17 HOURS TO GO
I WOKE UP ON THE GROUND and stared at the sky, which was spread out like a huge reddish cloth. I sat up groggily, looking at my backpack, which I’d used as a pillow, and then around at the woods, trying to figure out how long I’d been there.
My day away from school hadn’t been much fun. I couldn’t go home, because I knew Beth or Principal McCarthy must have called my mother. On the other hand, if I wandered around town someone might see me and wonder why I was cutting class. That left me nowhere to go but the back streets, until I decided to head out into the woods behind Lasher Road. I found the spots where Daniel and I had shot target practice and I looked for where we’d seen the dead dog, searching the ground for blood or paw prints. There was nothing.
I was pissed at P.J. and Koryn and Jordan, at Sheriff Riley and Beth and my parents, but mostly at Daniel. At first the feeling surprised me. I tried to get rid of it, but the longer it stayed, the more right it felt. No one was going to whisper around school about what he’d done. It was me, just me, same as always.
we don’t need him we don’t need anyone
Around what must have been lunchtime, I slumped against a maple tree, and dozed off. I dreamed of a place far from Shadwell, where no one had to go to school and kids could live without their parents and every door was open to anyone who wanted to go in.
For a while I was happy.
As I woke up, however, the dream felt very far away, and with the sun falling from its cloud-mountain peak, the day’s warmth began to vanish. Rubbing my arms, I wondered if my parents were still at home, waiting for me. The thought made me smile as I hauled my backpack over my shoulder.
Although I was still mad at Daniel, I couldn’t think of anywhere to go but his house. Then I realized: what if one of my parents had gone there? Better to check out the situation first. I headed into town and found a pay phone in front of the IGA. I dialed Daniel’s number, but no one picked up after four rings. I was about to hang up when a voice I didn’t recognize came on the line.
“Hello?”
I was sure I must have the wrong number, but I said, “Is Daniel there?”
“Travis, what’s going on?” Daniel’s voice must have changed a little or maybe it was the way I heard it that was different. It had been him on the line all along. “Where are you?” he asked. “Where have you been?”
where do you think we’ve been we’ve been taking shit for you
“Your parents called a couple times,” he said. “I told them I haven’t seen you.”
I didn’t reply. There was a buzz of static across the line, smooth as a stone skipping water.
“You’re pissed,” he said finally.
I remained silent.
Daniel sighed. “I don’t blame you.”
“No, but everyone else does.” I wanted to stop there, but I couldn’t. “You helped me make that picture and then you let me hang for it, you bastard.”
backstabbing bastard traitor
“This is all Koryn’s fault,” he said. “First she leads you on, then she starts screwing around with Jordan, and next thing you know she acts like you’re the one who’s got a problem. If it wasn’t for her, you wouldn’t be dealing with any of this shit. You can scream at me all you want, but she’s the root of everything that’s gone wrong.”
He took a breath and went on. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything when you got caught with the drawing, but you’re lucky I didn’t get nailed too. At least this way it looks like an isolated incident. Some girl burned you, you got mad, end of story. If I was involved, somebody might start thinking, Hey, there’s two of them, maybe they’re crazy enough to do something.”
“Crazy enough to do what?”
“Go after her,” Daniel said. “She can’t treat you like this.”
“Well, she has.”
“So are you going to do something about it or what?”
you know what to do and you don’t need him to do it
I let out a long, shuddery breath. “I’m not sure,” I said.
“Come on, you know how good it would feel to get a little revenge. I’m not talking about on paper, Travis. I mean in real life.”
“How?” I asked, and my voice sounded very small.
“We’ve got our list,” Daniel said. “Maybe it’s time to use it.”
I’d been waiting to hear those words, and dreading them at the same time. I wanted to hang up and find my parents and tell them everything, every single thing that had gone wrong since the night Richie died, but they wouldn’t listen and if they did listen they wouldn’t understand or do anything about it.
you and me trav-oh the hell with him the hell with everyone
“I’m going to come over,” I said.
Daniel’s voice got muffled and I heard, “All right, Mom, I’m coming.” Quietly he said, “Travis, you can’t. My grandmother died today. We’re about to leave for the hospital so my mother can take care of all this funeral bullshit.”
“Oh,” I said.
There was static on the line again. It crackled as though there was distant thunder, but I saw no sign of rain in the sky.
forget him let’s go already let’s go go go
“It’s time, Travis. Either you let everyone keep pushing you around or you make your stand. Right here, right now.”
make a stand make a plan make everything even-steven
“You’re going to help me, aren’t you?” I asked.
“Of course I will. We’re in this together, aren’t we?”
“Are we?” I said, feeling a toxic wave of self-pity. “You can take care of yourself. You don’t need me.”
“That’s not true,” Daniel said, his voice stern. “Look, I’ve got to go. But we’ll talk about this tomorrow. I’ve been working on a plan, and I think you’re going to like it.”
I wasn’t sure what Daniel’s plan involved, but whatever it was, “tomorrow” just wasn’t soon enough. Didn’t he understand that? I was sick with rage and struggling with a vile feeling I’d never known before. I walked so hard I thought I’d burn holes in my sneakers. I walked because I couldn’t bear to stand still.
Finally I looked up and realized my feet had taken me to Coffee Time. I peered through the plate glass window and saw a single customer, a woman with a thick pile of black hair. Jordan was behind the counter.
I went in. The door pinged overhead, but Jordan didn’t look up. “How can I help you today?” he said, and it was only when he reached “you” that he did a double take.
“Hi, Jordan.”
The smell of croissants made me realize how hungry I was. I looked down at the glass case filled with them and saw my reflection. My hair was blown every which way, my shirt pulled out of my pants and stuck to my chest with sweat. Jordan, however, looked totally put together, with his starched shirt and clean brown apron. I imagined ripping the apron off, balling it up, and cramming it down his throat.
“Travis, you shouldn’t be here,” he said.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought this was a free country.”
“Of course it is.” He didn’t smile, not exactly, but the corners of his lips crept up. “All right, what can I get for you?”
you can get the hell out of here you girl-stealing son of a bitch
His gaze burned like a heatlamp. Sweat beaded on my brow, but I didn’t want to lift my hand to wipe it away. I stared at the menu board, as though I didn’t know it by heart.
“I’d like a tall skim milk with vanilla syrup,” I said.
He made no move to the drink bar. He knew as well as I did whose favorite drink that was.
“That is, unless you’re out of milk or something,” I said.
you tell him what we want and you make sure we get it
Finally, he rang the order up. I fished in my pocket for money. He set my change on the counter and glanced at the swinging door leading to the back. Was Koryn in there? I could almost see her coming out, me leaping over the counter, grabbing her and shoving her back against the coffee grinder, squeezing her throat until she turned white, then purple.
Jordan plunked a cup on the counter. As I watched him reach below the cappuccino maker for a jug of milk, I said, “No, syrup first. The way Koryn makes it.”
He poured half an ounce of vanilla syrup, then splashed in milk and slapped on a lid.
let’s go trav-oh show him what we’re made of
“So how long have you been banging Koryn?” I asked, taking the cup.
“Travis, I’ve got to tell you, it’s not—”
But before he could go on, the swinging door popped open, and Gus stepped out. He showed an instant of surprise but it vanished quickly.
“What are you doing here?” Gus asked.
“It’s all right,” Jordan said.
I lifted my cup and milk sloshed against the lid. “I’m just getting a drink.”
“Looks like you’ve got it,” Gus said. “So why don’t you take off?”
I peeled off the lid and took a quick sip, surprised at how sweet it was. Looking at Gus, I thought about how he had humiliated me in front of my parents. There was no reason for him to come there and make a bad situation worse.
As I started to leave, I hurled my cup across the counter. Gus put his hands up as the liquid splashed on his face and rained into his hair. The cup itself dropped silently in front of him. Gus stepped on it as he bolted forward, plastic crunching as he reached across the counter and grabbed a handful of my shirt. My backpack slipped off my shoulder and crashed into the register.
I swung one fist wildly, but the backpack strap stopped my arm and my fingers barely grazed Gus’s cheek.
“You stupid punk,” Gus said, fists in front of him. Jordan grabbed at Gus’s arm to restrain him but Gus brushed past him, circling the counter. The woman with the pile of dark hair looked up but continued to drink from her mug.
“Travis, get out of here,” Jordan said.
“Actually, I’d rather you stick around,” Gus said. “Because you’ve got three seconds before I call the cops.”
I cocked my fist back as a threat, but Gus was bigger and stronger, and besides he had Jordan to back him up. The power I’d felt a moment ago disappeared, leaving me helpless. Whirling, I said, “Suck my tasty dick, you asswipes.”
I pushed out into the dusk, the cold, the silence. The streetlights were on, though it wasn’t quite dark yet. It didn’t matter. Even in the black of night, I could have found my way, because for once in my useless life I knew exactly where I was going and exactly how to get there.
On my way into Shadwell Cemetery, I passed the graves of Civil War soldiers, their chipped granite slabs angling out of the dirt. As I went further back I saw the more recent stones, some with crosses or angels on top of gray marble.
My brother’s grave had none of that. Block letters were carved in just like on his football trophies. There was Richie’s name, the dates of his birth and death, and the legend: TAKEN TOO SOON. I’d never understood why my mother wanted it to say that, since it wasn’t like he’d been hit by a bus. But she’d insisted, and my father hadn’t had the heart or the guts to argue.
I’d never liked seeing my own last name on the grave, so I turned away, studying the rows of markers that stretched toward the horizon. Then I heard wheels chewing gravel behind me.
As I began to back away from the grave, I saw P.J.’s black Taurus, shiny new windows in all of its frames. At first I was paralyzed and then fear settled in my bowels and I ran.
don’t run you wuss it’s payback time give him what he’s got coming
As the car groaned to a halt, a voice called, “Hey, wait!” but I didn’t listen. I stopped when I heard the voice again, which was deeper and more booming than P.J.’s: “Travis, get back here!” It was Sheriff Riley.
He worked hard with each step toward me. A garage work order poked out of his pocket above his badge. “You’d never know I used to play football,” he said, panting. I tried to imagine him as a star athlete, like P.J. or Richie. The image wouldn’t come.
“What the hell do you want, Sheriff Riley?”
He looked surprised at the challenge. But it felt good to stand up to him because despite his badge he was just a fat man who couldn’t run across a graveyard.
“You’d better show a little more respect than that,” he said. “If you want to stay out of jail.”
respect this you pig we’re not going to jail
“I’m not going to jail,” I said. “You haven’t got any witness and you haven’t got any case.” Suddenly I sounded like the Collector, like someone who couldn’t be pushed around.
“We don’t have the witness yet,” Sheriff Riley admitted. “But we have traced his call.”
I tried not to look interested. “And why should I give a shit?”
“Well, maybe because the call was made at a pay phone in Schwamlein’s Pharmacy at 8:20 A.M. yesterday. Clerk also says he saw your friend Daniel in there about a quarter after eight.”
“So?” I asked.
“So nothing,” he said. “Nothing at all. Except that maybe you’re right. Maybe there was no witness.”
Ross is the witness, I wanted to scream, and then I thought about what Ross had said: he hadn’t known it was me who’d smashed the windows, and he hadn’t told anyone about being there. But that didn’t make any sense and neither did this. Sheriff Riley was lying, laying a trap for me, trying to confuse me.
you know who the liar is you know what’s going on you’re just too dense to admit that—
“This is bullshit,” I said, spinning away.
“Come back here, I’m not finished talking to you.” But Sheriff Riley sounded as though he knew I wouldn’t come back and that was okay. He knew what he’d planted in my head.
fathead shithead shit on you shit on everyone
I raced out of the cemetery, slowing as I reached Route 9, my steps as steady and even as a soldier’s, my mind buzzing with questions. One way or another, it was time to get some answers.
New York State Police interview with Daniel Pulver
DET. UPSHAW: Did you know what Travis’s plan was that night?
DANIEL: No.
DET. UPSHAW: You didn’t know he was going to your house?
DANIEL: No.
DET. UPSHAW: You had no idea what he was going to do next?
DANIEL: Of course not.
DET. UPSHAW: Do you know why he decided to take that course of action?
DANIEL: Not really. In some ways I was as surprised as anyone, but I guess I wasn’t that surprised. The whole time I knew Travis, he was really ... angry. Always talking about hurting people, getting revenge. Everywhere he turned, he saw someone who’d done something bad to him, and I guess he thought the only way to make up for it was ... well, to do what he did. I feel awful though. I just wish there was something I could’ve done.
DET. UPSHAW: Did you know Travis was capable of doing this?
DANIEL: Not at all. If I’d even dreamed something like this would happen, I would’ve told someone. I would’ve stopped it. I would’ve done anything I could to make sure that no one got hurt.