confusion. “Why? With what?”
I kept my senses peaked and my gaze on the approaching thick pines. I wouldn’t elaborate yet, no matter how hard she pushed me for answers. I didn’t trust her, even if my memories began to return in her presence. And the closer our proximity, the clearer my head became.
The time on the train had been only brief glimpses of…something. I wasn’t even sure it had been real. The first lucid memory to strike came with the punch she landed on me back at the house, like she’d injected the flashback with her fist and anger. It had been enough to snap me out of the self-deprecating state I’d fallen into, where I had wanted nothing more than for her to end my suffering.
As I had allowed Gray to pin me and unleash her wrath, I felt nothing. I felt hollow. I wanted out, vengeance be damned. That fire had blinked out at some point while I dwelled in my darkness.
I didn’t understand why. It didn’t make sense, but having been near her for the past several hours had quieted the disturbing force that claimed me as its vessel. However, it came at a cost. The guilt. The pain.
My conscience.
Regret flooded me with all my horrid deeds to where I crumpled under their weight—to the point I had become numb. I remembered all the healing I had worked so hard to achieve several years ago to make peace with my past. The icy grip that restricted my chest came from the realization my efforts had all been for naught. I’d forsaken it all and transgressed so far that the hopelessness of ever recovering from my actions grew deep, complex roots.
Until the Kinetic Princess punched me, and the long-lost memory stolen by madness replayed in my mind’s eye…
I hid beneath the fort on the playground, streams of sunlight beaming through the cracks in the wooden slats. Dirt from the other kids’ shoes sprinkled down on my hair from their running feet as they passed.
I’d found a little nook the other day to burrow into, away from the others. This wasn’t my usual recess time. Second grade had a school play, which moved around our schedules for some dumb reason. So now, fifth grade shared recess with third. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like change.
It was hard enough being one of few of the magical species hiding amongst the other human kids. We played the role of human, and I hated it. One minor slip-up resulted in the worst of my punishments. To be safe, I hid away, trying to avoid as many beatings as I could.
Leaders of Elementals and Kinetics believed the kids should attend human schools. Blend in, they said. Learn to keep our magic in check in their presence and learn about their cultures, which confused me because I mean, their cultures were basically our cultures, just with magic involved.
Okay, our cultures were a bit different, but not by a lot.
Either way, I hated this stuffy private school. I dealt with the entitled and haughty types enough back home. I guess growing up among royalty naturally subjected me to them. That didn’t mean I wanted to be around them more than I needed to.
I twirled my magic-suppressing bracelet around my wrist, fiddling with the engraved sigils on the matte black band. I hadn’t had my magic but for a few days, and I already missed the strength and companionship of my element, earth-metal. It was a rare element from my understanding, but I loved its unwavering companionship.
A strong wave of temptation urged me to briefly remove my bracelet. The thought of the cold steel essence of my element almost had me unclasping it, but jeering cries outside the fort halted me from a promised disaster. Shifting to where I peeked through the thin cracks in the wood, I barely made out a group of kids formed in a ring. Their hollers didn’t seem to be in celebration of winning a kickball game.
I crawled out from my space, approaching the crowd, I tried to snag curious glimpses between the gaps of their human wall. A sinking feeling settled in my stomach, urging me forward.
I pushed two third graders aside by their shoulders to make room. Even at ten years old, I towered over the others. A boy I recognized, Jacob-something, stood over a girl. A girl who lay curled in the fetal position in the sand, her arms protectively wrapped around her ribs.
Rage, fiery and hot, ignited through my body. Jacob hauled his leg back and slammed the toe of his boot into the girl’s shin. Her spasm allowed me to get a peek of her face, and my heart slammed into my throat.
The princess. The Kinetic Princess. Did the king know his daughter was the victim of bullying in this human school? Despite her obvious pain, she worked hard to hide it, but the kick to her newly unprotected ribs brought out a high-pitched scream, sending a rush of adrenaline and anger through my chest.
Where the hell were the teachers?
My hands shook at my sides as I failed to control my anger. My breaths came in uneven and shallow while my nostrils flared, and my shoulders shook at the force of my magic’s wrath. The taste of metal coated my tongue and nose. My element came to the call of my high emotion, every bit as pissed as me. I had no control of my element yet despite my bond to it. But I didn’t care.
Unable to hold back any longer, my magic burst from my body. My element latched onto every structure composed of metal: the monkey bars, merry-go-round, swing sets, and slide. In answer to my rage, they buckled in on themselves.
Everyone froze. And for a solid thirty seconds, no one made a sound. Fear permeated the air; I could almost taste it.
At last, everyone spun and took note of their surroundings—of what I did. How I managed to do it with my bracelet intact, I didn’t understand, but I couldn’t think about that now. I had to help the princess. Jacob was the first to scream, followed by the rest before all the kids took off in a sprint toward the heavy double doors. I couldn’t help the twitch of my lips as I watched them pile inside, fighting one another to squeeze through.
The little princess sat up on her elbows, her gaze landing on me in confusion. Her sun-kissed skin clashed with her glamoured, frosty white hair. Wet, dirty tracks streaked down her cheeks, but she looked at me in unity before squinting her eyes to assess me.
“Are you okay?” I asked, my jaw clenched. I skimmed my gaze over her petite frame for visible injuries. With the bullies gone, my magic eased and settled once again. Still, I worked to control the rise and fall of my chest.
“Yeah,” the princess said, then glanced around the deserted playground. “Wh…where’d they go?” Her face contorted into one of pain as she struggled to swallow.
“They left,” I said and moved to stand at her feet. I squatted down so we were at eye level. “Next time, I’ll beat their ass.” A vow. To protect the Kinetic Princess.
Princess Gray giggled at my use of bad words. The giggle transformed into a groan, eliciting her to hug her ribcage. On instinct, I reached for her, but she shooed me away. “I’m fine. Not a big deal.”
My brows pinched together as I studied the area she nursed on her ribs. Anger rioted inside me at the thought there might be more behind her injuries than the bullies, but I kept my suspicions to myself. I knew all too well how it went.
Her pale blue eyes met my own, and a silent understanding passed between us. A relieved sigh poured from her, and her look of gratitude struck me deeper than expected before she dropped her gaze.
At last, she pushed herself into a sitting position, propping up her legs and resting her forearms on her knees. I averted my eyes because it seemed she was either completely oblivious to the fact she wore a pleated skirt or just didn’t care. But I noted the blue and green bruises painting the skin along her legs.
Gray glanced around, startled by the twisted monkey bars. Her mouth gaped wider with each structure her gaze landed on. “How?” she whispered.
I lowered my chin to my chest as the heat wave of shame spread up my neck and face. “I…my magic just awakened a few days ago,” I mumbled with a small shrug.
Silence grew, strengthening the tension to the point I couldn’t bring myself to meet her eyes in fear of what I’d find. Finally, she said, “But…we’re not supposed to awaken it until…”
“We’re thirteen. I know,” I sighed, daring a glance at her.
Her eyes lit up before her features fell in realization. The only time children awakened their magic sooner than they were supposed to was when they were put under duress. It was their magic’s form of protection.
The princess reached toward me, placing a delicate hand on my forearm. “Hey, it’s…” At the contact with her skin, an electrifying jolt of energy shot through my body, starting at the point of contact. It felt as if lightning struck from within me, locking me to my spot. My element converged with the foreign force, swelling into something far too powerful for my premature body to contain.
By the look of the Kinetic Princess, she felt the same.
A gust of wind built and built and built until it whipped around the two of us at wild, rapid speeds. Grains of sand bit my flesh in its assault. The familiar flavor of metal overtook my senses while high-voltage lightning charged through every fabric of my being. Through our contact, invisible pulsing waves channeled from her body into mine. It was too much.
The foreign melding of forces felt like I had reconnected with long-lost friends despite its volatile nature. The energies continued to intensify to the point I thought our little hearts would burst.
I remained glued to my squatted position as my heart thumped erratically in my chest, panic seizing me in its grasp as I stared into the princess’s terrified eyes. The intensity of the phenomenon soared higher. I couldn’t breathe, sparking a fog of vertigo that threatened unconsciousness.
As my eyes began to droop, the powerful forces ripped apart from one another, resulting in a blast that propelled the Kinetic princess and me apart. The expulsion shot me backward, where I wheeled through the air several feet before crashing to my back in the sand. I tried to gasp for breath, but nothing came from the impact. Despite having the air knocked from my lungs, my training kicked in, and I sprung to my feet from my back, scanning the playground for the threat in a defensive stance.
A whimper across the playground snapped my attention to the princess, who struggled to get off the ground. Her sudden lack of bruises gave me pause. Only the power of our magic can heal wounds that quickly. Yet, her magic hadn’t awakened. So, how?
The princess stood on shaky legs, wiping the sand from her navy school uniform. She started at the thunderous boom caused by the heavy metal doors slamming into the brick wall at her back. Teachers and the headmistress stepped from the threshold. Panic dripped from their forlorn expressions as they assessed the playground’s wreckage before three male faculty members rushed toward us.
I knew what fate had in store for me, so I’d confess to everything to shield the princess from any blame. No doubt, the headmistress had knowledge that a few students weren’t human. I’m sure the Elemental and Kinetic leaders pulled some strings and ensured her silence, but I could only imagine that it came with strict conditions—conditions that I undoubtedly just broke.
A heavy, sinking feeling latched onto my chest and seemed to pull it to the depths of my stomach. A vision of my forthcoming punishment had me casting my eyes down to my feet.
I didn’t fight as two pairs of hands wrapped around my upper arms. Silver lined the little princess’s eyes with unshed tears. Her frightened expression told me she knew what my future held. Holding her gaze, a whispered “Goodbye” tumbled from my lips as the male administrator yanked my arms and roughly guided me to the headmistress’s office to face the music.
Gray and I walked in tension-filled silence. She tried to quiet her footsteps through the leaves, but somehow, she hadn’t quite figured out how to mute them altogether. Shouldn’t her father have ensured this as part of her training as an assassin? It didn’t make sense.
“Walk any louder, and you’re going to attract the entire Royal fucking Domain to our location, Princess,” I snapped.
A combination of conflicting emotions warred within me at the recent revelation. I was relieved to have a vital memory back, but it only raised more questions. At least I understood why she seemed familiar to me. It didn’t, however, answer why she didn’t appear to remember me, or why I felt this compulsion to protect her…or why her presence seemed to chase away the darkness.
Gray hitched her bag to adjust it higher on her shoulder. “You need to humble yourself…Prince.”
“Don’t call me that, considering the Elemental Kingdom fell at the hands of your father.”
Her jaw ticked, “Then maybe you shouldn’t go around starting wars you can’t fucking finish.”
That familiar rush of anger surged through me, but this wasn’t incited by my evil companion. This was all me. In the blink of an eye, I stepped in front of her, making her halt to avoid running into my chest. I towered over her and worked to control my anger.
I needed her. Harsh breaths huffed through my nose at her lies.
In a single swift movement, she dropped down and swept my feet from underneath me. I crashed to my back to join the dirt and leaves. Before I could move, she had already pinned my hips between her thighs, had stolen a dagger from my belt, and was now holding it firmly against my throat. “Remind me again why I shouldn’t kill you?”
I smiled, craving her violence. “Go ahead, Princess. You’d be doing me a favor.”
Her eyes narrowed and shifted back and forth as if she was trying to piece me together. Her high cheekbones and dainty chin contrasted against the fierce little savage who sat on me. A silver scar marred her right cheekbone, catching my eye. Since we healed, we shouldn’t have been able to form scars unless it was prevented.
I was beginning to like the way it felt to have her straddle me, but my main thought was maybe she’d grace me with another memory while we were down here.
And damn, she was beautiful as the savage little princess I knew lurked within her. Maybe a part of me that craved my equal wanted her to come out to play. A warmth I hadn’t felt in far too long spread through my chest, thawing the ice a fraction that had numbed me many years ago.
Wrinkled skin above her brows appeared as she scrutinized me further. She blew a fallen strand of white-blonde hair from her line of sight before scoffing, “Nah, I’d rather make you suffer.”
I hummed, my smile in place. “I’m pretty sure you’re doing that right now,” I said and cast my eyes downward to where she straddled me.
For a brief second, hunger lit her eyes before her upper lip curled in disgust. A tug on my heart vibrated at the same time a wave of lust struck me in my lower stomach, and I didn’t think it belonged to me. “I’d rather fuck an Endarkened,” she said, but I got the sense there might’ve been a slight hesitation in her tone as she climbed off.
I rose to my feet and swiped the debris from my cargos, forgetting about the anger and struggle to maintain just a sliver of my sanity. That brief interaction with the Kinetic princess was the first time I’d felt like my true self since she had been alive.
I held hope that Gray remembered me from all those years ago. Because even in my madness, I felt this drive to protect her. I couldn’t control it any more than I could control the darkness that made me its bitch.
I held my palm out for her to return my dagger. “You had your fun. Now, give the grown-up toys back to the adults.”
Gray’s glower affected places in me it shouldn’t, but it fueled the masochist in me to bring out her inner beast. “I should’ve slit your throat,” she said.
“I would’ve let you.”
“Let me?”
I laughed. “You think you won that round?”
Her nostrils flared, and she looked down at the Elemental blade in her grasp before she sighed in disappointment. “Wouldn’t have killed you anyway. Would’ve been a waste of my energy.”
“Hmm. At least you’re practical.”
Gray slapped the hilt of the dagger in my palm with more force than necessary and then said, “I’m a lot of things, Griffin, but being your personal Angel of Death is at the top of my list.” Her fingertips grazed my palm when she pulled her hand back and stormed past me.
Like last time, the contact prompted another memory to surface, reminding me of another person the darkness had attempted to steal. I gasped, more and more pieces of my past falling into place. Sadness gripped my heart at the personal connections I’d been forced to sever.
Moments later, as I watched Gray pointedly tip-toe over a branch and then shot me a scowl, I arrived to the conclusion that my demon—what else do you call it?—chose to take the important people and moments that served as my tethers. Meanwhile, the affliction left behind a plethora of painful memories as motivation to succumb to its manipulation…to take away my hope.
My mouth opened the slightest in awe as I looked at Gray, still not understanding how she was able to do this. But gratitude had me lifting my eyes to the sky as I gazed up into the canopy of trees. She’d never understand. And in her misguided anger, I didn’t expect to get the chance to tell her. But my head was clearer than it had been in too long. The call of death and destruction was muted, although I could feel it lurking on the outskirts in the background.
I could breathe.
Whatever she was doing to me, I didn’t know. But I needed to stay near her in order to come back to myself fully. This mission was more than the king’s death. I’d known there had been more, but I couldn’t remember why or how until now.
An unusual lightness filled me, and liquid warmth burned my eyes at the foreign feeling I hadn’t dared touch since that day.
Hope. Just a flicker, but even the tiniest of cinders was all I needed.