Chapter Seventeen

“Sometimes you can just feel danger on the horizon. That’s what Nina was. Always in the shadows. Always watching. Always trying to mess up what I had with Elle. Why won’t she just go away?” Blue Moon

Laney turned off the shower and reached for her phone. Still nothing from Jessica. I will not cry. She vigorously dried herself, the towel like sandpaper against her skin. Adam had followed her home the previous day and come upstairs with her, helping her out of her wet clothes and wrapping her in a thick blanket. After making her warm tea and feeding Violet, he’d kissed her on the forehead and left.

She wanted to be mad at him.

Tell him that this was his fault. If he hadn’t followed her, none of this would have happened. Except he only followed her because she’d avoided him for two days.

This is all on me.

The last twenty-four hours had been torture. As well as the phone calls and messages she’d sent to Jessica, there had also been a bunch of snowdrops and irises, along with a handwritten letter. She’d hoped her sister-in-law would realize that they were still family.

But the flowers had come back, along with the unopened letter.

Laney tightened her bathrobe and walked into her bedroom to get dressed.

She was due at Michelle’s beach house to work on the magnificent concrete wall. Part of her wanted to cancel so she could stay curled up in bed, but she wouldn’t allow herself to do that. If this had taught her anything, it was that she needed to keep her independence. The cruel twist was she’d only been worried about not trusting Adam. It hadn’t occurred to her she might lose Jessica’s support.

Everyone leaves.

She opened the drawer. The wispy silken treasures had made their way to the front, and she shuddered. If she couldn’t blame Adam, at least she could blame her itch. Scooping them up, she marched into the spare room and flung open the closet. There were racks of things she no longer wore, including several pairs of jeans and T-shirts from her old life.

She studied them, almost tempted to wear a pair. They’d certainly be more comfortable than a dress. Then she turned away.

No. There had been far too much change lately. That was what had caused this whole mess. Instead she stuffed the delicate panties and bras away and went back to her room to finish getting dressed.

She could hear Adam moving around in the apartment next door, waiting to talk to her. Indecision tore at her. She should never have let him renegotiate their deal.

But even the thought turned her stomach to ash. To the outside world, he acted like the successful author, happy to help anyone who asked, but he’d let her see the vulnerability beneath that. He’d been open to her and told her exactly how he felt.

He said he loved me.

That he’d wait.

That it wasn’t a fling.

His words were like a warm glow that unfurled in her chest, spreading through to the tangled mess of her past. She could feel the heat of the flames as they tried to burn away her concerns, but before it could fully ignite, a frigid gust of wind blew over, putting out the fire.

I’m not there yet.

She shut her eyes. Tonight. She’d speak to him tonight. Ask him for more time. Explain that she needed to make things right with Jessica before she could properly work things out with him. And hope like hell she could have everything she wanted.

…

“Hey Doctor Josh, it worked.”

Adam wiped away the sweat dripping down his brow and flicked off the treadmill, his breath clattering in his chest. The guy who’d been trying to chat up Laney at the Spring Fling stood in front of him. Cameron?

“That’s great.” He climbed down from the machine. At least his feet didn’t wobble. Then he frowned. “So, what was it that worked?”

“The advice you gave me. To tell her I liked her,” Cameron said.

“Oh, right. Shower stall.” He grabbed a towel to wipe the sweat still pouring off him. “She said yes?”

“Nah. She shot me down. There were flames and everything.” He used his fingers to mimic an explosion.

“I see.”

“You said if I told her the truth, at least I’d know,” Cameron said in a slow, clear voice as if speaking to someone slightly stupid. “And you were right. I was trying way too hard. Always running around after her. Buying her coffees, trying to make her laugh. Fixing her computer. I was so busy I didn’t even see Jules.”

“Jules.” Adam blinked.

“She works at the pool with me. Way out of my league. But, when she found out Tessa had sidelined me for real, we kind of—”

There were more hand actions, and Adam rubbed his brow. “Right. So, it all worked out, then.”

“Sure did. You’re good at this stuff.”

Highly debatable.

Cameron drifted over to a weight machine, and Adam grabbed his gear and headed for the shower. Fifteen minutes later, he was back outside.

His phone pinged with a message from Paige. He was due to move out of her apartment in three days, but when he’d explained that he wanted to stay longer, she suggested an Airbnb that her mom operated. The text was to confirm the address. Ideally, he’d prefer a more permanent solution, but he’d need to wait until Laney had sorted everything out with her sister-in-law.

All because she slept with me.

Probably not a thought he should poke at too much.

A blur of movement greeted him from the top of the stairs. Violet? She had on a blue collar, glitter on her nails, and three purple flowers around her ears.

Some of the tension in his chest lessened. If Violet was here, then so was Laney.

He pushed back the doubt that had been building up as he reached down and tickled the little dog’s ears.

“Aren’t you looking smart today,” he said as he straightened. Laney was standing by the window, wearing a dress the same color as the collar. There were dark smudges under her eyes, but she smiled at him. Hope. “You both look very beautiful.”

“Thanks.” She walked toward him, stopping just out of touching distance, but her eyes met his. Warm. Encouraging. “I see Jacob’s been having his wicked way with you.”

“I thought the guy was a puppy dog, but when it comes to working out, he’s more of a sergeant major.” His voice cracked. “You’re here.”

She let out a slow breath, and some of the worry lines around her eyes faded. Relief filled him.

“Sorry I didn’t come around earlier. I had an installation to do, and I needed some time to get my head together,” she said.

“Have you spoken to Jessica yet?”

She shook her head, a quick, tight action, and her mouth flattened. “Brett said she needs more time.”

He wanted to crush her to him. Tell her it would be okay. Kiss the hell out of her mouth. None of which would help. Probably the opposite. So he just stood there.

“Tell me what I can do.”

“Nothing. I feel like I’m in a holding pattern,” she said before her voice cracked. “What if she doesn’t forgive me, Adam?”

“She will,” he said firmly, hating the bleak look on her face. All because of me. Guilt filled him. He’d promised her he wouldn’t cause any more trouble in her life, and yet he’d inadvertently helped destroy her relationship with the person she cared about most in the world.

Nice going.

“I’ve never seen her like that. I’m not sure what hurt her most. That she caught us…or that I kept a secret from her. And Simon.”

Adam rubbed his brow. It was all such a mess.

“I’ve been in her shoes,” he said, taking a cautious step forward. “When I first found Eloise and Ryan together. I swore I’d never speak to them again.”

Some of the paleness in her face lessened. “What changed your mind?”

“They’re my family, and you don’t give up on family,” he said, and she stared at him, eyes bright with tears.

“Thank you,” she said in a faltering voice. Familiar energy danced between them, and he swallowed hard. “I didn’t mean to shut you out.”

“You don’t need to explain. I know how much Jessica means to you,” he said, wanting to plunge his hands through her hair, devour her mouth, wrap himself around her, and never let go. “Where does this leave us?”

“I don’t know…but I still want to find out. If you’re not sick of women with too much baggage who drag you into their melodramas.”

“I told you once: you don’t have to do everything alone. I’m not going anywhere.” Relief flooded through him, and he stopped fighting, instead dragging her urgently into his arms. Her mouth brushed his, hungry and urgent, letting him know that whatever he was feeling, she was right there feeling it, too. She just needed more time. He could give her that.

…

Adam shut his laptop and stood up, impatient for Laney to arrive. He’d moved into the Airbnb that morning. Considering he only had one suitcase, it hadn’t taken long, and he’d spent the rest of the day catching up on paperwork.

He crossed to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers to take outside, along with the packet containing Doug’s letters. The sun was bleeding pinks and reds across the wide Pacific sky. He took a mouthful of cold beer, then picked up the packet. A quick shake, and a stack of old envelopes tumbled onto the table. He carefully picked the first one up.

It was smooth, as if it had been pressed flat by an iron. He flipped up the lip and extracted a single sheet of paper.

Your roses are out today. I know you have to spend time with your sister, but the house misses you. I miss you. Come back soon, my love. Life doesn’t work right without you.

Doug

Adam blinked. A love letter. Simple. Sparse. Real.

He opened another one. A pressed flower fell out, brown and dried with age, making it impossible to tell what it had once been. Yet still it had been faithfully kept.

To My Dearest Love,

The traffic in New York is dreadful. You would hate it here. One store tried to sell me a skirt for fifty dollars. Fifty. But Jemima is on the mend, and I’ll be home soon. Feed the chickens and don’t forget to ask Clarice to clean the kitchen for you. I know you’ll forget to do it yourself. And that is why we suit. You’re the other half of me.

Your loving wife, Mary

He carefully folded the letter up and slid it back into the envelope. Was that why Doug had ended up in a house full of things he didn’t need? Isolated from his friends? Because the one person who understood him had died?

Was that how Laney felt?

He took a swig of beer and contemplated another letter. He picked it up as Britney Spears rang out on his phone.

“Hey, big guy,” he said by way of greeting.

“Adam?” Ryan let out a hitched breath. He stiffened.

“I’m here. What’s going on?”

Ryan made a choking noise. “It’s El. Everything’s messed up. She’s in the hospital.”

“What?” He leaned back in the chair, blood pounding. “Tell me what happened.”

“She started bleeding. It isn’t—” Ryan broke off.

Adam was numb. Eloise. His wise-ass, straight-talking ex-wife, who never cried at anything. Apart from when she’d had a miscarriage. But that had been early in the pregnancy. This time around, she was seven and a half months pregnant.

Hell.

“Are they okay?”

“I don’t know.” Ryan’s voice broke. “The doctor tried to tell me what was going on, but I couldn’t follow. All I could see was El hooked up to all these machines. S-she’s scared. I’m not sure what to do—”

“Listen to me,” he said in a firm voice loaded with authority. Enough to shake Ryan out of going down a dark path that wouldn’t do him any good right now. “I’m getting on the next flight. Ask your doctor to email me with exactly what’s happening. Can you do that? Do it now?”

“You’re really coming back?” Ryan sucked in his breath, and some of the panic left his voice.

“Yes, meathead. I’ll call with the flight number. You hear me?”

“Thanks,” Ryan whispered.

Adam ended the call and contacted his preferred airline. He gave them his credit card details and booked a flight for eleven at night before finally letting out at shattered breath. Ten minutes later, an email came through from Eloise’s doctor.

Placental abruption.

She’d started bleeding, and contractions had followed. They’d managed to stop them, but not the bleeding. They needed to keep monitoring her.

He called his brother back and talked him through the email, making sure to stay calm and steady. He put his phone down and rolled his shoulders as the crunch of tires sounded out. Hell. He walked to the front of the house as Laney climbed out of her car, Violet dancing at her feet.

“Hey,” she said, her blue eyes sweeping over him and then narrowing. “You don’t look so good.”

He stalked over and dragged her into his arms. Floral scent filled him, and she pressed into his chest. Finally, he pulled away.

“El’s in the hospital. There’s been a complication. Ryan’s a mess, and they’re still not out of it.”

Her entire face whitened, and her eyes brimmed with tears. “Adam. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

He shook his head. “No, but I need to go tonight. I’ve booked a flight.”

“Of course you do. Poor Ryan and Eloise. Especially after—” She broke off. “What time are you flying out?”

“Eleven,” he said, and her face tightened even more. His gut churned, and he grabbed her hands. “I know the timing sucks, with what’s going on with Jessica, but you know I’m not leaving you, right? I’m not leaving us. I just have to get back there.”

She stopped him with her mouth. His body hummed in response. “I understand. Of course you have to go and support them. I could drive you to the airport.”

“There’s no need. I’ll drop the rental off there. I know you probably don’t want to draw any more attention to us.”

“If you’re sure,” she said.

“I am.” He nodded and shook off the flickering unease that had been shadowing him since the day of the funeral. Like the strange electricity that threaded the air before a storm. Like the other shoe dropping.

They were still together, but there were so many things that hadn’t been spoken about.

I feel like I’m in a holding pattern.

That was what she’d told him. He’d assumed she had been talking about the situation with Jessica. But she still hadn’t said she’d loved him or let him discuss a future together.

“I’m coming back,” he said in the same firm voice he used with his brother. “I’m coming back to you. I’m not done waiting.”

He kissed her again, breathing in her scent, until Violet began to complain.

“I’d better let you pack. Text me when you land and give them all my love.” Laney untangled herself from him and walked back to her car.

He forced a smile, trying to ignore the fact she’d sent his brother and El her love but still hadn’t said it to him. No time for that now. He waited until the car had disappeared from sight before going back inside and gathering up his scant possessions. He sent the owner a quick text message to say there’d been a change of plans, and then he hopped into his rental car and headed for the airport.

…

“She’s still not ready.” Brett held the bouquet Laney had brought. She wanted to stand on her tiptoes and peer over his shoulder into the small office at the back of the reception area. Was she in there? “She’ll come around. You know what the pair of them were like. Calm, happy, an unshakable force. Then something would come along to rock them. And that’s when they would turn to—”

“Each other,” Laney finished as understanding finally slammed into her. Jessica missed her twin brother.

The other side of her.

She’d already been struggling with the pregnancy, wanting Simon’s support. Laney had known that.

And I still managed to get caught naked with another man. In the middle of the woods. Then she’d made it worse by admitting her past relationship with Adam. That she’d been the infamous Nina. That she’d lied to Simon. To everyone.

She didn’t bother to swallow down the ever-present guilt of keeping her secret for so long. There was nowhere for it to go anymore.

“She still loves you.” Brett squeezed her hand. Solid, reliable, faithful Brett.

“Thank you.” Laney returned the pressure and forced herself not to cry. There had been too many tears. It had to stop. “Tell her when she’s ready we can talk.”

“Will do. And thanks for the flowers. Violets are her favorite.”

“I know.” Laney kissed him on the cheek and walked back to her car. Her own Violet, as if sensing the tension, had waited on the passenger seat. “Hey, girl. She’s not quite ready yet, but it won’t be long.”

Violet nosed her way onto Laney’s lap, her heartbeat solid and reassuring. She buried her face into the little dog’s fur, trying to collect herself. The funeral had been a week ago. Seven days since Jessica had spoken to her. Four since Adam had flown back to L.A., and still she was no closer to sorting things out.

She swung by India’s parents’ farm to pick up an order and stayed for a cup of tea before climbing back into the car. Adam called just as she started the engine. She turned it off and answered.

“Hey,” he said. Her shoulders loosened a fraction, and she melted into the familiar comfort.

“Hey yourself. How’s El?”

“Still in the hospital. The bleeding hasn’t stopped enough to send her home. We’re hoping today will be better.”

“I still can’t believe it.” Laney did her best not to imagine it was Jessica in the hospital. “Tell them I’m thinking of them both.”

“Will do. They loved the flowers, by the way. You didn’t need to do that.”

“Keeps me busy,” she said and then winced as Adam sucked in his breath.

“Still no luck speaking with her?”

“No.” Laney shook her head, even though he couldn’t see. “Enough about me. How are you coping?”

“Tired. Worried. Not really sure what I should be doing with myself.” His voice dropped. “Missing you.”

“I miss you, too.” The pull hadn’t gone, but the ongoing weight of not being able to talk to Jessica was chafing. When she touched Adam, she didn’t have to think. That was all she wanted.

“I’m a selfish bastard, but do you want to fly down for the weekend? Just a night or two. It might help clear your head. And it would be good to see you.” His voice broke, the pain and worry escaping. She wished she could reach down the phone and touch his cheek. Smooth away the panic. Would it be such a bad thing? Two nights to get her thoughts under control. Support him. Be with him. Make a decision.

“I’d like that.”

He let out a breath. “You happy for me to book your tickets? I know you’ve got a lot going on.”

“Thank you,” she said, not sure how she’d managed to find someone so understanding. Patient. Kind. Her phone beeped with a message from India. “I’ve got to go, but let me know the times.”

“Will do. Laney, everything’s going to be all right,” he said with so much conviction she almost believed it.

…

“And don’t forget Mrs. Grantham is coming in for a bouquet. She says she likes tulips, but she really—”

“Likes daffodils. Yes, I know.” India arched an eyebrow, which resulted in her recent brow piercing sticking out. “You do remember I ran this place for a week not so long ago. And if you get this commission in L.A., then I’ll be in charge again.”

“Right.” Laney swallowed. Until things were cleared up with Jessica, there was no way she could tell anyone else about Adam. It wouldn’t be fair.

And so the lying and sneaking around continues.

At least Adam wasn’t here to witness it. Restless energy flowed through her, and she checked the time again. Still an hour to go before her ride to the airport. She should probably take Violet over to Sam’s.

Her phone beeped. It was her realtor.

“Hey,” she answered. “Sorry I haven’t returned your call. I was going to do it today.”

“Don’t worry. That was for a place over by Hamilton Cove. It wasn’t quite right. But I have something fantastic for you. It hasn’t officially come on the market yet, but I’m going to list the Right property very soon. As you know, Doug died, and the grandson wants it gone. You interested?”

Laney sucked in a breath. Her head was pounding. It was the same problem. Her life and independence in St. Clair, or trusting that she and Adam could have a future together? And if she did trust him, this was something she should talk to him about first.

“Give me a day. I need to think.”

“Sure, but as soon as it’s listed, you’ll need to move.”

“I’ll call you back. I promise,” Laney said and hung up just as a text message came in. She sucked in a breath. Jessica.

I’m ready to talk.

The words blurred in her vision. Her sister-in-law didn’t have to say where they should meet. There was only one place she’d be.

“I’ve got to go out.”

“Out?” India looked up, face wrinkling. “You’d better be quick. Don’t want to miss your flight.”

“I won’t,” Laney said in a tight voice as she searched for her keys. Where were they? India eyed her.

“You okay, boss?”

No. But I will be.

“I’m fine.” She hugged her assistant and hurried out to her garden. She breathed in the competing scents as she cut the tiny violets she always grew and tied them up in plain twine. Simon had always liked when she kept things simple.

She walked to the car, and Violet scrambled into the passenger seat. The trip to the cemetery was so familiar she could get there even if her eyes were full of tears. Ten minutes later, she pulled up next to Jessica’s Volkswagen.

Laney sucked in a breath and swung open the gate.

There was a game she sometimes played. How many other gravestones could she walk past before she finally reached Simon? It helped ground her. Remind her that she wasn’t the only one to lose someone. But today she walked directly there. Jessica lay on a picnic rug, one hand cradling her stomach and the other touching the cool granite of the gravestone.

Simon George

1979-2014

Son~Brother~Husband

Tears stung in her eyes as she mirrored Jessica’s position on the other side, just like she’d done so many times before.

“Remember when we fell asleep here one night?” Jessica said by way of greeting.

“We were covered in bites, and I couldn’t move my neck for a day,” Laney whispered, the granite still warm from the sun. Like he was still there.

“Then Brett made us both promise not to stay later than nine.”

“And to keep blankets and bug spray in the car,” she added as a watery sob escaped her. “Because he knew there’d still be times when—”

“We couldn’t leave him,” Jessica finished off before finally looking at her. “You’re wearing jeans.”

“Better for lying in a cemetery,” Laney said. She’d picked them up again when she’d been packing for her trip. And suddenly the idea of wearing something comfortable on the flight won. She was sick of being Laney George, sweet girl in dresses. Especially since underneath she was anything but that.

“It’s strange seeing you in something else.”

Seeing me with someone else.

Was that part of the problem? That Laney had kept herself in the perfect mold of Simon’s wife for all these years? If they were talking again, her sister-in-law deserved the truth. She took a deep breath.

“I didn’t always wear dresses. But when I met Simon and moved here, the sundresses seemed to reflect my happiness. Like I was living in perpetual summer. Then he died, and they kept me close to him. I wasn’t ready to let that feeling go, to admit I was trapped in winter.”

“I’m so sorry. I kept wanting you to be happy, to go on dates. But deep down, I wasn’t ready to see you with anyone else.” She broke off with a sob, then took a shuddering breath. “I didn’t want to lose him again. I’m the worst friend.”

“You’re not my friend. You’re my family, and I love you.”

“Why doesn’t it ever get easier?” Jessica said, her voice so light it almost floated away on the wind. Laney tightened her grip on her sister-in-law’s hand. She’d been reading up on placental abruption and all the other things that could go wrong with a pregnancy. Both for the mother and the baby.

Life was so delicate.

Nothing could ever be taken for granted.

I can’t risk losing any more people.

Insects hummed and buzzed all around her as her mind whirled. She kept telling herself that she didn’t trust him. That he would leave her. But that was a lie. It wasn’t Adam she couldn’t trust.

It’s me.

When he was near, she lost all reason. Hell, that was why he wrote a book about Nina. It wasn’t all true—she hadn’t stalked him—but there had been other things. Things she never would have considered doing with Simon.

Because her gentle husband had brought out the best in her.

But Adam brought out the side she couldn’t control, which meant she had no idea where it might lead. She’d already come so close to losing Jessica.

And my business. She thought of the farm she hadn’t bothered to bid on, all the times she’d asked India to step in for her because Laney wanted more time with Adam.

Cold horror slammed into her chest, despite the warmth of Jessica’s hand in hers. This was what mattered. Her family. The life she’d fought so hard to build in St. Clair. The life she had almost lost.

The insects stopped as if a giant door had just swung shut, trapping them on the other side. Her stomach roiled against her decision, but she ignored it.

I can do hard things.

“I’m so sorry. If I could have changed that day, I would have.”

The silence engulfed them. Violet sniffed at Laney’s leg, and then, deciding it was normal for two women to lie by a gravestone, she settled herself down.

“Do you want to tell me about him?”

Pain lanced her chest. If she tried to talk about him, she might change her mind. After all, that was what she’d been doing from the moment they first kissed. She’d kept kidding herself that she could have her cake and eat it too. But life wasn’t fair. Simon’s death had taught her that.

What she had was enough; she’d been foolish to think she could have more.

“Not really. I just had an itch, and I got confused.” She shook her head.

“I’ve been torturing myself thinking you were going to move to L.A. T-that my baby wouldn’t get to spend every Friday night with their cool Aunt Laney.”

“Is this your way of sneakily signing me up for babysitting duties?” She sniffled and wiped a tear away, shuddering at how close she’d come to messing everything up.

“I don’t know. Is it working?” Jessica gave her a watery smile. Laney took in a little breath and nodded. It was going to hurt.

“It’s working.”

A faint shrill came from her purse. Her alarm to remind her about the flight. She ignored it. I can do hard things.

“Come on, Brett will kill me if he knows you’ve been out here too long. Let’s go home.” She paused only to replace the flowers in the vase with the ones she’d brought. She gave her husband a silent kiss and hooked her arm through Jessica’s. In the car, she canceled her ride to the airport, then sent Erika a quick text.

I’m making an offer on the Right property.

The pounding in her head was matched only by the dull ache in her gut. But she’d survived pain before. She could do it again. She would call Adam as soon as Jessica was home and settled. Because family had to come first. That and making sure her business was safe. Nothing else mattered.