The rest of the week went smoothly. Charlie watched Ethan in the morning while Ellie relieved her after work in the afternoon. Despite Ellie’s concerns, her young charge seemed fine the day after she’d had trouble putting him to sleep. Ethan was in high spirits, giggling easily when she made faces or tickled him under the chin. His belly laugh was infectious. She burst out laughing each time he giggled whenever he decided something was funny.
Of Reuben, she’d seen very little. He left each morning after Charlie’s arrival. When he came home in the afternoon, he was polite and infrequent with his smiles. Yet he behaved like a different person with her sister. He thanked her every morning for babysitting. When Ellie greeted him, he gave her a quiet nod, then traipsed upstairs for a shower. When he came down, she had supper on the table for him. Although she was annoyed with him, she’d continued to prepare it for him. It couldn’t be easy for him to raise his child alone.
Her garden at home was doing well. This particular morning Ellie picked a number of vegetables, stored them in her buggy and brought them in with her when she relieved Charlie. During the last few days, she’d fixed a variety of meals for him with beef, ham and chicken. She guessed he liked her cooking because he always finished what she’d made him. Yet he’d never said a word.
At first she was upset with his reticence, but today she decided that she no longer cared. Better that there was silence between them than the exchanging of harsh words. Yet his stern, contemplative manner bothered her despite her decision not to care. She couldn’t change the man. What he thought about her in his home with his son shouldn’t matter. But for her, it did.
Surely he trusted her a little, or he wouldn’t leave the house each morning knowing Ethan would be in her care every afternoon when he got home.
Ellie wondered why she bothered coming or cooking for him. And then she knew. She was trying to live like the Lord wanted her to. Feeling blessed, she wanted to help someone in need. And if that person—man—didn’t want her help? It didn’t matter. He needed her help if only temporarily, and that was good enough.
This afternoon she fixed a green bean and ham casserole, a dish easy to keep warm in the oven. The temperature and humidity, although it was summer, had eased off a bit, and there was a soft breeze sweeping the countryside. Ellie had opened the windows earlier to let in the fresh air.
Ethan played on the floor with a pot and the wooden spoon he loved. Ellie smiled down at him before she turned back to the stove to check on the simmering green beans she’d picked from her garden. Next, she took a ham steak from the refrigerator and cut it into small pieces to add to the green beans, along with dumplings she had yet to make. She’d bought the ham on the way after housecleaning for the Brodericks.
Thinking of Olivia Broderick made her feel sad—and blessed. The woman was undergoing cancer treatments, and she looked terrible. In such a short time, she’d lost weight and there were deep, dark circles under her eyes. Ellie had taken extra care this morning to ensure that the house was spic and span. Then she’d offered to make Olivia lunch. The woman had declined since she felt too nauseous to eat, but she’d thanked her with a smile, then handed her a wad of cash that was way more than Ellie normally charged. Olivia had been surprised when Ellie had insisted on giving her back the excess. Ellie had simply smiled and told her she’d be back in two weeks unless she needed her sooner. Olivia said she would call if she needed her before then. Ellie had left and stopped at the grocery store on her way. She’d bought not only the ham steak but also a beef roast and the ingredients for a number of easy casseroles. And last but not least, she’d purchased the ingredients for a chocolate cream pie.
Ethan napped peacefully for just over two hours before waking in good spirits. Ellie wished it was safe enough for her to take him outside to play, as the day was beautiful. But she couldn’t, not as long as there was rusted metal and other junk in the yard. Instead, she gave him loving attention as she played with him on the floor in the great room where the floor was in better shape than in the kitchen.
The afternoon flew by. The next thing she knew, someone was entering the house. Picking up Ethan, she went out to greet Reuben after he turned from hanging his hat on a wall peg.
“Hallo, did you have a gut day?” she asked pleasantly.
He faced her, one eye clear but the other eye bloodshot and bright red.
“Reuben!” she exclaimed, hurrying toward him. “What happened?”
“Got a fragment of siding material in my eye.” He regarded her carefully. “The doctor in the emergency room took out the sliver, but I have to put ointment in it for the next couple of days.”
Feeling relief that he was okay, she nodded. “Would you like me to put some in for you?”
He didn’t say anything at first, and she grew uncomfortable with her offer. He looked at her, then his son, before he returned his attention to her.
Taking his silence as a possible yes, Ellie went into the gathering room, picked the quilt off the floor and returned to the kitchen, where she laid it before she set Ethan down. The little boy cried out and held up his arms. She glanced at Reuben to find his blue gaze intent on her face. She gave Ethan the wooden spoon. “It won’t take but a moment,” she assured him, happy when Ethan finally settled down with his favorite toy. She held out her hand for the prescription ointment tube.
He gave it to her, then sat down and tilted his head back. Ellie stepped in close and was immediately aware of him as a man. His rugged scent. The warmth of his skin. The sound of his breathing. Her heart fluttered inside her chest as she unscrewed the cap. She felt the hitch in her breath as they locked gazes.
“Do you want to hold your eye open?” she asked.
“I trust you to do it.”
She nodded, then reached for his bottom eyelid. She gently tugged downward and clicked her tongue in sympathy at the bright red that should have been the white of his eye. Ellie gently, capably squeezed out a single long bead across the bottom of his eye. She felt overwhelmed by being this close to him. “Blink several times,” she instructed.
She stepped back, heart racing, as she concentrated on putting the cap back on the tube.
She sensed when Reuben straightened in the chair. She looked over and saw him blinking his eyes repeatedly. “Did I hurt you?” she asked softly. The last thing she wanted to do was cause harm to this man.
“Nay.” He smiled at her. It had been so long since she’d seen his smile. The view was like a kick to her solar plexus. “Danki.”
“You’re willkomm.” She reached for Ethan, who’d been watching Reuben and her together. She smiled as she lifted the boy into her arms. “Want to give a proper hallo to your dat?”
As if he understood, Ethan turned in her hold and reached for his father. Reuben stood and tugged him into his arms. He hugged Ethan and rubbed between his shoulder blades before returning his attention to Ellie.
“Danki,” he said quietly. “For everything.”
She was floored by his thanks. Was this goodbye? Was he telling her that he no longer needed her?
He frowned. “You don’t have to come if it inconveniences you.”
His worried expression eased her mind. It would have bothered her if this had been the end of her time with Ethan. And Reuben. “I don’t mind watching Ethan. He’s such a sweet boy who is easy to love.” She gasped, shocked by her words, which revealed too much to the child’s father.
She was startled to see only relief in his expression. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She grabbed her cloth shopping bag that she’d used to carry in the groceries. “There’s supper in the oven. ’Tis just green bean and ham casserole.” She hesitated. “I made chocolate cream pie for dessert.” She inhaled sharply as a thought occurred to her. “I hope you like chocolate...”
He smiled. “I do.”
She released a calming breath. “Gut. Have a nice night, Reuben.” She reached out to stroke Ethan’s sweet baby cheeks. “Behave for your vadder, little one.”
Then she left with a last look at the house. To her surprise and pleasure, Reuben had stepped outside with his son. He didn’t look stern or angry. His expression was soft, friendly. Ellie drew in a shaky breath and continued on, for she found this man hard to resist. And resist him she must because he would marry without love in order to give his son a mother. When she married one day, it would be to someone who offered her more.
Sunday was here before Ellie knew it. She hadn’t seen much of Reuben in the last two days. He’d asked Charlie to stay with Ethan for the whole day yesterday, and Ellie couldn’t help but feel hurt that he hadn’t been happy with the arrangement she and her sister had worked out.
Ellie put on her best Sunday dress—a royal blue tab dress with white apron. She had washed and dried her hair the day before. After pinning her hair in place, she donned a black prayer kapp. She turned as Charlie entered the room.
“Mam and Dat ready?” she asked.
Charlie nodded. “Ja, they asked me to check on you.”
“I’ll be right down.”
Her sister lingered. “I wonder if Reuben and Ethan will be at church,” she said, startling Ellie.
“They haven’t come yet.”
“’Tis been difficult for him, I think.” Her sister smiled. “He’s settling in now. He worked with Jed again the other day.”
Ellie blinked. “He did?”
“Ja. I saw Jed yesterday when he was at the house helping Nate.” Charlie’s gaze went soft at the mention of her betrothed, Nathaniel Peachy. “Reuben’s been working on Jed’s crew, but he’ll be back managing his own construction site tomorrow.”
“Reuben is foreman?”
“I got that impression.”
She headed toward the door and her sister followed. “How’s the haus?”
“’Tis wunderbor! I love it. I can’t wait to wed and move in with Nate.”
“You’re eager for the haus? Or for Nate to be your husband?” She glanced at her sister, then grinned when Charlie blushed.
“I’m eager to marry Nate.” Her cheeks remained a bright red. “I love him.”
Ellie placed a hand on her youngest sister’s shoulder. “I know you do, Charlie. Nate loves you, too.”
Charlie’s features lit up with happiness. Ellie longed to feel as Charlie did with Nate, but she would have to wait for some unknown future date. Helping her parents had to take precedence over finding a loving husband.
She descended the stairs with Charlie to join their parents. Mam smiled at them while she handed them each a cake to carry. Her mother held a large bowl of potato salad. All the dishes they brought would be shared at the midday meal after church service. The Peachys were hosting today, a fact that clearly thrilled her sister. Charlie looked excited, eager to see her betrothed, as Dat pulled their buggy onto the Abram Peachy farm. After her father parked the vehicle at the end of a long row of other buggies and wagons, Charlie jumped out with cake in hand and raced into the yard to look for Nate.
Ellie exited the vehicle more slowly. After laying the cake on the backseat, she helped her mother from the vehicle, then waited patiently for her father to join them. Ellie grabbed the cake, then accompanied her parents to the Peachy barn. The building was only a few years old, having been replaced after a fire caused by lightning. It was a nice structure with plenty of room for the congregation. In the summer months, members of their community often used barns for service. After a peek inside, Ellie took the salad bowl from her mother and headed to the house to set the cake and potato salad in the kitchen with the rest of the community’s other food offerings.
It was as she was leaving the Abram Peachy farmhouse that she spied Reuben with Ethan. They must have just arrived, or she would have noticed sooner. She was surprised yet pleased to see them. She’d prayed and hoped that he’d feel comfortable attending church in his new community one day. Now that he was here, she realized he was finally settling in.
Charlie and Nate chatted with him. Her sister held out her arms and Ethan appeared happy to go to her. She eyed father and son with longing. How would it feel to have this man’s attention and love? To have Ethan as a son?
She brought herself up short. Dangerous thinking, Ellie. She pretended she hadn’t seen him as she crossed the yard to the barn. She nearly made it to the barn door when Charlie raced to join her with Ethan in her arms. The little boy took one look at Ellie and held out his arms. She shouldn’t be glad that he wanted her, but she couldn’t help it. He was a baby, only eight and a half months old. And he gave her such joy just to be near him.
“Service is about to begin,” Nate murmured, having approached from behind.
Charlie smiled at him over her shoulder. “I’ll see you after church.”
Nate eyed her sister with softness that tugged at Ellie’s heart.
They entered the dark interior of the barn. Once their eyes adjusted to the light, the room didn’t seem dark at all. Ellie led the way, still holding Ethan, into the women’s section, where she saw her sisters Leah and Nell. Meg was out of town. She and her husband, Peter, had gone for an extended visit to see Peter’s grandparents in New Wilmington. She smiled at her sisters as she slid onto the same bench. Leah had grown larger with her pregnancy. There was happiness and contentment on her face that hadn’t been visible before she’d married Henry Yoder.
Ellie was happy for her sisters. Each one of them had found a good man. Now their love was expanding to include children. Nell had learned she was two months pregnant only recently. She constantly smiled and glanced with love at James, her veterinary English-turned-Amish husband. James beamed back at her, clearly loving his wife and his life.
Ellie made sure Ethan was comfortable. If the boy had been older, he would have sat with his father in the men’s section, but he was just a baby who needed his mother. Though a female friend would have to do since his mother was dead. Ellie felt a moment’s heartbreak for the woman who never got to know her own child. She offered up a silent prayer for the woman and her family. Reuben was still grieving. It had to be hard for him to see his little boy resemble his wife, the woman he’d lost.
Church started and Ellie was amazed how well behaved Ethan was. Service took most of the morning. After singing and sermons that ran for hours, the congregation dispersed and headed outside. Ellie was exiting the barn with Ethan when Reuben approached.
“I’ll take him,” he said easily.
She nodded. She had work to do. She would help to put out the food. Without meeting his gaze, Ellie handed him Ethan, then went to the house to join the other women in the kitchen.
“Who’s the little boy?” Alta Hershberger asked.
Ellie stiffened. Alta, the community busybody, didn’t need to know the circumstances of her relationship with Ethan or Reuben. “He belongs to Reuben Miller. He moved into the community with his son and his sister.”
Alta frowned. “His sister? I haven’t seen the girl.”
She sighed. She didn’t want to natter, but Alta would be relentless if she didn’t. She tempered her words as she explained. “Sarah is with her parents in Ohio. She’s due back soon.”
“Who’s been watching the boy while she’s gone?”
“My sister and I.”
The woman narrowed her gaze. Ellie kept her expression light and smiling until Alta was forced to nod and return her smile. “That’s kind of you.”
Ellie shrugged. She was eager to escape the woman. Thankfully, Alta had decided she’d heard enough and left to natter to anyone who would listen. Ellie exhaled sharply and sent up a silent prayer of thanks that Meg wasn’t here to complicate the situation.
Once the food was put out, she joined her family as they filled their plates. Ellie couldn’t help her glance toward Reuben to see how he was doing. There were a number of young women around him apparently eager to help him and his baby boy. The sight of Reuben surrounded upset her. Did he envision one of the women as his future wife? She took her measure of the situation but received no clue to his thoughts. The few times she’d caught him smiling at a woman, even laughing once as he conversed with two of them, made her chest hurt. Apparently, it was just her he had a problem with. Especially since she knew he got along well with Charlie.
Her gaze shifted to Charlie and Nate, who had eyes only for each other. The start of their relationship hadn’t been easy. At first, Nate had decided that he was too old for her sister, but thankfully time and Charlie had changed his mind.
With a small smile, Ellie poured herself some lemonade, then took a seat next to Nell.
“How is the cleaning business?” Nell asked.
“Gut. Got plenty of work to keep me busy. I’m glad I’ve cut back to a half a day, though.”
Her sister nodded. “It can’t be easy working for Englishers.”
Ellie recalled one particular woman she had no desire to clean for again. Mara Golden had treated her like a servant, expecting her to pick up after her family before she cleaned house. She’d been condescending and cruel. Ellie had quickly suggested that she find someone else to clean for her. Mara hadn’t taken the news well, but there had been nothing she could do or say that would have changed Ellie’s mind.
The afternoon lengthened quickly. Ellie tried not to look at Reuben but found it impossible to avoid him. On one occasion, he locked gazes with her and she felt her chest tighten while her belly filled with butterflies. When Ethan fell asleep in his father’s arms, she wanted to rush over to take the little boy and hold him close. Watching the two of them together made her feel warm inside.
Reuben stood with Ethan still sleeping against his shoulder. She saw him speak briefly with the people nearest to him before he headed toward the lot where everyone had parked their buggies.
He’s leaving! Unable to resist, Ellie followed him. “Reuben,” she called as she caught up to him.
He halted and turned. And his eyes became shuttered. “Elizabeth.”
Ellie blinked and tried not to feel hurt by his reaction. “Do you still want Charlie and me to come tomorrow?”
“I don’t want to put you to the trouble,” he began.
“’Tis no trouble. I enjoy spending time with Ethan, and so does Charlie.” She managed a smile. “And ’tis better to have the same people watching him until your sister’s return,” she added.
She watched as the tension left his shoulders. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
Ellie nodded. “Have a gut night,” she said softly. “If you need us before...”
His lips quirked. “Call you?” he teased. “Not all of us own a cell phone.”
She blushed. “Ja. Do you want one of us to stop by? To check if you need anything?”
“We’ll be fine. Ethan’s had a long day. I’m sure he’ll fall right asleep.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” she said as she turned. She started back toward the gathering.
“Ellie,” he said, and she stopped, faced him. His expression was soft. “You are a gut friend.”
Friend. Her smile hurt her cheeks as his face became shuttered. Feeling embarrassed that she’d sought him out, she rejoined her family in the Peachy backyard.
His thoughts were on Ellie as he put Ethan to bed, and remained on her throughout the night when he couldn’t sleep. By Monday morning, he’d found a way to harden himself against her. The last thing he wanted was to fall for the young woman. And his guilt stabbed deep that he’d thought of her at all when his wife hadn’t been dead a full year.
His son still slept as Reuben climbed out of bed and dressed. Forcing Ellie from his mind, he went into the kitchen for breakfast. He opened the refrigerator and froze. Besides leftovers, there were several days’ suppers that Ellie had made for him. He chose the leftover egg casserole, then heated it up in a pan coated first with melted butter. Once it was hot, he sat down to eat, and the delicious taste brought his thoughts back around to Ellie. She’d make someone a good wife. She deserved someone who would love her. Not someone like me.
He finished eating just in time, as he heard his son’s cry from upstairs. Reuben rose, put his dishes in the sink, then headed to fetch Ethan. Less than an hour later, Charlie arrived.
“Gut morning,” she said with a smile. Her gaze warmed as it settled on Ethan. She held out her arms and the boy reached for her.
Reuben relinquished his hold, satisfied to see Ethan content in Charlie’s arms. Once again, he thought of Ellie and the way Ethan had laid his head trustingly on her shoulder. The way she cuddled and rubbed his son’s neck and back. His lips firmed. Why did it seem right for Ellie to hold him and not Charlie?
“Do you have everything you need?” he asked.
“Ja,” Charlie said. “I brought puffed wheat for Ethan.”
He was quiet as he collected the lunch made from bread Ellie had baked and jelly she’d made fresh during strawberry season. He reached for his hat, then faced her. “Is Ellie coming to relieve you this afternoon?”
“She’ll be here after she finishes work.” She didn’t meet his gaze as she answered. She was grinning at Ethan as she jostled him in her arms. His son’s sudden laughter filled the room, making him smile.
“I’ll be heading off,” he said. She faced him then. “Danki, Charlie. I don’t know how I would have managed with Sarah gone.”
“’Tis our pleasure, Reuben. Ellie and I love children.”
Ellie loves children. His heart thumped hard. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She nodded. “Have a gut day.”
“The same to you,” he said. As he steered his horse-drawn vehicle to Jedidiah Lapp’s house, where he was to meet the construction crew, Reuben couldn’t banish the mental image of a certain golden-blond-haired woman. Elizabeth Stoltzfus. She would continue to be a source of anxiety for him until he found a wife and married. Only then would he be able to move on with the future he envisioned for himself and Ethan, one with an uncomplicated wife, without the difficult feelings of loving someone.