I DON’T KNOW why I’m here.
I don’t know why I baited Inan to jump in.
I don’t know why something in me flutters each time he swims near.
This is temporary, I remind myself. This isn’t even real. When this is over, Inan won’t be wearing kaftans. He won’t be welcoming me into the dreamscape.
I try to picture the feral warrior I know, the little prince who came at me with his sword. But instead, I see the blade that freed me from the masks’ net. I see him standing up to Kwame’s flames.
He has a good heart. Amari’s words from so long ago play inside my head. I thought she was in denial. But did she see the parts of him I couldn’t?
“Zélie, I would never hurt you.” He shakes his head and grimaces. “Not after all I’ve seen.”
When he lifts his eyes to mine, the truth leaks through. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before. The guilt and pity he’s been carrying … Gods.
He must’ve seen everything.
“I thought my father didn’t have a choice. I was always taught that he did what he did to keep Orïsha safe. But after seeing your memories…” His voice trails off. “No child should have to live through that.”
I turn back to the ripples in the lake, not knowing what to say. To feel. He’s seen the worst parts of me. Parts I never thought I could share.
“My father was wrong.” Inan speaks so quietly the waterfall nearly drowns him out. “Maybe I should have realized it earlier, but the only thing I can do now is try to make those wrongs right.”
Don’t believe him, I warn myself. He’s living in a fantasy, a dream. But with each promise he makes, my heart swells, secretly hoping even one of them holds truth. When Inan looks up at me, I see a hint of the optimism that’s always shining in Amari’s eyes. Despite everything, he’s determined to do this.
He really wants Orïsha to change.
If Sky Mother brought the scroll to you through a descendant of Saran’s blood, her will is clear. Lekan’s words echo through my head as I stare at Inan, entranced by his strong jaw, the stubble lining his chin. If one descendant of Saran’s blood is supposed to help me, could the gods want Inan to rule and change the guard? Is that what we’re doing here? Why they gifted him this magic?
Inan floats closer and my heartbeat spikes. I should swim away. But I stay still, cemented in place.
“I don’t want anyone else to die,” he whispers. “I can’t take any more blood on my family’s hands.”
Pretty lies. That’s all this is. But if they’re just pretty lies, why can’t I swim away?
My gods, is he even wearing clothes? My eyes comb over his broad chest, the curves of each muscle. But before I catch sight of anything under the water, I jerk my eyes up. What in Sky Mother’s name am I doing?
I force myself to swim through the waterfall until my back rests against the cliff’s edge. This is absurd. Why did I let him bring me here?
I hope the pounding water will keep Inan on the other side, but within moments, he swims through the cascading water to join me.
Go. I order my legs to kick, but I’m ensnared by the soft smile on his lips.
“Do you want me to leave?”
Yes.
That’s what I need to say. But the closer he swims, the more something in me wants him to stay. He pauses before he’s too close, forcing me to respond.
Do I want him to go?
Though my heart slams against my chest, I know the answer.
“No.”
His smile fades and his gaze grows soft, a look I haven’t seen on his face before. When others look at me this way, I want to claw their eyes out. Yet somehow, under Inan’s gaze, I want more.
“Can I…” His voice trails off and his cheeks flush, unable to voice his desire. But he doesn’t need words. Not when an undeniable part of me wants the same thing.
I nod and he raises a shaking hand, brushing it against my cheek. I close my eyes, taken away by the rush of his simple touch. It burns through my chest, rages down my spine. His hand slides past my cheek and into my hair, his fingers tickling my scalp.
Gods …
If a guard ever saw this, I’d be killed on the spot. Even as a prince, Inan could be thrown in jail.
But despite the rules of our world, Inan’s other hand pulls me close, inviting me to let go. I close my eyes and lean in, closer to the little prince than I should ever be.
His lips graze mine—
“Zélie!”
* * *
WITH A LURCH, MY body jumps back into the real world.
My eyes snap open just as Tzain rips Inan away. He lifts him by the collar of his kaftan and throws him to the ground.
“Tzain, stop!” I scramble up, forcing my way between them.
“Stay away from my sister!”
“I should leave.” Inan looks at me for a moment before backing away into the trees. He grips the bronze piece tight in his hands. “I’ll be back at the camp.”
“What’s wrong with you?” I shout as soon as Inan is out of earshot.
“Wrong with me?” Tzain roars. “Gods, Zél, what the hell are you doing out here? I thought you could be hurt!”
“I was trying to help him. He doesn’t know how to control his magic. It causes him pain—”
“For gods’ sakes, he’s the enemy. If he’s in pain, that’s better for us!”
“Tzain, I know it’s hard to believe, but he wants to fix Orïsha. He’s trying to make it safe for all the maji.”
“Is he brainwashing you?” Tzain shakes his head. “Is this his magic? You’re a lot of things, Zél, but I know you’re not this naive.”
“You don’t get it.” I look away. “You’ve never had to. You get to be the perfect kosidán everyone loves. Every day I have to be afraid.”
Tzain steps back as if I’ve struck him. “You think I don’t know what it’s like to wake up every day and worry it’s going to be your last?”
“Then give Inan a chance! Amari is only a princess. When magic comes back, she’s not first in line. If I can convince the crown prince, we’ll have the future king of Orïsha on our side!”
“If you could hear the dung you’re spewing.” Tzain pulls at his hair. “He doesn’t care about you, Zél. He just wants to get in between your legs!”
My face burns. Hurt twists with shame. This isn’t Tzain. This isn’t the brother I love.
“He’s the son of the man who murdered Mama, for gods’ sakes. How desperate do you have to be?”
“You pine after Amari!” I scream. “How does that make you any better?”
“Because she’s not a killer!” Tzain yells back. She didn’t burn our village to the ground!”
The air around me hums. My heart pounds against my chest as Tzain’s tirade continues. His words cut deep, sharper than any attack I’ve faced before.
“What would Baba say?”
“Leave Baba out of this—”
“Or Mama?”
“Shut up!” I shout back. The hum in the air rises to a fiery buzz. The darkest part of my rage simmers, though I try to fight it down.
“Gods, if she only knew she died so that you could be the prince’s whore—”
Magic rushes out of me, hot and violent, raging without the direction of an incantation. Like a spear, a shadow twists from my arm, striking with the fury of the dead.
It all happens in a flash. Tzain shouts. I stumble back.
When it’s over, he grabs his shoulder.
Blood leaks from under his grip.
I stare at my trembling hands, at the wispy shadows of death that twist around them. After a moment they fade.
But the damage remains.
“Tzain…” I shake my head; tears spill from my eyes. “I didn’t mean to. I promise. I wasn’t trying to!”
Tzain stares at me like he doesn’t know who I am. Like I’m a betrayal to everything we have.
“Tzain—”
He blows by me, face hard. Unforgiving.
I choke back a sob as I fall to the ground.