Sixty-four

MATT was right. This was a big deal!

I grabbed my daughter’s arms. “What guy approached you? Describe him!”

“An older guy with glasses and a bad toupee. He acted like I knew him. He was kind of sweet, actually.”

Relieved, I let go of Joy’s arms.

Then Matt grabbed mine. “Did you hear that?! Some creep was looking for Kara. And I doubt he’s going to be the only one. You’ve summoned a dozen dating app lowlifes and put them on the prowl for our daughter!”

“Mom? Dad? What are you talking about?”

I held my head. “God, you’re right. Joy looks like me in that old photo. But she wasn’t supposed to be here!”

“Well, she is here. And now she’s a target. I’ll bet that was Mr. Reveal His True Self out there propositioning her, too.”

“How do you know about that?!”

“Mother called me. She never actually said the words, but I could tell she was concerned that I was behaving like that pervert. I assured her the only people who got pictures of my hoo-hah were working airport X-ray machines.”

Joy threw up her hands. “Dad, what do I have to do with some old photo of Mom? Or with a picture of your—what exactly is a hoo-hah?! Will one of you please tell me what’s going on?”

“What’s going on, young lady, is you’re grounded.” Matt pointed to the ceiling. “You are going upstairs right now and locking the apartment’s door behind you.”

Joy laughed. “Dad, you can’t ‘ground’ me anymore. I’m an adult!”

But he has the right idea, I thought. “For your own safety, Joy, you have to go upstairs. We have plenty of help down here.”

Joy eyed us both. “Since when do you two agree on anything? Sorry, I’m going back to work.”

Matt blocked her path. “Let your mother explain the situation first. Maybe you’ll change your mind when you realize the peril she put you in.”

I didn’t want to involve Joy in this, but it was obviously too late. So I quickly shared the story behind the Barista APB. No surprise, Joy was undaunted.

“Count me in! I’d love to help put a lying, cheating heartbreaker under arrest!”

Every bit Madame’s granddaughter, she was all for catching the stinky fish, which prompted Matt to suck air. For the next five minutes, he tried to talk her out of it—and failed.

“Fine,” he relented at last. “You can stay. But”—he barked at me—“if our daughter is going out there to hunt for a predator, she’s not going alone!”

“What does that mean?” Joy asked.

“That means, all night, I’m going to be on you like, like . . . like birds on a hippopotamus!”

Joy’s mouth fell open. “A hippo? Really, Daddy? I’ve gained a few pounds since the last time you saw me, but a hippo?!”

Turning on her heel, she headed back to the front of the shop, Matt hurrying behind.

“Baby, that’s not what I meant! It’s just an expression—in Africa, the birds love the hippos. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship. They keep ticks and parasites off their backs—”

“Eew!”