People take up martial arts as self-defense. That’s misguided advertising. Don’t spend your money learning how to lift your leg up so high you can kick the side of someone’s face, ’cause that won’t defend you. Let me tell you something, if you threw a kick at me, I would grab your damn fake ass karate leg, twist you to the fuckin ground, and embarrass you! Don’t try that shit on me! And definitely don’t try it on some desperate ass criminal. Look, I know you’re going to want to, I mean, you’ve been training for a bunch of years, mastering your skill, waiting for the opportunity to try your shit out. I mean you can’t practice that shit on your family what you gonna do, chop your grandparents in the throat while they’re napping, leg sweep your nephew? You need some bully to come fuck with you so you can look him in the eye and say, “You picked the wrong one!” And then that day finally comes, and someone calls you out and you square up, ready to do your shit, only he doesn’t throw a punch, he just looks at you and laughs, he makes fun of your dumbass karate stance and your little ass head and your big ass feet. Then he starts riding your lady’s hairstyle. Damn! So now you gotta do something, you get so mad you lift your leg up to bring the muthafuckin’ Ruckus with a roundhouse for his ass, he catches your shit like I would. And in the three seconds it took to do a move that should’ve only taken one, you realize you can’t bring the Ruckus to someone if you don’t have it in you to begin with. And as he is punching you in the face repeatedly, you realize the classes were bullshit and so were you, and really the reason you bought that martial arts Groupon three years ago wasn’t because you wanted to learn about karate, it was ’cause you wanted to gain discipline and learn about yourself.
Deep shit huh? Seriously you want self-defense? You’ve got to work on self, I call it Self-Esteem Defense. One thing I know for a fact is no one can beat me at a mind game! My Ruckus game is tight. You can’t shake me in a fucking mind game! I may not look it but trust me one thing I got is a warehouse full of unopen boxes of self-esteem! They say the best offense is a good defense but they got that shit backwards! Protect yourself by strengthening your mind!
Now I’m not saying don’t learn how to physically protect yourself but as you’ve read so far there are better ways to get in that brain ass. For instance, shut the fuck up once in a while and just watch people. Doing this will help you develop your wenta muscle, which is important for survival. Trust me, knowing wenta talk shit and wenta shut the fuck up just might save you from embarrassment.
A good way to enter the mental state necessary to master your mind is to achieve Zen. Now while I recommend practicing it, just be aware of where and when you are doing it. I mean, don’t do it while operating heavy machinery or filling out important paperwork and definitely don’t try it in the middle of a fight. I highly suggest doing it while sitting on the toilet, preferably in a guest or basement bathroom or rarely used powder room where you are least likely to have someone pounding on the door and ruining your concentration. Sitting on the toilet is a great time to focus on your mind, your body, and your shit. Bottom line: Once you get your brain right you will be able to mind-slap the shit out of a muthafucka right, to the side of the head, and trust me he won’t be able to catch it.