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Spring came swift, and with it came deliveries for our departure to Tetsuden. Among them, were cosmetics, with Uno showing me how to apply them so that my scars weren’t so apparent. I practice religiously, hardly recognizing myself in the mirror at times. A small application of soft red on my lips, and my hair styled like a lady, I was staring at a stranger’s reflection. Is that how I would’ve looked if I wasn’t so accident prone? I saw parts of my mother in my reflection. Our eyes and chin were the same. But my nose and cheek bones were my father’s.
I wasn’t a beauty, but the girl in the mirror did look pretty enough to turn a boy’s gaze. Though, maybe not enough to overcome the horrible rumors that were spread about me.
I couldn’t believe how different I looked. Maybe enough to not be recognized by Juro. I relished the thought. Urekkato surely wouldn’t recognize—except, if he’d looked through my eyes, he would know. My sole relief was in knowing he wouldn’t go to Tetsuden Castle.
A special dress was also brought in, for the dances that would take place. Attendant or not, it was expected that I’d take part in at least one dance during Mokryon.
They were beautiful layers of soft reds, pink, white, and lavender, accented by bold streaks of slate blue at the hems. Simple, geometric patterns were embroidered into the blue, and floral designs were placed thoughtfully on the blouses and jacket of it—the more elaborate florals taking up the bottom half of the skirt, and included the occasional pair of butterflies or a hummingbird hidden amidst the threads.
The sleeves were absurdly wide, which I was told was for pockets as well as visual appeal. Ribbons for tying off were also unnecessarily long, and it took practice to get them evenly set so that their colors could be admired. And a soft twine rope, bearing Lord Kwan’s colors, was fastened over my waist to show that I was there as his attendant.
It was a long ordeal to dress and undress, and I began to worry. Social rules in the noble class were more suffocating than my court attire. How did anyone get anything done?
Syaoran tapped on my door, announcing himself and asking after me. Panic set in. I didn’t know how to explain that I’d been practicing getting into that dress, putting on the cosmetics and styling my hair for time. It already sounded silly and shallow in my head.
But when I didn’t answer and accidentally knocked over a collection of things from the vanity, it caused enough worry for him to open the door.
I must’ve looked like a frightened fawn, rigid and awkward, blinking as I watched his face go from concerned to intrigued. A sly grin consumed his expression.
“Were you waiting for me?”
I frowned. “I wanted to make sure I could do this without taking hours at Tetsuden.”
He stayed quiet, looking me over. “For me?”
“Stop that!”
He laughed. “I came to tell you that we’ll be sharing a room at Tetsuden.”
“What? Why?”
“Kwan wants company while he sleeps? I don’t know.”
I scrunched my brow at him. “All three of us in a room?”
“That’s what I said. The others will be lodged in the common space. I’m guessing keeping you in his room is more to protect you, and keeping me there is to deter gossip. Well, lessen it at least.”
“Maybe it’s to keep you safe,” I taunted.
He snickered at the idea. “Maybe.” When we calmed, he stared.
“What?”
He shrugged. “You look nice.”
I shied. I’d always wanted to hear things like that, to hear them genuinely said. And now, I didn’t know what to do with it.
“We should show Kwan.” Before I could object, horrified by the though, Syaoran grabbed my wrist and tugged me along. “He’s going to see you like this during Mokryon anyway. May as well give him a first look.”
“You already saw! Can’t you just tell him?”
“Nope.”
“Syaoran! It’s not funny.”
“It’s not supposed to be.”
Towed along, more than one house member did a double take at us, squinting. At the tea house, Kwan instructed Lin on another matter, leaving her as acting mistress while we were away. Looking at us, he gave his usual, stoic, stare. But I couldn’t meet his eye, feeling exposed and tucking into myself.
“You look really nice,” said Lin. “Is that what you’re wearing for the dances?”
I nodded once, not daring to move my gaze from the floor.
“Reminds me of the one I wore to my first Mokryon. I might’ve been a little shorter than you back then.”
“Wait,” said Syaoran. “Then why didn’t you just loan yours to Hisa?”
“If I still had it,” said Lin. “Wasn’t any point when I was between houses and needed the money. Not every lord takes care of their staff. You’d know that if you worked outside of Lord Kwan’s house.”
I stayed out of it, waiting for some cue that would allow me to hide in my room.
Lord Kwan stepped forward, lifting my chin to look at him. His eyes searched—for my scars, I realized—though he said nothing about it. “What do you think, Syaoran?”
“The same as Lin,” said Syaoran, taking a casual posture.
“I’ll have Uno take Koji on his walks then,” said Lin, picking up previous conversation and taking notes.
I broke from Lord Kwan’s touch, shaking my head. “She’s afraid of dogs.”
Lin stopped, giving me a quizzical look.
“Have Uno help to manage the stores and kitchen,” said Lord Kwan after a pause. “Did you have someone in mind to oversee the restorations?”
Lin’s brow furrowed. “I though Gi would be a good pick. Unless you planned to bring him to Tetsuden, my lord.”
Lord Kwan shook his head in a single, smooth motion. “If he’s better use here, that’s settled.”
“Lord Kwan is worried Gi will act impulsively?” teased Syaoran.
Nothing was said in response.
I was allowed to leave moments after, and didn’t hesitate my retreat. A closing comment was given, reminding me to hone my confidence and not turn shy when strangers looked at me. They were right, but I hated hearing it.
I couldn’t wait to get out of that dress, to take off the cosmetic, and to be my regular self again.
****
The day came to leave, with my things carefully packed and sinched to the saddle. Uno saw me off, fretting. My good impression during Mokryon would be a direct reflection on how she did in service to me. Another bit of pressure. A smaller pack was tied onto my saddle, since I was traveling the lightest—a gift for our host.
We set off in a trot, picking up a little speed once outside the gates and headed into the forest. There wasn’t a trail that I could see, but the grasses and foliage appeared to bend out of the way for us. The air turned strangely cold, reminiscent of when I stepped through the lacquered gate. Having spent enough time in Lord Kwan’s service, I recognized it as magic.
I started feeling nauseous. Not to an intolerable level, but enough to give me a headache. I loosened my grip on the reins, letting Susa take full control of our pace and direction. One of her ears swiveled back to check in on me.
Syaoran, too, reached to take my shoulder and give a shake. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” I mumbled.
“The spell is over,” said Syaoran. “So you should be feeling better in a bit.”
I nodded.
“Otherwise, it’d take until the end of summer to get into Lord Genji’s lands.”
“Huh?” I slowly looked around, realizing how different the forest seemed, and that we were headed towards a cleared road. When a similar spell took us to the lake, I didn’t feel a thing. Maybe the dizziness was because of distance?
The trees were not the same, taking on a reddish hue in place of the usual brown of the wood. Their branches were high, and they stood further apart from each other, looking wide enough to house an entire family. There was something ancient about them, as though they’d always been there and would continue to always be there. I thought to ask if they were spirits. Surely, if the horses we rode were also spirits, couldn’t a forest be made of spirits as well?
“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” asked Syaoran, probably knowing my questioning expression. “The trees are why Lord Genji’s ancestors chose this place to be their home. And anytime a Juneun was born in the forest, another tree would grow. The trees aren’t spirits, before you ask, but there is something like magic to them. They sit at the top of this mountain, watching the centuries go by.”
It sounded romantic and tragic all at once, and I found myself more mystified by the ancient place. “Is—”
“And no, Tetsuden isn’t in a tree. It’s a castle.”
I made a quiet groan, my questions being so obvious to him.
After two hours of riding, we stopped for a break. Something I was glad for. There was a long ride still waiting, and I didn’t want my arrival to be one met with stiffness and pain. Packed lunches were brought out, and wine shared, while the horses grazed.
Lord Kwan called me away, as all else let their meal settle. We walked a short distance, admiring the view.
“How do you feel?” asked Lord Kwan.
“I was a little unwell during that spell, but I’m better now.”
That hint of a smile was on his face. “The spell only works in my lands, but it brought us to the boarder of Genji’s territory. Can you handle a long ride?”
“I think so,” I said, trying to measure the implication.
He nodded, allowing quiet to fall as we walked a little farther. “Saburo hasn’t stopped complaining to me. He insists he ought to be the one to carry you, since learning you fell from another again.”
I chuckled. “It wouldn’t look appropriate for a servant to ride the lead stallion.”
His smile widened only just. “Are you nervous?”
“A little. I’m more worried that I’ll get lost the entire time.”
“When we arrive, you’ll see the staff uniform for Tetsuden. Genji keeps a full house, so it shouldn’t be difficult to spot one of his servants to help orientate you.”
I offered a sheepish smile in return.
“You’ll be the one to present our gift,” said Lord Kwan. “Since the rest of my company is men, it looks better that the lady in my entourage does it. It’s bound up, so the key thing is to not drop it on reveal, and keep your eyes and head low when you offer it.”
“Doesn’t sound too difficult,” I said. “Is it heavy?”
He shook his head. “Since Genji outranks me in society, it’s appropriate that I bring something to show gratitude. If it were Kwang hosting, no gift would be necessary.”
More rules to noble society. I wasn’t sure I’d remember it all. Though, once I went home, I supposed I wouldn’t have to. It was unlikely that I’d attend anything formal after my release.
Riding on, I understood his concern. It was late into the afternoon when we came to the first gates of Tetsuden. And while it’d been a downhill ride on a gentle sloping path, I still began to stiffen.
It looked like a city at the base of the actual castle, pressed against a sheer mountain face. White, stone walls and yellow, wood rooves marked out the castle, as well as being the tallest structure. The same scheme was applied to buildings of some importance, while more subdued architecture made the rest.
It seemed more town-like once in the first gate. Storehouses and livestock holds and craft stations sat tangled among thoughtfully placed stone and trees. Bamboo water catchers kept track of the time, none situated too closely lest their sounds overlap. Servants shuffled about their tasks, with some guests mixed in. We were escorted to the next gate, passing by a pretty park tucked out of the way of the main path.
Beyond the second wall, it appeared less crowded in terms of buildings, and more parks and gardens were visible. A lake was also there, with cozy looking accommodations for more notable guests. From there, we were led to the innermost wall, where a smaller lake was placed and there was no true distinction of where the gardens ended and parks began.
At the very base of the castle, Genji waited, presenting more regal than when he’d arrived at Lord Kwan’s home. Dismounting, we made our polite greeting. I kept still while brief conversation was held between the two lords, until I was cued to present our gift. I tried not to let my eyes go wide. It was a blanket of the softest fur. I’d only ever seen sable fur once, a swatch that a passing merchant boasted, but I never forgot it. If the merchant was honest, and that small bit was priced so high, then a blanket was a rich gift indeed.
A servant took the offering from me, ceremony in his every movement.
Guests were expected to still arrive into the following day, which brough a small comfort. At least I wouldn’t be bombarded with so many new faces right from the start. As our horses were taken, and we were guided to our room, I kept looking over my shoulder and back, trying to quickly memorize my way. We’d be staying on the third floor of the castle, in a spacious apartment (though they still called it a room).
Servants carried our things, keeping step behind us. It really was more elaborate than court at Lord Kwan’s villa. For all his land, Lord Kwan kept his house small. I couldn’t imagine if I’d come into Genji’s service. Five years or twenty, I would probably never find my way.
Not that I had much time to ponder, as we were expected to change out of our riding attire and ready ourselves for the first banquet. A sheer divide provided me with some privacy in the room, but I still peered behind me now and again to make sure I was alone. I knew Lord Kwan wouldn’t allow Syaoran to so much as tease about it, but the nervousness I felt in sharing a room with the two of them caused me to constantly check.