Chapter 20 Audrey 
BERLIN, GERMANY | MARCH 1939
Three weeks later, the cell arrived just after eight o’clock, bottles in hand, as usual. Audrey waited in the sitting room in her spot on the divan, inhaling the bitter richness of her after-dinner coffee whilst Friedrich answered the door.
Things had been tense with Ilse for a day or so after their argument, but had now, more or less, returned to normal. Ilse claimed she’d been tired from waking each night with Daniel, and Audrey wrote it off as a symptom of the absurd situation they all found themselves in. On a level, she agreed with Ilse that it was a good thing they each had a purpose beyond each other. Motherhood was what Ilse had always craved, but the way she and Friedrich were now interacting with one another was undeniably painful.
She chose to throw herself into her mission with Weber. They went out at least twice a week for dinner, dancing, or drinks. Sometimes she asked for the Roths to join them again, told Weber she’d gotten on so well with Gerta. It was an exaggeration, as Gerta spent most of her time on the dance floor, but she seemed to collect friends like other women collected handbags, and Audrey had a mind to leverage Gerta’s sociability to get closer to her. At the office, Frau Schulze hardly had a word for her anymore, and had bonded with Inge just as swiftly as she had with Audrey in the beginning. But Audrey didn’t care; all that mattered was Weber’s view toward her, and she did all she could to make herself sparkle in his eyes.
The conversation with the cell began swiftly, as it always did, the volume and intensity increasing with each emptied glass. Their meetings had been more sporadic lately. Both Ludwig and Claus had been out of the city on military business, and Aldous had been ill. There was a lot to catch up on.
“Have you been able to learn any more about the White Rose group?” Audrey asked Aldous, who perched on the edge of the sofa next to her, his cane resting between his knees.
“I’ve been trying to narrow down the print shop that produced the leaflet, but obviously there’s no identifier on the paper itself, like there normally would be. I’ve poked around a little with a couple of friends I trust at the University of Munich, trying to get a contact name. No luck yet, but these things are delicate. It takes time to find people who know when to talk, and when to shut up.” He sighed, shifted his thin legs. “These kids are brazen though. They’ll have to be careful unless they truly don’t care about getting caught.”
Ludwig was in his usual spot, standing near the doorway between the sitting room and front hall. Despite his vehemence that they all risk everything for this cause, he always seemed to have one foot out the door, as though readying for a quick exit. He was an enigma, Ludwig. He was an adamant resister of Hitler, but not entirely to all the regimens of the Third Reich. He believed strongly in the importance of rank, and rarely violated societal mores or etiquette. He was in full flow about the recent invasion of Bohemia and the fall of Prague to the Nazis when a child’s scream floated down from the floor above.
Audrey froze, coffee cup halfway to her lips.
All the men stared at the ceiling.
“What was that?” Ludwig demanded, turning to Friedrich, dark brows narrowed over his black eyes.
Daniel let fly another shriek that was quickly muffled.
“Who’s upstairs?” Claus asked.
Audrey’s mind whirred, searching for a plausible explanation.
“Audrey’s friend, with her child,” Friedrich said calmly. “She’s just staying for the weekend, on her way to visit her grandmother in Hamburg.”
“Audrey’s friend?” Ludwig barked.
Another shriek from above. Blood pounded in Audrey’s ears. “Yes,” she said.
Ludwig’s face was a storm. “You fucking fool, Müller. You let her have a friend come to stay? On a meeting night when we are here discussing, among other things”—he dropped his voice—“how to destroy Adolf Hitler?”
Disbelief painted Claus’s normally amused features. “What the hell are you doing, Fred?”
“You can’t have visitors,” Aldous added. “They could expose what we’re doing—”
“She won’t,” Audrey snapped.
“How can you possibly know that?” Claus asked.
Audrey bit her tongue.
“She won’t,” Friedrich echoed. He looked pointedly at Audrey, imploring her for help.
“Don’t look at her, look at me,” Ludwig snarled. “I’ve about had it with your exceptions and excuses, Müller. You are gambling our lives with your recklessness!”
“We were—”
“In case you have forgotten,” Ludwig said, “we agreed at the outset that it would only ever be we five. Us and Vogt. And then you moved in here and hired her.” He practically spat in Audrey’s direction. “Because you and Vogt wanted to get your cocks wet—”
“Steady on, Ludwig,” Aldous began, glancing apologetically at Audrey.
Friedrich took a step toward Ludwig, chest heaving with anger.
“And what’s happened since you brought her into the house?” Ludwig continued. “Vogt died in what you said was a bar brawl—”
“It was!”
“—and now you’ve gone and let her have friends come to stay, like this is some fucking holiday home. Friends who might very well turn round and—”
“She will not turn on us!” Audrey shouted.
Ludwig swatted the air as though wishing he could actually hit her. “You cannot know that!”
“Yes she can,” Friedrich snapped.
“Why?”
“Because the woman is a Jew!”
His words reverberated off the papered walls of the Kaplans’ sitting room in the profound silence that followed. Audrey’s breath was coming in shallow spurts, heart hammering against her collarbone.
“Friedrich,” she breathed, but he didn’t look at her this time.
“What the hell are you doing, Fred?” Aldous asked, watching his friend’s face. He wasn’t angry, but concerned, as though he feared Friedrich had taken leave of his senses. They had known each other a long time, after all. “Ah,” he said after a beat. “She isn’t just staying for the weekend, is she?”
“No,” Friedrich said, holding his chin up. He was pacing back and forth, as agitated as a wet lion. “She’s living here. For now, at least. For safety. But no one knows, and she will not—”
Audrey cut across him as anger came to her aid. “How can any of you object to this? Are we not trying to save Jews? Isn’t that why we’re risking everything—”
“We are not trying to save Jews, girl,” Ludwig shot at her. “We are trying to save Germany, our Fatherland, from the retribution of England and the other states that will flay us alive for what we are doing, just like they did after the war!”
“Fred, surely you must see that we can’t spend the very limited risk credit we have trying to harbour individual Jews,” Claus said, scoffing. “This is far, far bigger than that now. Don’t be stupid, man.”
“And for the love of God, stop listening to her,” Ludwig fired at Friedrich, indicating Audrey. “She has turned your head. We never should have allowed a woman—”
“Give it a rest, Ludwig,” Aldous said quietly.
“You need to find somewhere else for her to go,” Claus said, his gaze flicking back and forth between Audrey and Friedrich. “You must. You must.”
Friedrich was staring at the wall behind Claus, avoiding his eyes.
After a moment, Ludwig threw his crystal glass into the fireplace, making Audrey jump. “She is to be gone within forty-eight hours, or so help me, Müller, you will get into a bar brawl of your own!”
He seized his coat from the front hall and exited, slamming the door behind him. Then, one by one, the others turned to go, but Audrey didn’t stay to watch. She raced upstairs to Ilse.
Daniel was on the floor, hammering one wooden block as he chomped on another, drool pooling around his mouth.
“I heard shouting. They heard him, didn’t they?” Ilse asked, panicked.
Audrey watched her with a sort of disconnected grief. “Yes.”
“It’s his teeth,” Ilse said. “They’re cutting on the top and bottom, and it’s driving him mad. I couldn’t stop him from shrieking. I tried everything I could think of. I’m so sorry.” She stopped. “What did they say?”
“It wasn’t… good,” Audrey began. She explained how they’d tried to cover up who Ilse was, but the truth had come out. “They’re insisting you and Daniel be moved elsewhere.”
Ilse’s face fell. “No.”
“Ludwig could report us for harbouring Jews if he wanted to. And he threatened Friedrich. It isn’t safe for you here anymore.”
Ilse’s voice rose. “I thought they were working against Hitler. Why would they…?” She trailed off at the sight of Friedrich in the doorway, looking flushed.
“Audrey’s right,” Friedrich said. “It’s not safe for you here.” He said a few choice words about Ludwig. “It isn’t your fault, Ilse. We were foolish to think we could continue this arrangement. As Daniel grows, concealing him will become more and more difficult.” He took a deep breath, but he still seemed deflated, as though all the fight had gone out of him. “The fact is that we are no longer able to protect you here. I know you do not wish to leave your family home, but we must find an alternative. For all our sakes, but primarily yours and Daniel’s.”
As Friedrich spoke, Ilse looked down at Daniel, tears in her eyes.
“But how?” Audrey said.
Friedrich turned from Ilse. “Aldous.”
“Aldous?”
“He stayed after Claus and Ludwig left.” Friedrich paused. He seemed to be struggling with what he was about to say.
“He has a connection with another cell in the Red Orchestra through one of his university friends. One of their members, Wendelein Von Albrecht, has a country home outside of Enschede, in the Netherlands, not far from the border. Her family is wealthy. She and her Dutch husband have been using it to smuggle Jews to safety for the past year, I’m told, with great success. They might have a room for you and Daniel. He’s going to try to reach them tonight.”
Daniel offered Ilse a red block. “Ma ma ma,” he said. Ilse took it, blinking rapidly.
“Aldous can make you false papers and if you keep them with you, there is no reason anyone should ever suspect you. You can remain there safely until we have reclaimed Germany from Hitler’s grasp.” Friedrich twitched his moustache thoughtfully. “He told me these would not be the first papers he has made for Jews trying to flee. I didn’t know he’d been doing that.”
Audrey’s esteem for Aldous rose immediately. “I wonder what Ludwig would make of this information,” she muttered. Friedrich didn’t answer.
Ilse was quiet a moment. “How long would we be gone for?” she asked.
Audrey exhaled. She must be considering it.
“A year, or longer,” Friedrich said. “Truly we cannot know. A war is coming, that much is clear. No one will allow Germany to keep invading its neighbours without consequence. But I cannot tell you how long it might go on.”
“And what happens if my mother and brother return whilst I’m away?”
Pity rippled across Friedrich’s features before he answered. “If that happens, I will bring them to you at the Von Albrechts’.” He took Ilse’s hand and looked deep into her eyes in a way that made Audrey pink with jealousy. “I promise you, Ilse. You have my word.”
Audrey struggled to find her voice. “So you’ll do it?” she asked, her nails digging into her palms.
Ilse wiped her tears. “Yes, I’ll go. For Daniel.”
Friedrich’s face cleared. “I’ll call Aldous.”
When he was gone, Audrey sat down on the edge of Ilse’s bed, fingering the familiar embroidered yellow flowers. “You’re doing the right thing,” she said.
But Ilse shook her head. “There’s no control anymore, is there? No true choices. For any of us. It’s always just life or death, and nothing in between.” She looked down at Daniel. “I do love him so. Though he’s someone else’s. Is that fair? Is that right?”
“I don’t think it could ever be wrong to love a child. He’s yours. For now, at least.”
“What if his parents return?” Ilse asked.
A shiver crept over Audrey at the memory of Daniel’s home. She knew Ilse had to believe that their return was possible, because if it wasn’t, that might mean Ruth and Ephraim were doomed as well.
“We will cross that bridge if ever we come to it. In the meantime, the best thing we can do for him—and the parents who love him—is to keep him safe, and love him as they would have done.”
Ilse gazed upon his little form. “I would do anything for him,” she said. “This love of mine.”
Audrey swallowed, the thorns of her own feelings cutting at her throat. “I understand.”
An hour later, there was a soft knock on Audrey’s door, and Ilse came in. She was in her nightgown and slippers now, wrapped in a robe to ward off the late winter chill. She sat at the bottom of Audrey’s bed and they simply stared at one another.
“You’re going to stay here, aren’t you?” Ilse said finally.
Audrey nodded. She’d spent the past hour coming to the same conclusion. “I think it would be best.” For Ilse. For her.
Ilse traced a seam on Audrey’s quilt.
“All I’ve ever cared about is that you’re safe,” Audrey said. “And you’ll be safe in the Netherlands.”
Ilse’s dark eyes filled with tears and her nose swelled. “I hope so. I wouldn’t be going if not for Daniel.”
“I know. I know how difficult this is for you.”
Audrey sat up a little straighter at the head of her bed. “So much has changed since all this began. The resistance. Daniel. Friedrich, and…” She thought of the way he had looked at Ilse, felt a fresh wave of despair.
“I’m sorry, Audrey,” Ilse said. “That I don’t… that I can’t…” She shrugged, unable to give voice to Audrey’s greatest, impossible wish. “It’s not who I am. You’re the sister I never had. It’s different for me, I suppose.”
“You were always the sister I never had, too,” Audrey said, as her chin quivered. “And then… I don’t know. I don’t know what happened.” She didn’t want to feel this for Ilse anymore. She wanted to go back to the way it was before, the simplicity and comfort of it. This was too confusing, too complicated and painful. Illegal. She couldn’t explain, even to herself, why her feelings had deepened in the way they had.
But they had.
“I can’t ever give you what you want,” Ilse whispered.
The truth of it ripped through Audrey’s chest, fraying the edges of her heart like torn linen. “Because of Friedrich?” she asked.
Ilse hesitated. “It’s not only because of him. I thought maybe… it doesn’t matter now, anyway. I’ll be gone. We might never even see each other again. He has a job to do here.”
“And so do I. There’s a new purpose for me here,” Audrey said. “We can try to stop it, stop him—Hitler. I’ve been making progress with Weber. I’d like to see it through. And in a way…” She exhaled. “It might be easier for me, knowing you’re safe at a distance. I won’t need to worry about what could happen to you if we’re found out.”
The silver pendant resting on Ilse’s bare collarbone glittered in the moonlight. She hadn’t taken Ruth’s necklace off once, not even to bathe, not even when Daniel’s curious fingers snatched at it.
Audrey thought of Ruth and Ephraim, what their fates likely were, of the hope Ilse still harboured for their return.
“And if your mother and Ephraim come back, I’ll be here to greet them, to explain. They would have no reason to trust Friedrich’s word alone, would they?”
Ilse nodded, mopping her jaw. “And you could always come join me, right?”
“Sure I could.” But she knew that, for one reason or another, she probably wouldn’t.
Ilse crawled to the head of the bed and they held each other for a long while, both sniffling. Audrey closed her eyes and breathed Ilse in, committing the moment to memory.
When they broke apart, Ilse padded to the door. “Will you come with us though, to drop off me and Daniel?”
Audrey forced a smile, willing Ilse to leave so that she could submit to the emotional storm she’d been fending off since Ludwig threw his glass into the fire.
“I would do anything for you, Ilse.”