Chapter 34

Gray

Tears threatened to fall as the weight of betrayal crushed me. I felt so stupid for believing our friendship had been genuine—a rare treasure for me. Was all of it borne from pity because he felt my fear and anxiety?

What I hated the most was the fact that everything I’d worked hard to keep hidden—my truths and emotions—had never been a secret, after all. He’d known everything. He saw what lay beneath my mask of indifference. And I had never given him permission to have such access. Only one person had that, and he was dead.

I felt violated. Actually, that word wasn’t quite strong enough.

I stalked back to the lodge with the hope of sulking in my room alone. Would I ever have that freedom? Or would he feel how broken and pathetic I was inside, only for him to mock me with a smirk?

The wind lashed through my ice-blonde hair, whipping it into my face. I didn’t care. Maybe it would block my tears from the others.

Everyone stopped and stared as I neared the entrance.

Realization struck that Chrome still held the black crystal necklace in his pocket. I was now on full display, like a foreign animal in the zoo.

I was tempted to breeze past them, but I stopped instead. Something within forced me to face them. I felt the steady hand of my element imparting its strength to me.

Scowling, I shoved my hair out of my face, exposing my gold skin and rainbow eyes for all to see. I met their stares—one by one—daring them to say anything. They didn’t. Their thoughts scrawled across their features like a scorse code. I met each set of wide eyes and open mouths, all of which quickly cast to the ground in submission.

I blew out a breath and continued inside, heading to my room. More stares from those in the foyer and the open living space followed as I passed. I didn’t stop this time. Word would soon spread from those outside.

The winding stairs to the top floor didn’t slow me down. I took them as fast as I could without running. A few people milled about on the landing, but as I had downstairs, I didn’t acknowledge them.

Almost there.

The hallway opened up on the right. As I rounded it, I slammed into a hard chest with my cheek. “Fuck!”

“Oh, Gray!” Orion’s soothing voice caught me. His hands braced my shoulders so I wouldn’t fall on my ass. “I’m so sorry, my dear. I didn’t see you…”

The mess of my hair fell into my face. Annoyed, I shoved it back with my fingers. It got tangled and snagged on the roots. I growled, moving to push past Orion.

“Wait,” he called out. “I want to see.”

I stopped. Slowly, I turned my head to meet his kind, teal eyes. A warm smile spread, emitting a sense of comfort. Pride—that was pride on his face. “Beautiful. Just like her.”

I shifted my gaze around the wooden hallway, hoping to make a quick escape. “Are you all right?” he asked, brows dipping low in concern, wiping away that beaming smile of a proud father.

I shrugged. “Doesn’t really matter, does it?”

“Of course, it does.”

I snorted and ran my fingers through my hair, trying hard to find anything else to look at but him.

“Walk with me, Gray. There’s still much I want to discuss with you.”

It wasn’t a request.

I debated telling him to fuck off, but something in those gentle eyes told me it was worth putting off my escapism for a bit longer. I sighed, dropping my shoulders. They ached from the tension. The betrayal in my heart didn’t recede, though. “Okay.”

Orion offered a small smile and a nod of his head. “I just have to make a quick stop by my office to grab something. Follow me?”

Orion led me to the bank of the glistening blue lake that bordered the left side of the Hollow. Deep blue, calm water reflected the sun’s dying light. The temperature dipped as evening approached.

How long had I been in the training fields with Chrome? It had felt like maybe half an hour at the most. Perhaps I’d been bonding—as Chrome called it—with my element longer than I realized.

Orion swept a hand toward the grass. “Sit with me,” he said with an inviting smile. How someone who could look so young and feel so wise confused me.

He hitched his knee-length, black cloak before sitting cross-legged on the grass. He gazed out at the lake with a peaceful smile, resting his forearms gently on his knees.

I followed him and sank beside him in the grass. Silence sat between us for several moments as we took in the beauty and peace before us. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It was nice not needing to fill the space with awkward words just for the sake of doing so.

“I come here to meditate often. It’s such a great place to ground myself and be with my element,” Orion said. He shuttered his eyes as a kiss of wind breezed between us softly.

I nodded. The scenery was indeed peaceful. Trees draped around the edges of the lake, serving as a small canopy.

“Your mother was the most beautiful woman I’d known. Not just on the outside but truly on the inside. She was light and strength embodied in a single person,” Orion said softly. A glazed look encompassed his distant gaze. “She was my closest friend.” He dropped his head with a heavy sigh, his chin resting on his chest.

“I wish I could’ve met her.” I found a stick and began digging the dirt from under my nails. “She sounds like she would’ve been a wonderful mother.”

“Indeed. She loved you long before you were born despite how you were conceived. She told me as much in the letter she’d snuck out while in captivity.” Orion looked at me, grief burrowed in his eyes.

I looked over the water, watching the small swells as they lapped over one another. “What was her element?” I asked, feeling the answer before he gave it.

Orion joined me in my lake gazing. “Water,” he said, smiling at the body before us as if it contained my birth mother herself. “Such a perfect fit for her.”

I tried to imagine a world where I grew up with this woman as my mother. A life where I hadn’t been raised by Forest Monroe. How different would I be? Would I be happy?

“I assume you discovered your element today?” Orion asked, casting a sideways glance at me over his shoulder.

I nodded, and a genuine—albeit small—smile crept up my cheeks. “Air,” I whispered.

Orion perked up. “Yeah? Well, you know….” he said, dragging out the last word and giving me an innocent shrug. “I happen to be a very skilled air-wielder myself. If you’d like some help mastering it…”

“Yes,” I said quickly. For multiple reasons, but the main one being… “You think you could replace Chrome with those sessions?”

Orion frowned in confusion. “I mean, I could, I suppose. Although, only he can help you master the use of both your forms simultaneously. But I’d be happy to join your sessions.”

I blew out a breath, deflated by his answer. But I’d settle for having him there as a buffer.

“What happened today? You seemed quite upset when you ran into me.” It was genuine concern, and something about Orion made me feel safe, comfortable. There was no judgment.

I cleared my throat before I launched into explaining the session between Chrome and me. I told him about how I’d bonded with the air element, followed by the shared emotional connection between Chrome and me. How he’d been hiding that fact since we’d met.

“I feel violated. Betrayed. Which is so dumb because I barely know him, but I…” I began and shook my head. “I just know he’s holding so many secrets, which I respect. But when they pertain to me, I thought he’d respect me enough to disclose that sort of information.”

Orion nodded. “You are entitled to your emotions, Gray. I don’t know what you’ve endured, but I can imagine if you were raised by Forest, then discovering a secret like that would feel like a betrayal. I’d like to think I know Chrome. He is my nephew, after all, so I know he probably hates himself for hiding something like that from you. Truly. He bears so much responsibility, carrying the world on his shoulders when he shouldn’t. And whatever this bond that links the two of you is, I know you’re probably the last person he wishes to bring harm upon,” Orion explained gently.

“I’m not telling you this to make any excuses for him withholding this truth from you. You are justified in your anger. But sometimes, our trauma makes us react before we can rationally respond. So perhaps take some time to think deeply about this issue before confronting him.”

I nodded, mulling over his words. It was nice to have someone to talk to about these types of conflicts. I’d never had that someone wise and kind to listen. Slate had always been there for me, but this support was different.

A knot formed in my throat, threatening to spill pent-up emotions. I swallowed it down instead.

Orion shifted next to me, reaching into his back pocket and retrieving a pink envelope. He ran a finger over it. “This is for you. From Lilly. She sent this to me along with the other letters she sent all those years ago.”

I hesitated. My hand itched to snatch it from him, but my mind paused in fear. Fear of becoming attached to a woman I’d never meet, hug, or receive the motherly affection I’d craved my entire life. And once I read it, that’d be it. There’d be nothing else left of her.

Ever so slowly, I reached out a hand, my heart so heavy from the exchange. More loss. I’d be losing someone I’d never truly had.

I stared down at the pale pink envelope scrawled with elegant calligraphy, indicating it derived from a royal. She was every bit the queen Orion made her out to be. Instead of the Kinetic name I was used to, Aeran was written in its place.

Orion must’ve seen my confused expression because he said, “That was her name for you—Aeran. It’s your Elemental name. Like Griffin is Chrome’s.”

I met his eyes once again. He was parting with one of the last things he had left of his dearest friend. I said, “Thank you. I can’t wait to learn more about her.”

Orion dipped his chin in acknowledgment. “Nothing would make me happier. You’re a piece of her, so I’m here for you anytime.”

A rare emotion filled my chest, clenching my throat: gratitude. I reached for his hand that rested on a black-clad knee and pulled it into my own. “Thank you, Orion. Your kindness…it’s not something I’m used to. I’ll always be grateful for it.”

He gave my hand a small squeeze, followed by an empathetic smile. “Sometimes, that’s all we need. Just one kind person to show us things differently. To perhaps give a perspective shift, even if it’s a small one.”

That night, I grabbed a meal from the dining hall and brought it to my room to eat in seclusion.

The jacuzzi in the bathroom oasis sang to me like a siren’s song. So, after I ate, I slid into its warm depths. Varying salts soaked into the water, sending wafting aromas around the chamber.

The gilded layer on my skin stunned me whenever I caught a glance of my bare body. Before climbing into the bath, I studied my rainbow irises. My true eye color. It was jarring after becoming so accustomed to a particular appearance all my life, but I liked it.

A new version of me, I told myself.

I mulled over Orion’s advice as it pertained to Chrome. He might not have intended to hurt me, but he did. Perhaps I reacted a bit too harshly. Maybe calling him “disgusting” was a tad excessive. Guilt clenched my stomach at the memory of his crestfallen face, and the abject shame from his emotions that had assaulted me.

I shifted my thoughts to my mother, who was the polar opposite of my father in every way. My heart broke for the woman Orion described. The final years of her life were spent in terror, making the man I’d been raised by more of a monster than I’d ever realized.

That triggered more questions: what did that say about the person I was? Did that make me a monster, too? I’d killed twenty-four Elementals who had just been defending themselves and their families—all for the sake of earning his acceptance and pride.

I’d been so engrossed in my own issues that the bigger picture never occurred to me. I’d been fed these “truths” about Elementals since I could form memories, and I never thought to question them.

It felt gross. Chrome wasn’t the one who was disgusting. I was. Which is maybe why I struggled with meeting other Elementals eye to eye. I wasn’t worthy of their respect, loyalty, or kindness. Not that I’d ever expected it. I’d never received it from the people that I’d actually been born to lead, but somewhere hidden inside, I’d secretly hoped things could be different here. A fresh start. New people.

But in actuality, did I deserve it?

I inhaled deeply, breathing in the calming lavender before sliding beneath the water’s surface. If only I could stay hidden under the water’s warmth indefinitely.

Water. My mother’s element. I imagined her guiding the water to soothe, protect, and cleanse me. I emptied all the air from my lungs, feeling myself grow weightier until I lay flat on the bottom of the tub. The rippling water’s surface blurred the view of the warm light from the ceiling above.

Just when my lungs began to spasm, I pushed myself to the surface. I gulped in air, guiding my drenched hair from my face.

The lights refracted off the silver bracelet on my wrist. My Kinetic magic had been repressed for too long. But the shame from my past made it to where I didn’t want it anymore.

With that thought, my chest tightened, effectively bringing my relaxation to an end.

Once dried off, I stared at the pink envelope Orion had given me. It felt like a bomb ready to ignite in my hands, imploding what remained of my identity.

As long as I didn’t open it, I had something new from her. After I opened and read it, there would be nothing else from her again. It’d be like she never existed…again. And I wasn’t ready to face that yet. I wasn’t ready to face any more truths regarding my past.

I ventured to one of the built-in shelves on the wall and plucked out a thick novel. It was an aging fantasy I’d never heard of. So, I flipped to a random page and wedged the envelope in the crease. Once it was snug, I snapped the book closed and placed the novel back in its home.

Scanning the shelves, a book caught my eye. It was titled, A Guide to Meditation and Finding Inner Peace for Beginners. My forefinger caressed the spine as I debated whether to pick it up. Something about it called to me, so I gave in to the urge.

Orion had mentioned meditating by the lake earlier, and something about that caused a sense of longing in my heart. Maybe it could be beneficial for me. We all knew I lacked any sort of inner peace.

Curling a leg under me on the bed, I scanned through the pages. I saw topics discussing breathing techniques. Words like “grounding” that even Chrome had used earlier when I was losing myself to the will of my element. Visualization was another huge topic.

When I came across the empowering effects that came with finding inner peace, I was sold. Because if there was one thing I was most tired of, it was feeling powerless. No matter how strong or physically powerful I was, I still felt like a mental or emotional slave to those around me.