Ellie returned, expecting to find Reuben busy working somewhere in the house or outside in the yard. Seeing him on the front porch, relaxing, made her stomach flip-flop and her breath hitch. He was so handsome, and she didn’t want to notice. Worse yet, she liked him, and she couldn’t afford to have feelings for him, for he only wanted a woman in his life who was uncomplicated, a mother for his child—and nothing else. She would watch Ethan until Sarah returned and then continue her life without them.
It was heartwarming to see Reuben enjoy the bread she’d made, sliced and buttered for him. She found more enjoyment from watching him eat her pound cake. When he was done, he stood and excused himself to work upstairs, and Ellie cleaned up the dishes, then fed Ethan dinner. She had picked up a few jars of baby food, although she preferred to mash vegetables that she’d grown and cooked herself. But she hadn’t given it a thought until she was on her way over when she’d stopped at the store for a quick purchase of baby green beans, squash and turkey with vegetables...all smooth and easy foods for this little boy to eat.
After Ethan had eaten, she cleaned his face, then changed his clothes and his diaper. By then, it was getting near suppertime at home. She went to the bottom of the stairs and called up to Reuben that it was time she headed back.
He appeared seconds later at the top of the stairs. “’Tis that late?”
She nodded. “Ja. I fed Ethan and he’s ready for bed whenever you’re ready. Unless you want me to put him down now?” She waited a heartbeat.
“Nay,” he said. “I’ll come down and spend some time with him. I can’t do any more up here right now anyway.” He came down the steps, and Ellie moved back as he reached the bottom stair. She could detect his scent. He had washed up earlier, and the lingering odor of soap and male that belonged only to Reuben reached her senses. She drew a sharp breath as she waited for him to precede her into the gathering room, where Ethan played on the floor with a wooden toy.
Reuben grinned when he saw Ethan, and Ellie noted the resemblance between father and son, which reached out to tug on her heartstrings.
“There is some leftover ham and lima beans with dumplings in the refrigerator for you for supper,” she said. “So I’ll be off.” Ellie picked up her bag. “Will I see you tomorrow?” she asked. “’Tis visiting Sunday and my family is hosting. I hope you will come.” Feeling herself blush, she turned. “Have a gut night, Reuben.”
“Have a pleasant evening, Elizabeth. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he murmured behind her.
His soft tone drew her gaze to his face one more time. His expression was warm, easy, and Ellie knew she was lost. Ach nay! She cared deeply for this man.
She left hurriedly to get home in time for supper. She’d helped her mother make sides for a roast beef dinner before she’d left to bring Ethan home. She forced her thoughts to the meal and spending time with her parents and her sister. But Reuben’s attractive features and smile kept returning to her thoughts.
She swallowed hard. She should find someone to take over watching Ethan, but she couldn’t bear not to spend time with him...and his father.
She thought of the day she’d had. She wouldn’t have left if there had been some place for her and Ethan to go while Reuben installed the flooring. While it was good that she’d been at the house for her mother, today had been one of those times when she wasn’t needed by her parents. Charlie was still in residence and she’d spent the entire day there, with Nate arriving just as Ellie left to take Ethan back to Reuben.
Ellie thought of the yard. If not for the rusted junk on the property, it would be a fine place to take Ethan outside to enjoy the warm balmy days of summer and the upcoming fall. An idea came to her while she parked her vehicle next to Nate Peachy’s. She could enlist her family to clean up the yard while Reuben was at work on a construction site. He no longer worked with any of her cousins. He was foreman again on another job. A perfect opportunity to get the work done, as long as her cousins could afford to take the time. I’ll ask them. If they can’t, they can’t, but maybe they will be able to help him.
She was afraid that Reuben wouldn’t be open to the idea, but she would go ahead with her plans anyway. Although he tried, the man couldn’t handle everything on his own. He was only one person, and he had a full community of workers at his disposal. But she would ask only her family. And pray that he wouldn’t be too angry once he realized what she’d done.
With that resolve, Ellie went into the house to enjoy the evening with her family. It was only as she was alone in her room later that her feelings for Reuben came back to haunt her.
She’d have to call Sarah to see when she might be returning. She had to protect her heart. Although it might be too late.
Sunday morning Ellie got up early and went downstairs to help get ready for their company. She wondered if Reuben would come with Ethan. He’d been to church, but he hadn’t come visiting on Visiting Day since he’d moved into their church district.
She watched all day for Reuben but he never came. She frowned. Why not? He’d said that he would see her today. Why did he keep himself isolated from the company of friends and neighbors?
Reuben had planned to visit the Stoltzfuses, but Ethan had woken up crying, and it had taken everything in him to soothe his son. His boy had felt warm to the touch, and he’d realized that his son had a fever. Was it because he was cutting teeth? Some didn’t believe that teething caused a fever, but he knew better. He remembered when Sarah was a baby and teething. She’d cried and cried, and she’d run a fever. Mam had put her in a cool bath to try to bring it down, but she’d continued to cry as she sat in the cold water. Reuben had felt bad for his baby sister.
Was Ellie upset that he didn’t go? He hadn’t known what else to do. His son didn’t feel well, and his health and happiness had to come first.
Ethan had fallen asleep about an hour ago. His baby cheeks were red from crying, and Reuben’s heart broke every time he went in to check on him. He loved his little boy. It had been tough after his wife had died, but he and Ethan were fine. And he was glad to have Ethan in his life. Despite his loss, he had the most precious gift Susanna could ever have given him—their son. It was up to him to make sure Ethan was loved, fed, clothed and well cared for.
His thoughts centered on Ellie, as they had so many times these past couple of weeks. She was good for his son. For him. She’d make a fine wife, but would she accept that he wanted to marry her for Ethan’s sake? He couldn’t possibly marry for love. He and Ellie were friends. That was a good basis for marriage, wasn’t it? But would it be fair to ask her to marry without the prospect of future children?
A lead weight settled in his chest. No, it wouldn’t be fair to her at all.
Ellie drove to Reuben’s house the next morning. Although it hadn’t been discussed, she’d decided that he still needed her to babysit. Yesterday afternoon, she’d approached her father, uncle and cousins about cleaning up Reuben’s property. She’d told them she wanted to surprise him, so if any of them were available, would they come and do the work?
To Ellie’s discomfort, Jedidiah had stared at her while she’d explained. And after Daniel, Joseph, her father and her uncle had agreed to come at ten Monday morning, Jedidiah had cornered her alone to talk about her plans.
“Do you think ’tis a gut idea to do this, Ellie?”
Ellie had frowned. “Why not?” She drew in a steady breath. “Reuben has too much to do, Jed. If we can do this for him, it will reduce some of the stress in his life.”
Jed had eyed her thoughtfully. “You like him.”
“He’s my friend.”
“Is that all he is?” her cousin had asked softly.
It was all it could ever be. “Ja, just friends.”
He’d continued to study her a few seconds longer. “Oll recht. We’ll do what we can to help your...friend.”
The sight of Reuben’s house brought her back to the present. She drove into his driveway, tied up her horse, then approached the house. Would he tell her why he didn’t come over yesterday?
The door opened as she drew closer. “Reuben. You did want me to babysit today, ja?”
He nodded. The man appeared exhausted.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Ethan’s been running a fever. All day yesterday and through the night. I don’t know for certain, but I think he may be teething.”
Ellie nodded. “Ja, teething can be hard on a little one.” She studied him thoroughly, then blushed when he held her gaze. “Did you get any sleep last night?” Then she felt her face heat even more as she realized how she’d sounded.
“Once he fell asleep.”
“Did you give him something to ease his pain?”
“I wasn’t sure what to give.” He looked regretful, troubled. Helpless.
She smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of him for you while you’re at work today.”
She was happy to see him relax, as if her words had calmed him. “I should go, but...”
“’Tis fine, Reuben. You have work to do. The little man and I will be fine.” She walked to the doorway of the great room. “Where is he?”
“Upstairs sleeping. It was a long night.”
She handed him a bag. “I fixed you lunch with leftovers from yesterday.”
The surprised look on his face warmed her. “Danki, Ellie.”
“Do you know what time you will be home?”
He stilled. “Do you need to leave at a certain time?”
“Nay, I simply wondered, as I thought I’d make a pot roast for supper.”
Reuben blinked. “About four or four thirty.”
She smiled. “I’ll see you then.” Ellie watched him through the kitchen window as he climbed into his buggy and left. After he drove away, she went upstairs to check on Ethan.
At nine thirty, two wagons, a buggy and a huge truck drove into the yard. Ellie started. She’d expected everyone at ten. What if Reuben had still been in the area? She stepped outside with Ethan in her arms as Jedidiah climbed down from his wagon.
“You didn’t see Reuben, did you?” she asked.
Jed smiled. “I saw him an hour ago but didn’t get the chance to speak with him. I stopped by Whittier’s Store this morning for some drinks and snacks, and he was there, climbing into the company car that would take him to the job site.”
Ellie released a relieved sigh. “What’s all this?”
“These are your workers, and this—” he gestured toward the truck “—is a roll-off.”
She frowned, then understood as she and Jed watched as the truck released a huge rectangular container near the side of the barn.
“It’s for garbage,” the young driver said after he’d hopped from his truck to have Jed sign a document attached to a clipboard.
Jed’s brothers Daniel and Joseph joined them. Another wagon pulled into the yard that carried her father and Uncle Samuel. To her surprise, her brothers-in-law, Peter, Henry and James, also came to help.
“Danki,” she told them.
Her father dismissed her thanks with a wave of his hand. Jedidiah stepped up to be the man in charge. Satisfied that the yard would be cleared before Reuben got home, Ellie headed inside. She had food to prepare—lots of food. Just as she wondered what to make, the side door opened and her cousins’ wives, as well as her mother and two of her sisters, entered with a variety of snacks, lunch dishes and desserts.
Ellie beamed at them. They had come because she’d asked. She loved and was grateful for every single one of her family members.
After the work was done, she began to worry about Reuben’s reaction when he got home. She tried not to think about how angry he might be once he realized that her family had invaded his kitchen. The room looked wonderful with its new paint and floor. The entire interior was something to be proud of. Reuben had done a great job.
By three thirty everyone had gone, and the roll-away container filled with debris and garbage had been removed. It had been a nice afternoon. Her cousins Daniel and Joseph had finished painting the trim on the front side of the house. Ethan had enjoyed the day, too, she realized. No longer feverish, he had gone willingly to each woman, grinning his baby smile, displaying his two bottom teeth and one up top that recently had broken through. She’d put him down for his nap at one thirty, and despite the commotion out in the yard, he’d fallen asleep immediately.
She heard him in his room now, cooing and making little happy noises. Smiling, Ellie went up to get him. He grinned at her and patted her cheek as she lifted him from his crib. “Did you have a nice nap, bebe?” She changed his diaper, then brought him downstairs to help him drink from his cup, then took him outside into the yard to play. She smiled as she kept him company, focusing her attention on him rather than the upcoming confrontation she feared she’d be having with his father. The sun felt warm but the air wasn’t humid. She set Ethan on his feet and began to walk him around the yard, held up by her hands.
Reuben was tired. Exhausted, actually. It had been a good workday, but a long one. All he wanted to do was get home, sit down and enjoy a glass of Ellie’s iced tea. He’d visit with Ethan, then eat whatever Ellie had left him for supper.
She was an unusual, giving woman. He vaguely wondered what might have happened if he’d courted and married her first. It would have been awkward, he realized, since her older sister Meg had broken off their relationship. But what if he’d never spent time with Meg? What if Ellie had come first? He hadn’t realized that Ellie was only a year and a half younger than Meg. He’d thought her much younger.
Would he and Ellie have married? Would Ethan have been Ellie’s child? Would they have been happy? Had more children? Because it felt as if Ellie was stronger than Susanna had been at the same age.
Thoughts of his late wife gave him pause. It still hurt to think of her taken from this earth so young...
As he steered his horse home, Reuben looked forward to seeing Ethan and Ellie. It wasn’t far to the house. He’d be home by four fifteen.
The first thing he noticed when he pulled into the driveway was Ellie and Ethan seated on a blanket in the yard. Ellie looked breathtaking in pink in the sunlight. Her blond hair looked golden under the summer sun’s rays. His son giggled as she tickled him, and her answering laugh was girlish. The sound hit him right in the center of his heart.
And then he saw the yard. He narrowed his gaze. What had happened to all the junk, the garbage, on his property?
Ellie, he thought. Ellie had done this. And after he’d told her he didn’t like anyone interfering in his business, in his home. His heart hardened as he headed in her direction. As if sensing him, she glanced over, smiling, until she saw his expression. Her features became shuttered. She lifted Ethan into her arms, propping him on her hip, as she stood. Like she was his mother.
“Elizabeth.”
“Reuben,” she said. “You’re home.”
“Obviously.”
“And you’re mad.”
“I’m not happy,” he said, his tone even, cold.
“Reuben—”
“You knew how I’d feel about people in my house...in my yard.” He marveled at the amount of work that had been done in his short absence. “Helping me.” His gaze wandered to the house. Someone had finished painting the outside window trim. “You’re responsible.”
He heard her draw a sharp breath. “Ja.”
Something hurt him inside, cut him deep. “Why?” he snapped.
“Because you have so much to do,” she breathed. Her face turned pale. “I wanted to help. My family wanted to help.”
“Your family.” Surely it had taken more than her father and uncle to accomplish the task.
“My dat, onkel and cousins,” she confessed. She raised her chin in defiance, as if ready to face the brunt of his anger.
The longing he felt for her infuriated him all the more. He had no right to have feelings for her, to notice how pretty she looked or how well she handled his son and had slid easily into his life.
“You should go,” he said.
He saw her swallow hard. She nodded. Ellie approached and handed him his son. Then without another word, she walked to her buggy, climbed in and left.
His heart pounded in his chest, making it difficult for him to breathe. She’d meant well, he supposed. She’d known how he felt about accepting help, yet she’d arranged for workers to clear his yard and paint his house.
He grew suddenly anxious as he watched her leave. He called out her name to stop her. Running with Ethan in his arms, he chased after her but she didn’t stop. A truck rumbled down the road, drowning out his cries with the loud roar of its engine.
“Ellie!” he cried. He halted, out of breath. She must have heard him, but she’d chosen to ignore him.
Ethan started to cry as if he sensed something was wrong, and Reuben turned his attention to soothing him. “Ja, little soohn. I know you miss her.” I do, too.
He had failed too many times in his life. He’d failed and felt helpless when he and Meg had been involved in a buggy accident that had ended up with both of them in the hospital. Ellie’s sister had been thrown into the creek. He’d suffered a knot on his head that he later learned was a concussion. He hadn’t known how to swim then, and the fact that he hadn’t been able to rescue Meg from the water showed him he was a failure.
He’d failed to save his wife, who’d died after giving birth to Ethan. He’d failed to build a new house for him and Ethan. He should be able to handle the renovations to this house and take care of his son, but he’d failed again. He must have, since Ellie had felt the need to step in with her relatives to work on his house and clear his property.
He’d tried. He’d done everything he could to become a better person but his wife had died and his parents had moved away.
It wasn’t Ellie’s fault that he had trouble accepting help from people. He’d overreacted and hurt Ellie, a woman he cared about, in the process. He’d accepted her help with his son, so what difference did it make if others had come over to assist?
If his life were different, he’d ask Ellie to marry him, but he couldn’t. Because of his growing feelings for her. He would always think of Susanna with sadness. She’d had such a short life, and she’d never been able to hold their baby. Yet having Ellie in his life had lessened the loss, had made it bearable. But he wasn’t worthy of her.
He should leave Ellie alone. It wasn’t fair to her that he couldn’t offer her anything but friendship. But yet he couldn’t seem to let Ellie go. He would apologize and explain why he felt the way he did.
I can only hope that she understands and forgives me. Because although he didn’t deserve her love, he wanted—needed—her friendship.