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We did happen to find one ginger plant that was in decent enough condition for cooking. I counted myself lucky for it. Then I remembered: luck. I could’ve kicked myself. How much had Urekkato seen through my eyes? I never should’ve agreed to the spell, even if it could help Lord Kwan.
It was only too bad I needed more than luck to speed up my recovery.
The morning after, I did feel a lot better. The pain in my elbow greatly subsided. It was as though a cool hand was gently placed there, easing it to be more tolerable. That was the same day Syaoran and Koji came back with a wild duck. And, for the first time, Syaoran gave Koji a word of praise. Syaoran’s magic had shot it down, but it was Koji bolting to retrieve it without breaking its skin or anything else.
It was that night, in my deepest slumber, I was plagued by dreams. I dreamt about Lord Kwan’s kiss, only for it to become Syaoran, and for him to be both more playful and more aggressive with it. I dreamt we were running and laughing, and that he caught me, showing me with kisses. Warm lips on my neck, my body pressed against his, feeling his toned chest and stomach, and his hand gliding against my thigh.
I woke panting. Syaoran stared into my eyes with a smirk.
“Good morning.”
Panicked, I pushed away and slapped him. Realizing immediately after that it was all a dream and I was now awake.
“What was that for‽” demanded Syaoran, launching into a sitting position and scooting away.
“I’m sorry!” I squeaked. “I was having a nightmare—and suddenly you were there! I’m sorry.”
Koji barked, excited by the sudden action and riled voices.
“Sounded like the opposite of a nightmare,” said Syaoran, rubbing his cheek. More from the shock and to make a point than from any chance I’d actually hurt him, but I still felt guilty.
During that first night, with the floors still cold, we figured something clogged the chimney, and shared all the bedding to keep warm.
“What was your nightmare about?”
My face started heating up.
“Was it about me?” teased Syaoran.
“I dreamt I was actually being kidnapped,” I said, grasping at anything to redirect. “By Lord Juro.”
“That is a nightmare,” agreed Syaoran. “Are you scared we’ll get back too early and he’ll just ride off with you?”
I avoided his eye. “Something like that.”
“I wouldn’t let that happen,” said Syaoran, on his feet and patting the top of my head. “As much as I like Juro, I don’t want to see you miserable with him. Even if you bite me again.”
“It was one time!” I shouted.
Koji barked.
“And it was when I thought you were kidnapping me.”
“I still can’t believe you did it though.”
We went on, whiling away the time. Before midday, Gi found us, having spotted Syaroan’s horse. Dismounting from his own horse and sweating, he rushed inside, calling for me. Both Syaoran and I looked up from our tea, puzzled. Likewise, he appeared bewildered by our casualness.
He explained himself, and the ghastly story that Juro saw Susa in the stables, and the accompanying story that the mare had run home riderless only moments before the discovery. A search party was formed, each genuinely believing Syaoran and I were in some sort of trouble. Gi found my sandal in his search and feared the worst, pushing himself and his horse until he came to the pagoda; it seemed a reasonable place to take shelter, assuming we’d made it here.
Syaoran laughed, teasing that the only trouble wasn’t packing things to eat and taking a nasty fall on the way over.
“But since you’re here,” said Syaoran, “have a seat.”
Gi argued the matter, wanting us to go back. Syaoran, half ignoring him as he poured a third cup, explained the situation.
“A few more days. Hopefully Lord Kwan won’t be too severe when he sees Hisa’s arm.”
“It’s recovering quickly,” I argued. “I can move it a bit.”
“Keep it still,” said Syaoran, giving me a sharp look. “Let it heal.”
“It’d be better to have Lord Kwan look at it right away,” said Gi, caught between things.
“It would be better,” agreed Syaroran. “But I was told to keep her away from the house while Juro is there.”
“Sneak her in,” insisted Gi.
“I’m fine,” I said. I wasn’t, and the pain of it exhausted me, but I wanted to make a stand of my own. I didn’t want to be thought of as a helpless, human, girl.
“See? She’s fine. She said so herself.” Syaoran rushed the words out, hinting his worry.
Gi looked between us, finally calmed from his fierce search. “If it doesn’t heal right, there’ll be permanent damage.”
“Really,” I insisted. “I’ve been keeping it still and putting a cold cloth on it for the swelling. I can manage.”
“If you’re not staying,” said Syaoran, “tell Lord Kwan you didn’t find us, and ride back when Juro leaves.”
“You want me to go back empty handed?” Gi’s eyes narrowed, his tone indignant.
As he looked across the open space, he noted the bedding piled in one place, giving Syaoran a raised brow. In return, Syaoran smirked. I frowned. He never put the bedding away, complaining that he’d have to bring it out by nightfall anyway. Now it gave implications.
“Stop that!” I scolded. “Nothing is going on between us.” My face heated up, the memory of Fumei telling me about the rumors resurfaced.
“That’s not exactly true,” teased Syaoran. “You did kiss me. And you bit me only a few days ago. Can’t keep your lips to yourself.”
“Syaoran!”
Gi rested his face atop his finger tips, groaning.
“So, are you staying or not?”
“I was commanded to find you both and bring you back.”
“And I was commanded to keep her safe and away. You found us, so bring back the news that we’re fine.”
“Both of you stop it,” I said, as firm as I could. “You’re acting like children arguing over chores.”
They didn’t listen to me, but that didn’t matter. At the very least I wouldn’t be sitting there meekly. When Gi left, with the promise to bring word to Lord Kwan, and our word of returning in two days, I breathed some relief. A compromise.
“So,” said Syaoran, sliding his hand around my waist. “Where were we?”
I scowled at his teasing, pushing myself away. “Stop that.”
He laughed. “If nothing, it’ll shift the rumors away from Kwan. Less to burden him with come Mokryon.”
I shifted my weight, hand fussing with my dress.
“What?” asked Syaoran. “Are you that upset when I tease you? You know I don’t mean anything by it.”
I didn’t look at him. Frustrated, for reasons that shouldn’t have bothered me to begin with, I tried to think how to explain.
“Is it because I told Gi about the kiss? I don’t think he even believes me, if that makes it any better.”
It did, to an extent. I just didn’t know how to deal with my pent-up emotion and exhausting pain all at the same time. I dropped to a huddled position, and concentrated on my breathing. Was I that much of a burden to Lord Kwan? Would my feelings make it worse?
“Hisa?” Syaoran bent down, one hand on my shoulder, the other at my side to avoid my injury.
“I don’t want to be a burden on him.”
He paused, considering. “Prisoners are kind of a burden. But all things considered, I’d say you’re more a help than a burden. You help remind him to be himself. He even smiles now!”
I shook my head.
Again, a thoughtful quiet fell. “Did you want to leave today?”
I couldn’t think. Everything crashing down, I couldn’t think. Bringing my head up, I nodded. “But Juro is still there.”
He looked at me, similar to how Lord Kwan would when deciding what to do. “I said you should stand up for yourself, even to Juro. And, if you can’t, then I will for you. Selfishly, I kept us out when I knew we should have gone back, because I hoped you’d heal completely and wouldn’t tell Kwan. Now, you’re miserable and still in a lot of pain.”
This was true, but I wanted to say something to comfort him, anything. If only this growing headache would go away.
Syaoran tidied up—as much as would allow, and tacked up his stallion. I wasn’t looking forward to the rough terrain, muttering the complaint. I was sure it’d gone unnoticed until he offered a spell. One to put me to sleep for the ride.
I refused it.
Somewhere along the trek, going at a walk, I didn’t need magic to fall asleep.
****
I woke as we came to the inner gate, an uproar in the making and the sun fast setting. Rubbing my eyes, my bleary vision worked to make sense of colors and shapes. My ears, however, refused to make sensible words amongst the chatter.
Someone took me to slide off Syaoran’s thighs and gently touch the ground. He’d said something about it, though I didn’t quite catch it in my tired state.
Juro pushed through, making complaints to Syaoran. I yelped as he tried to lead me away by the arm.
“Look at you, my beloved,” said Juro. “I should have ridden out for you.”
I couldn’t pull away, not without hurting myself.
Syaoran stepped in. “Give her space, Lord Juro. It’s been a long journey, and Hisa is—”
Quiet quickly fell as Lord Kwan made his wordless approach. He stood in front of us, and I’d forgotten to bow as I struggled to fully wake. When my senses caught up, I tried to compensate with having only one good arm.
Through it, Juro continued his complaints.
Lord Kwan ignored him, looking me over. “You’re hurt.”
I remembered then, and hurried to speak up. “It’s my own fault. I was being stubborn and ignored when Syaoran tried to warn me, and I, well, I fell.”
Koji barked his own complaint then. I shushed him the second time. Lord Kwan said nothing. He stared, stoic and regal.
Continuing to ignore Juro’s complaints, Lord Kwan took my free wrist to lead away, bidding Lin to take Koji back to the kennels. Murmurs started up.
In his room, he closed the doors and guided me to sit on his bed. An uncomfortable feeling took hold. I hadn’t known him to be so quiet in a long time. He looked me over again, a line creasing his brow.
“I should have done more,” said Lord Kwan. He kneeled then, using his healing magic on my elbow. “Hisa...” His forehead rested against mine. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “You couldn’t have known. Although, we left so suddenly, I did think I was getting kidnapped at first. Tell me what you’re planning next time. I’ll be more careful, and less stubborn.” I tried to meet his gaze, finding that he’d shut his eyes. “So, don’t be upset. Please?”
He scoffed, letting that hint of a smile to make its appearance.
Determined to get him to say something, I angled my face, pressing my nose against his and blowing sharp to tickle and tease. He simply allowed that smile to grow a little more, and rubbed his nose back and forth against mine, tickling me instead.
“How’s your foot?”
“How did you know about that?”
He opened his eyes, meeting my stare. “I can smell the old blood.”
“Oh,” I said, blinking in rapid succession as my brain processed the information. “Sometimes I forget you’re a Juneun.”
“Do you?”
“When I look at you, all I see is... Well, you.”
He blinked, in total control of the movement, and slowly lifted his head away to cast his healing magic to the underside of my foot. “How can I make up for my mistakes?”
I chuckled. “I’ve already forgiven you.”
“I haven’t forgiven me,” said Lord Kwan, taking a more serious tone. “I was too laxed in how I went about things. As a result, you were hurt. Tell me something I can do to make it up to you.”
Try as I might, I didn’t know how to outthink him. Not when he looked at me with so much sorrow. I dropped my gaze, seeing how mistreated my dress was. “I should be the one to apologize. I’ve ruined your gift to me.”
“Hisa,” scolded Lord Kwan in a coo. “I wanted to get you a new one anyway, if you’d let me.”
I laughed. “I don’t think you need the permission of a servant girl for much of anything.”
“But you dislike when Juro does so without your knowing.”
“That’s true,” I admitted. “But it’s different with you. I know that you’re not trying to buy my affection.” Because he already had it. Whether or not he knew it, he already had my heart. And I saddened at the thought.
He lifted my chin with the edge of a finger. “Hisa. Name one thing I can do. One thing I can give. So that my conscience is clear.” Again, he rested his forehead on mine, brushing the tips of our noses with every gentle swivel.
A wave of guilt washed over me. This close to him, there was something I wanted. Something I wanted badly. “A kiss,” I whispered, meek.
“A kiss?” echoed Lord Kwan, pulling away slightly and looking me in the eye.
I looked down and away, my nerves getting the better of me and my sensibility scolding me for having said it. “It’s alright if you don’t want to. I’ll think of something else. Mayb—”
Our lips collided, tender and playful. I closed my eyes in an instant, following his lead and playing back. My hands went to his shirt, holding tight to keep him close. It wasn’t the same exploratory kiss as before. It was the sort that Juro had forced on me, that I’d asked Syaoran for—yet it was different. Not just because of the cool of his skin, but something else I didn’t have words for. The love in my heart flared, making me smile.
When we parted, there was no embarrassing string of drool between us. It was clean, and it felt like time itself had stopped to let us enjoy these few precious seconds.
“I will kiss you anytime you ask, Hisa,” said Lord Kwan. “That will be my atonement.”
I opened my mouth to argue, to say that I didn’t want kissing to be his punishment. His finger went back under my chin, his thumb sliding across my lips to stop me.
“I want to,” said Lord Kwan.
My face warmed. As did my heart.
And yet, my voice wouldn’t come to say three simple words.