Epilogue

It had been two weeks since Deborah’s suicide attempt. The hospital had suggested, and the courts and children’s services had ordered, that Deborah seek counseling as well as attend anger management classes. She’d hoped that when Lynox refused to be a state witness, her domestic violence case would be dismissed. It wasn’t, not completely, anyway. She ended up being charged with battery. She didn’t have to serve jail time, but she did receive one year’s probation and one hundred hours of community service, and she had to pay court and attorneys’ fees.

Realizing that it was more convenient for Deborah to stay at the Laroques’ than for Lynox and the kids to remain there, she and Lynox switched up. Lynox and the boys returned home. Both Ms. Lucas and the Perkins pitched in to help Lynox care for the boys.

Deborah now stood in the bathroom mirror, getting prepared for her first visit with Dr. Vanderdale since being released from the hospital. As she stood there, with lipstick, foundation, blush, mascara, eyeliner, and lip liner at her fingertips, she couldn’t help thinking about the question she’d posed to Dr. Vanderdale during her only visit with him. “I can’t help but wonder if I’m looking crazy right in the eyes,” she said aloud. What was the definition of crazy? What did crazy feel like? Could some of the feelings Deborah had experienced be categorize as crazy? Crazy couldn’t just be let go to run free. Crazy needed to be treated.

Well, she was about to find out officially if she was crazy or not. And this time she wouldn’t jump up and exit the courtroom without getting the verdict.

Deborah finished getting herself together, and an hour later she was thirty-five minutes into her session with Dr. Vanderdale. In speaking with Dr. Vanderdale, Deborah learned that Klarke’s layman’s assessment about her had been right. More than likely, postpartum depression had triggered Deborah’s mental condition.

“You should have talked to someone, Deborah,” Dr. Vanderdale said. “Told someone what was going on with you.”

Deborah sighed. “I’ve always told Tyson that what goes on in our home stays in our home, that it’s nobody’s business. I guess I followed that same rule for whatever was going on in my head.”

“Yeah,” Dr. Vanderdale said, “I hear that a lot, and there is nothing worse you can tell a child to stifle his or her voice. Do you know how many children are molested and/or abused right there in their own home and don’t tell because that’s been embedded in their brains?”

“I never thought about that,” Deborah said.

“Most people don’t. My take on it is that if there is something going on in the home, you know, adult business, that you don’t want children to tell anyone about, then don’t do it or say it in front of them. I believe that a lot of parents tell their children to keep silent because it makes them less accountable for the things they do in the home. Knowing that your children are watching and could tell someone makes adults more accountable, so it verges on cowardice to ask children to obey such a rule. Like I said, telling a child that can really be detrimental in some cases.”

“In other words, we should act like our children are Jesus and not do anything in front of them that we wouldn’t do in front of Him?”

Dr. Vanderdale laughed. “Um, not quite, but I love the analogy.” Dr. Vanderdale tapped his pen against his tablet. “So how are things going? Have you been back to church?” Dr. Vanderdale recalled Deborah telling him how Sundays had been hard for her mentally.

“Sundays always have been and still are sort of the worst days for me and my depression,” Deborah admitted. “I’m glad to be back on my happy pills, but I still have my moments. With Sundays being my day of Sabbath, for some reason, all my demons like to show their faces. Depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, even suicide. On occasion I still feel like death is easier than fighting.”

“But you know that’s not true, don’t you?”

“I know it, but the voices in my head won’t let up on trying to convince me otherwise.”

Dr. Vanderdale took some notes.

“For a while I had mastered hiding things from both my family and my church family. To the outside world, I appeared to be so well put together.” She chuckled. “Especially on Sundays. I had considered myself to be nothing more than a Sunday only Christian. The other six days were pure hell.”

“Well, you know what, Deborah?” Dr. Vanderdale said. “I’m glad you’re back and willing to do the work.”

“Me too,” Deborah said. “God gave me another chance at life. I can’t let Him down. I can’t let Lynox down, and I can’t let my children down. But more importantly, I can’t let me down.”

“Amen to that,” Dr. Vanderdale said, giving Deborah a high five.

***

The following Sunday, Deborah enjoyed her time in the Lord at New Day Temple of Faith. After Dr. Vanderdale and the counselor who worked on behalf of children’s services filed reports, Deborah was approved to attend church with Lynox and the children. Deborah didn’t even take the boys to children’s church. The family that prayed together stayed together, so she insisted that they all stay together in order to pray together in the sanctuary. Lynox had no problem with that. He loved every moment he could get with his family under one roof, unsupervised.

After service, Deborah kissed Lynox and the children good-bye and watched them head out of the sanctuary. She stayed behind for the counseling session she had scheduled with Pastor Margie. No longer was Deborah’s motto “What goes on in my home stays in my home.” She had to begin to look at this thing from a spiritual standpoint. Her home was her body, the Lord’s temple. Whatever was going on in her body and mind, she was going to share it. For now, she felt the people she had been assigned to share things with were Dr. Vanderdale, her pastor, her counselor, and, of course, Mother Doreen, who was also now her prayer partner and who held her accountable for walking in her healing and deliverance.

As Deborah stood in the sanctuary, waiting for Pastor Margie to finish up greeting folks, she saw someone. She felt led in her spirit to go over and say a word to him. By the time Deborah headed his way, someone else had already stopped to greet him. Deborah waited patiently off to the side until they were finished conversing.

“Sister Deborah. God bless you,” Elder Ross said, then shook Deborah’s hand.

“Hi, Elder Ross,” Deborah said, placing her other hand on top of Elder Ross’s. She looked him in the eyes. “I just wanted to say something to you before I left church today.”

“Oh?” Elder Ross said, wondering what Deborah could possibly have to say.

Deborah stared the older gentleman in the eyes and said, “Sometimes it does take all that.” Deborah gave him a hug before walking away . She figured Elder Ross was standing back there with a puzzled look on his face, but that was all right. It really wasn’t about him understanding. It was about her finally getting it.

Sometimes healing and deliverance were more than just knowing God had done it for a person. They entailed a person doing it for themselves and taking all the necessary steps to walk in that healing. Deborah looked up at the beautiful sky, the sun shining down brightly. “I got it, God. I finally got it.”

It wasn’t going to be easy, but Deborah was willing to put in the work, rather than trying to rush things and looking for an easy fix. Even though God could perform a miracle in the blink of an eye, she didn’t expect hers to happen overnight. She’d take it one Sunday at a time.

Reader Discussion Questions

1) Do you feel the author did a good job of putting the reader inside Deborah’s head to experience her thoughts, feelings, and emotions?

2) Can you relate to Deborah feeling overwhelmed in life?

3) Deborah had reservations about befriending Klarke because Klarke wasn’t a practicing Christian who attended church regularly. How do you feel about that?

4) Klarke wasn’t into church and introduced Deborah to drugs. Would you advise Deborah to break her ties with Klarke? Support your answer.

5) Reo was equally yoked with his wife, Klarke. Would you give Lynox the same advice about befriending Reo as you would Deborah when it comes to Klarke?

6) Do you believe Deborah should have gone to jail for hitting Lynox? Do you think Lynox should have gone to jail, even though the injury Deborah sustained at his hands was an accident? Support your response.

7) How do you feel about Ms. Folins removing the children from the home?

8) Did Lynox do the right thing when he left Deborah in order to keep the children out of the children’s services system?

9) What is your opinion of what Dr. Vanderdale had to say about teaching children that what goes on in the home stays in the home?

10) How do you feel about an act of suicide being attempted in a Christian fiction book?

11) Reo and Klarke are characters from the secular novels The Root of All Evil and When Souls Mate, which E. N. Joy wrote under the name Joylynn M. Jossel before she became a Christian fiction author. Would you like to see their story continued? E-mail the author at enjoywrites@aol.com to tell her why or why not.

Joylynn M. Ross is now writing as

BLESSEDselling author E. N. Joy (Everybody Needs Joy)

BLESSEDselling Author E. N. Joy is the author behind the “New Day Divas,” “Still Divas,” “Always Divas” and “Forever Divas" series, all which have been coined “Soap Operas in Print.” She is an Essence Magazine Bestselling Author who wrote secular books under the names Joylynn M. Jossel and JOY. Her title, If I Ruled the World, earned her a book blurb from Grammy Award Winning Artist, Erykah Badu. An All Night Man, an anthology she penned with New York Times Bestselling Author Brenda Jackson, earned the Borders bestselling African American romance award. Her Urban Fiction title, Dollar Bill (Triple Crown Publications), appeared in Newsweek and has been translated to Japanese.

After thirteen years of being a paralegal in the insurance industry, E. N. Joy divorced her career and married her mistress and her passion; writing. In 2000, she formed her own publishing company where she published her books until landing a book deal with St. Martin's Press. This award winning author has been sharing her literary expertise on conference panels in her home town of Columbus, Ohio as well as cities across the country. She also conducts publishing/writing workshops for aspiring writers.

Her children’s book titled The Secret Olivia Told Me, written under the name N. Joy, received a Coretta Scott King Honor from the American Library Association. The book was also acquired by Scholastic Books and has sold almost 100,000 copies. Elementary and middle school children have fallen in love with reading and creative writing as a result of the readings and workshops E. N. Joy instructs in schools nationwide.

In addition, she is the artistic developer for a young girl group named DJHK Gurls. She pens original songs, drama skits and monologues for the group that deal with messages that affect today’s youth, such as bullying.

After being the first content development editor for Triple Crown Publications and ten years as the acquisitions editor for Carl Weber's Urban Christian imprint, E. N. Joy now does freelance editing, ghostwriting, write-behinds and literary consulting. Her clients have included New York Times Bestselling authors, entertainers, aspiring authors, as well as first-time authors. Some notable literary consulting clients include actor Christian Keyes, singer Olivia Longott and Reality Television star Shereé M. Whitfield.

You can visit BLESSEDselling Author E. N. Joy at www.enjoywrites.com or email her at enjoywrites@aol.com.

 

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