Now, if you are an observant person, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I tend to use a lot of colorful words. Some people’s curse words just kind of slip out by accident. They didn’t mean to say them, they just got lost in the moment. People are so embarrassed when it happens that they cover their mouths and apologize. If it happens on TV, the censors bleep it. And if a kid does it, they wash their mouths out with soap. Oh yeah . . . let’s just say when I was a kid I had the cleanest mouth on the block. That’s because back then just as now I have no shame speaking my mind; dirty words don’t slip out—I throw them out with accurate aim and purposeful intent! One curse word in particular you’re gonna read a lot is “shit.” If you’ve been paying attention, you know I’ve used it a lot already. To be honest, it’s an important word that has many uses in everyday life. I mean, we all take shits every day—that’s the base use of the word. But think about it: That same word that is used to represent the waste that comes out of our ass is also something we all strive to be. Don’t believe me? I know, you’re like, “Leon, what the fuck are you talking about?!” Well, calm the fuck down and let me elaborate! Say somebody came up to you, looked you in the eye, and said, “You ain’t shit!” You would be ready to fight, right? Why? Shouldn’t you be like, “Thanks”? No! You would be ready to fight that muthafucka just to prove to his ass that you are indeed THE muthafuckin’ shit!
Confusing? I know, but if you keep reading, everything will be clear. Because, trust me, this book is full of shit, lots of shit! So let this serve as a de facto disclaimer: I might say some shit that could come off as sexist and—if you’re the sensitive type—maybe even damn near racist, but trust me, I’m not here to disrespect anyone. The shit I might say about you could easily apply right back to my black ass. It’s just that today, I’m the one laying it down. What I’m saying is that if you just hear what I’m saying, it might sound messed up; but if you really listen to what the fuck I’m saying, you’ll get the brilliance of it!
So don’t write me no letters complaining. First of all, I don’t open mail. You never know what the fuck is in a damn envelope, could be bills, anthrax . . . I don’t know! And second, I don’t have a legal address for you to send it to anyway! Look, if you’re offended and wanna blame someone, don’t blame me, blame the one who told me to take all my shit and put it in a book!