10.
Doing The Work
on Any Thought or Situation
There is no thought or situation that you can’t put up against inquiry. Every thought, every person, every apparent problem is here for the sake of your freedom. When you experience anything as separate or unacceptable, inquiry can bring you back to the peace you felt before you believed that thought.
If you aren’t completely comfortable in the world, do The Work. That’s what every uncomfortable feeling is for—that’s what pain is for, what money is for, what walls and clouds and dogs and cats and trees are for, what everything in the world is for: your self-realization. It’s all a mirror image of your own thinking. Judge it, investigate it, turn it around, and set yourself free, if freedom is what you want. It’s good that you experience anger, fear, or sadness. Sit down, identify the story, and do The Work. Until you can see everything in the world as a friend, your Work is not done.
The Turnaround to “My Thinking”
Once you feel competent in doing The Work on people, you can inquire into issues like world hunger, fundamentalism, bureaucracy, government, sex, terrorism, or any uncomfortable thought that appears in your mind. As you inquire into issues and turn your judgments around, you come to know that every perceived problem appearing “out there” is really nothing more than a misperception within your own thinking.
When your writing on the Worksheet is pointed at an issue, first inquire with the four questions as usual. Then, when you get to the turnaround, substitute the words “my thinking” for the issue, wherever that seems appropriate. For example, “I don’t like war because it frightens me” turns around to “I don’t like my thinking because it frightens me” or “I don’t like my thinking—especially about war—because it frightens me.” Is that as true or truer for you?
Here are a few more examples of the turnaround to “my thinking”:
Original Statement: I’m angry at bureaucrats for making my life complicated.
Turnaround: I’m angry at my thinking for making my life complicated.
Original Statement: I don’t like my handicap because it makes people avoid me.
Turnarounds: I don’t like my thinking because it makes me avoid people.
I don’t like my thinking because it makes me avoid myself.
Original Statement: I want sex to be gentle and loving.
Turnaround: I want my thinking to be gentle and loving.
When the Story Is Hard to Find
Sometimes when you feel disturbed, you may find it difficult to identify the thought behind your uncomfortable feeling. If you’re having trouble sorting out exactly what thoughts are disturbing you, you might want to try the following exercise:
Start with six blank sheets of paper and somewhere to spread them out.
Number the first page “1,” and write across the top: sad, disappointed, ashamed, embarrassed, afraid, irritated, angry. Below that, write because _____. About halfway down the page, write and it means that _____.
Number the next page “2,” and write at the top the word want.
Number the next page “3,” and write at the top the word should.
Number the next page “4,” and write at the top the word need.
Number the next page “5,” and write at the top the word judge.
Number the next page “6,” and write at the top the words never again.
Spread out the six pages, and let your mind run wild over the upset. Use your thoughts to fan the flame of your upset, and note which ones do the best job. If no thought works particularly well, try out new or exaggerated thoughts. Write down the thoughts as simply as you can. It helps to be blunt. There’s no need to follow a particular sequence. Here is a guide for using the six pages:
Page 1 is where you write down what appears as a “fact”: for example, “she didn’t show up for our lunch date, kept me waiting in the restaurant, never even called.” Write “facts” down in the space after the because. Then circle the relevant emotions—sad, angry, etc. Then, after and it means that, write your interpretation of the “fact.” Try to include your worst-case thoughts: for example, “she doesn’t love me anymore” or “she’s seeing someone else.”
If you catch yourself thinking, “I want_____,” write it down on page 2. Otherwise, use that page to prompt yourself by focusing on exactly how you would improve the situation or person. What would make it perfect for you? Write in the form “I want_____.” Play God and create your perfection—for example, want her to unfailingly appear on time no matter what, want to know exactly what she’s doing all the time, etc. (When you’ve almost filled this page, ask yourself if you’ve written what you really want, and if not, write that down at the bottom of the page.)
Thoughts in the form of “So-and-so should or shouldn’t” go on page 3. If you are unaware of any “shoulds,” think about what would restore to the situation your sense of justice and order. Write down all the “shoulds” that would make it “right.”
Page 4 is the “I need” page, where you can bring the situation back in line with your sense of comfort and security. Write down your requirements for a happy life. Write down the adjustments that would make things be the way they are supposed to be: for example, “I need her to love me” or “I need to succeed at my job.” When you’ve written a few statements on this page, it can be helpful to ask yourself what you would have then, after all your needs are filled. Write that at the bottom of the page.
On page 5, write your merciless evaluation of the person or situation. Make a list of their qualities as they have become apparent to you through this upset.
On page 6, write down the aspect of the situation that you vow or hope you will never have to live through again.
Now underline all the statements that have the highest emotional charge, and do The Work on them, one by one. When you have finished, go back and do The Work on the rest of your statements.
If, after completing the above, you find that you can’t look forward to what you wrote on page 6, or that the troublesome story still seems to elude you, another exercise can be very effective. Take several blank sheets of paper and a watch or timer. Focus on the upset and write about it free-form for five minutes without stopping. When you want to stop, write the last phrase you wrote, over and over, until you’re ready to continue. Afterward, review what you wrote and underline the phrases that are most painful or embarrassing. Transfer the underlined statements to whichever of the six pages they best fit on. Walk away from your pages for a while, perhaps overnight, and then reread them, underlining all the statements that seem most highly charged. Now you know where to begin doing The Work.