3.

Entering the Dialogues

In reading the dialogues in this book, it is important to understand that there is no essential difference between what the facilitator does (in these examples, it happens to be me) and what a person doing The Work alone does. You are the teacher and healer you’ve been waiting for. This book is designed to help you do The Work by yourself. It’s not necessary to work with a facilitator, though that can be very powerful. It can also be useful to watch someone else do The Work with a facilitator and, as you watch, to look inside for your own answers. Participating in this way helps you learn how to question yourself.

Many of the following chapters contain dialogues with men and women doing The Work. These are edited transcripts of conversations taped during workshops that I have given over the past year or two. At a typical workshop, several participants volunteer to sit with me, one by one, in front of the audience and read what they have written on their Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. Then they are guided into the power of the four questions and the turnaround, and thus into their own self-induced realizations.

I have discovered that in every language and every country I have visited, there are no new thoughts. They’re all recycled. The same thoughts arise in each mind one way or another, sooner or later. That’s why anyone’s Work can be your Work also. Read these dialogues as if they were written by you. Don’t just read the workshop participants’ answers. Go inside and discover your own. Get as emotionally involved and as close to them as you can. Discover where and when you have experienced what you’re reading about.

You’ll notice that I don’t always ask the four questions in the order you’ve learned. I sometimes vary the usual order, I leave out questions, zeroing in on just one or two, and sometimes I skip the questions entirely and go directly to the turnaround. Even though the usual order of the questions works well, after a while it may not be necessary to ask them in order. You don’t have to begin with “Is it true?” You can start with any question; “Who would you be without that thought?” might be the first one, if that feels right. Just one of these questions can set you free if you inquire deeply from within. And the questions become internalized as inquiry lives its life in you. But until this happens, the deepest shifts happen when you ask all four questions and the turnaround in the suggested order. That’s why I strongly recommend that those new to The Work stay with this form.

Notice that I sometimes ask two subsidiary questions: “Can you see a reason to drop that thought?” and “Can you find one stress-free reason to keep the thought?” These are follow-ups to the third question, “How do you react when you think that thought?” They can be very useful.

Notice also that when I feel it is appropriate, I will help someone find the story that is the real cause of their suffering and that may be hidden from their awareness. This may involve looking more deeply at the original statement to find the statement behind it. Or it may involve shifting the inquiry from the written statements to a painful statement that they’ve just spontaneously made. (When you do The Work on your own, and a new painful thought or deeper story appears, you may want to write it down to include in your inquiry.)

Please understand that The Work does not condone any harmful action. To hear it as justifying anything that is less than kind is to misinterpret it. If you find something in the following pages that sounds cold, uncaring, unloving, or unkind, I invite you to be gentle with it. Breathe through it. Feel and experience what arises in you. Go inside yourself and answer the four questions. Experience inquiry for yourself.

If you can’t relate to one of the following examples as closely as you would like to, try substituting someone who is significant in your life for what’s written. For example, if the participant’s issue is with a friend, and you substitute the word husband, wife, lover, mother, father, or boss, you may find that his Work turned out to be your Work. We think we are doing The Work on people, but actually we’re working on our thoughts about people. (You can write an entire Worksheet on your mother, for example, and later find that your relationship with your daughter has dramatically improved, because you were attached to the very same thoughts about her, though you weren’t aware of it.)

The Work allows you to go inside and experience the peace that already exists within you. That peace is unchanging, immovable, and ever-present. The Work takes you there. It is a true homecoming.

[Note: To help you follow the process of inquiry, the four questions are printed in boldface in chapter 4.]