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“Come on. You haven’t done anything fun in forever.” Rochelle pouts at me. “I can’t believe you actually came over. You always want me to come to your apartment.” She rolls her eyes. “Mom probably thinks you don’t like her cooking or something.”
“It’s not that. Your mom’s cooking is fine. I’ve just had a lot going on. I missed too much school where I had that stomach bug that wouldn’t go away, so I had to talk to my mom to have her withdraw me and sign me up for this online course so I can get a diploma.”
“You talked to your mom, how did that go?”
“Not great, but she came through for me for once.”
“That’s good.”
“So who is throwing this party and why should I go?”
“One of Colter’s friends. And no, it’s not Tanner though he will be there. He still thinks you’re hot.”
“Fine.” I don’t tell her that I only came over to see if her dad was home. He’s been gone more often than not. I know he’s negotiating a deal to bring in more money. I guess Lion made some bad investments that left the club on the brink of being broke.
“Yay.” Her hands clap together. “You’re not wearing that though, are you?”
I glance down at my yoga pants and pinch my oversized flannel that hides my growing baby bump. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” I frown.
“It’s a party not whatever this is.” She waves a hand down the front of me “You can wear something of mine. It’s not a big deal.”
“I can change on the way it won’t take a but a few minutes to grab something from my apartment.”
“Okaayyy.” Her brows draw inward. “You wear my clothes all the time.”
“I’ve gained a few pounds, it’s no big deal.”
“Colter should be here soon. I think tonight could be the night if you know what I mean.”
“Oh. You sure you guys are ready for that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. We’ve been dating exclusively and he’s no virgin. Guys have expectations.”
“He’s not like pressuring you, is he?”
“No. He’s not like that.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Colter is one of the good ones. “How about I help you get ready for your big night.”
“You sure you’re okay? You know if you want to talk, I’m here.”
“I’m good.” What I can’t say is oh by the way I’m pregnant. It’s your dad’s kid. We’re in love, and I hope one day you’ll be okay with us being together. I’ve imagined the conversation in my head a gazillion times. None of the imaginary scenarios I’ve created have ended well. Rochelle can’t know the truth. Not yet anyway.
“You’ve not mentioned the guy you were so hush hush about lately. You still talking or whatever?”
“Kind of...complicated.”
“This is the older dude, right?”
“Mhmm. He works out of town a lot so you know.”
“I thought you said he’s in college?”
“Did I?”
“When am I going to meet him? You haven’t even given me a name. I’m your best friend. If you can’t tell me about him, then maybe it’s not a relationship you should be in.”
“I don’t want to fight about this. You know how nuts my parents are. They’ll like have him arrested or something.”
“Can they do that?”
“I don’t think so, but the threat would do plenty of damage.”
“Well enough about this mystery guy. Tonight we’re having fun.”
“Woo. Fun.” I hold up a red V-neck shirt. “What about this with your ripped jeans?”
“You think it’ll look okay?”
“Colter’s a motorcycle man. He’ll love you in anything honestly.”
“Like you know a lot about motorcycle men.” She giggles. “Wait. It’s not someone in my dad’s club, right?”
“What makes you ask me that?”
“Nothing. It’s just I thought I heard Colter and his dad talking about you being at the clubhouse, but I must’ve heard wrong. Or maybe they were talking about a different Alexa.”
“Probably.”
“Girls, Colter’s here,” Ruthie yells down the hall.
“Let’s go.”
“Ro, wait. Promise me you guys will use protection.”
“Yeah sure. I mean you and Todd must’ve done it like a million times without anything though, right? And you didn’t get pregnant.”
“Something like that,” I lie. I hate lying to Rochelle, but I don’t have much of a choice.
Colter barely speaks to me, and I wonder if he knows that I’m pregnant. We’re about to go out the door when James enters through the garage. I didn’t even hear his motorcycle pull up. Was he already here and hiding out there the whole time? His gaze meets mine briefly and I smile. He scowls at his shoes. Is he upset that I’m here?
“Where are you kids headed off to?”
“A party. We just gotta swing by Alexa’s first so she can change.”
He arches his brows at me, and I kinda do this weird shoulder lift thing while trying not to draw attention to myself.
“We don’t want to keep you guys. Your father and I are going to dinner. It’s the anniversary of our first date.” Ruthie grabs his hand and kisses his cheek.
My heart carves itself out of my chest. He’s taking her to dinner. That doesn’t sound like a man who is trying to leave his wife. I want to scream for Ruthie to stop touching him. To tell her that I’m having his baby, and that it’s me he loves and not her, but I can’t do that.
I can feel his gaze on me as I stare at the floor biting back my tears. Does he know that this is torment for me? Does he even care? His wife just ripped my heart out. This...us...our lies...its’ tearing me apart.
“We should go,” Colter says, and I’m grateful. I need to get out of here. I need away from Ruthie. James too, before I break.
“Happy anniversary,” I mumble and start out the door. I’m halfway to Colter’s Camaro when I hear my name.
“Alexa.”
“What’s my dad want with you?”
“The um car...the car I might get. I asked if he’d look at it for me.”
“Oh. Okay.”
I wait for Rochelle to get in and close the door before I turn back to him.
“What is it?”
“Where are you guys going?”
“Why do you care?”
“Lex, you know things are tense right now.”
I want so badly for him to take me in his arms and tell me everything will be okay, but I know he can’t. It’s agony to have him right here and yet so far away. I’m tired of pretending. “I don’t think I can do this. Watching you with her. Not be able to touch you when I want. I love you, but this is too much.”
“You know the score, babe.” He shoves his hands in his pockets.
“Yeah so why do I feel as though I’m on the losing team?”
He steps forward and I step back. My heart is hammering all the way up in my throat. If he touches me it will all be over. The truth will be exposed, and I’ll lose him and Rochelle forever.
Speaking of the wicked cunt. Ruthie steps into the garage. “Everything okay out here?”
I sniffle as he turns to face his wife wishing he’d make a stand and tell her he’s done with her, that he’s going to be with me, but he doesn’t. I don’t know if I’m angry or sad. “Have fun on your date. I hope you have an amazing night.”
“You girls be careful,” she calls out, and I look back just in time to watch her plant a big kiss on his lips. The same mouth that feeds me such beautiful lies. I want to ask her how my pussy tastes considering her husband loves it so much, but I refrain.
My only consolation is seeing him tense and pulling away from her, but it changes nothing. She’s still his wife, and I’m on the outside looking in. No matter what he says I’m all alone.
On the way to my apartment I keep trying to figure out an excuse to get out of going to this party and come up with none. Not any that Rochelle would buy or accept without pitching a shit fit, and I can’t blame her. I’ve been a bad friend lately. No friend at all. I hate all the lying. I hate not being able to share how much I love her father. That she’s going to have a sibling. That we’re connected for life.
I go through the motions. Nod when I think I should as Rochelle chatters about Tanner and how I should give him a chance while I get dressed, careful to keep my back to her.
“Maybe,” I lie. “I guess he’s okay.”
“Okay? The guy runs track. He’s hot.”
“You’re right. I’ll talk to him, okay?”
Rochelle frowns at me. “I don’t know what’s with you, but you gotta relax.” She takes a swig from her bottle of Strawberry Hill. She’s been drinking it since we pulled out of her driveway.
“I think I’m still not over that stomach bug.”
“Oh no. You aren’t canceling.”
“I didn’t say I was.” I slip my black ballerina style flats on, turning to face her hoping the swell of my stomach isn’t all that noticeable.
“Have a drink of this.”
“No thanks.”
Her eyes narrow on me. “Why?”
“Because I don’t want to.” I leave her in my bedroom and hope she’ll drop it. “What time does this party start anyway?” I look to Colter and he shrugs.
“You’re pregnant?” Rochelle gapes at me, eyes on my protruding stomach.
“What?”
Her gaze widens. “You won’t drink. You’re gaining weight in your belly. You were sick but only in the mornings. Oh. My God. Alexa.” She grabs my bottle of vitamins I forgot were on the counter and rattles the contents.
“Ro, drop it. Please.”
“Admit it.”
“What?”
“Say it. You’re pregnant.”
“It’s good for my hair and nails is all.”
“Don’t lie to me. You’ve been doing a lot of that lately.” She throws the bottle and the cap falls off. My pills scatter across the tile of the kitchen floor.
“Don’t be like that. You’re a hateful drunk.” I bend to start picking up the vitamins.
“At least I’m not a liar.” She towers over me, venom dripping from her.
I peer up at her with tears streaming down my cheeks. “Yes. Fine. Okay. You caught me. I’m pregnant. My life is a mess. I’m barely holding it together. Are you happy now?”
“Who’s the father?”
“Please don’t ask me that. I don’t want to talk about this right now.” I wipe at my cheeks and stand to face her, abandoning the mess for later.
“Why is this guy you’re seeing such a secret? How old is he, Alexa?”
I look to Colter hoping he’ll I don’t know help me in some way. “I can’t tell you.”
“Oh my God. Is it...is it Colter?”
“No. No way. I’d never do that to you, and he wouldn’t either.”
“Is this why you two whisper behind my back? We’re supposed to be best friends. Best friends don’t keep secrets like this unless they have something to hide.”
“Babe. You know how I feel about you.” Colter goes to hug her, and she takes a step back. “Don’t shut me out, Ro. Alexa, you better tell her the truth right now or I will,” he threatens.
“So you know. You know who Alexa has been seeing for months, but me her best friend. I don’t get to know. Screw you both.” She grabs Colter’s keys off the counter and stomps toward the door while we chase after her. She enters the driver’s side, and Colter hops in the passenger seat. The car starts, and I can’t bear the thought of her mad at me. I can’t let her think that Colter and I ever would go behind her back. I slide into the backseat as she peels out of the driveway then slams on the brakes. “Both of you get out.”
“You don’t even have your license. Just a permit. Trade me places. My dad will kill me if he finds out you were driving my car,” Colter begs her. Rochelle hits the gas and swerves to miss a car parked on the side street.
“Rochelle,” I scream. “Okay. I’ll tell you. Just please stop the car.”
For some reason she speeds up.
“Rochelle. Stop the car.” I go for my seat belt, and Colter tries to reason with her. “You’re not thinking clearly, and you’ve been drinking. Don’t drive mad.”
“You’re both liars,” she screams.
“Colter hasn’t lied to you. He’s not to blame in this. Be mad at me. I’m the one keeping secrets and lying to everyone. I lie to you. Your mom.” I can’t hold back my fat tears as they roll down my cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
“My mom?”
“Ro, please stop the car.”
“Tell me his name. Right now.”
“James.” Her gaze meets mine through the rearview mirror. Time freezes in place.
“James who?” she whispers.
I suck in a deep breath. “I think you know.”
“Ro, look out,” Colter screams, going for the steering wheel. It all happens so fast and yet so slow. Metal clinks. Glass shatters. The seat belt I’m wearing jerks me back in the seat. The car skids across the road. I knock my head against the back-passenger window as the vehicle rolls three or four times down an embankment, I’ve lost count.
I’m shaken, but I think I’ll be okay. My head throbs, and I can’t think clearly. “Ro, Colter. You guys good?” No one answers me, and my blood runs cold. Chills fan up and down my arms. I focus on the front seat of the car. Colter is slumped forward with blood gushing from his forehead. A chunk of glass protrudes from his eye. Bile lurches in my stomach and claws its way up my throat, burning for release at the gruesome sight. “Rochelle?” I cry. The whole driver’s side of the car is smashed in. Her body is twisted at an odd angle partially under the steering wheel and partially hanging out of what’s left of her door. Neither of them was wearing their seat belt. A woozy sensation washes over me, and I touch my forehead. I glance at my fingers seeing my own blood. My hand goes to my stomach. My baby. Please let my baby be okay.
I black out and when I come to, I have no idea how much time has passed.
Oh God. It’s growing dark, and all I can hear is the water churning in the nearby river. “Rochelle, please answer me. I’m sorry. I take it all back. I take it all back.” I blink trying to get my tears to stop but it’s not working. “Colter. Tell me you guys are okay. Don’t shut me out.” I pull on my seat belt, but it won’t budge. “Someone help. Help,” I scream till my throat goes raw.
“Can anyone hear me?” A man calls out, trying to open Colter’s door.
I go to speak but my voice dies in my throat.
He gives up on the other door and yanks mine open. “I’m ok,” I manage to croak out.
“Don’t move. I’ve called 911.”
“I need to help my friends.”
He glances to the front of the car and drops his head, scrubbing a palm over his mouth. Reaching around the seat he checks Colter’s pulse first.
“Is he breathing?”
“I’m no doctor. Can’t be sure.”
“Rochelle?”
“I can’t reach her from here.”
“I need out of this car.”
The man pulls a knife out of his pocket and cuts the strap of my seat belt.
I lean forward to touch Rochelle, but the man stops me.
“I wouldn’t,” he warns.
“She’s going to be okay. Right?”
He ducks back out of the car. “Over here.” He waves his arms.
I climb out of the car on shaky legs.
Sirens wail in the distance, growing closer with each passing second though they seem like hours. Please let them be okay. Please, God, save my friends. I drop to my knees and pray. I beg for forgiveness. I’ll give anything.
I’ll take it all back.
I’ll give him up.
God if you’re listening please hear me.