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Loren had almost said no, that he could never trust Stone, or any other man, not after Duane, but the truth was he had trusted Stone. He’d come onto his boat, taken his shirt, and felt safer than he had at almost any other time in his life. And it scared him. Every time he’d trusted someone, he’d gotten hurt. Badly. Loren honestly didn’t think he could take it one more time.
“You hungry?” Stone asked.
“No.” Loren’s stomach felt much better, but he knew if he ate right now he’d probably get sick. “But thank you.”
“Sure.” Stone smiled and pushed his sunglasses back up. Not that it mattered. Loren could still see his eyes despite the shades. Kind eyes. Stone seemed genuinely interested, and not just sexually interested. Frankly, he hadn’t said anything that Loren could take as flirting, but he felt a pulsing undercurrent between them. Something that touched a place he’d hidden deep inside himself, the one place he’d never let anyone know about.
A distant roar grew progressively louder.
“Soap Creek Rapid.” Stone swung the boat around, probably so he could watch the other boats as they went through and plan his own route. “It’s not that technical, but you’re going to get wet.”
“I’m okay with that.” Expecting the slapping waves would make it easier for him to be mentally prepared. “Should I take off your shirt?”
“Are you cold?”
“I’m roasting.”
“Then leave it on. It’ll dry quickly and cool you right off.”
“Got it.” Even though he’d read everything in the handout twice, he still felt there were a million and one things he didn’t know. Usually, that would send him into a tailspin of self-doubt and dread, but Duane wasn’t here to fling insults at him. Stone not only answered all his questions, but he didn’t mock him, roll his eyes, or utter an annoyed sigh. If anything, Stone seemed to like sharing what he knew. Duane always held everything over his head. More than anything else, Duane enjoyed feeling superior.
“Should I get situated now?” Loren asked.
“I’ll let you know.” Stone smiled. “We’ve got about ten minutes.”
“Really? It seems so loud now.”
“At this water level, this one’s gonna be like riding a mechanical bull.”
“That doesn’t sound like fun.”
“You ever ridden one?”
“No.” Loren chuckled. “Have you?”
“Sure. Couple of times.”
“You sound like you’ve had an interesting life.”
“I have.” Stone paddled a few times, flexing every muscle in his arms, making Loren’s thoughts turn downright lusty. “What about you?” Stone asked.
“Me?” Loren shook his head. “I told you. I’m oatmeal.”
“And I told you, oatmeal is pretty damn interesting.”
“Maybe to you.”
“Maybe that’s all you need.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You ever had someone believe in you?”
“Not...really...” Loren trailed off, thinking back. He couldn’t remember his parents ever having much faith in him. Couldn’t remember a boyfriend ever feeling that way either, but he’d only had the two. He hardly had any friends, mostly just coworkers who he considered more acquaintances than friends. “My boss believes in me.” Right after he said it, Loren wanted to cringe. How pathetic did that sound?
“That’s good.”
“It is?” Loren had expected to be mocked.
“That your boss thinks highly of you? Yeah. I’d say that’s a good thing.” Stone’s smile had the power to strip away most of Loren’s doubt.
“You’re right. It is.” In fact, before Stone came along, Sondra was the only one who had ever treated Loren like a person. “She’s good at motivating people. She remembers birthdays and the day people started at the company. She’s a great boss.”
“Do you like what you do?”
“I do.” Loren smiled and nodded.
“What’s that grin all about?”
“Just—you’ll think this is weird.”
“I might. Tell me anyway.”
“You won’t tell anyone else?”
“Not unless you give me permission to.”
“Okay.” Loren leaned a little closer. “I like filling out forms.”
“What?”
“That’s why I went into accounting. I fill out forms all day. It’s my favorite thing next to doing crossword puzzles.”
A huge smile spread over Stone’s face, turning him into the most handsome man Loren had ever seen in his life.
“What?” Loren asked.
“I don’t think that’s weird. I think that’s great.” Stone rowed twice then held the oars above the water. “I’m not so much into filling out forms myself. I pretty much cry the whole time I do my taxes, but I’m glad you found a job that you honestly enjoy.”
“I love doing taxes.”
“You are a little weird.” Stone lowered his shades and winked. “But I like weird.”
Was he flirting with him? Loren wasn’t sure. But it felt great to be with a man who wasn’t bullying him.
“I think finding a passion for your work is one of the best things.” Stone checked over his shoulder then adjusted the position of the boat.
“You must love what you do.”
“I can’t imagine doing anything else other than taking people on adventure holidays.”
“Does it—oh, God. Never mind.”
“Ask.”
“I was just about to ask if it paid well, but then I realized how invasive that question is.” Loren usually had the tightest filter on himself, but something about Stone made him drop his guard.
“It’s not. Not really. I imagine a lot of people wonder what a professional adventurer makes.” Stone rowed a few times, changing the angle of the boat as they neared the rapid. “I make enough to have a comfortable life, but I don’t stay home much. I like being out in the wild.”
“It suits you.” Loren didn’t know him well, but he found it far easier to see Stone the way he was right now—shoeless and smiling in the sun—than trapped in a suit and stuck in a stuffy office. “I can’t see you in my world.”
“Why’s that?”
“I think you’d be horribly bored. The only greenery is the potted plants, and most of those are fake, and the only excitement is when there’s a fire drill.”
“Hold that thought.” Stone nodded to the front of the boat. “Time to get settled and hang on.”
Loren turned and settled in his seat, clinging to the straps on either side of him. Watching the rapid get closer and closer heightened his fight or flight response, but knowing Stone controlled the boat tempered his reaction.
Like before in the paddle boat, the waves came from all directions at once, slapping him with water so cold it took his breath away, but he didn’t panic. Despite not being able to do anything other than hang on, Loren felt safe.
Downriver, he saw the other boats turn toward them, watching and waiting. For once, Loren didn’t feel self-conscious. They weren’t watching him, they were making sure Stone came through okay. A small distinction but it mattered. Loren hated being in the spotlight. He’d much rather fade into the background with the rest of the furnishings.
But Stone wasn’t like that. He didn’t seem to be a showboat like Duane, but he wasn’t a wallflower either. Stone seemed...comfortable. Loren couldn’t think of a word that worked better. Interesting and sexy, sure, but there was something comforting about him. Like a big puffy robe or maybe a fluffy teddy bear.
When they came out the other side of the rapid, the other guys hooted and waved then went on downriver, effectively leaving Loren and Stone alone again.
“Did you get soaked?” Stone asked.
“Yeah.” Loren rose and turned toward Stone. “But like you said, it cooled me right off. Maybe a little too much.”
“You can lay on the gear if you want. It’ll help you dry off.”
“You mean up here, where I’ve been resting my arms?”
“Sure. You can even take off your jacket for a few minutes if you want.”
“No, I’ll leave it on.”
“Okay.” Stone paused then asked. “Loren?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you swim?”
“Yeah. Just not very well.”
“Okay. Don’t worry about that. If you fall out, grab the shoulders of your jacket and point your feet downriver. If you can grab onto the boat, do. If you can climb onto the boat, even if it’s upside-down, do.”
“Because of hypothermia.”
Stone nodded. “You read the package more than once, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“I really like that.”
“You do?” Duane always said that Loren being overly prepared made him annoying, mainly because he tried to correct Duane when did things the wrong way. Whenever Duane messed up, he always found a way to blame Loren despite him trying to stop Duane from doing whatever it was in the first place.
“I do.” Stone nodded. “You’re going to make a great cook.”
“How do you know that?”
“You listen and follow directions well. That’s what a recipe is. A set of directions.”
“No forms to fill out, though.”
“Well, you got me there. But if there are any forms, I’m sending them over to you.” Stone turned the boat around while Loren climbed up and sprawled out on top of the gear. “Comfy?”
“It’s a little lumpy, but having the sun warm me up is worth it.”
“Good. Now, where were we? Oh, right. I can do the suit and tie thing, but you’re right. My natural habitat is more like this.”
“Is this your favorite terrain?” Loren stared up into a sky so deeply blue he would have thought it fake if he wasn’t seeing it with his own eyes.
“I enjoy the desert, but my favorite is the mountains.”
“Snow-capped mountains?”
“Is there any other kind?”
Loren’s spirit soared. He’d moved to Denver specifically to get closer to the mountains. He’d even bought a small seasonal cabin last year.
“You’re more of a skier than a river runner?” Loren asked.
“Not really. I just like being surrounded by pine trees, crystal clear streams, and lots of deer.”
“Don’t forget the cozy cabin.” Loren had a flash of Stone splitting firewood all afternoon then coming inside and taking a long, hot shower. After that—he abruptly pulled himself away from that fantasy. He wouldn’t be doing anything like that with Stone or anyone else.
“You’ve got that right.” Stone sighed. “I love the snow the best when I’m inside with a cup of hot coffee and a hotter friend.”
“You mean your boyfriend?”
“Don’t have one.” Stone tilted his head. “How did you know I was gay?”
“I—I assumed. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“Whoa, Loren. Calm down. I am. I just didn’t think you knew.”
“You’ve been flirting with me, haven’t you?” Loren couldn’t believe he’d just been that bold.
“I didn’t think you noticed that either.”
Loren rolled over onto his stomach and peered at Stone. “I wasn’t sure.”
“Let me be perfectly clear.” Stone lowered his shades. “I was flirting with you.”
“Okay.”
“Were you flirting with me?” Stone asked.
“I wasn’t, but I will now.” Of course, Loren needed a crash course in how to flirt with someone. The two boyfriends he’d had both pursued him, not the other way around. Then again, that buzzing line between him and Stone kept sparking something deep inside Loren’s soul, something that wanted to be different from the way he’d always been. For once, he wanted to be the hunter rather than the prey.
“Good. Flirt with me whenever you want.” Stone nodded then his gaze roamed over Loren from the bottom of his feet to the top of his hat-covered head. Loren swore he could feel Stone touching him everywhere he looked. Like a long, slow stroke that caressed not only his skin but that strange something between them, the feeling he couldn’t quite name.
“Did you always want to be a cook?” Loren asked. “Or is that the wrong word?”
“Cook, chef, or chief cook and bottle-washer. The title doesn’t matter to me.” Stone’s gaze washed over him again, making him feel both hot and cold when a shiver went down his spine, making goosebumps along his arms. “I didn’t know until I met Jon, actually.”
“When did you meet him?”
“Decade ago. He—” Stone cut himself off then started over. “Jon helped me when I was down and out. I wanted to do something back for him, but I didn’t know what, and then I saw a cooking show and I thought, hey, that would be a good way to thank him.”
Loren felt something more behind Jon helping Stone, but he didn’t want to pry. He had a lot of his own secrets. He couldn’t ask Stone to share unless he was willing to share his back. And he wasn’t. At least not yet.
“Do you have a title?” Stone asked.
“Not really. I’m just a CPA.”
“A CPA?” Stone scoffed. “You called yourself an accountant.”
“Yeah, so?”
“A CPA is vastly different from an accountant.” Stone shook his head. “Your ex must have really put you through the wringer.”
Loren’s breath hitched hard, hurting his chest. He felt pinned like a bug in a display case, exposed to the curious eyes of anyone passing by. How in the world could Stone have known? Did he give off a scent or something? Loren wanted to return to the front of the boat and hide, but he couldn’t get his frozen limbs to move.
“Fuck.” Stone uttered the profanity like he was dropping a plate on the ground. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”
Loren’s breath returned in a shocking rush. No man had ever apologized to him.
“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like some kind of ambushing psychoanalyst.”
“You didn’t.” Just about the last thing Loren wanted was for Stone to feel bad. “He did put me through the wringer.”
“Is he out of your life?” Stone’s voice had turned deceptively soft, but Loren swore he heard the hope in his words along with lashed-down anger.
“He is.”
“I’m glad.” Stone dug the oars into the water. “You deserve someone who treats you with kindness.”
“I...” Loren didn’t know what to say. He’d never met anyone like Stone. Probably never would again. If he did nothing else, he vowed to enjoy the next twenty days. He would do anything and everything to get to know Stone better. And maybe, just maybe, have something beyond this brief interlude. Of course, he couldn’t say that. He’d only just met the man. But that tugging, that power, that indefinable thing between them kept right on drawing him closer.
“How did you end up on this trip?” Stone asked.
Loren found himself unable to speak. How could this mountain of a man be so kind, so solicitous?
“If I tell you a secret, maybe you’ll tell me one?” Stone took off his sunglasses and tucked them into a mesh pocket on his life jacket. “I’ll tell you my first name.”
“You mean Stone isn’t your name?”
“It’s my last name.”
A name in exchange for a reason? It’s seemed fair to Loren. “Okay.”
“Before I do, I need you to promise me you won’t tell anyone else.”
“You mean the guys you work with don’t know your first name?” Loren found that hard to believe.
“Jon knows. He’s the only one who knows. Well, other than you, if you want to take the deal.”
Loren had a million questions about why Stone hadn’t told the others, but something in his eyes convinced him Stone had his reasons. “Okay. Deal.” Loren hadn’t wanted to tell anyone how he’d ended up here, but his heart told him he could trust Stone. He could quite literally trust him with his life.
“Valentine.”
“Your name is Valentine Stone?”
“Believe it or not.”
“I can believe it.” Loren considered. “Were you born on Valentine's Day?”
“Yep.” Stone smiled wanly. “Okay, your turn.”
“My story is a little longer.”
“We’ve got some time before the next rapid.” Stone rowed gently, keeping his gaze locked on Loren.
“My ex stole my credit card from my wallet and booked the trip.”
“What a fucking asshole.”
“That’s pretty much what I said when I saw the five grand charge. But that’s not all he did. He bought himself a couple of grand worth of gear too.” Loren had held the printout of the charges in his hand while sitting in his office, staring, not believing his eyes, for almost a full ten minutes. “I had put up with so much...” Loren struggled to find the word and even though he rarely swore, he felt Duane’s abuse called for vile terms. “I had put up with so much shit from him. So many lies, and—” Loren cut himself off with a bitter sigh. “I tried to cancel the trip, but I didn’t find out until seven days before the date of the trip.”
“You should have called us. We would have worked with you.”
“That’s kind, but it’s done now.”
“I’m glad you came.”
“Me too.” Loren hadn’t been just a few hours ago, but he was now.
“What did you do with your ex?”
“I confronted him. Eventually.” Loren had struggled with what to do for three days before he’d taken action. “He laughed in my face. He said I couldn’t cancel it. That there wasn’t anything I could do.”
“Fucker.”
“Yeah.” Loren barked a harsh laugh. “I was so angry. But he just sat there, all smug and snotty, laughing at me.” Loren left out the insults Duane had thrown at him. He didn’t think Stone needed to hear them and he sure as hell didn’t want to repeat them. “I—I kicked him out.” Loren had actually gone to get building security first, but Stone didn’t need to know he’d literally feared for his life. “I got the name changed on the trip, traded in all the gear for sizes that would fit me, and I came here to do this.”
“Because he told you that you couldn’t?”
“How did you know?”
“I’ve dealt with an abusive bastard before.”
“I’m sorry,” Loren said.
“Me too.”
“Duane laughed in my face. Said the most dangerous thing I ever did was take the I-70 on my way to work.” Loren took a deep breath. “I came just to prove him wrong, and then I ended up pissing myself in fear.”
“Don’t put yourself down over that.” Stone tucked the oars into the sides of the raft then climbed out over the gear to sit next to Loren. “You didn’t know what to expect.”
“No one else panicked.”
“Does that make your experience any less valid?”
“I...” Loren sat up and shook his head. “I guess not.”
“Don’t compare yourself to other people. You’ll always end up with the shit-covered end of the stick.” Stone cupped Loren’s chin, gently drawing him closer. “You’re one of the bravest people I know.”
“Please don’t make fun of me.”
“I’m not.” Stone peered deep into his eyes. “It takes nerves of steel to make a decision like that and see it through, especially when you’re afraid.” Stone caressed Loren’s face. “I’m proud of you.”
Loren couldn’t recall anyone ever being proud of him. Empowered, he leaned closer and kissed Stone right on the mouth.