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Loren felt absolutely no fear in the rapid or worry when Stone had to focus to hit the eddy line to get them into the camp. Watching his big arms flex to move that much weight turned his thoughts into how it would feel to have Stone above him while his greedy hands stroked over every muscle in his powerful body.
For once, the idea of lying beneath another man didn’t frighten him. Stone would not be cruel. He wouldn’t just get his and roll over the way Duane always had. No. Stone played on a whole different level. Forget that. Stone played on a completely different game board. Loren could hardly wait.
At the camp, they stripped all the gear out of the boats and then put them into sections on the sandy beach.
Following Stone’s lead, Loren helped set up the kitchen then they got dinner going.
“We’re having lasagna?” Loren loved Italian food.
“Yep.” Stone grinned. “Impressed?”
“I am.” Loren put out the cutlery and metal plates. “Did you make it?”
“I did.”
“I can’t wait to taste it.”
“I hope you like it.”
“I’m sure I will.” Loren found concentrating on his kitchen duties difficult, but not impossible. Mostly, he focused because he wanted Stone to be proud of him. After a few bumps and misunderstandings, they got everything set out, heated up, and ready to go.
Lifting his massive chest, Stone bellowed, “Dinner time.”
He didn’t have to ask twice. Everyone lined up and practically drooled while doling out portions.
“If you take it, please eat it,” Stone said. “If you throw it away, we have to cart it out. The best way is to start small and then come back for more.”
Once everyone served themselves, there wasn’t much talking, just the sound of utensils scraping against plates.
“Well,” Stone asked, choosing the chair next to Loren. “What do you think?”
“It’s incredible.” Loren took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. “Four cheeses?”
“Five.”
“Wow.” Loren patted his tummy. “I’m going to gain some weight.”
“Naw, you’ll work it all off.”
Loren wondered if he meant on the river or with him. Either way, it didn’t matter. He’d be happy to expend all his energy with Stone in the boat or in bed.
When he’d put out all the food, Loren had thought they’d never eat all of it, only to find every single crumb gone in less than half an hour.
“Anyone still hungry?” Stone asked.
Everyone shook their heads.
“Excellent.” Stone clapped his hands together. “I need...you, you, you, and you.” Stone pointed to four people then put them to work doing dishes.
While they did that, Loren helped Stone clean and put away the kitchen equipment, but Stone kept an eye on the dishes. From what someone said, it was a big deal that everything was not only clean but sanitized. If anyone got sick, they had to report it. But more than that, Stone just seemed very particular about his kitchen gear. He wasn’t bossy or rude, but he wanted things done a certain way.
“You were a big help tonight.” Stone put the last windscreen back in the box. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I enjoyed it.”
“Yeah?” Stone grinned.
“Yeah. I’d like to learn more about how to cook.”
“I’d love to teach you.”
Loren found his gaze drifting down to Stone’s shirt. “You’re probably going to think this is stupid, but—”
“Sorry. I’ve got to stop you right there.” Stone turned his back on the others, focusing all of his considerable attention on Loren. He lowered his voice so no one else could hear him. “Don’t do that, okay? Don’t put yourself down, even in a casual way. I don’t know if you’re aware when you do that or not, so, from now on, I’m going to say something to you when you do it.”
“I wasn’t—” Loren cut himself off. “I was. I don’t know why I do that.”
“Because your ex made you doubt yourself. Don’t.” Stone leaned a little closer. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
“What was it you wanted to ask me?”
“Your shirt.” Loren traced over the strange symbol. “What does it mean?”
“Oh, uh...huh.” Stone chuckled. “That’s a power button, like on a computer.”
“Oh.” Loren looked again. “Oh, okay. Power Top.” Loren frowned. “I still don’t get it.”
“Fuck.”
Self-doubt crept right back in. Loren turned away and hurried to the water’s edge, knowing that Stone couldn’t follow him. Hating himself for being so changeable, he settled by the water and watched the light play over the canyon wall. After twenty minutes, Stone settled next to him, close but not too close.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” Loren struggled to keep his voice even.
“I didn’t mean anything by that, by saying fuck. It’s just sometimes I don’t know what to say, so I swear.”
“Oh.”
“I wasn’t making fun of you.”
“Okay.” Loren found being clear almost painfully difficult, but he felt he needed to be clear, or he’d ruin everything with Stone before they even got started. “I didn’t know what you were doing or why you said that. Thanks for telling me. I’ll try to remember.”
“I don’t know how to...do you want a beer?” Stone offered one out. “I grabbed two in case you did.”
“Sure.” Beer wasn’t his favorite drink in the world, but right now the alcohol would certainly help ease his anxiety. It might even bring back the flirty guy he’d been on the boat. Then again, maybe he’d only been flirting so hard because he’d known Stone couldn’t do anything about it, not when he had to keep rowing. Now, when he could do something, Loren seemed to have curled in on himself.
Stone opened the beer before handing it to him, a minor gesture but one Loren appreciated anyway.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Stone opened his beer then lifted his can to Loren. “To your first day on the river.”
“Yeah.” Loren clinked then drank. “I didn’t think I was going to make it.”
“Literally?”
“I was so scared.”
“But then you did great.”
“Because of you.”
“Don’t give me the credit for something you did.”
“You made me feel safe.”
“I’m glad, but still, I want you to—”
“I know what you’re trying to do.” Loren met Stone’s eyes. Here on the beach in the shade of the canyon wall behind them, they had nothing blocking them from one another. Not distance, hats, or sunglasses. “You’re trying to give me confidence.”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
“No. It’s a sweet thing. And I appreciate it. But I never would have gotten there without your help. So thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
They drank.
“Wow.” Loren examined the can.
“Good?”
“Extremely. And strong.”
“Well, yeah.” Stone scoffed playfully. “Wimpy beer is like decaf coffee—what’s the point?”
“Ah-hah. Did you pick the beer?”
“Of course.” Stone settled his feet in the water and sighed. “I had to make sure it would go with my food.”
Loren laughed. “It does. It’s a nice counterpoint to all that garlic.”
“Too much garlic?”
“I don’t think you can ever have too much garlic.”
Stone gazed at him and let out a long, happy sigh. “You’re perfect.”
“Because I like garlic?”
“That. And you like my food, you like my beer, you like...me?”
“I do.”
“It’s mutual.” Stone held his gaze and that energy flowed between them again, stronger now that they were closer without any distractions.
Other than the rest of the people on the sandbar with them.
Casually, Loren looked back toward the camp.
“No one’s watching us,” Stone said.
“How do you know?”
“They’re all too busy doing their own things. Getting their gear ready for tonight.”
“We should do that.”
“We have some time.”
“Okay.” Loren took another long swallow of beer, thoroughly enjoying the way the alcohol spread through his limbs, relaxing him. “It’s amazing out here. The light, the sounds, the smells.” He took a deep breath but instead of the river, he smelled Stone, and that would probably be the end of any restraint he had left. He wanted to put his beer aside, bury his face against Stone’s chest, and just breathe him in.
“What happened to your lip?” Stone asked.
“Oh. That.” Loren took another swallow of beer. “Duane slapped me.”
Stone’s grip tightened on his beer. After a deep breath, he relaxed his hold.
“I was exchanging some of the gear he’d bought, and he showed up, and—the poor clerk had no idea what was going on. He called security and Duane fought with the people who showed up, so they called the police and—” Loren shrugged. “He might still be in jail.”
“Sounds like the perfect place for him.”
“I think so.” Loren touched the small split. “Does it look bad?”
“No. I just wondered.”
“Tell me about your shirt.”
“Ah. Yeah.” Stone chuckled. “A power top is a guy who likes to take control. Likes to be on top.”
“In what, all kinds of situations?”
“Are you seriously not—you are. Okay. Uh, in bed. A power top likes—”
“Oh God.” Loren pressed his lips together and tried not to bray like a donkey. “No wonder you said fuck. Frankly it’s a wonder you didn’t—I’m such a—”
“Don’t do it,” Stone warned him softly.
Loren nodded. “I won’t put myself down. I just didn’t understand. Now I do.”
“There.”
“That was a lot harder than it should have been.” Loren had never realized how often he put himself down.
“I’ll get easier.”
“I hope so.”
“And you shouldn’t be embarrassed. There’s a difference between ignorance and stupidity.”
“There is?”
“Yeah.” Stone took a swallow of his beer. “An ignorant person asks questions so they can understand. A stupid person makes assumptions then believes them without any evidence.”
“Good point.” Loren considered Stone for a moment. “And that explains why you reacted the way you did.”
“Not really.” Stone met his gaze then looked away. “I wear this shirt all the time. It’s one of my best pickup shirts.”
“You mean for meeting guys?”
“Yeah.” Stone gave him a sidelong glance. “I forgot I had it on. When you asked, I just...fuck.”
“Because you don’t want to pick me up?”
“Pick you up, no.” Stone leaned close and whispered in his ear, “I want to lay you down and then take my time getting to know every single bit of you.”
Loren gasped as shivers raced over his whole body. Inside, outside, upside-down. He didn’t know what to do with his hands or even what to say back.
“Relax.” Stone kissed the edge of his ear. “I’m not going to do that right now.”
“No?”
“No.” He pulled back and grinned. “The sun hasn’t gone down yet.”
“Right. We had a deal.”
“We had a deal?” Stone asked pointedly.
“Have.” Loren finished his beer. “Maybe we should go and get our stuff set up. You know. Before it gets too dark.”
“Good thinking.” Stone finished his beer then took both cans over to a different part of the beach where he proceeded to smash them flat with a rock.
“What are you doing?”
“Oh, uh, when you finish a beer or a pop, rinse the can, crush it, then toss it in that ammo can.”
“Got it.”
When he finished, they grabbed their cots and found a place away from the others.
“You like?” Stone asked, gesturing to the flat area surrounded by thick bushes.
“I do.” They set up their bedding then grabbed the rest of their gear. “Why are you hanging your bag in that tree?”
“To keep the critters out.”
“Critters?” Loren looked around.
“There are lizards and other things. Nothing deadly. I just don’t want them in there.”
Loren traded out his wet shoes for some dry flip-flops and then, reluctantly, took off Stone’s shirt.
“You can wear it again tomorrow, if you want.”
“Are you sure?”
“I like seeing you in my shirt.”
Loren got the shivers again.
“I’m going to put on something dry,” Stone said.
“Oh. Uh.”
“You probably should too.” Stone touched Loren’s cheek. “It’ll help keep you warm and comfortable.”
“Okay.”
Stone turned his back and changed while Loren did the same. Well, mostly he did the same. He did steal a peek at Stone’s naked butt. Damn. Muscles covered every inch of the man. He probably had a penis that could lift dumbbells.
“You dressed?” Stone asked.
“Almost.” Loren stripped off his cargo shorts and the swim briefs underneath then pulled on a pair of sweats. “Oh my God.”
“You okay?”
“I’m dressed.”
Stone turned and eyed him up and down, one brow lifted.
“I’ve just never had a pair of sweatpants feel so good.”
Stone laughed. “After all day in wet and clinging gear, it’s nice to have something cozy.”
Loren nodded even though he wasn’t thinking about cozy clothes. Instead, he was thinking about Stone’s hairy chest and how cozy it would be to curl up against him. When he looked up, he saw a frown darkening Stone’s face.
“That fucker.” Stone traced over the bruise on Loren’s upper arm.
Hastily, Loren turned away and pulled on a long-sleeved sweatshirt.
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you.” Stone stroked over his back.
“I know. I just don’t want to talk about him anymore. It’s over, it’s done, and I never have to see him again.”
“Okay.” Stone nodded and pulled on a long-sleeved T-shirt. “Let’s go see what the others are up to.”
Feeling exposed, Loren nodded and then tried to will himself to calm down with limited success. Of course Stone had noticed the bruises. Of course he’d said something. Loren just wished they’d healed before he’d come. Loren felt ashamed when he hadn’t done anything wrong, other than not cutting Duane loose sooner.
“Wait.” Stone stopped walking and turned toward Loren. “You’re all tight now. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“It’s not you. I just wish I didn’t have the marks anymore. It’s over, he’s out of my life, but it’s like he’s still here. He keeps coming up, and I’m afraid he’s going to keep coming between us.” Softly, Loren added, “I don’t want anything or anyone getting between us.”
“I feel the same way.” Stone moved close. When he wrapped his arms around him, Loren relaxed against Stone, just as he had earlier in the boat. He felt safer than he ever had, but he also still felt that weird undercurrent smoldering. Destiny or danger? He couldn’t decide. But the sense of safety overrode that feeling.
“Are you okay?” Loren asked.
“Yeah. I just get angry at men like that.”
“Like your dad.”
Stone nodded.
“We have a lot in common.”
“You mean your dad...”
“No. No.” Loren shook his head slightly side to side without moving away from Stone’s embrace. “He wasn’t like that. He just didn’t like me once he knew I was gay.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” Loren looked up. “I meant about names.”
“Names?” Stone appeared suddenly mortified. “Don’t tell me I’ve been calling you by the wrong name all day.”
“No.” Loren chuckled. “Loren just happens to be my last name.”
“What’s your first name?”
“Christopher.”
“Christopher Loren? It’s nice. Why don’t you go by Christopher?”
“Because Christopher Loren is very close to Christopher Robin and I got bullied about it when I was a kid.” Loren had been asked far too many times about his friend Winnie-the-Pooh.
“Kids can be cruel.”
“So can adults. Besides, I like Loren.”
“I do too.”
Loren thought Stone would kiss him, and he did, but only on his forehead. Stone pulled back just enough to whisper, “I’m afraid if I do more right now I won’t be able to stop.”
“I know the feeling.”
Stone turned toward the group settled around the wood in the campfire bin.
“Why hasn’t anyone lit it yet?” Loren asked.
“Waiting for full dark.”
“Oh.”
“You want another beer?”
“Sure.” Loren felt pretty damn mellow right now. Not drunk, not even close, just nicely buzzed. On the way over, they stopped by the cooler, and then Loren settled in a chair with an empty chair next to it.
Stone sat next to him and again, he opened his beer before passing it over.
The group didn’t talk about anything heavy, mostly just about the day they’d had, the rapids, the things they’d seen. Loren half listened, but mostly he just watched the light fading from the sky and the canyon walls. Darkness came slowly then all at once. One second he could see pretty well, but then he blinked and could hardly see anything at all. When Jon lit the campfire, the color of the flames danced over the group, changing their features. Beyond them, the light cast dancing shadows on the beach.
“Let’s go down by the water,” Stone said.
Loren polished off his beer then went with him. When he got out of the light of the campfire, he found his balance had gone wonky. Afraid of falling, he grabbed onto Stone’s arm. “Sorry. I just feel like I can’t walk.”
“It might be your eyes.”
“My eyes?”
“You rely on your eyes for your balance.”
“And you don’t?”
“Remember, I’m out in the darkness more often than not.”
“Is it okay if I hang onto you?”
“Absolutely.”
They rinsed their beer cans, crushed them, then tossed them into the ammo can.
Stone led him away from the group and toward another part of the beach.
“Here.”
“Here?” Loren asked.
“Yeah.” Stone sat down on a smooth bolder then eased Loren into his lap, facing away from him so they both could see the river. “I’m going to lean back.”
“Why?”
“You’ll see.” When Stone leaned back, Loren leaned back with him then gasped. Stars dotted the night sky.
“I’ve never seen them so bright.”
“Not even from your cabin?”
“Too many trees.” Loren swore he could reach right up and touch them. “It’s beautiful.”
Stone nodded. “You comfortable?”
“Yeah. You?”
“Oh, yeah.” Stone hugged him gently. “I could stay like this for the rest of the night.”
“I could too.” Loren had spent time stargazing, but not like this. He felt perfectly safe and completely enchanted. When he saw a shooting star, he closed his eyes and wished that this wouldn’t just be a short-time thing with Stone. He wanted something more. Despite the continued feelings of destiny and danger, he decided what he really wanted was a lifetime. Crazy, but he couldn’t escape the feeling that he belonged with Stone.