6.
Doing The Work on Work and Money
For some of us, life is controlled by our thoughts about work and money. But if our thinking is clear, how could work or money be the problem? Our thinking is all we need to change. It’s all we can change. This is very good news.
Many of us are motivated by a desire for success. But what is success? What do we want to achieve? We do only three things in life: We stand, we sit, we lie horizontal. Once we’ve found success, we’ll still be sitting somewhere, until we stand, and we’ll stand until we lie down or sit again. Success is a concept, an illusion. Do you want the $3900 chair instead of the $39 one? Well, sitting is sitting. Without a story, we’re successful wherever we are.
When I work with corporations, I may invite all the employees to judge each other. This turns out to be what employees and bosses have always wanted: to know how they look from the other’s point of view. And then they all do The Work and turn it around. Employees and management have to notice and be drawn toward each other’s clarity, even if they aren’t aware of it. Often, it requires only one person who’s willing to take the chance of being honest with the questions—and the whole company begins to match that clarity.
I once did The Work with an executive who said, “My assistant has been with me for ten years. I know she doesn’t do the job well, but she has five children.” I said, “Good. Keep her here so she can teach the rest of your employees that if they have enough children, they can work for you, whether they do their job well or not.” And he said, “Well, I just can’t fire her.” I said, “I understand that. So put someone qualified in her position, send her home to her five children who need her, and send her a paycheck every month. That’s more honest than what you’re doing now. Guilt is expensive.” And when the executive read his Worksheet to the woman, she agreed with every single thing he had written about her job performance, because it was clear and true. And I said to her, “What do you suggest? What would you do if you were your employee?” People usually fire themselves when they realize what’s going on, and that’s just what she did. She found a similar job in another company, closer to her home, where she was able to be both a good assistant and a good mother. The executive realized that he had never investigated the thoughts that led him to be “loyal” to an assistant who, in reality, had been just as uncomfortable with the situation as he was.
I’ve never seen a work or money problem that didn’t turn out to be a thinking problem. I used to believe that I needed money to be happy. Even when I had a lot, I was often sick with the fear that something terrible would happen and I would lose it. I realize now that no amount of money is worth that kind of stress.
If you live with the uninvestigated thought “I need my money to be safe and secure,” you’re living in a hopeless state of mind. Banks fail. Stock markets crash. Currencies deflate. Wars break out. People lie, bend contracts, and break their promises. In this confused state of mind, you can make millions of dollars and still be insecure and unhappy.
Look at the energy that stress and fear require. What if every problem were converted into a solution that felt peaceful inside you? Some people believe that fear and stress are what motivate them to make money. But can you really know that that’s true? Can you really know that without fear or stress as a motivator, you wouldn’t have made the same money, or even more? “I need fear and stress to motivate me”—who would you be if you never believed that story again?
After I found The Work inside myself—after it found me—I began to notice that there was nothing I could do not to have the perfect amount of money for me right now, even when I had little or none. Happiness is a clear mind. A clear and sane mind knows how to live, how to work, what emails to send, what phone calls to make, and what to do to create what it wants without fear. Who would you be without the thought “I need my money to be safe”? You might be a lot easier to be with. You might even begin to notice the laws of generosity, the laws of letting money go out fearlessly and come back fearlessly. You don’t ever need more money than you have. When you understand this, you begin to realize that you already have all the security you wanted money to give you in the first place. It’s a lot easier to make money from this position.
Just as we often use stress and fear to motivate ourselves to make money, we can find ourselves using anger and frustration to move us to social activism. If I want to act sanely and effectively while I clean up the earth’s environment, let me clean up my own environment. All the trash and pollution in my thinking—let me clean that up, by meeting it with love and understanding. Then action can become truly effective. It takes just one person to help the planet. That one is you.
When I work in prisons, there will be maybe two hundred men from a cell block sitting there, looking down at the floor, with their arms folded across their chests. I do The Work with them, and then the guards bring in another two hundred. These are all hard-core violent men—many of them are in prison with life sentences for rape, murder, and other heavy crimes—and I’m the only woman in the room. And I don’t say a word until they make eye contact with me. This is not easy for them to do. There is some kind of unspoken code that they have, to keep people like me out of their culture. But I just stand in front of them, waiting for eye contact. I may walk into the rows and pace slowly up and down as I wait for just one man to look me in the eyes. The moment it happens, the moment one man does that, he always looks down, really fast, but it’s too late. There was contact. No one but me has seen his glance; it happens so fast that there’s no way the others can see that it happened. And yet, immediately, the code begins to break down all over the room. Two or three others look me in the eyes, then another eight, then another dozen, and then everyone is looking at me, laughing, turning red, and saying things to one another like “Sheeeeeeit!” or “Man, she crazy.” And it’s done. Now I can speak to them and give them The Work, and all because one man dared to look me in the eye.
I love thanking these men for sacrificing their entire lives to teach our children how not to live—and therefore how to live—if they want to be free. I tell them that they are the greatest teachers and that their lives are good and needed. Before I leave, I ask them, “Would you spend the rest of your life in prison if you knew that it would keep one child from having to live what you’re living?” And many of these violent men understand, and they just well up with tears like sweet little boys.
There is nothing we can do that doesn’t help the planet. That’s the way it really is.
He’s So Incompetent!
Gary is annoyed by his incompetent employee. Is the person who annoys you someone you work with? Or is it your spouse or your children who didn’t do the dishes thoroughly enough or who left toothpaste on the bathroom sink? See if you can find an example in your life, and go inside for your own answers as Gary goes inside for his.
Gary: I’m angry at Frank because he is incompetent when he works for me.
Katie: Okay. “Frank should be competent”—is it true?
Gary: I think so.
Katie: Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Who ever told you that? His résumé said competent. His recommendation said competent. It’s all over the place. You hire him, and he’s supposed to be competent. What’s the reality of it in your experience? Is he?
Gary: In my experience, he’s not.
Katie: So that’s the only place you can sanely come from—reality. Is it true that he should be competent? No. He’s not. That’s it. That’s your reality. So we can keep going over this until we get the “Is it true?” thing, because when you understand this, you become a lover of reality and move into balance. How do you react when you believe the lie that he should be competent when he works for you, and he’s not?
Gary: It’s frustrating and anxiety-producing. I feel like I have to carry his work. I have to clean up behind him every time. I can’t leave him alone to do his work.
Katie: Can you see a reason to drop the thought that he should be competent? And I’m not asking you to drop it.
Gary: It would make me feel better if I could drop it.
Katie: That’s a very good reason. Can you find one stress-free reason to keep this thought that opposes reality?
Gary: Yes. Well, I don’t see what you mean by “opposes reality.”
Katie: The reality, as you see it, is that he’s not competent. You’re saying he should be. That theory is not working for you, because it opposes reality. I hear you say that it causes you frustration and anxiety.
Gary: Okay, I think I’m pulling this apart. The reality is that he’s just not competent. What’s making me crazy is thinking he’s supposed to be, rather than just accepting it.
Katie: He’s incompetent whether you accept it or not. Reality doesn’t wait for our agreement or approval. It is what it is. You can count on it.
Gary: Reality is what is.
Katie: Yes. Reality is always much kinder than the fantasy. You can have a lot of fun at home with what I refer to as the “proof of truth” exercise. “He should be competent”—where’s your proof? Make a list and see if any of it really proves that he should be competent when you put it up against inquiry. It’s all a lie. There is no proof. The truth is that he should not be competent, because he’s just not. Not competent for that job.
Gary: The fact is that he’s not competent, and I do what I have to do to make up for it. What I don’t need to give myself is the extra baggage of “He should be yada yada yada.”
Katie: Very well said.
Gary: All my job-related angst was about thinking that Frank should be competent. The truth is that he’s just not competent. The piece that I added, which made me nuts, was that he should be competent. The fact is that I’m going to do what I have to do. I’m going to backfill until he’s not my problem anymore. I’m just going to do it. By adding that he should be competent, I work myself up into a fucking emotional tizzy. Welcome to New York!
Katie: I didn’t know you used the f-word in New York. [The audience bursts into laughter.]
Gary: Yeah, we do. Occasionally.
Katie: So who would you be without this insane story that argues with reality?
Gary: I would just be in the flow and do what I have to do in my job.
Katie: Who would you be, standing with this man at work, without the story?
Gary: I would be compassionate and effective.
Katie: Yes. “Frank should be competent”—turn it around.
Gary: Frank should not be competent.
Katie: You’ve got it. Not until he is. That’s reality for now. There’s another turnaround.
Gary: I should be competent. That is true.
Katie: Let’s look at statement number 2 on your Worksheet.
Gary: I want Frank to take responsibility for his part of the project.
Katie: Turn it around.
Gary: I want me to take responsibility for my part of the project.
Katie: Yes, because until you stop focusing on his incompetence, you’re not taking full responsibility for the project.
Gary: And I should take responsibility for his part of the project.
Katie: Yes, if you want the job done with competence and there’s no other way. Okay, let’s go on to the next statement.
Gary: He should step up to the plate as an expert in his field and as a project leader.
Katie: Is that true? I mean, where would the man even get the ability? “Hey you—the one with no competence—you should step up to the plate!”
Gary: No. It’s insanity. I’m with you. He just does what he does.
Katie: How do you treat Frank when you believe that fantasy?
Gary: I turn into a tough guy. I think he has to get it done quicker, and I’m all over him.
Katie: Not very effective. Can you see a reason to drop the thought?
Gary: Absolutely.
Katie: So let’s turn it around.
Gary: I should step up to the plate as an expert in my field. I’ll just step up. It’s got to be done.
Katie: He’s the expert who brings you to the highest level of competence in your life. No mistake.
Gary: Yes. He’s my teacher. I can feel that.
Katie: Good. Let’s move on to your fourth statement.
Gary: I need him to carry his portion of the project. And I see now that I don’t really need that.
Katie: Hopeless?
Gary: Absolutely hopeless. I need me to carry his portion and my portion of the project if I want it done.
Katie: Let’s look at the next statement.
Gary: Frank is incompetent.
Katie: Turn it around.
Gary: I am incompetent.
Katie: In the moment that you see him as incompetent, you’re incompetent. He’s perfectly competent for what he was supposed to bring you, and that was clarity. That’s what he brought. And he may bring more—who knows?
Gary: I don’t really feel that turnaround. I think I’m very competent.
Katie: Just not where he’s concerned. You weren’t competent enough to see that he’s not supposed to be competent.
Gary: That I agree with. That’s my incompetence. He needs to be watched even though he is very senior. I need to watch over myself. That’s truer. I can be insane sometimes.
Katie: You’ve found the internal world. When you see that it’s only your thinking that you need to work with, then every problem you experience in the world becomes a joy to bring to inquiry. For people who really want to know the truth, this Work is checkmate.
Gary: I got stuck when I tried to do this myself earlier in the week. I thought I was right. Once I bring it all inside, then all the turnarounds start to make sense.
Katie: The guy walks in, you put your story onto him, and you call your suffering his fault. You believe your story and live in the stressful fantasy that he is the problem. Without the thought that this man should be more competent than he is, it might come to you to fire him. If you fired him, that would free him to get to a job where he is competent. Then he could be competent where he’s needed. And now there’s space for the man or woman who does belong in the position with you. Two weeks later, the guy may call you and say, “Thank you for firing me. I hated working with you. And I love my new job.” Anything is possible. Or it could be that because you’ve done this inner Work and gotten clearer about your thinking, you may look at the guy on Monday morning and see a competence that you never noticed before. Okay, read the last statement of your Worksheet.
Gary: I don’t ever want to have him or a person like him on my team.
Katie: Turn it around.
Gary: I am willing to have him or a person like him on my team. And I look forward to having him or a person like him on my team, because it brings me into my inner space to find the solution.
Katie: You do this very well. Welcome to The Work.
Uncle Ralph and His Stock Tips
The following dialogue demonstrates that even though someone is passionately attached to his own story, and therefore to his own suffering, he may still break free if he’s willing to go through the whole inquiry with patience. Even if, as Marty points out, the exercise seems “only mental” for a long time, it can suddenly make sense on a far deeper level.
I love not rushing the process. Mind doesn’t shift until it does, and when it does shift, it’s right on time, not one second too late or too soon. People are just like seeds waiting to sprout. We can’t be pushed ahead of our own understanding.
To benefit from this dialogue, you don’t need to understand the technical issues Marty is talking about; all you need to know is that his stock went up and then way down, and that his emotions went with it.
Marty: I’m angry at my uncle Ralph for giving me some bum tips on the stock market that cost me all my money. I got indebted to him when he bailed me out on some margin calls—some stocks I borrowed money to buy—and the stocks continued to tumble. And the other stock tip, his big tip, lost 85 percent of its value in two years. And my uncle is in an unconscious pissing contest with me.
Katie: Yes.
Marty: He’s always trying to prove that he’s better than everyone, by the size of his bank account, and he happens to be a wealthy man, and so he didn’t have to borrow anything. I had to borrow when the one stock was going down and the other stock was doing well to have any chance of being able to pay him back all the money that he lent me.
Katie: I hear it.
Marty: And so I kept building up a debt to him, and then recently—this has been going on for two and a half years, it just came to a head—I finally told him, when his other stock went way, way down, I said, “You know, Ralph, now that they’ve both tanked, I’ve lost all my money, and some of your money.” At which point he said, “Listen, you motherfucker, I told you to not borrow and you borrowed. You betrayed me; you went against me; you did this, you did that. . . .” And I only got in one word edgewise, which was, “Ralph, I needed to buy your other stock, and I just didn’t have the money.” But I didn’t say why I needed to buy it, which was to have some hope of paying him back. And I also wanted to make some money, I mean my own fear and greed went in there, too. But . . .
Katie: Sweetheart, just read what you wrote. It’s important that you read what you wrote, not narrate a story.
Marty: Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I want Uncle Ralph to bail me out, give me back the $60,000 I started with plus the other $35,000 that I’m due, to pay off my credit-card debts and take responsibility for having incorrect information and for causing me and my family these financial losses.
Katie: Good. Keep reading.
Marty: Uncle Ralph should pay off my debts and give me a hundred grand. He shouldn’t demand his money from me, because I can’t pay. I need Uncle Ralph to bail my ass out from financial ruin. I need him to take responsibility and at least try to get along with me as responsible adults for what we both did. Ralph is a demanding, controlling, possibly vindictive person, who is not interested in the truth as much as he is in proving that he is always right and highly intelligent. Okay, the last one?
Katie: Yes.
Marty: I don’t ever want to listen to his stock tips or owe him money again or take his petty, irate, childish shit.
Katie: Yes. Good. Well done. Okay, sweetheart, would you read the first statement again, just the way you wrote it?
Marty: Okay. I’m angry at my uncle Ralph for giving me some bum tips on the stock market that cost me all my money, some of his, and threatens me with . . . ah, I can’t read my writing.
Katie: Okay, so let’s stop there. He gave you the tip?
Marty: Uh-huh.
Katie: Okay. If I offer you this cup, you don’t have to take it. It’s up to you whether you take it or not. And there’s no right or wrong here. “Uncles should not give nephews tips on the stock market”—is it true? What’s the reality of it? Do they?
Marty: Well, he wanted me to make money, and that’s why he gave me the tips.
Katie: So what’s the reality of it? He gave them to you.
Marty: He gave them to me, and I took them, and I played them to the hilt. It got my ass in a sling.
Katie: We all know up-front that stock tips are risky, but knowing that doesn’t keep us from acting on them. And realizing what we’ve done is scary sometimes, at two o’clock in the morning, or at two o’clock in the afternoon. Some of us end up jumping out of buildings. So, “Uncles shouldn’t give nephews bum tips”—is it true?
Marty: Yes, right. It’s true!
Katie: And what’s the reality of it? Do they?
Marty: Yes. My uncle gave me a bum tip, and he doesn’t admit that it was a bum tip.
Katie: Okay. “Uncles are supposed to admit their errors”—is that true?
Marty: Yes, you’re damn tootin’. Uncles are supposed to admit their errors.
Katie: And what’s the reality of it? What’s your experience with it?
Marty: He forced all the blame on me, and that . . .
Katie: So your experience is no, they don’t admit their errors.
Marty: That’s right.
Katie: So is it true that uncles should admit their errors?
Marty: I think it’s true that all people should admit their errors.
Katie: Oh, well! And what’s the reality of it? Do they always? Is it true that uncles should admit their errors?
Marty: Yes.
Katie: And what’s the reality of it?
Marty: He’s not doing it.
Katie: He’s not doing it. So I ask you, on what planet is this supposed to happen? Is it true that people should admit their errors? No. Not until they do. I’m not asking for morality here. I’m just asking for the simple truth.
Marty: But just let me say that I really try to admit my own errors. And what’s more, in the action that I’m taking, in sending him all my money and assets, I’m admitting my errors by my actions.
Katie: You are. I live the way you do.
Marty: I hope not.
Katie: I like myself when I take responsibility for my actions. But “People should admit their errors”—is it true? No. How do we know that people are not supposed to admit their errors?
Marty: Because they don’t.
Katie: They don’t. This is so simple, sweetheart, that we’ve been missing it for thousands of years. It’s the truth that set me free. If you argue with it, you lose. I’m a lover of reality, not because I’m some sort of spiritual being, but because when I argue with it, I lose inside myself. I lose the contact with the place inside that is home. How do you react when you think the thought that he should admit his errors, and he doesn’t?
Marty: I feel victimized.
Katie: What else? How does it feel inside?
Marty: I feel pain, sadness, rage, fear . . .
Katie: Separation?
Marty: Yes, all the bad stuff.
Katie: The reason you feel all this turmoil is that you’re stuck in the center of a lie. It’s not true that he should admit his errors. That’s the lie. The world has been teaching this lie for centuries, and if you’re tired of the pain, it’s time to notice what’s true. It’s not true that people should admit their errors, yet. This is a tough one for some of us, and I invite you to go there. This Work demands absolute, simple, pure integrity. That’s all, and the willingness to hear the truth. “It would be much better for you if he admitted his error and gave your money back. Your highest spiritual path, your greatest freedom, would be if he admitted his error and gave your money back”—can you absolutely know that that’s true?
Marty: That that would be my highest spiritual path?
Katie: Yes.
Marty: Umm . . .
Katie: Just a yes or no. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Marty: I don’t know.
Katie: That was my experience too. I can’t know if that’s true.
Marty: You know, well, let’s put it this way . . . I could say yes, and then I’d feel a sense of justice, but I don’t know that justice is necessarily the same thing as peace.
Katie: I agree: Justice isn’t the same as peace. I don’t care about justice. I care about your freedom, the truth inside you that can set you free. This is the ultimate justice.
Marty: No, I know. I’m talking about divine justice. I’m saying that the truthful thing would be to really sit down as two grown men and look where . . . because I made mistakes, too.
Katie: “He should sit down with you”—is that true?
Marty: Yes, definitely true.
Katie: What’s the reality of it?
Marty: He ain’t.
Katie: He ain’t. It’s not happening.
Marty: Right.
Katie: So how do you react when you think the thought that he should sit down with you like a grown man, and he doesn’t?
Marty: Well, I feel that I’ve been wronged, and I feel righteous, and I feel like shit.
Katie: Yes, that’s the result. So it’s not that he’s not sitting down with you that hurts; it’s your believing the thought that he . . .
Marty: That he should.
Katie: That he should. So just be there a minute. See if you can locate that. Who would you be without the story that he should sit down with you like a grown man or that he should admit his error and apologize? Who would you be without that story? I’m not asking you to drop your story. I’m simply asking who you would be in your daily life today without that story.
Marty: I know I’d be free of any expectations from him.
Katie: Yes.
Marty: Which I guess would make me more whole within myself.
Katie: Yes.
Marty: But you know, I . . .
Katie: Notice how you’re about to go into your story when you say “but.” Just be still with it.
Marty [after a pause]: I really don’t know how it would feel.
Katie: That’s right, sweetheart. We’re so used to holding on to the lie about what’s really happening that we don’t know how to live freely. And some of us are learning how, because the pain is just too great not to learn. In my experience, when I don’t hold on to the story, I get up, brush my teeth, have breakfast, do what I do all day, come here, and do all the same things, but without the stress—without the hell.
Marty: Sounds great. And, you know, as fleeting as it may have been, I have had a taste of the free state, so I know that state, and I would certainly like to live that way. That’s why I’m here.
Katie: So read that part again.
Marty: Okay, the first part. Now I’m able to read my writing. I’m angry at my uncle Ralph for giving me some bum tips on the stock market that cost me all my money.
Katie: So now we’re going to do what we call a turnaround. The Work is: Judge your neighbor, write it down, ask four questions, turn it around. That’s it. Simple stuff. So now we’re at the point where we’re going to turn it around. “I’m angry at myself . . .”
Marty: I’m angry at myself . . .
Katie: “For taking . . .” He gave, you took.
Marty: For taking his stock tips and believing him.
Katie: Yes, that’s close. Keep it very simple. Now read it again, and read it just the way you wrote it. “I’m angry at myself . . .”
Marty: I’m angry at myself for giving me . . . ?
Katie: Yes, honey.
Marty: Oh! I’m angry at myself for giving me some bum tips on the stock market that cost me all my money?
Katie: Yes. You gave them to yourself.
Marty: I see that. I gave the tips to myself by accepting them from him.
Katie: Exactly. He can’t give them to you unless you take them. You’ve been believing your own mythology. I think you’re getting this thing.
Marty: That’s a hard pill to swallow.
Katie: Well, there’s one thing harder to swallow, and that’s what you’ve been living, and how you put yourself at the mercy of other people.
Marty: Yeah. It sure doesn’t feel good.
Katie: Let’s look at the next one.
Marty: I want Uncle Ralph to bail me out.
Katie: Okay. So, “Uncle Ralph should bail you out”—is it true?
Marty: Yeah, if he were an honorable man. Yeah.
Katie: Why is that? Whose money did you invest?
Marty: Some of his, some of mine.
Katie: Okay, yours and his, but let’s look at your money. You invested it in stock tips that you gave yourself after hearing them from your uncle.
Marty: Right.
Katie: And he should bail you out?
Marty: Well, if you put it like that . . . no.
Katie: Good. So what does he have to do with any of it, aside from sharing with you what he believed to be true at the time?
Marty: Nothing.
Katie: Correct. Nothing.
Marty: But the thing is, right at this moment it’s very mental to me. It’s all in my head. I still feel the anger.
Katie: Just stay with the process. If it seems mental right now, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. How do you react when you think the thought that he should bail you out? Or that it would even be for your highest spiritual good if he bailed you out?
Marty: I feel all this anxiety and terror, and the bad stuff that I’d rather not have.
Katie: And you can focus on that, and you don’t have to bail yourself out.
Marty: Right.
Katie: You just focus on the thought that he’s supposed to do it, and you tell yourself why you’re right, and you never win, because you can’t win that. The truth is that he’s not supposed to bail you out. He didn’t invest your money. You did.
Marty: Right.
Katie: But putting the focus over there on him, rather than on what’s true, keeps you from knowing and therefore living your integrity, which is to bail yourself out. You know, there’s nothing sweeter than you bailing yourself out. Who got you into this? You did. Whose job is it to get you out when your uncle says that he won’t? Yours. If Uncle Ralph does it, then you don’t ever get to realize that you can do it.
Marty: That’s true.
Katie: And then when Uncle Ralph says no, you resent him and continue to focus on him, and you don’t bail yourself out, because you’re not in a position to notice that you can do that. And you die yelling, “It’s not fair! What did I do to deserve such a heartless uncle?”
Marty: I agree with you. It’s true.
Katie: So give me one good reason to hold on to the mythology that he’s supposed to bail you out, when the truth is that he hasn’t.
Marty: For him, it would be a little bit more than lunch money.
Katie: That’s a good one! What I discovered right away was that there were only three kinds of business in the universe—mine, yours, and God’s. And if you don’t use the G-word, put the word nature there or reality. So this is a test of discernment. Whose business is his money?
Marty: His business.
Katie: That’s it.
Marty: I’m making it my business. That’s what hurts.
Katie: Yes. Now here’s what I noticed. When I mentally go into your business, I start getting this stress inside me. Doctors call it names like ulcers, high blood pressure, cancer . . . all of it. And then the mind attaches to that, and it creates a whole system to hold up the first lie. Let your feelings tell you when the first lie begins. Then inquire. Otherwise, you get lost in the feelings and in the stories that lead to them, and all you know is that you hurt and that your mind won’t stop racing. And if you inquire, you catch the first lie through noticing your feelings. And you can just stop the mind by putting the story you’re attached to on paper. There’s a portion of your stressful mind stopped, even though it may still be screaming in your head. Now put the statements up against inquiry, ask the four questions, and turn your statements around. That’s it. You’re the one who sets yourself free, not your uncle. You bail yourself out, or you’re not going to get bailed out—haven’t you noticed?
Marty: I agree with everything you said. It’s right on the beam. It’s just that at this point in time, I’m not in touch with my own ability to bail myself out.
Katie: Well, in this country we have bankruptcy. If I put myself in it, I get myself out of it. And if I file for bankruptcy, I eventually pay every debt I owe, because living this way offers me the freedom I’m looking for. I don’t care if it’s a dime a month. I, too, act as an honorable person, not because I’m spiritual, but because it hurts if I don’t. Simple.
Marty: Yes, that’s the reason, I agree.
Katie: People think, “When I make a whole lot of money, then I’ll be happy.” I say, let’s skip that part for now and be happy from here. You got yourself into it. Your uncle had nothing to do with it so far.
Marty: I’m with you on that. I’m realizing that he didn’t do it. I did it, and in a certain way it’s kind of thrilling to sit with, and it’s also like “Oh, shit!”
Katie: Yes, welcome to reality. When we begin to live in reality and see it for what it is without our old stories, it’s incredible. Look at this for a moment without a story. It’s all reality: God. I call it God because it rules, it always is what it is. And the myth of an uncle’s responsibility would keep me from the awareness of that. It’s so simple. Okay, so whose business is your uncle’s money?
Marty: His.
Katie: And whose business is it what he does with his money?
Marty: His.
Katie: I love it!
Marty: I’m clear on those two now. I wasn’t before. I really thought it was my business.
Katie: And did you sign your inheritance over to him?
Marty: Yup.
Katie: Okay. Whose money is it now?
Marty: His.
Katie: And whose business is it what he does with his money?
Marty: His.
Katie: Don’t you love it? Life is so simple when we move back into our own business.
Marty: I don’t feel very good about it now.
Katie: Sweetheart, when we realize something this basic, sometimes we’re like a newborn foal. At first our legs won’t even work. We just get wobbly and have to sit down. What I suggest is that on the other side of this session, you go somewhere and sit with it for a while and just be still with what you’re realizing. It’s big. Let’s look at the next statement.
Marty: Okay. Uncle Ralph should pay off my debts and give me a hundred grand.
Katie: Wonderful! I love it! Now turn it around.
Marty: I should pay my debts and give myself a hundred grand.
Katie: This is very exciting. And if your mind isn’t in his business, you would be amazed at the space that opens up for you, the power that opens up to solve your own problems. It’s . . . well, it can’t be told. It just can’t be told. But it’s the truth that sets us free to act clearly and lovingly, and there’s such excitement in it. Okay, let’s do another turnaround. “I . . .”
Marty: I should pay my debts and give myself a hundred grand.
Katie: “. . . and give my uncle a hundred grand.” [Marty and the audience laugh.]
Marty: Oh, man!
Katie: Whatever it is that you owe him.
Marty: I should pay my debts . . . You know, I probably do owe him another hundred grand.
Katie: So there it is.
Marty: I should pay my debts and give my uncle a hundred grand. Wow!
Katie: Yes. For your own sake. Even if the man has billions and billions of dollars—it doesn’t matter. It’s for your sake.
Marty: I agree. I absolutely agree with that.
Katie: Yes. So, “He should give you a hundred grand”—what for?
Marty: Well, that would make all of these two and a half years of activity a basic wash.
Katie: And then you’d be happy?
Marty: Well, no.
Katie: How do you react when you believe the thought that he’s supposed to give you a hundred grand?
Marty: I’m sore.
Katie: Yes. Who or what would you be without that thought?
Marty: Free.
Katie: Let’s look at the next statement.
Marty [laughing]: I need Uncle Ralph to bail my ass out from financial ruin. This is hysterical!
Katie: Okay, now turn it around.
Marty: I need myself to bail my ass out from financial ruin.
Katie: You see how you’ve begun to end your own suffering? People lie on their deathbed at the age of ninety saying, “It’s all my uncle’s fault.” We don’t have to do that anymore. And that’s the offering here. Judge your uncle, write it down, ask four questions, turn it around. And then send him a thank-you note. How do we know it’s for your highest good that your uncle hasn’t bailed you out? He hasn’t. You’re being given a great gift, and when you step into the truth, that gift becomes visible and available. And you end up like a little boy—new.
Marty: I would like that.
Katie: I really appreciate your courage. It would be wonderful to call him and tell him the turnarounds, in your own language. For example, you might say, “Uncle Ralph, every time I call you, I want something from you. And I want you to know that I know I do that. I’m clear about it. And in no way do I expect you to bail me out. I’ve come to see that your money is yours and that I owe you and that I’m working on it, and if you have any suggestions, I’m open. And I’m sincerely sorry for what I’ve done.” And when he says he has some great stock tips, you can say thank you and make your own decisions and not blame him if you do use them and lose money. You gave yourself those stock tips.
Marty: Yes. In fact, I even asked him for them, because I had come into some money and I knew he had a lot, so I wanted to know what he thought I should do with it.
Katie: The greatest stock market you can invest in is yourself. Finding this truth is better than finding a gold mine.
Marty: That thing about calling my uncle with what you just said—as much of it as I can retain—feels incredibly threatening to me.
Katie: Of course. You get to be wrong, and he gets to be right.
Marty: And I don’t even know that he’d sit still to listen to it.
Katie: No, you don’t. Okay, let’s look at the next statement.
Marty: I don’t ever want to listen to his stock tips or owe him money again or take his petty, irate, childish shit.
Katie: You might do all this again, if only in your mind. There might also be some residue left in you. And I can tell you that when you let go of one thing, everything falls like dominoes, because concepts are what we are working with—theories that have never been investigated. These concepts may appear again, and this is good news, when you know what to do with them. You may expect something from him again, and it’s going to hurt if it’s out of alignment with your integrity.
Marty: That’s true. Yes, that’s actually true. It’s hard to admit, but it’s true.
Katie: Yes, but it’s easier to admit it than not to admit it.
Marty: Yes . . . I don’t know . . . I don’t know if I’m there yet, but . . .
Katie: You could play the scenario over again in your mind, and if there’s something left that you’re attached to, if something hurts, it will plunge you back into The Work. So read it just as you wrote it, but say, “I’m willing to . . .”
Marty: Okay. I’m willing to listen to his stock tips and owe him money? [Pause] I guess I am. I am willing to listen to his stock tips and owe him money, and I am willing to take his petty, irate shit.
Katie: Yes. Because if you feel pain around it, it will put you back into The Work, if you want some freedom. Now “I look forward to . . .”
Marty: I look forward to . . . Wait a minute . . . I’m confused now.
Katie: Just do it. Just trust the process. “I look forward to . . .”
Marty: Okay. I look forward to listening to his stock tips and owing him money and taking his petty, irate shit?
Katie: Yes. Because it’s possible that you’ll play that scenario over again.
Marty: Not likely, because I don’t think he’d ever give me a tip again, and I don’t think I’ll ever have any money to play the market again. Not that I want to anyway.
Katie: You might play this scenario in the middle of the night when you wake up in a cold sweat.
Marty: Oh.
Katie: That’s when these things are often done.
Marty: Right.
Katie: And you can just grab your pad and pencil, and judge your uncle again, and clean yourself up. Every concept that has ever existed is inside you. It’s not personal. After all these thousands of years, the thoughts are still in each of us, waiting to be met with some friendship and a little understanding finally, rather than with pills and running and hiding and arguing and sexing, because we don’t know what else to do with them. When the thoughts arise, just meet them with some integrity. “He owes me”—is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react when you think that thought? Ask yourself. And who would you be without the thought? You would have an uncle you care about, and you would be responsible for yourself. Until you love him unconditionally, your Work’s not done. Close your eyes now and look at your uncle trying to help you. Look at the guy, without your story.
Marty: Do you want to know what my experience was?
Katie: Yes.
Marty: I’m still feeling the pain of his verbal abuse.
Katie: Okay, verbal abuse—turn it around. “I’m feeling the pain . . .”
Marty: I still am feeling the pain of my verbal abuse.
Katie: Toward him in your mind.
Marty: I’m still feeling the pain of my verbal abuse toward him in my mind?
Katie: Yes.
Marty: Maybe everyone else here is getting this. I’m not.
Katie: What’s an example of his verbal abuse?
Marty: “Marty, you don’t know nothin’. I told you to do it this way, and you did it your own way . . .”
Katie: Okay, let’s stop right there. Could it be that he’s right and that’s what you don’t want to hear? That’s not verbal abuse. We call it “verbal abuse” when someone tells us the truth about ourselves and we don’t want to hear it. That is, we think we don’t want to hear it. Deep down inside us, we hunger for the truth.
Marty: Okay. I see that. That’s true.
Katie: There’s no such thing as verbal abuse. There’s only someone telling me a truth that I don’t want to hear. If I were really able to hear my accuser, I would find my freedom. The “you” you’re identified with doesn’t want to be discovered, because that is its death. When someone tells me that I lied, for example, I just go inside to see if they’re right. If I can’t find it in the situation they’ve mentioned, I can find it in some other situation, maybe twenty years ago. And then I can say, “Sweetheart, I am a liar. I see where you’re right about me.” In this we’ve found something in common. They know I’m a liar, and now I know it. We join and connect. We both agree. I can find those pieces of who I am from them. This is the beginning of self-love.
Marty: That’s right. Oh my God, I never saw that!
Katie: If your uncle says something that hurts, he’s just revealed what you haven’t wanted to look at yet. The man is a Buddha. [The audience laughs, and Marty laughs with them.] These people that we’re close to will give us everything we need, so that we can realize ourselves and be free of the lie. Your uncle knows exactly what to say, because he’s you, giving you back to yourself. But you say, “Go away, I don’t want to hear it.” And you say it mostly in your mind. Because you think that if you got honest with him about it, he might not give you money. Or affection or validation.
Marty: He’s never given me any validation.
Katie: Good! I’m loving this guy. [Marty and the audience laugh.] He leaves that for you to do, and he just holds his truth.
Marty: If you met him, I don’t know if you’d think he was an enlightened being.
Katie: What I know is that he knows the things about you that you haven’t wanted to look at yet. And the truth is that he can guide you to the things you really do want to look at. If you go to a friend and say, “Oh, my uncle has treated me so badly,” your friend will say, “You poor fellow, that’s really a shame.” What I say is, find an enemy. They won’t give you that sympathy. You go to your friends for refuge, because you can count on them to agree with your stories. But when you go to your enemies, they’ll tell you, straight up, anything you want to know, even though you may think you don’t want to know it. Your uncle can give you material that’s invaluable, if you really want to know the truth. Until you do, you have to resent your uncle.
Marty: You mean that everything I’m defending against is the truth that I don’t want to see? Holy shit! No wonder I’ve been seeing my uncle as an enemy! This is amazing!
Katie: Uncles have never been the problem, and they never will be. It’s your uninvestigated thinking about your uncle that’s the problem. And as you inquire, you set yourself free. Your uncle is really God in disguise as an uncle. He’s giving you everything you need for your freedom.
Angry at Corporate America
A question I often hear is “If I do The Work and I’m no longer fearful for the planet’s welfare, why would I get involved in social action? If I felt completely peaceful, why would I bother taking action at all?” My answer is “Because that’s what love does.”
The fear of not being fearful is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for people beginning inquiry. They believe that without stress, without anger, they wouldn’t act, they would just sit around with drool running down their chins. Whoever left the impression that peace isn’t active has never known peace the way I know it. I am entirely motivated without anger. The truth sets us free, and freedom acts.
When I take people to the desert, they may see a tin can lying under a cactus and say, “How can anyone do that to this beautiful desert?” But that tin can is the desert. It’s what is. How can it be out of place? The cactus, the snakes, the scorpions, the sand, the can, and us—all of it. That is nature, not a mental image of the desert without the can. Without any stress or judgment, I notice that I just pick up the can. Or I could tell the story that people are polluting the earth, and that there is no end to human selfishness and greed, and then pick up the can with all the sadness and anger I’d be feeling. Either way, when it’s time for the can to move, I notice that I’m there, as nature, picking up the can. Who would I be without my uninvestigated story? Just happily picking up the can. And if someone notices me picking it up, and my action seems right, they may pick up another can. We’re already acting as a community, beyond anything that we’ve planned. Without a story, without an enemy, action is spontaneous, clear, and infinitely kind.
Margaret: I want corporations to start taking responsibility, to start respecting life, care for the future, be in support of the environment and third-world countries, stop abusing animals, and stop thinking about money only.
Katie: So, “They think about money only”—can you really know that that’s true? I’m not saying that it’s not. I’m not here with a philosophy or the right or wrong of it. Just inquiry.
Margaret: Well, it seems like that.
Katie: How do you react when you believe the thought that they only care about money?
Margaret: I get angry and frustrated, and I don’t want to support them as people.
Katie: Yes, even though you do support them. You use the products they put out, their electricity, their oil and gas. You feel guilty as you do it, yet you continue, and maybe, just like them, you find a way to justify your action. So give me a stress-free reason to believe the thought that these people only care about money.
Margaret: Well, that way I make a difference. I at least do what I can do.
Katie: I hear from you that when you believe that thought, you experience anger and frustration. And how do you live when you think that you’ve made a difference, and they’re still cutting down trees? You think that only through further stress can the planet be saved. Now give me a stress-free reason to believe that thought.
Margaret: There is no stress-free reason.
Katie: No stress-free reason? So, who would you be without this thought, this philosophy, that they only care about money.
Margaret: Peaceful. Happy. Maybe clearer.
Katie: Yes. And maybe more effective, energized, less confused, and in a position to make a real difference in ways that you haven’t even imagined yet. In my experience, clarity moves much more efficiently than violence and stress. It doesn’t make enemies along the way, and therefore it can sit comfortably at a peace table, face-to-face with anyone there.
Margaret: That’s true.
Katie: When I come at a corporate official, or a logger, pointing my finger and in any way blaming him or his company for destroying the atmosphere, however valid my information is, do you think that he’ll be open to what I’m saying? I’m scaring him with my attitude, and the facts can get lost, because I’m coming from fear myself. All he’ll hear is that I think he’s doing it wrong, it’s his fault, and he’ll go into denial and resistance. But if I speak to him without any stress, in total confidence that everything is just the way it should be right now, I’m able to express myself kindly and with no fear about the future. “Here are the facts. How can the two of us make it better? Do you see another way? How do you suggest that we proceed?” And when he speaks, I’m able to listen.
Margaret: I understand.
Katie: Sweetheart, let’s turn it around and see what you would experience with that. Turn around statement number 2. Say it again with you in all of it. “I . . .”
Margaret: I want to start taking responsibility, I want to start respecting life and care for the future. I want to be in support of the environment and third-world countries, and I want to stop abusing animals. I want to stop thinking about money only.
Katie: Does that ring a bell?
Margaret: Well, I really feel I’m . . . That’s what I’m working on all the time.
Katie: And wouldn’t you rather work on it without the frustration, stress, and anger? But when you come at us—the corporate people—self-righteously, all we see is the enemy coming. When you come at us clearly, we can hear from you what we already know in our hearts about the welfare of the planet, and we can listen to you and your solutions without feeling threatened and without having to be defensive. We can see you as a loving and attractive person, as someone easy to work with, someone to be trusted. That’s my experience.
Margaret: Well, that’s true.
Katie: War only teaches war. You clean up your mental environment, and we’ll clean up our physical one much more quickly. That’s how it works. Let’s look at the next statement on your Worksheet.
Margaret: Corporations should be caring and give back to the planet, use their money to support environmental groups, build habitats, support freedom of broadcasting, should wake up and start thinking about tomorrow.
Katie: So, “They don’t care”—can you really know that that’s true?
Margaret: Well, again, it seems like it, doesn’t it?
Katie: Not to me, and I understand where you’re coming from. How do you react when you think the thought “They don’t care”?
Margaret: Sometimes I get really depressed. But it’s good, because I also get very angry. I get very motivated and work very hard at making a difference.
Katie: How does the anger feel inside you?
Margaret: It hurts. I can’t stand what they’re doing to our planet.
Katie: Doesn’t all that anger feel violent inside you?
Margaret: Yes.
Katie: Anger is violent. Feel it.
Margaret: But it motivates me to act, so it’s good to have some stress. We need it to get things moving.
Katie: So what I hear from you is that violence works, violence is the way to a peaceful solution. That doesn’t make sense to me. We humans have been trying to prove this point for eons. What you’re saying is that violence is healthy for you, but that corporations shouldn’t use it against the planet. “Excuse me, corporations, you should stop your violence and treat the planet peacefully, and by the way, violence really works for me in my life.” So, “You need violence to motivate you”—is that true?
Margaret [after a pause]: No. Those bouts of anger leave me depressed and wiped out. Are you saying that without the violence, I would be just as motivated?
Katie: No, sweetheart, that was you. What I would say is that I don’t need anger or violence to accomplish things or to motivate myself in any way. If I were to feel anger, I would do The Work on the thought behind it. This leaves love as the motivator. Is there anything more powerful than love? Think of your own experience. And what could be more motivating? I hear from you that fear and anger are depressing. Think of yourself when you love someone—how motivated you become. Who would you be without the thought that you need violence as a motivator?
Margaret: I don’t know. That feels very strange.
Katie: So, sweetheart, let’s turn it around. “I . . .”
Margaret: I don’t care. Yes, that’s true. I haven’t cared about those people. And I should be caring and give back to the planet. I should use my money to support environmental groups, build habitats, support freedom of broadcasting. I should wake up and start thinking about tomorrow.
Katie: Yes. And if you do that genuinely, without violence in your heart, without anger, without pointing at corporations as the enemy, then people begin to notice. We begin to listen and notice that change through peace is possible. It has to begin with one person, you know. If you’re not the one, who is?
Margaret: Well, that’s true. That’s very true.
Katie: Let’s look at the next statement.
Margaret: I need them to stop hurting and destroying, to start making a difference, and to respect life.
Katie: So, “You need them to do that”—is that true?
Margaret: Well, that would be a great start.
Katie: “You need them to do that”—is that true?
Margaret: Yeah.
Katie: Are you going inside yourself? Are you really asking? “You need them to clean it up”—is that true?
Margaret: Well, I don’t need it for my everyday survival, or anything like that, but yeah, that would be great.
Katie: I hear that. And that’s what you need to be happy?
Margaret: That’s what I want. I know what you mean, but it’s so . . .
Katie: You know, this brings about incredible terror inside you. How do you react when you think the thought that this is what you need, and corporations are doing . . . oh my . . . they’re doing what they do? They’re not listening to you. You’re not even on their Board of Advisors. [The audience laughs.] They’re not accepting your calls. You just get their answering machines. How do you react when you think the thought that you need them to clean it up, and they don’t?
Margaret: It feels frustrating. Painful. I become agitated and get very angry, very scared.
Katie: Yes. A lot of people won’t even bring children into the world because that thought runs through them without investigation. They live in such fear when they’re attached to this belief. Can you see a reason to drop the belief? And I’m not asking you to drop it.
Margaret: Yeah. I can see many reasons, but I’m really afraid that . . .
Katie: If you dropped the belief, what would happen?
Margaret: I wouldn’t care anymore.
Katie: And I would ask you: “If you didn’t believe this, you wouldn’t care, you would lose all caring about the environment”—can you really know that that’s true?
Margaret: No.
Katie: If we don’t suffer, we won’t care: What a thought! How do you react when you think the thought that stress is caring, that fear is caring? How do we react when we believe that thought? We become the champions of suffering. But only for a good cause. Only in the name of humanity. We sacrifice our lives to suffering. The story goes that Jesus suffered for hours on the cross. How many years have you lived with these nails through your body?
Margaret: I understand.
Katie: Let’s turn it around, sweetheart.
Margaret: Okay. I should stop hurting and destroying.
Katie: Stop hurting and destroying yourself, in the name of cleaning up the planet. “When the planet is cleaned up, then I’ll be peaceful.” Does that make sense? Your pain—is that how we’re going to clean up the planet? Do you think that if you hurt enough, if you suffer enough, someone will hear you and do something about it?
Margaret: Okay. I see it. I need to start making a difference. And I need to start respecting my life.
Katie: Yes, yours. It’s a beginning.
Margaret: So I need to start respecting my own life.
Katie: Yes. Take care of yourself, and when you find peace, when your mental environment is balanced, then be the expert who can go out to balance the planet, fearlessly, caringly, and effectively. And in the meantime, do the best you can, just like the rest of us, even us corporate people. How can an internally imbalanced, frustrated woman teach others how to clean up their act? We have to learn that ourselves first, and that begins from within. Violence only teaches violence. Stress teaches stress. And peace teaches peace. And for me, peace is entirely efficient. Well done, honey. Nice Work.