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ARBEIT MACHT FREI.
I knew no German, but would later learn these words, wrought in iron above the entrance, stated optimistically ‘work sets you free’. These black gates, the pallid grey soil and a nauseating smell the like of which I had never encountered before, were my first impressions of Auschwitz-Birkenau as we reached our final destination.
The truck pulled up a little beyond the main gate and amidst loud exchanges in Polish and German I managed to establish that Henryk was being taken to the administrative quarters. In the silence that ensued I guessed we were alone. There was not a moment to lose, for Henryk and the guard might return at any time, and we edged our way hesitantly around the pallets to the rear of the truck.
I dropped myself to the floor and reaching up plucked first Nicolae then Elone from the tail board and as one we slipped beneath the truck’s undercarriage, there to study our terrain and judge our next move. The children, sensing the parlous nature of our circumstance, performed magnificently, murmuring not a word, each child responsive to my every unstated gesture.
There was a hut a short way distant, raised from the ground to protect against damp and we raced for it across grey mud rutted by heavy vehicles. Stooping low for fear of attracting attention, we dived as one beneath its shadow.
As our heart beats slowed and we found our breath again, the noisome empyreuma that hung over us violently assaulted our nostrils. It clung to our clothes, permeating every nook and cranny of the complex, leaving no escape from its presence.
At first we, all of us, heaved at its contractions and, though we soon became accustomed to its presence at Auschwitz, it was a uniquely cloying, putrescent stench that would find an indelible imprint in our memories.
Nor was it the only bizarre feature about this place, for though the sky was blue in the distance the air around us, even beneath the hut under which we sheltered, was filled with a mixture of ash, cinder and ecru flakes which I quickly realised were responsible for the strange colour of the soil.
Nicolae whispered, “Anca, I am hungry,” and I was reminded, for it was so easy to forget, that he was a child of just six years, void of even the limited understanding Elone and I enjoyed.
Elone said quietly, “It will be some time before Anca can get us anything to eat, Nicolae, so please be patient. Try to rest now, to sleep, then when darkness falls we can search for food.”
“And for Mama too, right, Anca? And for Mama too?”
I leant across and kissed his forehead. “We will try, little one, I promise you we will try.”
He seemed reassured by this show of confidence, for he stretched out beside me on the hard ground and, slipping his hand into Elone’s, closed his eyes, sleep quickly consuming his fatigued body. How I envied this ability to succumb to sleep almost at will, for it was by far the best way to ease the pain. I smiled at Elone and she smiled back.
When she was sure Nicolae was quite asleep she whispered, “Anca, do you really believe you will find your mother here?”
It was a question I would have preferred to avoid. Thus proffered I had no choice but to consider a response.
I rolled across and lay against her, wrapping one arm around her shoulder, my other hand gently stroking Nicolae’s hair. Somehow, here in the very heart of Auschwitz, hiding like fugitives beneath a wooden hut on pain of death were we to be discovered, I felt secure and confident.
Looking deep into Elone’s eyes I said, “We can only hope, Elone, for the future is unknowable. But consider this. If you are now my sister and I yours, then Mama is mother to all three of us. If we should find her then, I promise you Elone, she will be your mother too.”
Elone clutched my hand tightly. “Elone Pasuclata,” she said and smiled. “Yes, I like that. I like that very much.”
I reached to my collar and retrieved the necklace and amulet Raisa had presented me, placing it over Elone’s head.
“This was given me by my best friend, Raisa, that I might remember her by it. I would like you to wear it for me, Elone, as my new sister.”
Elone took the amulet in her tiny hand. “I will treasure it, Anca, until the day you and Raisa meet again, when I shall return it to her for you.”
And so saying she rolled tight against me, and we lay quiet an untold time.