Besides having to roam around Disneyland, Mickey and Minnie gotta spend time on cruise ships too. Any other time you see mice on a fucking boat, that’s a fucking sanitation issue, and I believe the same goes here. I don’t give a shit that Mickey’s got a top coat on like he’s in a fucking orchestra conducting.
White people love cruise ships. They get all-inclusive shit so they can eat like piggies, fuck around in the galley in the middle of the night, go into the captain’s room, then go back to the fucking buffet with their soft-shell crab and tiramisu.
For black people, however, ships have rough connotations. So I’d make cruise ships designed to address these issues. The white people would be working the ship while us black people would start at the bottom of the ship and have to fight our way up. We would have weapons (like rubber bullets and shit) and we would pretend to kill everybody and get to the top and yell “FREEDOM!!!” ’Cause that’s a fucking cruise!
By the time we pulled into the port in the Bahamas, we would get out of our raggedy ass clothes and put our nice shit on. And then we would enjoy the soft-shell crab and tiramisu buffet as free people.
(NOTE: The buffet and weaponry are provided only in the all-inclusive package. If you have the cheaper package, you stay chained the fuck up around your ankles and then we see how you do.)
As free people, we can all enjoy the amenities the cruise ship has to offer, and the cruise ships have fucking everything: post office, babysitting service, screening room, pool. It’s better than most neighborhoods. They even have a casino in there.
Beware of the casino. You already spent money on the cruise, now you’re just gonna lose your money in the casino. By the time you get to the Bahamas you have no money left, so you gotta just stay in your room. That’s fucked up.
On my cruises, you’d be able to wager your room on the cruise ship too. Just like people gamble their house away. And if you lost it at the roulette table or baccarat, you’d just have to walk around for seven days and sit on the lido deck on a lounge chair or something. As a rule, people should be able to gamble anything away. They should be able to take their clothes off, dump them on the roulette table, and see what happens. There should be a surgeon on-site so people can gamble their internal organs as well. So after the game, when the players are forced to walk around the casino naked, with no kidneys or liver, people will know they lost EVERYTHING.
That’s some powerful shit.