Think back to the notes you wrote down on page 3 about the situation where you could not trust someone. What dimension of trust was the most prominent in that situation? Was it related to ability, integrity, or loyalty—or a combination of them? How does your view of the underlying trust issue open up a new understanding of, or options for, dealing with the real cause of your lack of trust?
Having a common language to be able to talk about trust is the starting point for taking clear actions when your level of trust is low. To make this useful, people have to be able to get trust conversations out in the open, to make them more visible and safe.
It’s also critical to be able to talk about which behaviors and approaches are not helping the collective work, while supporting and upholding the valuable contributions from the team or employees. There needs to be a common language around the trust issues stemming from ability, integrity, and loyalty.
But before we look at trust conversations between individuals and teams, we must examine a related tool: feedback.
You need to be skilled at using a number of tools in your leadership toolkit and to know when to use each tool. And while a trust issue may have its root in performance or behavior, don’t substitute a periodic feedback discussion when the situation suggests the need for a deeper conversation on trust. Let’s take a look at the differences.
For our purposes, feedback is defined as information received in response to actions taken or behaviors shown to others. The key to effective feedback is creating and delivering a specific message based on observed behavior. The feedback you give should enable the receiver to walk away understanding exactly what he or she did and what effect it had on you. When the result is this specific and this direct, there is a better chance that the person receiving the feedback will be motivated to begin, continue, or stop behaviors that affect performance. Giving feedback should be part of your daily communications to encourage both the continuance of effective behavior and an understanding of the impact of ineffective approaches and actions.
So if the performance of direct reports or peers is less than expected, effective feedback will help them understand why you feel as you do and will give them the opportunity to do better next time.
The need for a trust conversation with someone tends to build up over time. It’s often the result of not having a practiced culture in the organization of giving feedback or because giving feedback is not a regular practice of the individual leader. When leaders avoid giving feedback to coworkers or teams over time, the problems are not normally self-correcting; they build up.
Trust issues flow from a behavior or performance problem. When people feel uncomfortable about sharing responsibility or have low expectations of the timeliness or quality of a delivered product, they’re dealing with a trust issue. To solve that pervasive problem requires going beyond performance feedback and entering into a trust conversation.
Part of this is because the lack of trust ends up being the conclusion drawn as a result of concerns about ability, integrity, and loyalty. A conversation is needed in which the broad concerns and ramifications of the lack of trust are clearly stated and the specific behaviors or root causes are shared. As with feedback, this sharing needs to be focused enough to be unimpeachable: The effect of low trust is a feeling or conclusion held by the trustor that the trustee cannot deny.
So with direct reports, it’s time for a trust conversation when your honest attempts at feedback haven’t changed unacceptable behavior. Derailment is possible—with career development about to stall or a job in jeopardy. With peers, a trust conversation may be needed when your feedback hasn’t changed behavior or you just feel a relationship isn’t working.
So feedback is both a stand-alone leadership tool and the means for entering a trust conversation. With this conversation starter, you can begin to uncover the real causes of your trust concerns.
“It’s Hard to Put My Trust in Others”
Let’s listen in on a conversation between a project leader, Ethan, and his coach, Karl.
Ethan: “Years ago I let some team members do their part on a project that ended up a disaster, and I almost got fired. Ever since then I’ve had a need to control my projects to make sure they’re done well. It’s my reputation on the line and it’s hard to put my trust in others who won’t do the same job I can do.”
Karl: “Are you telling me you have all the time necessary to get all your work done?”
Ethan: “No, of course not; I have to oversee so many projects closely, like the Chartman project we discussed during our last call.”
Karl: “Ethan, I hear two things from you. First is that you can’t possibly get done all the things you need to do. Second, I hear your need to oversee or manage many projects closely, which is time-consuming and takes you away from your other work. Seeing that you cannot do both of these things well, what would you need to have in place on the Chartman project to be more comfortable letting go some of that constant oversight?”
Ethan: “I would like my team to deliver an impressive product design and I would like Grahame to ensure his people gave us a fully scoped and researched project plan, but I can’t rely on either of them at this point.”
Karl: “So when you say you can’t rely on them, this sounds like a trust issue to me. You can’t trust that they’ll produce a product design that you’ll be comfortable with. What steps could you take to make that happen?”
Ethan: “For my team, I think biweekly project reviews would keep me informed and let me guide them along. For Grahame’s team, I would have to have his assurance that we both understand the project needs, deliverables, and time frames. I could meet with him about this, and I could have my team leads set up a project-review system with his team.”
Karl: “If you did these things, how will you and your people benefit from this approach compared with what you do now?”
Ethan: “I suppose I would be helping my people be more accountable and independent. It might improve my relationship with Grahame, by reaching out to him rather than blaming his team for not being able to read my mind. For myself, I suppose it would help me remember that I have a choice in how I address these issues. Now I have to go do it.”
Karl: “And if you run into barriers?”
Ethan: “I would sit down and work out what I need to feel comfortable with letting go of some control and still get the outcome I require.”