This book is about to come straight at you. It’s like how in boxing, some fighters throw looping ass punches. Not me. I punch a muthafucka straight in the nuts with my shit, I don’t care if I’m gonna get disqualified. See now my opponent will be so paranoid I’ma punch him in the nuts that he’s gonna keep his guard, leaving his nose wide open for a punch that he’ll see coming, but won’t be able to stop it. That’s the way I think, and I’m gonna give you shit like that, more outside-the-box ways of thinking, crazy shit you may never have thought of before. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to tell you to do dumb shit. As a matter of fact, I’m not gonna tell you to do anything. I’m gonna give you things to consider. That way, you’ll have a different way of thinking bouncing around in your head. And one thing I know for sure: You can’t get arrested for your thoughts. Hell, I would be serving life if you could. Look, if I can just help you change the way you think in stressful situations, eventually you may change how you react. That’s the way you change: You can’t change all at once. You can’t be Leon in an instant—only I can be me, ’cause that’s how I doozit. As for you, you just have to look to change a little at a time. Don’t go snatching that Joe Pepitone jersey off that stranger just yet. I mean, you may get that jersey, but on the other hand, you may just get your ass fucked up.
So brace yourself for some profound observations, practical advice, things I like to call “Leonisms.” What are “Leonisms”? you ask. Leonisms are those little bits of clarity. They are bite-size morsels of knowledge that are easily digestible.
This book needs to be ingested like medicine. You can’t just swallow it whole or you’ll overdose from your own wisdom. You’ll start living vicariously through me, wearing an open robe with a lost belt, house slippers, and a do-rag, and carrying a large plastic juice cup with “Leon” written on it. So I suggest taking in a chapter at a time; take a break after each, digest that shit, then jump right back in before you forget what the fuck you were reading.
One last thing . . . and before you say some shit like, “You keep saying you’re gonna start the book, when is this damn book gonna get started!” Muthafucka, the moment you started reading the book, the damn book started—I did say fuck a forward!