IT TOOK KATIE ONLY a couple of hours to get settled into her new house. When Mike had said the cabins were small, he wasn’t exaggerating. Strung in a chain, like an old-time cabin-style motel, they were only twenty feet square. Each cabin had one room with a small kitchenette in the corner, a sofa sleeper along one wall, an inexpensive oak entertainment center with a small TV sitting across from the sofa, a desk and a chair to the side, and a bathroom barely big enough for a tiny shower. There would scarcely be room for the baby’s bassinette, provided she ever got one. Katie supposed she could make the baby a bed out of blankets on the floor, but that seemed too primitive, even to her.
She glanced at the book she was just slipping into her desk. The Adoption Option. After she’d finished unpacking, she’d taken some time to read real-life experiences of mothers who’d given up their babies. In a candid, nonjudgmental way, the book had discussed why they’d done what they’d done and how they were coping with the results. But reading wasn’t making Katie’s decision any easier. She was still torn, and she had so many other things to think about.
A vision of Booker’s stony expression as he dropped her off this morning flashed through her mind. Her new place seemed strangely quiet and lonely without him, Delbert and Bruiser. She felt as if she was missing her family. But she knew she’d made the right decision. She couldn’t go from living with Andy to living with Booker, because she didn’t know how to be friends with Booker. Their relationship didn’t fit any one category, and that had never been more apparent than last night when he’d spent the night with Ashleigh. Katie had felt all sorts of things she shouldn’t have felt as a friend: pain, betrayal, even envy. She knew what it was like to lie beneath Booker. Knew the way he tasted and smelled and moved—
A knock at the door made her stomach muscles tense. Booker had said Andy was in town. Which meant it was probably only a matter of time before he found her.
“Who is it?” she asked, creeping closer. Her door was pretty bare and functional. It had a lock but nothing as elaborate as a peephole.
“Mike.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, Katie swung open the door.
Mike looked up from arranging a white plastic chair and a geranium on the small concrete slab that served as her front porch. “I brought you a couple of things,” he said.
Katie was surprised by the gesture. Mike always seemed so preoccupied with work, she hadn’t expected him to take special notice of her.
“Are the other cabins occupied yet?” She glanced down the row of bare concrete slabs, none of which had a chair or flowers.
“Most of them. We have one empty.” He nodded to his left. “It’s down there at the end, but we haven’t furnished it yet and probably won’t this year because we’ve hired all the ranch hands we’re going to hire.”
“Where is everyone?” she asked.
“Still working. I’m sure you’ll meet them as they come straggling in.” He checked his watch. “They’ve got an hour or so yet.”
She eyed her new chair and plant. “Thanks for the porch accessories.”
“No problem. They’re not exactly something you’d see on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, but I hope they’ll make you a little more comfortable.” She could barely see his grin beneath the shade of his hat, but she knew he wore a pleasant smile. Everything about Mike was pleasant. “Dinner is served at six every night over at the main house,” he said.
Mike and Josh used to live together, but since Josh got married, he and Rebecca had built their own place on a more wooded part of the property, near a small pond. Mike now lived alone in one section of the main house. The rest served as the High Hill Ranch offices and, evidently, the mess hall.
“Sounds good,” she said.
“Breakfast is at six. Boxed lunches are prepared at the same time, if you want to grab one for lunch. Otherwise, you’re on your own until dinner.” He started digging in his pocket. “And I’ve got a set of keys I want to give you.”
“Keys for what?” she asked. Not to the office. They’d decided to run a cable from the house to her cabin so she could work whatever hours suited her best and so she could use her own computer.
“I want you to have access to one of the ranch trucks—” his eyes dropped to her belly “—just in case. Of course, if you need me to take you somewhere, you can always knock. But if for some reason I’m not around—” He shrugged. “I just think it would be best.”
“But I can’t impose on you by borrowing one of your vehicles.”
“Sure you can,” he said. “These keys are for the little red Nissan parked over by the barn. There’s no sense letting it sit there if you need it. Hardly anyone drives it, so it certainly won’t hurt to let you use it for the next few months.”
She accepted the keys he handed her. “Thank you. I’ll be very careful with it.”
“Drive it whenever you want. I’m not worried about it.” He adjusted his hat, allowing her a clearer glimpse of his hazel eyes. “Any chance you could give me a haircut in the next few days?”
“Of course. We could do it tonight.”
He checked his watch again. “I’ve got to finish a few things before supper. Could I come back around eight?”
Katie had nothing but time. Her computer was set up, but she wouldn’t have Internet service for another few days. “That works for me.”
“Great.” He tipped his hat. “See you then.”
KATIE HAD BROUGHT HER scissors from San Francisco. She didn’t have the fancy chair with the adjustable seat or the cape she used at the salon, but she wasn’t doing a color treatment or giving a perm. This was a simple haircut. She could cover Mike with a towel, shake off the hair when she was done and sweep it up. No problem.
He arrived a little early, and Katie was glad. After the sleepless hours of the night before, she was exhausted. And the stress of the move, as well as agonizing over what to do about the baby, wasn’t helping.
“I appreciate this,” he said as she let him in. “I could go to the salon, I suppose, but I’m always so busy I keep putting it off.” He removed his hat and set it on the small kitchen table before folding his tall frame into the chair Katie had pulled into the center of the floor.
“Until we run that cable for Internet service, I don’t have much to do anyway,” she said.
“That should happen by Tuesday or Wednesday.”
“I can wait until then.” She put one of the four towels from her bathroom around his broad shoulders and used a clip to fasten it at the neck. Then she wet his hair with her spray bottle. She wasn’t going to give him a shampoo in her kitchen sink. That was one of the luxuries he’d have to sacrifice in order to get a free and convenient haircut. “How are things with Mary?” she asked.
“Fine, I guess.”
She combed through his wet hair to find that it was much longer than she’d expected. “When did you two start dating?”
“We’re not dating.”
Katie arched an eyebrow at him. “What would you call it?”
“We’re just friends. We get together occasionally.”
She could hear the dismissal in his voice and wondered why he seemed to be having so much trouble falling in love—with anyone. “Whatever happened to that woman from McCall you were dating? Everyone was so sure you’d marry her.”
He gave her a sheepish grin. “She said our relationship wasn’t progressing and broke it off to date someone else. She married him almost six months ago.”
She started cutting the front of his hair. “Do you regret not making a move when you had the chance?”
“Not really.”
“Do I sense that you have a problem with commitment, Mr. Hill?” she teased.
“I’m not afraid of commitment. I just…I don’t know. Haven’t met the right woman, I guess.”
“Well, I, for one, have decided that being single isn’t so bad.” She moved toward the back of his head.
“What happened between you and Andy?”
Several clumps of hair fell to the floor before she answered. “That’s a long, sad story. Bottom line—”
“He’s not in your league.”
Katie held her scissors aloft, smiling down at him. “That’s a nice thing to say.”
“It’s true.”
She sprayed his hair some more because it wasn’t wet enough.
“He’s in town, you know,” he said after a few seconds.
“That’s what I’ve been told.” She let his hair slide through two of her fingers as she checked to make sure it was even.
“You haven’t heard from him?”
“Not yet.” She clipped his hair a little shorter on the left side, where it seemed slightly longer than it should be.
“Would you ever go back to him?”
“Would ‘absolutely not’ be too strong a response?”
He chuckled. “What about the baby?”
She shook her head but kept cutting. “I’m doing the baby a favor, believe me.”
“It was that bad, huh?”
“I should’ve come home a long time ago. Then I wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“Aren’t you excited about having a child?”
Katie plugged in her electric razor and started trimming his neckline and sideburns. “In some ways,” she said. If she wasn’t excited, it was only because she felt such a tremendous desperation, felt such responsibility to make the right choice for her child. If things were different, if she and Andy could’ve made a life together, she’d be thrilled to have a baby. It wasn’t as though she was sixteen—she was twenty-five.
She turned off the razor and set it aside. “Do you know if…if Josh and Rebecca have had any luck…you know, getting pregnant?”
He seemed taken aback by her change of topic. “Not yet. I think they’re planning to try some alternatives.”
She removed the cape from around his neck and shook the hair onto the floor, where she could sweep it up. If Josh and Rebecca were looking into alternatives, adoption was definitely one of those…. “Do you think they might be interested in adopting my baby, Mike?” she asked softly.
Mike held her gaze for several seconds. “Are you serious, Kate?”
“I haven’t made any firm decisions, but I’m definitely considering it.” She swallowed against the lump that suddenly threatened to choke her and resisted the impulse to put a protective hand over her belly. “I just have so little to give this baby. And they…” Her voice failed her. She covered her face so he wouldn’t see the tears filling her eyes.
Standing, he pulled her hands away and tilted her chin up so she had to look at him. “Katie, it won’t always be this bad.”
“I believe that, Mike. I’m really going to do well at my new business. If only I can get through the here and now….”
“You’ll get through it. Give yourself time and keep plodding along. Things will improve.”
“I only have a few more months before the baby arrives.”
“Then accept some help. You can always repay folks later. I admire your independence, but I don’t want to see you make a decision you may regret for the rest of your life.”
Frustrated by her emotion, she wiped away her tears. “I knew there was a reason I had a crush on you,” she said with a short laugh to lighten the mood.
He didn’t look the least bit surprised by her confession and, no doubt, he wasn’t. He couldn’t have missed the way she’d followed him around like a lovesick puppy for so many years.
With a grin, he retrieved his wallet to pay her, but she shook her head.
“No, I won’t accept your money.”
“Katie—”
“I need to feel I still have something to contribute to the world around me. I know that sounds crazy, but there it is.”
She could tell he didn’t want to take no for an answer, but he finally put his money away. “Can I buy you dinner Friday night, then?” he asked.
“You let me move in here on a trade. You’re lending me a car—”
“And you’re going to design me the best damn Web site on the Internet, remember? Don’t undervalue your services. Besides, it’s only dinner.”
She smiled. She knew Mike well enough to realize he wasn’t offering her anything more than friendship—but a friend happened to be exactly what she needed at the moment. “Sounds like fun,” she said.
AS SOON AS MIKE LEFT, Katie decided to go to bed. There wasn’t anything on television, she didn’t want to look at her baby books because she felt like crying every time she did, and she couldn’t help wondering what Booker was doing. Was he with Ashleigh? Was he at the Honky Tonk? It was Saturday night. He could be either place….
Rolling over in bed, she glanced at the keys Mike had given her, fighting the temptation to get up and drive through town, just to see if she could spot Booker’s truck. She’d told herself when she accepted Mike’s pickup that she’d only use it in case of emergency, but the longer she lay awake staring at the ceiling, the more of an emergency finding Booker seemed to be.
She wasn’t going to town, she decided. For her, Booker was trouble.
But when she closed her eyes, she remembered there were other sides of Booker that were far from trouble—for anyone. He’d given Delbert a home, a job, friendship. He’d gone to jail trying to protect him. He’d taken her in, even though she’d walked out on him two years ago….
She stared at the simple white phone next to her bed. She could call the farmhouse under the guise of looking for something she thought she’d left behind, just to see where he was or, better yet, hear his voice.
No! She fought with the covers twisted around her legs until she straightened them out, then ordered herself to sleep. But a minute later she sat up, grabbed the phone and called Booker.
“Hi, Katie.”
Delbert had answered. Katie smiled, feeling even more melancholy. “Hi, Delbert. How are you?”
“Not good, Katie.”
Katie blinked in surprise. Delbert was almost always happy—at least he acted as if he was. “What’s wrong?”
“Booker burned dinner. He threw it in the garbage, Katie. In the garbage. The whole dinner. And the pan. It’s all gone.”
“It must have been ruined, Delbert. Did you get something else to eat?”
“We went to the diner.”
“That’s good.”
“Booker’s angry, Katie. I know he’s angry.”
“Why?”
“Because you left us. He doesn’t like it. I know.”
“I don’t think it has anything to do with me,” she said.
There was a long pause. “So he’s angry at me?”
Judging by the sound of Delbert’s voice, this was an even worse thought.
“No, of course not! Booker never gets angry at you.”
“Yeah. Booker’s my friend. But he…he won’t talk, Katie. And he keeps stomping around and stomping around. And he won’t talk. And he keeps stomping around.”
“Let me speak to him,” she said.
She heard a sorrowful sigh. “I can’t. He’s gone.”
Katie immediately pictured Booker with Ashleigh and felt nauseous. “Where?” she asked, afraid she already knew the answer.
“I don’t know. He left. He was driving real fast.”
Katie closed her eyes, aching for Booker and wanting somehow to soothe his pain, if she could—despite what he’d done with Ashleigh. Her relationship with Booker was filled with such contradictions. Sometimes he seemed to enjoy having her at the farmhouse; sometimes he seemed to want her gone. Sometimes he treated her as though he still cared; sometimes she was sure he felt bitter and resentful. Her feelings swung in a pretty wide arc, too. But she had to remember that what she’d suffered last night was just a sampling of what she’d endure if she ever allowed herself to get seriously involved with him again. Reputations followed people around for a reason.
“He’s just blowing off steam,” she said. “I’m sure he’ll be fine by tomorrow.”
“I hope so, Katie.”
“I hope so, too,” she said, because no matter how many times she tried to convince herself not to care about Booker more deeply than was wise or safe, it was too late. She was in over her head.
THE NEXT FEW DAYS passed quickly. Mike got her Internet service up and running on Wednesday, and she threw herself into creating a Web site for High Hill Ranch immediately afterward. Some days she was satisfied with what she could do. Other days she was frustrated by how much she had yet to learn. But overall, Mike seemed pleased with her progress, and when she looked at the High Hill site, done in green and blue with gold lettering, she felt a growing sense of pride. She’d created rollover buttons on the menu that changed colors and slid to the right, she’d made moving graphics that highlighted the more famous of the Hill brothers’ stallions, and she’d scanned and enhanced photographs of the ranch and its horses.
Maybe she hadn’t made any decisions about her personal life, but she was earning her keep. She even enjoyed living at the ranch. Mike stopped by each evening around dinnertime. They checked over the most recent changes to the Web site, came up with ideas for improvements, scanned additional photos, or compared what she was doing to other sites already up on the Web. Sometimes they ate with the cowboys, or he took her out to dinner. Quite often they walked over to the ranch house and watched a movie.
On Sunday, two weeks after she moved in, Mike showed up unexpectedly just after ten o’clock in the morning.
“What do you have planned for today?” he asked as soon as she answered the door and invited him in.
“I was just starting a new Web site.” She gestured toward her computer as she closed the door. “I’m beginning to get some business from my on-line marketing efforts.”
He took off his hat, turning it in his hands as he held it by the brim. “What kind of efforts?”
“Posting on loops and bulletin boards, visiting chat rooms, things like that.”
“That’s good. But you know what they say about all work and no play. You need to get out.”
She pushed a hand through her hair, conscious of the fact that she hadn’t showered before sitting down in front of her computer this morning. “I’ve been getting out,” she said. “You took me to McCall for dinner a few days ago, and it was great.”
“Well, I’m taking you to breakfast today.”
“Where?”
“The diner.”
The diner? Jerry’s was right across the street from Booker’s auto repair shop and, while he wasn’t technically open for business on Sundays, he often worked seven days a week. Katie hadn’t seen him since she’d moved out of his place. But she wasn’t sure she was ready to face him even now. “Looks like we got a little snow last night,” she said, nodding toward the window. “Why bother going anywhere? We might’ve missed breakfast at the ranch house, but I can make us some omelettes or pancakes right here.”
Mike put his hat back on. “Are you still thinking about giving up the baby, Katie?”
She nodded. “I want my child to have a complete family. It’s what I grew up with. It’s the way I was taught life should be.”
“Then I was wondering if we could invite Josh and Rebecca to go out with us this morning.”
Alarm raised the hair on the back of Katie’s neck. “Do they know I’m considering adoption?”
“No, I haven’t told them. That’s up to you.” Before relief could set in, he added, “I just thought it might make the decision easier for you if you were to talk to them as prospective parents. Josh, Rebecca and I are heading to Houston tonight to take a look at a stallion that’s for sale, which would give them a chance to think about the situation.”
“When I first mentioned that I might put the baby up for adoption, you told me you were afraid I’d regret it, Mike.”
“I am,” he admitted. “But Josh is worried about Rebecca. She wants a baby and so far nothing seems to be working out.” He straightened his hat. “I don’t want to see you make a mistake, but now that Delaney’s pregnant again—”
“I hadn’t heard.”
“She’s not saying much about it because Rebecca’s having such a difficult time. Anyway, I thought it might not hurt to talk to both Josh and Rebecca about other options.”
“I’m not sure talking about it is such a good idea at this point,” Katie said. “I don’t want to get Rebecca’s hopes up before I’ve made a decision.”
The snow he hadn’t managed to stomp off his boots melted onto the mat near her door. “She’s trying fertility drugs right now so she’s not set on adoption. I just want to introduce the subject, in case the fertility treatment doesn’t work.” He rested a hand on the door knob. “Whether she ends up adopting your baby or someone else’s, it might help her to see that there are mothers out there exactly like you who need a good home for their baby.”
So he wanted her to show his sister-in-law that all was not lost if she couldn’t conceive, that there were other options….
Mike had been so good to her that Katie hated to tell him no. She gazed up into his handsome face, the face she’d admired for so long, and decided to take a chance on this being the right thing. “Okay,” she said. “Give me thirty minutes to get ready.”