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The following morning, I was up early to prepare breakfast. Hisato stayed near, not wanting me from sight. Occupying the space, and eager to say, I relayed my plans to him. That I would teach them to read and write and how to understand the phrasing of someone trying to speak over them. Anything that would be useful to make trading with the passing merchants more fair.
“What do we need to know that for if you’re here?”
“I’m not staying forever,” I said. “Kwan asked me to marry him. And when I go back, I will tell him yes.”
“Who?”
“Lord Kwan,” I explained. “The Juneun who protects the mountain.”
Hisato’s face paled in horror.
“He’s not like what we thought,” I went on. “I did start off as a prisoner. But became a servant, and a friend after. Then, we fell in love—”
“He was your jailor,” scolded Hisato.
I blinked at him. “Yes. For a time.”
“You can’t go back.”
Indignant, I frowned. “I can stay or leave when I like.”
“He’s—”
“Five years ago,” I interrupted. “I had no prospects. And I tried to make myself believe I could be happy being the caretaker for everyone else who was chosen for love while I was left behind. I was lonely, and tried to convince myself that was okay—and my heart ached so much from it. So, you’ll excuse me that I did find a good man who does love me, no matter how unlikely it seems.”
Hisato’s face morphed, heating up.
I interrupted him again. “If he wanted to whore me, why let me leave? And why me when there’s a hundred beautiful women more than willing to take to his bed? He chose me, and I chose him.”
My brother shied, from the directness of my language or my tone, or something else entirely, I didn’t know.
“I came home to make sure all of you would be well without me,” I said, softening my voice. “When things are settled, I will go back to accept his proposal. And he will ask father’s approval for my hand.” I continued my cooking. Unable to stand the somber tension, I sighed to say more. “Without those rumors about me, I knew none of the men here took a liking to me. Kyu liked Fumei. All the boys did. And how could I compare then? I was limited with what I could do, and I wasn’t pretty enough to make up for it.”
“Hisa...”
“It’s true.”
Silence.
“I had enough time on the mountain to learn a great deal. Even though I’ll never be a beauty, or exceptionally talented, Kwan fell in love with me anyway.”
There was no more said during breakfast, as the rest of my family ate up until their bowls were clean. In the morning light, I could better see that they all looked thinner than I remembered.
Newly alone, I finished my unpacking, and set everything in order of how I planned to use them. First on that list was to thank Fumei for caring for my family in my stead. The heavy winter dress from Juro was exceptionally pretty. And if it didn’t quite fit, I knew now how to alter it.
Koji followed after me, though Saburo continued a lax grazing, looking up to keep me in sight as I walked. I realized he meant to guard me in his own way, just as I’d decided to keep the pouch with Kwan’s soul tucked with me, lest the puzzle box get lost.
At Fumei’s home, her mother came to the door with a sever look. “You’ve some nerve coming here.”
I raised a brow, not really understanding. If my reputation was so bad, what did it matter? Whatever rumor about me couldn’t transfer to someone else. “I came to see Fumei, so I could thank her for all she’s done.”
“You’ll go home and not bother us again,” scolded Fumei’s mother. She closed the door without a following word, rudeness intended.
I wasn’t dissuaded. If anything, I was angry, and pounded at the door incessantly. When she opened it again, I spoke with as much authority as I could imitate. “I am Lady Hisa of Inori house, bride to Lord Kwan of the Tiger Clan, and I’ve come to see Fumei.” I tried to title myself and speak like Urekkato in the moment (being the most arrogant Juneun I knew). If he watched me now, he was probably laughing.
She looked taken aback, unsure what to do with my presentation.
“I’ve traveled a long way, and I will not be refused,” I said, taking a step forward.
She took a step back, baffled, and I advanced to come inside, leaving my sandals politely by the door. I didn’t need directions in finding her room, the one she shared with her sisters.
What I didn’t expect was finding my friend in such a woeful state. She looked miserable and tired, seeming startled that I came in.
“Fumei? What’s wrong?”
Fumei stared in disbelief. “She let you in?”
I hurried over, setting down my present and the borrowed clothes. “What happened?”
No sooner did I sit beside her, Fumei threw her arms over me in a weep. “I’m so sorry!”
“Sorry for what?”
It was a while before she calmed enough to explain. She’d used the excuse of foraging to go to the upper river to see me last summer, and crossed paths with a nobleman hunting on the mountain. He’d forced himself on her. Kenta found them, fighting off the man and carrying her back to the village. He’d snuck off from the fields with the same intention of trying to see me. Which made his return look suspicious, and gave rise to an alternate tale of things.
“But he didn’t,” said Fumei, still sobbing.
I held her, trying to be of comfort. I remembered then what my father had said, thinking at first, he meant about my reputation. He meant to protect me from a repugnant perspective of my eldest brother. I wouldn’t have believed it anyway. The Kenta I knew always tried to behave like the best of men.
“He tried to save me. And was hurt. And he still carried me down those steep slopes.” She lost the battle to hysterical sobbing.
I sat quietly, trying to show that I believed her.
“He offered to marry me,” said Fumei when she regained herself. “But I’d made a promise not to get married until you had a good match first. They said refusing only proved he did it.”
I waited for her to collect herself, thinking of what I could do. Absent, I fiddled with the red thread around my finger. An idea coming to me then. “I did find a good man. He loves me.”
She looked at me, blinking her puffy, pink eyes.
“He’s a Juneun lord, and I plan to accept his proposal after I’ve settled things at home. So you don’t have to refuse another marriage.”
She shook her head, her voice becoming hoarse. “I don’t want to marry. Not after...”
I held her tighter, as though that would somehow protect her. “I’ll be a lady to a great clan. I could help to find you—”
“No!”
I blinked at her, rapid in my confusion.
“I don’t want another man to touch me—ever!” At her last word, she seemed startled by her own voice. “I don’t want to marry. Even if I did, I’m locked in this house.”
“But you didn’t do anything wrong!” I said, surprised by my own volume. “They can’t lock you away for something that’s not your fault.”
Fumei shook her head. “I fell pregnant from...”
It was my turn to be taken aback.
She sniffled, wiping her face. “It died before it was born.”
“But that’s not your fault either,” I cooed.
“I wanted it to die,” whispered Fumei. “I prayed that it would. But, by that time, everyone knew. Kenta kept offering marriage, but I can’t.”
“You owe me nothing,” I said, failing in my attempts to comfort. “Kenta would leave you be if you explained it. I know he would.”
“I don’t want him to feel he has to. There’s no point in him being this miserable as well. The other men stopped harassing him only recently. He put more effort into the fields than all of them. Something to prove. He’s a good man, and he deserves a wife who will love him and lay with him. I can’t.”
“Then, come with me when I go back up the mountain,” I said, out of ideas.
“What?”
“No one will bother you there. And you can decide what you want. Who’s going to refuse you being a guest to the new lady of the mountain? I’d like to see them try.”
Fumei cleaned her face, looking me over. “You’ve changed, Hisa.”
“My hair grew out. And my clothes are different. That’s all.”
“No,” said Fumei. “You’re bold. You used to be so shy before.”
I smiled with a sigh. “I had to learn to be truly brave. Everything else I learned, I did because I wanted to.”
She stared with an awed look I never thought she’d give me. For most of our lives, it’d been the other way around.
“I brought you something,” I said, trying to redirect the conversation. I brought over my present, placing it between us.
“It’s beautiful.”
“I wanted to do something to thank you for taking care of my family. I’m not skilled enough to make one like it, but I will be someday, with more practice.”
“It must’ve cost a fortune. You’re sure you want to give it to me?”
I stood. “Try it on. If it’s too snug, I can fix it and bring it back.”
“You know how?”
“It’s something I learned while up the mountain.”
Fumei forced on a smile. “I remember you could scarce lengthen sleeves.”