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“You really didn’t need to go to so much trouble.” My stomach churns as Ruthie busies herself in the kitchen boiling bottles.
“Rochelle would have been glued to your side if she were still here. I don’t know, Alexa. Seeing you. It makes me feel closer to her if that makes sense.” She dabs at her eyes. “Sorry. I get so emotional at times.”
“Don’t apologize. You miss her. I do too.”
“You were like the big sister she always wanted. I want another baby, but James feels it’s too soon after Rochelle.” My heart clenches in my chest hearing his name. She has no clue that my daughter belongs to her husband. I’m a terrible person. She’s grieving the loss of her daughter, and here I am flaunting my baby in her face in the apartment her husband pays for. “Between us, he’s having a rough time. Losing Rochelle changed him, but it brought us closer together. I know you and Ro were friends, but I think being a mom now you can relate.”
“Sure. I’m glad I guess that things have gotten better for you guys. I didn’t know you were having trouble,” I lie.
“Things were rocky but last night.” She winks. “We well reconnected you could say. Before long our babies might be playmates. I think James will come around, and well if we are lucky, we conceived last night. He was just...” she lifts her shoulders and smirks all dreamily.
I’m going to be sick. Bile burns in the back of my throat. He was with her. While I was in the hospital crying for him, he was fucking his wife. I deserve it. I know I do. But her words and the bitter truth of it all still fucking cuts into my chest and rips my heart out. He was never going to leave her. Not for me. He never loved me, did he? It was all sex.
My head spins as the realization takes root. He used me. I was nothing but the other woman. My heart hammers in my chest so fast. I can’t breathe. Is this what a panic attack feels like? Or am I truly dying?
“To be honest with you, Alexa. Rochelle isn’t the only reason I’m here.”
Sweat beads across my top lip. My stomach plummets to my feet. Oh shit. She knows. She’s going to tell me that James and her want my baby or to stay away. My mind races as she smiles at me.
“My father.”
“I...I’m sorry what about him?”
“I know this might be a difficult conversation to have, but I know what he did to you, and I was wondering...well I got the impression that your daughter might be my half-sister. So if you need anything at all I want you to know that you can count on me. He may have been a bad man, but what he did isn’t your fault. Your mom may not be in the picture, but you’ve got me. James too. I know he’s been cold and distant since the accident, but he knows you need us.”
I’m going to faint. She thinks Wylla Mae belongs to her rapist father. I swallow hard not knowing what to do with this information. Do I agree with her lie or make up a new one?
“Don’t feel obligated. Your father. Wylla isn’t. Um. Tanner. You remember him. Colter’s friend. It was a onetime thing, and he doesn’t know. I don’t have any plans on telling him.”
“You need to tell him.”
“I will just not right now. It’s complicated. You see he has a girlfriend, and I don’t want to cause any problems for him. I don’t want or need anything from him. It’s just ya know. Whatever,” the lies just keep coming.
“You poor dear.”
“I’ll be fine. Truly. I’m putting in applications, and I’m sure once I find a car and a babysitter, things will work out for me. I’m thinking of moving to another city even. Fresh start and all that.” I still have the bank card James gave me. I never touched that money. I could use it for Wylla and me. He is her father and he gave it to me.
I hope there is still money in the account anyway.
“Not to pry, but you aren’t prepared for this baby at all. It’s okay to ask for help. I know you’re strong. You don’t have to prove that to me. No one has to know. Not even James. It can be our secret. You didn’t get a baby shower. I want to do this for you. So let me see what you have.”
Heat shoots up my spine. She’s right. I didn’t think any of this through. I don’t have anything besides a few basic things. Not even a crib. A fat tear rolls down my cheek. “I...”
“You know what. It’s okay. You just kick back there on the couch. The baby is asleep in the carrier, and you should sleep when she does. I’ll prep a bottle or two before I leave. You’ve got enough diapers to cover you for now. Leave it all to me.”
It’s too much. I can’t allow her to do this and yet I have no one else. My mom was right. I’m lost. I don’t know what I’m doing or how to take care of a baby at all. A small sliver of my heart was holding onto hope I’d be doing all of this with James. Now look at me. I’m his wife’s fucking charity case.
Ruthie hums to herself moving through my apartment, changing things around, and making notes on a pad of paper she got from the junk drawer in the kitchen. I close my eyes and sleep sucks me under.
**
“Shh. They’re still asleep. Try to be a little quieter will you.”
I blink.
“Where should I put this?” a guy’s voice sounds close by.
“Take it to the bedroom,” Ruthie tells him.
“Got it.”
I open my eyes in time to see Tanner packing a big box toward my bedroom.
Holy shit. Why is he here? This is bad. Real bad. He can blow my secret out the water. I’m torn between trying to get rid of both of them or pretending I’m asleep a bit longer. Wylla Mae wakes up with a startled cry, and I instantly jump up. So much for faking my sleep.
“You want me to get her?” Ruthie offers, and I shake my head.
I glance around the room while I get Wylla from the carrier. “Ruthie...it’s too much.” There’s so much stuff.
“Nonsense. I only bought the essentials. I have a little surprise for you.” She motions toward the hall. “Figured you need a nudge in the right direction.”
I look over to see Tanner smiling sheepishly at me. Shit. “Hey, Alexa.” His cheeks redden when he says my name.
“Hi. Can you hold on a second? I just gotta.” I point to my baby’s stinky butt and move past him.
“I gotta get going, Alexa. I think you and Tanner have some talking to do. I’ll check back in on you, but if you need anything give me a call.”
“Okay. Thanks.” This is all too much and too damn strange.
“I’ll see myself out.” She waves and slips out the door.
I lay Wylla down on my bed realizing I forgot to bring her diapers and wipes with me. I can sense Tanner hovering over my shoulder. I can’t believe Ruthie did this. She had no business dragging him here. This has nothing to do with him.
“I don’t want to sound rude but what are you doing here? No hold that thought. First can you um grab me a pack of wipes and a diaper out of the living room?”
He scratches at the back of his neck. “Yeah. Sure.”
“Great. Thank you.”
I get her onesie unbuttoned by the time he returns. “Here you are.” He places the items next to her on the bed. “What the heck is that?” his face screws up, deep blue eyes widening.
“What?”
“Her bellybutton.”
“Oh. That’s from her umbilical cord. Um one more favor. I need an alcohol swab from my bag. It’s in the chair in the living room.”
“How about I just bring you the bag?”
“Good idea.” I still have no idea what he’s doing here. I change my baby’s diaper while he’s fetching the bag for me. “So what are you doing here?”
“Um. I don’t know for sure, but Rochelle’s mom called my mom and said she needed my help with something. She made me go shopping for baby stuff and had this weird conversation with me about responsibility and being a man. It made me super uncomfortable. I got the impression she thinks I’m the father of your baby, but I know that’s not possible so you wanna tell me what the hell is going on?”
“I’m so sorry for dragging you into my mess. It’s my fault. I hope she didn’t say anything to your mom.” I clean the umbilical cord and snap the onesie back.
“Not sure. But why does she think we slept together?”
I grit my teeth. He ought to have full transparency. “Because I may have told her that we had a one-night stand that resulted in my baby.”
“I like you, but my parents will kill me if they think I got you knocked up.”
“I’m sorry, Tanner.” I cradle Wylla Mae to my chest. “I don’t expect you to lie for me. It’s just...I can’t. People can’t know who the father is, and I had to tell her something. She was asking questions, and I didn’t have answers. If you mom asks questions, tell her it was a misunderstanding.”
“You’re beautiful,” he blurts out. He blushes and stares at his shoes. His head snaps back up. “What I mean is whoever or whatever they’re the one missing out. I’ve thought you were the prettiest girl in all of West Virginia since the fifth grade when my family first moved here. If people think that you...that we. Then I’m okay with that. I’ve been wanting a shot with you long as I can remember. You might not think of me that way, but maybe one day you will.”
“That’s sweet. Probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, but what I could really use tonight more than anything is a friend.”
He smiles at me. Tanner has one of them golden smiles. Perfectly sculpted lips and a chiseled jaw that’d cut glass. Any girl would be lucky to have him. Because sure he’s cute, but he’s sweet and kind. The kind of guy most parents would love for their daughter to bring home. The guy I shoulda been dating, but he’s not the one I love. My heart belongs to a royal bastard in every sense of the word. As hurt as I am, I still ache for James.
“How about we get this crib set up?”
“I’d like that. Thank you, Tanner.” I shift my baby girl to my other shoulder and kiss his cheek. I don’t know if I will ever open my heart to another man, but maybe one day.