Chapter 42

Gray

An invisible rope coiled around my ankles, returning me to the present as it snatched my feet from under me. My butt caught my fall with a sharp thud, causing an acute pain to radiate through my hip bone. I groaned and tried to roll over, but the chord of air wouldn’t relent from my ankles.

“Wield your air, Gray,” Orion coaxed, guiding me through the pain. “Breathe.”

Gathering my element within me, I unleashed it in small, powerful bursts at Orion’s chest. He stumbled backward with each hit that slammed into him like rapid gunfire. Once he broke the concentration, I wrapped my own conduit of air around the invisible chord and melded it to make it my own, taking control of his power. With an outward swish of my wrist, the ropes flew free from my feet in little gusts of wind.

“There you go, Rainbow,” Chrome encouraged as I rose to my feet, ignoring the pain spreading from my tailbone around my hips.

Air blasted from my palm at Orion. It squeezed through his mouth and down his throat. He gripped the column of his neck, his teal eyes wide as he gasped for air. I tightened my hand into a fist, and he dropped to his knees.

Chrome’s voice was faint as he called my name. I was too focused on the unyielding control I had on the enemy. He was close. I could end this now and save myself. The powers raged within me, begging it of me.

More.

More power. More of his life force. I needed it. My magic urged me to keep taking until there was nothing left.

My enemy’s eyes drooped, and his face became beet-red beneath the gold layer. He was only a gasp away from the end.

An unseen force shoved me away from the control I had of my element, like someone slid into the driver’s seat and booted me out before slamming the door shut.

What the fuck?

I was still tethered to my magic, but it was faint. My air untwined itself from the steel grip it had on my enemy—no, not my enemy. Orion. The horror of what I almost did slammed into me as I watched him gasp for breath. He caught his body weight on his palms, heaving.

A shaking hand covered my mouth, guilt and confusion already consuming me as I stared, dazed.

What the hell just happened?

“Gray.”

Chrome grasped me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at him. I averted my gaze, unable to meet his eyes.

“Look at me.” His voice was firm and direct, striking something alive within me. “Are you okay?”

I said nothing, just stared wide-eyed at him in shock.

“That is what happens when you lose control while replenishing. You began feeding from him without even realizing it,” Chrome explained.

A heavy weight sank low in my stomach. I took a shaky breath. The dangers of replenishing rocked me. For the thousandth time, I hated my father for hiding this part of myself for so long, leaving me so ill-equipped to handle the most basic aspect of being an Elemental.

“Is…is he okay?” I whispered and glanced around Chrome to check on Orion. He stood, looking a little shaken and running a hand through his hair.

Chrome’s eyes softened. “Yes, Rainbow. He’s okay. I stopped you before you killed him.”

Fuck.

But another thought slammed into me at his words. “Wait…” I said, my brows furrowed. “How did you stop me? What happened?”

Chrome took a step back. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I think it was one of our joined abilities, like the portal. But I think I understand how I did it. I felt like I was being guided by some outside being… I don’t know. But I tethered onto your aura and wielded your element of air. It was dominating you based on your strong desire to deplete Orion.”

“You what?” I asked, floored by someone’s ability to do that. “You can take control of my power whenever you please?” I did not like those implications.

Chrome shook his head. “I don’t think it’s whenever I please,” he started. “I felt pulled to do it. Like you were subconsciously begging me to help, even if you didn’t realize it.”

I nodded, then dropped my gaze to the dead grass at my feet. “Thank you.”

Chrome wrapped me in a hug, tucking my head into the crook of his arm and gently pressing the side of my face into his chest. The scent of sage and peppermint wafted from his body, calming my senses. “I’d do anything for you, my Rainbow,” he said into my hair. The warmth of his breath tingled my scalp, then radiated down my neck and spine, making me quiver.

A flutter rippled in my chest that I tried to stifle. I twined my arms around Chrome’s waist and squeezed him. In that moment, he was my anchor that kept me from drifting away in the arms of my emotions.

I sat cross-legged on my bed with my spine straight. My hands rested atop my knees, and I breathed in slow, cleansing breaths to ease the weight on my chest. Fluttering my eyelids closed, I shut out the world around me.

I’d constructed an air shield around my body to create a physical bubble that separated me from the world. I tried to ‘go within’, as A Guide to Meditation and Finding Inner Peace for Beginners, suggested.

After my incident with Orion in the training fields, I’d immediately retreated to the solitude of my room. Shame, guilt, and utter failure nearly suffocated me as the memory of Orion’s crimson face lodged in my mind. After the self-loathing thoughts battered me long enough, I snatched the book on meditation from the oaken side table.

My thoughts assaulted me, but the book explained it was to be expected. It said all they wanted was to be acknowledged, heard, and sent on their way. I grew frustrated at the thoughts’ bombardment, but I remained focused on my slow breaths in order to release the tight resistance.

For several long minutes, I allowed the thoughts to come to me. At first, they were surface thoughts, such as recent events. However, they soon morphed into deeper, darker sentiments.

The book suggested observing them objectively. Then to ask myself whether they were positive or negative thoughts. If they were negative, then why? Especially when it pertained to thoughts about myself.

Why am I such a failure? I’ll never be enough. Or am I too much? I don’t deserve happiness. I’m weak. Stupid. Why am I so awkward? How could I be so brainless to never ask questions? To never see what was right in front of me? No wonder my father hated me so much.

On and on the insecurities went. They came one after another, plowing through my soul and cracking me open. Each thought brought a stream of salty tears down my cheeks. The level of self-hatred I held for myself was crushing. My heart broke for itself, knowing I’d always felt this way without ever realizing it.

The spiraling thoughts came to a screeching halt with the revelation I wasn’t responsible for them. From a young age, others around me projected their negativity onto me. Others who never held the right to mold my self-beliefs.

As I stood by and watched from an objective perspective how the self-beliefs were formed, I realized I wasn’t any of the terrible things I’d been led to believe. They were ministrations designed to control and manipulate me. Only now, I noticed them.

I expanded my consciousness, becoming aware of the patterns that held me back from breaking free from the prison in my mind. Never again would I allow someone to dictate my thoughts or actions.

I was my own person now that I was free from the Royal Domain. Not only was I liberated from the physical confinement, but I could shatter the mental enslavement, truly releasing me from my father’s control.

Years of painful emotions flooded to the surface. My shoulders wracked for the little girl who never knew love, but desperately craved it, only wanting acceptance. I hugged the tiny child who’d tried to hide her bruises and broken bones at school.

Gut-wrenching sobs resounded within my air shield for little Gray, who wanted a mother to kiss her goodnight, but instead walked with her gaze to the ground, pretending to not to hear the hateful whispers.

I grieved for the young woman who’d shut down after the death of her first love.

My heart shattered for the weaponized woman who’d been lied to her entire life. I bled forgiveness for the lives she’d taken without ever questioning her orders.

I allowed my suppressed trauma to gush from me, baring myself raw and exposed, to rid my soul of the poison. I realized running from my pain was doing myself an injustice. The only way I’d ever find acceptance from others was if I learned to accept myself.

I wasn’t sure how many hours passed with me curled in the fetal position. My tears drenched the sheets, earning myself a slicing headache and swollen eyes.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d truly cried. Perhaps the day I learned of Slate’s death? I’d always believed crying was weak. My father had taught me that, which probably meant the opposite was true.

I felt empty, lighter now that I’d eased the weight of the pain that I’d been clinging to for so long. Feeling as if I’d survived a harrowing hurricane, I lay there, staring blankly out the wall window at the dusky autumn fields. I vowed to myself that no person or power would ever control me again, because the only person who could control me…was me. And that was enough.

Silence reigned in the expansive public study on the second floor. A few Elementals pored over texts in the early hours of the evening. I needed to escape my room. However, I wanted to be in the presence of other people without actually socializing.

Three days had passed since my incident with Orion, and I’d avoided everyone ever since—even Chrome.

The warmth from another large stone fireplace beside my table soothed me and chased away the ravaging thoughts I fought to counter. My eyelids were heavy, threatening to shut as I willed them to remain open.

The sketched lines of my rendition of the beastie-bear blurred as my vision waned. I was losing the battle of wills.

A book slammed onto the table, making me jolt upright in my seat. My heart pounded in my ears as my hand went to my waist in search of a blade to wield. I came up empty. No weapons were there because I wasn’t wearing a weapons belt.

“Chill. It’s just me.” The clipped, feminine tone could only belong to one person.

“Fucking hell, River. Don’t do that,” I chided, slumping back in my seat, willing my heart to slow to its normal rhythm.

River shrugged, flicking her sleek ponytail over her shoulder. Her nails were perfectly manicured, and her makeup was flawless. “I heard you nearly killed Orion the other day. You good?”

I groaned, letting my head fall into the cradle of my hands. “Yeah, trying to be.”

“Well, it’s happened to all of us at some point in our lives. Don’t worry about it.”

I split my fingers wide enough to peek through the gaps. She sat poised. Her violet gaze highlighted her sharp, russet features. “If Chrome hadn’t stopped me…”

“I know,” she said, her face not betraying her intent. “It’s scary. We’ve all had some really close calls. But for you, it’s to be expected, considering you’re like a tot learning to walk.”

I snorted. “Thanks for that.”

River shrugged again. “Look,” she said, the usual tightness around her mouth slackening a fraction as her gaze softened. “I almost depleted my little brother once. I know how you feel.”

My heart sank at the implications had she succeeded. It hit too close to Chrome’s story. A story few knew. “And what happened?”

River looked away and began chewing on the inside of her cheek. “My mother stopped me. She filled my lungs with water until I passed out.”

My brows shot to my hairline. “Wow. That’s…intense,” I said, thinking of the harsh punishments my lovely father had bestowed upon me.

Another shrug. “That’s my family: intense.”

“I can relate.” I ran my fingers through my hair, the black-and white waves catching between my fingers. “My father once broke all of my ribs because I failed to summon a ball of electricity on the first try.”

River scoffed and shook her head. Her narrowed eyes told me she was trying to envision the memory.

“He proceeded to throw me into the deep end of the swimming pool before I had the chance to heal. I blacked out and sank to the bottom. He waited until I was on the brink of death before he allowed a guard to retrieve me.”

River’s mouth fell slack. A look of pure disgust dripped from her expression as she crossed her arms over her chest, lifting her chin higher. Our gazes met in understanding.

“I was thirteen. My powers had only manifested a week prior.” I leaned back in the cherry-oak chair, propping my forearms on the rests.

“That piece of shit really knows no bounds, does he?” she asked, venom lacing her tone. “My parents,” she started, remaining stiff in her seat. “They were tough. They pushed me and my brother to the extreme, but it came from a place of love—of belief in our abilities. They knew we needed to be prepared for the world. To be able to survive no matter the situation,” River explained. Her gaze went distant. “But your father,” she said, scathing. “He’s just fucking evil. A heartless piece of shit. And I hope he dies a very slow and gruesome death.”

I offered a half smile and held her gaze in solidarity.

I didn’t want her sympathy, and she didn’t give it. Like me, she wasn’t one for showing emotions or opening up about painful experiences. We didn’t have to. Some wounds shone on our exterior like armor. They spoke for themselves.