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Stone had never seen anyone so terrified in all his life, and he didn’t think the rapid had everything to do with Loren’s fear. Someone had ripped the poor guy up, stomped on him, then spit in his face for good measure. From the little cut above his upper lip, Stone got the feeling someone had literally slapped him. A punch would have left a bruise but a well-placed slap would leave a skin tear like that.
“Thanks.” Loren handed him the tube of sunscreen.
“You’re welcome.” Stone tossed it into his ammo can. “If you need more, don’t be afraid to ask.”
“Okay.” But he wouldn’t ask for help. That was part of being abused. Loren would just try to keep his head down and stay out of everyone’s way.
Loren pulled his life jacket back on then returned to the front of the boat.
Stone lifted the oars, spread them out, then got back into the main current of the river. He kept his focus on making smooth, even strokes. He wanted to power hard and dig deep to free the rage he felt inside, but that would frighten Loren. Come hell or high water, he wouldn’t add to his already heavy burden.
New and old bruises on Loren’s chest and back indicated long-term abuse. Some fucking waste of space had pounded on him. Given the size of the marks, the guy probably had outweighed him by fifty pounds or more. Real easy to turn a smaller guy into a punching bag. Too easy.
Stone deliberately took deep breaths and kept rowing at an easy pace. He could feel the anger yet not express it. But if he ever met the man who’d done that Loren, he’d make sure that asshole never touched another guy as long as he lived.
“Can I ask you something?” Loren rose then turned around, balancing on his knees so he could look at Stone over the top of the kitchen gear in the boat.
“Of course.”
“Why ammo cans?”
“You mean why do we use so many ammo cans on the river?”
“Yeah.” Loren pulled back. “You don’t have to tell me. Stupid question.”
“It’s not, actually.” Stone kept right on rowing, smooth and easy. “Most people don’t even notice.”
“Really?”
“Really.” Stone smiled. “We use ammo cans for a couple of reasons. They’re cheap, they’re waterproof, and they are rugged as hell.”
“Rugged?”
“They get banged around a lot. They might get scuffed up or even dented, but they’ll still keep out water.” Stone had almost said they take a beating and keeping on going, but that came a little too close to describing Loren himself.
“I never would have guessed.” Loren nodded.
“We did get some newfangled river boxes for the kitchen stuff, but”—Stone glanced around as if to ensure they were alone—“I don’t like them nearly as much as my old rocket boxes.”
“Rocket boxes?”
“They once carried antitank grenade rockets.”
“Oh, right. Ammo cans. Duh. I should have figured that out.”
“Why?” Stone asked. “All this is new to you. You’ve never been on a river trip, have you?”
“No.”
“Then don’t put yourself down for not knowing something.” Someone had trained Loren to be his own bully, which angered Stone even more. “I’ll bet I don’t know anything about what you do.”
“Accounting?”
“You mean numbers?” Stone made an exaggerated face of horror, earning himself a chuckle from Loren. “I’ll take grunt work over brain work every time.”
“And I’ll take brain work over grunt work any day.” Loren darted his gaze away then back. “You’re really nice.”
“So are you.”
Loren seemed on the verge of saying something else but changed his mind.
Sensing that he would turn around and sit down, Stone asked, “Tell me, how did you end up on this trip?”
Loren ducked his head and turned away.
“You know why I came?” Stone asked before Loren could sink down into his seat.
“No.” Loren lifted his head just enough to look out from under the brim. “Why?”
“Because there’s nothing in the world I love more than cooking for people.”
Loren lifted his head and his eyes went wide. “You’re the cook?”
“I am.”
“Really?” Loren wasn’t the first and he sure as hell wouldn’t be the last to doubt Stone’s chosen profession.
“What surprises you about that?” Stone asked.
“Well, just, you know.”
“I have no idea.”
“You’re so big and...everything.” Loren’s voice trailed off while his gaze darted from Stone’s tattoo riddled arms then down to his cargo shorts.
“So it’s a size thing?” Stone grinned as he kept on rowing. “Only short people can cook?”
“What?” Loren yanked his gaze back to Stone’s face. “No, I mean—God, I’m so stupid.”
Damn. Stone wouldn’t have made a joke if he’d known Loren was that sensitive. Even the most casual crack came across like cruelty to someone just coming out of an abusive relationship. Or, at least, Stone hoped Loren was coming out of it. He’d hate to think of him going back to that flaming asshole. If nothing else, by the end of the trip, Stone hoped he could help teach Loren to stand up for himself. Softly, Stone asked, “Didn’t I tell you not to do that?”
“Do what?”
“Stop putting yourself down.”
“Sorry.” Loren’s voice turned shaky. “You did tell me that and I forgot. I’m really sorry.”
Oh, bad to worse. Excessive apologizing indicated he’d been hooked up with a massive flaming asshole. Keeping his voice on that low, soft register, Stone said, “You got nothing to be sorry for.”
Loren considered him for a long time, head tilted, brow knit with confusion. Several times, he opened his mouth to say something, changed his mind, then sat there, looking at Stone as if he’d never seen anything like him. After a long time, Loren finally asked, “Will you tell me why you like cooking?”
“Sure. But I don’t like it.”
“No?”
“I love it.”
“Right.” Loren smiled and nodded, laughing softly. “That’s what you said.” Relaxing a little, Loren crossed his arms and rested his head on them. With a spattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose, he reminded Stone of a water sprite trying to pass for a human. “Why do you love cooking for people?”
“I think creating good food is one of the best ways to show people just how much you care about them.” Stone spun the boat around so he faced downriver. He checked on the other boats, made sure he stayed in the current, then turned the boat back around.
“That’s nice.”
“I think so.” Stone met Loren’s gaze. “Do you cook?”
“Not really. I mean I can make eggs and a few things, but mostly I eat out.”
“Where do you live?”
“Denver.”
“Some great restaurants up there.”
“You’ve been to Denver?”
“Sure. Great hub for horse riding in the fall, skiing in the winter, and rafting on the Colorado River during the summer.”
“I thought this was the Colorado River?”
“It is. It runs through five different states.”
“Oh.”
“I’ve run almost the whole length.”
“Why not the whole thing?”
“There are places you can’t run it. It’s too rocky and then toward the end, it doesn’t have enough water.”
“What happened to the water?”
“Gets used up by all the people before it can reach the Gulf of California.”
“That seems wrong somehow.”
“It is.” Stone checked the current, adjusted the boat, then picked up the thread of conversation. “Just don’t say anything about it around Hennessey.”
“Why not?” Loren leaned in, keen to understand.
“He’ll go on a rant about water rights that will make you regret having ears.”
Loren laughed again, stronger this time.
“You’ve got a great laugh.” Stone would like to hear a lot more of it.
“I do?”
“You do.”
“You have a really nice smile.” Loren ducked his head but only for a second.
“Thank you.”
“When I first saw you, I thought you’d be really mean.”
“People often think that.” Stone couldn’t do much about people’s snap judgments. “Sad thing is, very few take the time to get to know me.”
“I want to get to know you.”
“Good.” Stone grinned. “I want to get to know you too.”
“Not much to know about me.”
“Oh, I don’t believe that.”
“I’ve never done anything like this, and it sounds like this is what you do all the time.”
“It’s my job.” Stone settled the oars in the boat then dunked his hat in the water, shook off the excess, and put it back on his head.
“Why are you doing that?”
“To keep cool.”
Loren dunked his hat too. “Yeah. That works.”
“Don’t you have any sunglasses?”
“They’re in the ammo can on the paddle boat.”
“I could zip over and get them.”
“No. Don’t do that.” Loren seemed panicked by the mere idea. “I’m okay. I’d rather just wait.”
“Okay.” Stone got the feeling Loren wasn’t quite ready to see the other guys just yet. “If you change your mind, let me know.”
“I...will.” Loren didn’t sound too sure, but that was okay. “What is that in the river down there?”
Stone glanced over his shoulder. “Ten Mile Rock.” A large chunk of sandstone stuck up out of the middle of the river.
“We’ve come ten miles already?” Loren shook his head. “I never would have guessed.”
“Time has a tendency to get a little blurry out here.”
“I guess so.” Loren frowned. “How did that rock get there like that?”
Stone could have told him a tall tale but decided not to. “There’s a lot of speculation, but the only thing geologists agree on is it got there by natural forces.”
“It looks like some god just tossed it in there.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“How many times have you been on this part of the river?”
“Oh, well, now. I told you I’m not good with numbers.” Stone grinned and Loren grinned back. “But I’d have to guess thirty times.”
“That’s a lot.” Loren tilted his head. “You probably know it like the back of your hand.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” Stone adjusted the path of the boat. “No one can ever really know the Colorado. It changes constantly.”
“It does? How?” Loren looked away then back. “Am I asking too many questions?”
“Not at all. I like that you’re curious.” And hopefully, later on, Loren would be trusting enough to answer some of Stone’s questions. “Most people like to talk about themselves.”
“I don’t.”
“Why’s that?”
“I just...don’t.”
Knowing he’d lose him if he didn’t change the subject, Stone said, “What usually changes the river is water.”
“Water is what it is, though.”
“Sure. But think about—look.” Stone pointed to one of the many side canyons off the main one. “Think of all the little streams and creeks that run down into the river.”
“Okay.”
“Imagine a big thunderstorm that dumps a lot of water all at once.”
“Okay.”
“Can you see all that water rushing down those streams, gathering strength, then pouring into the river?”
“That would be a lot of water power.”
“Exactly. With enough water, it can dump boulders into the river and create a rapid where there never was one before.”
“I guess it keeps you on your toes.”
“Absolutely.”
“But the main flow stays pretty consistent because of the Glen Canyon Dam, right?”
“Someone read their information package.”
Loren laughed. “It’s the accountant in me. I can’t let anything go unread.”
“That’s good to know.” Stone checked to make sure he stayed in the current. “But consistent means anywhere between eight thousand to twenty-five thousand CFS.”
“CFS?”
“Cubic feet per second.”
Loren’s brows rose. “That sounds like a pretty big difference.”
“It can really change the dynamics of a rapid. That’s why, no matter how many times I’ve run this river, I always take the time to scope out the rapids.” Stone laughed suddenly. “Actually, since I’m always rowing the kitchen boat, I let the other boats go through the rapids first. That tells me all I need to know.”
“Is that how you knew I freaked out, because you were watching us?” Loren ducked his head again and then looked up from his lowered face.
Actually, Stone had smelled Loren’s fear despite being far behind both boats. Nature always heightened his wolf senses even when he wore his human body. When he’d smelled Loren at the parking lot, he’d sensed something, but he’d pushed it aside when he found out Jon had scented a mate. He thought that might have been what he’d picked up on, but Loren’s terror after the first big rapid had struck a primitive part of Stone’s brain. He felt an instinct to protect Loren at all costs.
“I was watching you.”
“You were?” Loren’s head came up a little. “Why?”
“You interest me.”
Confusion and then pain twisted Loren’s features. Without a word, he turned around and settled into his seat.
Stone kept on rowing, slow and steady, while he pondered Loren’s reaction. Ultimately, he settled on the possibility that Loren simply didn’t believe him. If someone had beaten him down, Loren wouldn’t think anyone would ever find him interesting.
“I was trying to figure out why a man who wears Aventus cologne would be taking a twenty-one-day river trip.”
Loren straightened. After a long moment, he turned around and faced Stone again. “You recognized my cologne?”
“It’s my one weakness.”
“Cologne?” Loren couldn’t have sounded more doubtful if he tried.
“You don’t believe me?”
“I’m just, well, I’m surprised.”
“I spend a lot of time smelling like sweat, dirt, and just about everything in the great outdoors, which I don’t mind at all, trust me, it’s just when I do spend time in civilization, I like to wear cologne. Aventus is one of my favorites.”
“I’ll bet it smells great on you.”
“I think it smells better on you.” Even now, Stone caught whiffs of the scent, but it was better now because he could smell more of Loren’s true scent. He still caught a bit of his terror from the rapid, but that stench had faded a lot.
“Why did you get upset when I said that you interest me?” For a moment, Stone thought Loren would turn right back around, but he stayed there, thinking.
“I didn’t believe you.” Loren couldn’t meet Stone’s eyes. “That you found me interesting. I’m about as interesting as oatmeal.”
“Are you dissing oatmeal?” Stone wanted to pour on the praise, but he knew Loren wouldn’t believe him. Instead, he thought he’d try a different way to get through to him. “I’ll have you know that oatmeal, besides being a healthy food, is one of the most interesting grains on the market today.”
“It is not.” But Loren’s doubtful expression eased.
“I’m telling you, it is.”
“How so?” Loren settled back on his knees, with his head resting on his crossed arms.
“Oatmeal can be sweet or savory. You can tart it up with sugar, fruit, and spices, or you can make it pack a protein punch by adding some eggs and cheese.”
“Eggs and cheese in oatmeal?” Skepticism lifted one of Loren’s brows.
“It’s very good. Trust me. Especially with just a healthy pinch of sea salt.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I’m not. I personally know how to make oatmeal in over thirty different ways.”
“Are you serious?”
“Very.”
“I know how to make eggs in three ways.”
“Name them.”
“Scrambled, fried, and poached.”
“I’m impressed.”
“I think you’re just being nice.”
“I think you deserve that.”
Loren pulled back a bit, but he didn’t completely fold in on himself. Stone felt like a man trying to get a terrified puppy to come eat the treat out of his hand.
“I also think that you are going to be my permanent kitchen helper.”
“Me?”
“Sure. You already know more about food than anyone else on this trip.”
“I can’t believe that.”
“Trust me, I’ve been doing adventures with most of these guys for over eight years. They know how to make cold cereal, sandwiches, and pop tarts.” Stone lowered his voice to a stage whisper. “And we do not have a toaster.”
Loren laughed then bit his bottom lip.
That gesture was practically Stone’s undoing. Loren’s sweet disposition, his longing to be accepted, mixed with an earthy sensuality hidden just below the surface brought to life everything Stone had ever wanted in a partner. He’d known it would happen someday, he’d just never imagined it would happen like this.
“Are you sure?” Loren asked.
“I’m positive.” And nothing would build up Loren’s self-esteem like doing a great job and getting high praise from the other guys on the trip.
“What if I mess up?”
“You won’t.”
“I mess up a lot.”
“Are you good at following directions?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you’ll be fine.”
“But what if I make a mistake?”
Stone tucked the oars into the boat. He took off his sunglasses so that Loren could see his eyes directly.
Loren leaned back a little, his innate fear still controlling him, but he didn’t flinch or tuck himself away.
“If you make a mistake, I’ll show you why what you did won’t work then show you the right way to do it.”
“You won’t get mad at me?”
“No.”
“I don’t—I don’t believe you.” Loren lifted his chin, feeling safe enough to challenge him.
“I understand that.”
“You do?” Loren didn’t seem to believe that either.
“You don’t really know me. Just like I don’t really know you. We’re going to have to learn about each other while we work together.”
Loren considered.
“I think it’s the best way to get to know someone. Working together.”
Loren cast his attention to the canyon wall as he considered. “Do you trust all the men on this trip?”
“Those I’ve worked with, yes.” Stone turned the boat to get his first look at Soap Creek Rapid. “I trust them with my life.”
Wistfulness altered not only Loren’s features but also his scent.
“Having people to rely on, completely and utterly rely on, is one of the best feelings in the world.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
Were it not for his enhanced hearing, the distant roar of the rapid would have drowned out Loren’s heartbreaking confession.
“Can you trust me just a little?” Stone asked.
“I...”
Stone waited, hoping Loren remembered the kindness he’d shown him.
“I can try.”
“Good. We’ll start with a little and build more while we cook together.” Stone struggled to keep his mind on food when it wanted to go right to other things they could do together to build trust. But that would come later. Much later. When Loren not only felt safe with him but knew he could trust Stone completely.