh grinned. “I should’ve mentioned that my mom is busy tonight until ten o’clock.”

Ten o’clock? I could get in serious trouble with Josh by then.

I couldn’t wait!

I walked into English class a little early Monday morning, with Josh, but not holding hands or grabbing the belt loop on his jeans or anything crazy like that. For one thing, I hadn’t had a lobotomy over the weekend, so it wouldn’t exactly fit my personality, and I didn’t need to have every single kid in class snickering at me.

For another thing, Penelope was blocking my way.

“Hey, Josh.” She didn’t even flick a glance in my direction, even though Josh and I were standing as close as we could without actually touching. “You never called this weekend.”

Despite the kids trickling into class and moving around us right now, Josh grabbed my hand. Casually, like it was no big deal. Everyone stared, and I froze next to Josh. I finally glanced at him, but he was looking at Penelope. At her face, not at her boobs, even though she was wearing the same sort of wispy camisole I’d worn on Friday, with a cardigan on top. Except she’d pulled the cardigan as far back on her shoulders as she could and still claim to be wearing one. We’re talking massive boobs, thrust out for Josh’s inspection.

I have no idea how he managed to look at her face.

“Was I s’posed to?” He gave a half shrug, like he hadn’t even thought of calling her. “Mary and I were working on the roller coaster project all weekend.”

When we weren’t kissing. And talking. And slowly getting to know each other in more ways than one. But we had worked on the roller coaster project. A lot. In fact, we finished the design and started talking about the model—before we started kissing some more.

From the tight smile on Penelope’s face, she didn’t give a rat’s ass about our roller coaster project. Obviously, Josh must’ve promised to call her and didn’t want me to know. Maybe because he’d never called me in all these weeks.

All of my old worries about Josh and Penelope bubbled to the surface. I pulled my hand out of Josh’s grasp, although I didn’t move away from him. Maybe I just wanted my hand free in case I felt like punching Penelope in the nose.

And then Josh.

“You said you’d call.” She wasn’t giving up, even though any other girl would’ve slinked into the girls’ bathroom by now and tried to drown herself in the sink.

“Actually, I didn’t.” Josh glanced down at my hand, but he wasn’t stupid enough to grab it again. For one thing, he had to notice it was clenched in a fist. “You kept asking me to call, and I never said yes.”

Someone in the back of the room gave a low whistle, and a few girls tittered.

“But . . . you like me.”

Oh. My. God. Penelope was making a bigger joke out of herself than I had on my worst day ever, which said a lot. My fist unclenched. I couldn’t hit her. She was basically punching herself silly. In front of twenty kids.

And in front of Mr. Skamser, who’d walked in and was standing right behind Josh.

Josh glanced over his shoulder at Mr. Skamser, who frowned even though the final bell hadn’t rung yet, then looked back at Penelope. Who was bright red.

He grabbed my hand again as he kept meeting Penelope’s fierce gaze. “Sure, I like you.” He held on tight when I tried to snatch my hand away. “I like a lot of people. But I’m dating Mary.”

He was? Even though we hadn’t even gone to a movie yet? I blinked, feeling warm and toasty inside. And totally weird. I mean, Josh had just made a Major Statement in front of the whole class, even Mr. Skamser, and he didn’t look at all embarrassed. I wanted to run screaming from the room.

But I didn’t.

Penelope’s lower lip stuck out, nearly as far as her boobs. “I thought you wanted to—”

The final bell rang, and Mr. Skamser held up a hand. “That’s enough. Take your seats, class.” When Penelope didn’t move, and didn’t let Josh or me get past her, Mr. Skamser clapped his hands. “This isn’t one of those teenage reality shows. This is English class. Please sit down.”

“But I really like you, Josh.”

The whole class, except Josh and me and of course Penelope, who’d gushed out the words, erupted in laughter.

Josh touched the small of my back, as if to help me past Penelope. I didn’t stumble. Thank God.

As I stepped to one side to get as far away from her as possible, Josh dropped his voice to a low whisper, but it was still loud enough for me to hear. “Sorry, Penelope. It was never like that. Not for me.”

I frowned, thinking it had been like that for a while. I’d seen the way Josh noticed Penelope’s boobs or the sway of her hips cruising down the hall, and I couldn’t help wondering if he’d notice her again. When he got tired of kissing me. When we finished the roller coaster.

“But . . . I even dressed like her. For you!”

I’d reached my seat by now, and turned back to see Mr. Skamser frantically trying to shush Penelope and save her from herself. The laughter in the room was a dull roar. But Josh just stood next to Penelope, his hand on her arm, making me feel nauseated.

When he opened his mouth to speak, I felt a tear in the corner of my eye.

“You can dress like her, and try to act like her, but you’re not her. You’re not Mary.” He gave Penelope one last shrug. “Like I said. Sorry.”

Someone clapped. Then a couple more joined in, puzzling me to the extreme. Would kids really be mean enough to clap at what had to be the most embarrassing moment in Penelope’s life?

I glanced around as the clapping got louder, then finally realized that the whole room—except Penelope and Josh and Mr. Skamser—was clapping, and grinning, at me.

And, for the first time in my life, not as a joke.

Unbelievable.

Wow.