I know this might sound strange, but if you ask me, a giraffe is one of the sexiest animals on earth. Think about it: them long ass muscular legs . . . like the ones you see when you’re on vacation in the Caribbean. When you go to one of them islands there are always some performers up on some stilts wearing masks, dancing around and shit! I would love to be one of those guys! You got to watch your lady around them muthafuckas though. Ladies on vacation get wild and you’ll wind up losing track of your lady and come to find out one of them Caribbean stilt muthafuckas took her back to your room and broke her the fuck off. Oh she will deny it, but the evidence will be clear when you go up to your room and see hand prints all over the damn ceiling. Could’ve taken them damn stilts . . . freaky stilt dancing muthafucka!
Anyway, I would get me some stilts and a giraffe outfit and go fuck me a giraffe because goddammit, it’s a beautiful creature. I love a good giraffe. What!?! Those flirty ass long eyelashes! I would tear that giraffe’s ass up! They gotta use more of them in fashion shows, ’cause they can walk up and down that runway and wear more than one pair of pants at a time. I would like to see a giraffe in some heels, some sexy stilettos, with a garter that goes up to her thigh, or some fishnet stockings, that would change the whole game!
Ironically, I would fuck a giraffe doggy style, which brings me to this: Why do they call it “doggie style”? No animals do it in the missionary position, they all do it doggie style! So why not call it “moose style”? Why not “giraffe style”? Why is it “doggie style” no matter who the fuck is doing it! Oh, and especially cats, cats hate dogs and they gotta do it “doggie style”! That don’t make any damn sense! Look, cats go buck wild, they fuck in alleys, dumpsters, even when cats are fighting they sound like they’re fucking! Cats are so noisy and wild you never know what they’re doing, they could be doing reverse cowgirl style for all we know. Sound ridiculous? Possibly.
By the way, the editor has informed me that fucking a giraffe is illegal, so just forget I said all that shit. As a matter of fact, tear this page out and throw it away. I’m not trying to go to jail for fucking a giraffe, especially when it was consensual.